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Should I even bother anymore? Basically, 23 yo virgin. Started

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Should I even bother anymore?

Basically, 23 yo virgin. Started talking to a girl for the first time in my life... went on 3 dates, I kissed her and we went back to her place but she really wasn't going for sex. Fine, that's okay. Today she sends me a long ass message on how she really likes me but my inexperience with women really bothers her. She said that it was either me avoiding women or women avoiding me and that she didn't find that very healthy. She couldn't wrap her head around the thought that I was 23 and hadn't been kissed yet. Truth is I've had terrible social anxiety and crippling insecurities all my life so I never bothered trying to find love. Now I feel like no one will give me a chance... Fuck me
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>>18018595
woman will tell you not to give up but as a man I'm here to tell you you should give up.
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>>18018595

One girl says "no" and you give up? Can't say that speaks very well about you, man.
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>>18018601
Fuck
>>18018602
I know, I know. But I never took into consideration that women care about shit like this
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>>18018611

>I know, I know. But I never took into consideration that women care about shit like this

So, you thought they just took any random guy?
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>>18018618
I didn't think they would care about experience

This shit feels like I'm applying to a job
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>>18018633

>This shit feels like I'm applying to a job

Then you are doing it wrong.
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>>18018638
bls helb
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>>18018640

How you met her?
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>>18018643
She was part my study group last semester, we started talking form there
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>>18018653

Why did you ask her out?
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>>18018659
Because I liked her and it was obvious she did too. It was the only time a girl had ever shown interest in me in my life, so I couldn't not take the opportunity
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>>18018666

How did it feel? Asking her out I mean. Going to a date and meeting with her. How was it?
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>>18018668
It took some balls but I feel like I was able to do everything confidently. Having a girl enjoy my presence made me feel good, gave me the motivation. I asked her through text, she said yes, we were both excited

Dates went well, we talked a lot, about everything really, it was great. I didn't feel much anxiety anymore, I thought everything went well. she even joked about me not knowing how to kiss, I thought she didn't mind much but then everything went down from there. She didn't have time to meet up most of the time, and then sent me that text
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>>18018689

Here's what you do. You focus on the part that was good and move on. Just by getting a date you are leagues ahead that plenty of OPs here.

When you meet another girl you like, ask her out. Yeah, maybe it won't work. But whatever. you are dating, not marrying them. Just remember to have fun.
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>>18018701
Thanks a lot anon. I can appreciate this bit of experience so far
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>>18018595
You can't be too unhealthy if she stuck her tongue down your throat. Honestly, the fact she bothered to write you a longass message rather than just stealthily phasing you out might be telling. Tell her school was rough and you've gotta start somewhere if you want, but for the love of god, don't give up just because of this dumb bitch drawing unsolicited conclusions.

I have had terrible social anxiety all my life and am autistic enough that I've constantly been seen as the 'weird one', but I figured out how to weaponise it into being 'the funny one' when I was a teenager and chicks eat that shit up. Even if my skin is crawling every time I open my mouth to voice the joke I've just formed in my head, I muscle through it because it makes an impression on people.

The thing about keeping yourself to yourself is that you literally are better than anyone else even knows. Remember that, anon. Keep your head up.
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Practice kissing on your hand. I'm serious. Kissing shouldn't be that hard.
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>>18018595

I am 23/yo virgin with social anxiety also. i never really have a problem talking to girls when i know them, it's just getting over that initial massive fear of talking to them in the first place, but i feel like when you talk to them even for 5 mins you will be way more comfortable with them. iv never met many women though, well actually i had to for my work, it involved going to peoples houses, i know it sounds like i dont have social anxiety because i used to go out to work but trust me it was a struggle. i did talk to lots of women for work, all ages, but like nothing came of meeting them because it was always work mode, like it wasnt socialising time they just wanted the job doing and that was it, no chit chat really. so i dont think i have ever been in the right social setting to meet women and talk to them, like i need to find a hobby that i like and that also include women so i can meet them and chat like a normal friendship kind of way rather than a work mode kind of way and see what comes of that

---- end, the ramblings of a maniac.
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>>18018777
I fucking feel you bro, this so much. I don't know WHERE to meet women. I need a hobby but don't know what to get myself into.
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plus i had acne from age 16 to now, i finished a acctuane course a couple of months ago, face i nearly 90% healed, but i havent met any women since. I think having acne played a big role in developing anxiety for me. i am insecure too because of this which feeds into anxiety, i have no confidence.
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>>18018595
Have you answered her text? Maybe you shoudl be honest with her, explain her the source of your "inexperience". She will understand, and maybe she won't feel uncomfortable anymore. If she stills behave like an ass then she isn't even worth it.
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>>18018812
>>18018777
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>>18018812
I'm 19 and starting accutane soon, I'm long overdue and I'm excited to get rid of this all this fucking acne
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>>18018689
It's unlikely that this is the real reason why she doesn't want to continue dating or trying a relationship with you. If it is, that's a pretty foolish reason, but hey, there are a lot of foolish people. It can be demoralizing when someone promising has a trivial reason for disqualifying you, but it's useless to waste time worrying about stuff that you have no control over.

Dating means sometimes having to go through a lot of wrong people to find a right person to be with. The process can suck, but if you've realized that you're interested in having a relationship with someone, it's worth doing.
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>>18018828

I wish I had started it at 19, I don't know why i let it get so bad, I did go to the doctors for it earlier in my life but they just gave antibiotics that didn't do shit, it wasn't until i went in and had a breakdown because staring at the mirror everyday was mentally destroying me, that i got referred to a dermatologist and they prescribed accutane, its a bit uncomfortable and i had some mild side effects but i would do it again instantly.
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>>18018840
What side effects were you having? I waiting too long too imo... my face is severely scarred and I can't let it get any worse. How long did you take accutane for?
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>>18018847

30mg for 6month.

i was sensitive to it though, I was originally started at 50mg but it gave me bad stomach upset even when taken with food the dose was reduced but it still worked all the same. side effects were dry lips, very dry, Vaseline wasn't enough, carmex was the best i used. i also got nosebleeds because your nose gets dry too on the inside, so i was getting a couple of random nosebleeds a week, they stopped pretty quick and i wasn't worried as it was because of the drying effect not because my brain was falling out. but to stop this i put a little vaseline original on my finger every 2nd night and rub it around inside of nose so it doesn't dry out and bleed.
i was stoned most of the time i was taking it, I just felt for whatever reason maybe the weed would help with some of the damage being done by taking acctuane, it was an excuse to get high all day on my part i think. being high helped any of the other side effects i might have been feeling, so i only ever got nosebleeds and dry lips, but no more nosebleeds after i started using vaseline.
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only question that matters:

how did she know you had never been kissed?
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>>18018689
I know this is just my two cents but really you need to listen. You're obviously not hopeless or terribly ugly, so lets just get those out of the way. You can struggle with that all you want but by having a few dates and getting a kiss, you know it's possible now.

Let me tell you that there are a million things that can put a partner off. The fact that you were inexperienced might have been a reason it might not have, you just have to take that as it is and move on.

Truth is this chick thought "hmm I might continue this, what are some things I should think about before continuing though?" That's a major step for anyone! You should also be thinking along these lines besides "oh man it has a vagina, well that's a great deal!" Was she nice? Are you going to want to look at her for a long time? Does she have a few quirks you don't think will work out in the long term?

As a male it does feel like a job application but really it is how you make her feel. You being inexperienced made her feel like something else was wrong with you. You might have been able to talk about it with her but that is usually a bad route.

She might have also realized you have some social issues... to be honest that is a big burden sometimes for other people. What if your SO wants to go out and you don't? Are you going to freak out and text her constantly? Are you gonna explode on her if she isn't there for you one time?

Relationships are tough and time expensive. A lot of people do a lot of second guessing and have checklists before they devote that time.

I guess what I am really trying to say is try and date again, take it as slow or as fast as you like, just don't immediately bring up sexual history or past partners. Make her like you for you and when it rolls around to that subject just let it be a side thing, not something that defines you.

I know it feels like it defines you and it feels like that is a hard role to come out of but you can't let it!
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lie until you don't have to lie.

women like "proven" men, ones who have a sexual history. basically the opposite of what men like.

even when they disparage "mansluts" you can see the lust in their eyes. they know he has good genetic material and they want it for their children.

>h-he's no good... he's just a player... what girl HASN'T he slept with?
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>>18018689
If she was already that attracted to you and suddenly she says she doesn't want anything to do with you all because "your lack of experience seems weird and unhealthy" then she's apparently a pretty shitty, treacherous person. As far as I can make sense of it, she must have gotten tired of you on a whim and needs an excuse to hide her shitty personality.

I'm in fact just about your age (23 this spring) but mark my words, I understand pretty well how the human brain is wired and a girl doesn't just call it quits on a guy she was that attracted to because he's inexperienced and a tad bit awkward. I figure she's either dealing with something stressful in recent days and not in her right mind or just an absolutely shitty person. If the latter is the case, you need to run ASAP.
Thread posts: 32
Thread images: 1


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