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Avoiding sex?

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Does this make sense?

I've been hanging out with this girl recently. She's really attractive and pretty cool. She's been showing signs that she wants to have sex (she smiles and looks into eyes, gets close to me, and even slapped my butt once). Which.. is a problem. She (as well as others) don't know that I have been dealing with depression for a long time, I don't show it. Well, I've been trying to not react to her advances, and I haven't been sending signals to her. I've never made a mood, because I think sex is the worst thing I could do while I'm depressed. So, how do I tell her that we shouldn't have sex without her getting upset?
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Im sorry op. I know your depressed and all but maybe she could make that depression dissapear. Like shit man, thats free pussy. I would tell you to ask her out on a date a do something fun before you want to have sex. She wpuld probably be down
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just talk to her. be honest sit them down and let em know. if you are able to admit it to strangers online you can with her. plus there really is no way to go but about it. Know what i mean?
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Keep ignoring her and she'll give up
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>>18015855
Also dubs for ssj2
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>>18015848

Kek. I think you're taking a huge leap from "she looks me in my eyes and sometimes gets close to me" to "she wants to fuck".

I'd maybe just distance yourself a little and not say anything because there's a good chance you could end up embarrassing yourself by trying to turn down sex from a girl that doesn't want to fuck you.
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>>18015848
keep ignoring her advances and she'll stop talking to you
>>18015865
by give up- she'll just move onto a new guy
>>18015872
you're an idiot if you really think these arnt signals
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>>18015911

>you're an idiot if you really think these arnt signals

They might be, but not all signals are sex signals, numbnuts. Maybe she's just being flirty. Maybe she just wants to get to know you or date you. Interpreting eye contact and physical flirting as "SHE WANTS TO FUCK" is super autistic bruh.
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>>18015855

Thing is, if I have sex. I'm worried about getting attached.

This happened one time before when I was depressed, I got really attached to a girl and it fucked me up. Being depressed makes me more vulnerable
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>>18015913
t. virgin

a better wording is "she's open to the idea of fucking"

but i've been in OP's situation and that shit deffo not platonic
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>>18015938

>t. virgin

>a better wording is "she's open to the idea of fucking"

Not the wording I'd use. If you had any significant amount of experience with girls you would know that a lot of young girls LOVE to flirt and be physical but wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth.

Even your basic entry level pleb knows not to assume a girl flirting with you means she's down to fuck.
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If she enjoys your company, and you feel compatible, take it a slow. Have you guys hugged yet? If so, try hugging her a little warmer. If she doesn't protest ("hey anon, you're hugging me quite a lot lately") or feel bad about it ("it makes me feel awkward"), if she feels bad that you're warming up to her, then say you're sorry, or simply explain that you felt nice near her, and that you felt it could be more.. i dunno, try sumn.
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>>18015969
>Not the wording I'd use. If you had any significant amount of experience with girls you would know that a lot of young girls LOVE to flirt and be physical but wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth.
young girls love to fuck, wtf are you on?

if a girl wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth most likely you're ugly as well as an idiot
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>>18015977
if all goes well though, you can explain your depression situation if you guys grow closer.
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>>18015977

What. That's the exactly opposite of what I want... look>>18015932
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>>18015991
Who said anything about sex though? Do you not like her as a person? Does she not enjoy your company?
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>>18016002

Yes I like her as a person, and she obviously enjoys my company.

But, I can't have a girlfriend. I want to avoid any possible feelings
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>>18015978

>young girls love to fuck, wtf are you on?

You know what young girls love even more than fucking? Pretending like they want to fuck you for attention.

I'm a little disturbed that you guys don't know this.
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>>18016015
>You know what young girls love even more than fucking? Pretending like they want to fuck you for attention.
so im guessing you're not attractive and/or charming
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>>18016022

>so im guessing you're not attractive and/or charming

No, I'm just smart and experienced enough to know the difference between a girl who is actually interested in me and a cocktease who wants to add me to her stable of orbiters.

Assuming that every girl who flirts with you wants to fuck you is how you become an orbiter in the first place.
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>>18016008
I was in your situation with a girl. Except my problem was, although we never had PIV sex, she gave me head twice, months apart, and both times I had a mental breakdown like experience due to my then -severe depression due to an ex, and really because I felt mentally incompatible with her, felt like i was forcing myself to forget my ex, so i felt i was somehow using her just to move on, even though I would have stayed with her just fine, I thought she was pretty great..still felt I was moving way too fast with her. My brain couldn't deal with the guilt. But I still tried remaining with her, but, by the time I felt emotionally ready to move on, she tried fucking some other guy she never even told me about.

Lose/lose situation.
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>>18016034

Last year, i met this really great girl. I totally fell for her, we never even had sex but I fell for her. She liked me a lot too. But we lived too far away. After a while, she moved on and it seriously fucked me up.

I can't afford to get attached to someone again. I really can't develop feelings for someone. It's not healthy. This girl is really cool, but she's showing real signals. I don't want to upset her, but I can't have sex/date her.
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>>18016056
Hmm.. Can't be helped.. people just attract one another. But you can choose to control your actions, and not make the mistake I made.. so in part, maybe this is why I recommend simply hugging her, and showing her affection, if she pushes away, you have your answer, if she doesn't, at least she knows you like her, but you're just not ready for something rn, because depression etc.

My advice is simply, don't get fully invested, but don't close your doors either, this girl may be really special.
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>>18016077

>I recommend simply hugging her, and showing her affection

I think you're misunderstanding my OP.. she obviously likes me a lot. She sends lot of signals. I think she's great, and she's attractive. But I want to friendzoned her, because I can't handle a girlfriend.
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>>18015848
Is the pic her?
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>>18016031
and im telling you as someone who is not ugly no girl is gonna make you into her orbiter if you are attractive and charming

in fact they'll start orbiting you
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>>18016089
hugging her will simply let her know you like her, but verbally telling her your situation will definitely let her know you're not ready.

you can't be depressed forever, eventually, if feelings develop between you too, and she's still near you, who knows, it may work..

but..you know..based on my own experience, I'm tempted to say, avoid her..

but only because in my mind, I feel having rejected that girl who wanted to be with me to take it slow, till i was ready.. she used that slow-mo shit due to my depression as a frustrated reason to find someone else..

so..essentially, less contact, less emotional investment in the both of you.

drawback is, if you decide to change your mind about your feelings in the future, she'll wonder just why the hell you friendsoned her for so long.. which is also pretty frustrating, and a deal breaker for some ppl.
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>>18015848

So you've been sexually assaulted and said nothing. Good job op.
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>>18016124

I want to be friends with her. But I know I can't get physical or emotional with her. I can't risk it.

>>18016144

I don't consider the ass slap as assault
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>>18016161
>I don't consider the ass slap as assault

Okay, go to a bar and slap a random womans ass. See where you go.

The definition of sexual assault is any unwanted or undesired sexual touch.

Imagine a male friends with a girl. Imagine that he wants more from her than she wants, and he slaps her ass. That would be sexual assault because she doesn't want it at that time, maybe never.
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>>18015969
By this logic it's better to assume no girls like you so you don't feel embarrassed.

Oh wait that's already what I do lol.
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>harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social situation, involving the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks.


Sexual adanvces of a non-contact nature.

Grabbing someone is assault. Grabbing someone in a sexual manner is sexual assault. Its why feminists like to claim that boobs should be able to be revealed in everyday business because they'er not sexual, but will use the law to punish you with sexual assault should you grab em. Its about intent and behavior.

An ass slap is sexual in nature, as recognized by the 'typical person' in this culture, and as her intent was to flirt, it is definitely sexual.

As you did not explicitly consent to the ass slap, it is sexual assault.

>Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

See: Fondling. A slap is a fondle just as much as a boob grab.

>Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent. ”

How do you think the numbers of sexual assault of women on college campus are 1 in 4? Because they've reported that they had the,mselves touched or slapped on the butt when they didn't expliclty consent.

You were in the strictest terms of the law sexually assaulted. All you have to do is transpose yourself as a random woman in a bar and the girl as a random guy who doesn't know her. Knowing someone does not grant someone consent to being sexually touched.

I adhere to the highest standards as set by feminism and women.
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>>18016116

>no girl is gonna make you into her orbiter if you are attractive and charming

You don't know a lot of girls, do you.
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>>18016172

Thing is she wasn't a random girl when she did it
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This whole time I was giving you advice on how to best avoid her, but never told you to take meds. Maybe you should try celexa or something. Even if only a few times, just to stabilize your head a bit.
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>>18016219

I can't take drugs
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>>18016217
>Thing is she wasn't a random girl when she did it

Thats the point. Knowing someone doesn't grant you access to their body, does it? Suppose you're close friends with a girl that has a boyfriend, and you slap her ass in a sexual manner, and she feels violated but says nothing because you're friends.

The length of time you know someone doesn't roll the consent ball into your court.

Sexual assault is when someone touches you sexually, on the most recognized parts of your body as sexual, without your EXPLICIT consent. She did not have it.

Are you saying that consent was assumed because of your knowledge? Should I assume I have consent to slap all the women I know on the ass because I know them?
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>>18016229
If consent isn't there, its a sex crime, regardless of whether the two people know each other or not, that's my point. You fell into the trap of arguing that it wasn't because of prior knowledge, but that is not what the law states.

It is not a gendered issue. It is not a familiarity issue. It is an issue of consent. She did not have your consent. You have been sexually assaulted, as any woman in your position would be a victim of such as well.
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>>18015872
This is pretty true. Girls love attention, even from guys who are fairly attractive. They usually have very high standards for sex/relationships and if you don't meet that, that's basically the end of it.

I have girls walk up to me and try to be my "friend" all the time, it's so fucking weird and stupid. Like I can't tell if I give off a shitty beta vibe that makes women want to be my 'friend', if they're really so deluded that they believe all their male friends don't want to fuck them, or if they just love attention so much that they act the way they do. If I'm not attracted to them I won't do anything, if I am I'll ask them out, and usually that'll make it obvious whether she wanted something or was just fucking around.

On that note OP, my advice is this: do nothing. Preemptively rejecting her makes you seem full of yourself for assuming she wants your dick. You only need to turn her down and explain why if she explicitly asks for a hook up or relationship.
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>>18016226
Depression may take years to overcome. 5+ years for me with my ex. Celexa helped, only took it maybe 4-5 times. Helped a lot.
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>>18016272

I hear you. But I can't get diagnosed. I can't take meds. It would fuck my career
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Physical contact is healthy man especially sex. Try it and see how your mood changes. Its healthy human contact.
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>>18016413
He just got sexually violated by an ass slapper, man. have some empathy.
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>>18016413

See>>18015932

It would do more harm than good. Depression makes people vulnerable. I can't afford to get attached to anyone.
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>>18016478
If the pic you attached is her, just do it man. Do it for the little guy who could never even dream to get with a girl like that. Do it for us.
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>>18016485
butterface man. youguys need to stop being pulled by youth and learn tyo see fgaces 20 yeas olderrt.

as nietzche said, a sufficiently strong iimagination would cure any younmg man of love if he looked 10 years into the future.
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>>18016485

Pic is not her. The girl in the pic is Alena Savostikova.

But the girl I'm talking about is attractive. But you don't get it. I really can't afford to get attached to anyone, I'm emotionally vulnerable. I can't get a girlfriend, because I can't handle a heart break. I don't need that in my life.

Pic related. She just said this to me a few min ago
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>>18016500
Does this happen to you often OP? I'm sure kinda jealous of you to be honest...
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>>18016500
Yeah, I get it I was just taking the piss a little bit. Honestly what I would do is try distancing yourself a little bit, and if she ever makes a move just tell her that you're not ready for a relationship at the moment.
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>>18016516

Not really. Sometimes, but I never act on it. I've had opprotunities. But I haven't done anything with a girl in 3 years.

>>18016521

Yeah I guess you're right. What about how she wants us to watch a movie alone in her dorm tomorrow?

We were suppose to go out in town and just hang out. That was the plan. But now, she wants to see if she can get her room to herself..
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>>18016530
She may not want to fuck but she will probably at least expect hanging out and cuddling. That's what I got the last time a girl wanted me to stop by her place while she was alone, anyways.
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>>18016540
>hanging out

I meant to say *making out
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>>18016530
Yeah, it definitely sounds like she's setting it up so she could get "alone" time with you. I would go and watch the movie with her, and if she actually makes a move while you're watching the movie take that as the opportunity to tell her that you're not interested, and you're not ready to move into something like that.
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>>18016540
>>18016542

Making out and cuddling is the same to me as sex. It's still a intimate act.

And yeah, I know she wants to cuddle.. she's told me.
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>>18016547

I'll do what you said.

I just hope it doesn't make things awkward. I do like talking to her. So hopefully she doesn't get upset
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>>18016547
Going along with it until that point seems like leading on though, doesn't it? She may get pissed off, or try to pressure you more. It's probably better not to put yourself in that situation because OP might feel uncomfortable about the whole thing himself.

Just think if you were a guy trying to lay a girl and she agreed to go to your place alone but then said she doesn't wanna sleep with you.
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>>18016236
Don't think that level of "assault" would go down well in any court.
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>>18016555
http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/man-gets-eight-months-in-jail-for-slapping-woman-on-bum-for-the-thrill-of-it-29020976.html

http://www.dreamindemon.com/2012/01/19/student-arrested-for-slapping-female-officers-ass-saying-good-job/

https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-punishment-for-slapping-someones-ass

https://www.californiacriminaldefenselawyerblog.com/2014/02/sexual_battery_charges_and_def_1.html

>There was a time when a man slapping a woman or girl on her behind may have been considered, in some weird way, an act of flirtation. But now, if that person was a stranger or even if they weren’t, if the person being slapped on the bottom is offended by the act, she/he would be within their right to file a police report.

>California Penal Code Section 243.4 defines sexual battery as the non-consensual touching of the intimate part of another for sexual arousal, sexual gratification or sexual abuse. It can be charged as either a misdemeanor or a felony, depending upon the circumstances.

You are so fucking naive, little boy.

Women have been heavy proponents of guiding law to this conclusion. As a man, you are being violated willfully if you choose not to press charges.

She did not have his consent. That is sexual battery or assault, by virtue of the status of consent in our laws.

Time to wise up.
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>>18016563
>Some people may find this hard to believe but, even a slight pat or slap on the butt of another could result in a charge of sexual battery. It would most likely be filed as a misdemeanor but any type of charge for sexual battery looks bad.
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>>18016553

I still am fine with hanging out with her. I just don't feel comfortable with being intimate.

Which is difficult, because she's attractive, and I'm a male, natural instinct doesn't help. But consciously, I know if I do this, it will cause me more problems.

Fuck
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>>18016553
It sounds like OP wants to keep his friendship with the girl though. The only way to do that is to be upfront about it. The only surefire way to avoid this situation would be to stop hanging out with her, and that's not an option in this case.
>>18016555
>>18016563
Why the fuck are yall fighting about consent or whatever? You guys are the only dumbfucks arguing about it. OP was cool with it, end of story. If he wasn't, he would've told her.
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>>18016569
>OP was cool with it, end of story. If he wasn't, he would've told her.

>>18016568
>I just don't feel comfortable with being intimate.

She didnt have his consent to slap his ass, she did it, it made him uncomfortable. Clearcut case of sexual assault by the law.

If I had a friend who's a woman and I slap her ass, she might still want to be friends with me even though I made her uncomfortable, because she feels invested, and confused because I just took advantage of her and it screws with her brain. She could take me to court if she gets her head straight because I had no right or consent from her to do that.

You're being sexist right now, because you'd never tell a girl this, you'd never tell a girl "well, she was uncomfortable and doesn't want to be intimate, but she is cool with it because she would've told him".
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>>18016571
>>18016569

And by the way, just because you "are cool with it", doesnt make it stop being a criminal act.

Suppose I have sex with a passed out girl. She comes back tomorrow and acts like nothing happened and is "cool with it". That doesn't mean I didn't commit rape.
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>>18016571
Ok
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>>18016573
>Suppose I have sex with a passed out girl.
That's what we call a false equivalency. Rape is not the same as a playful butt slap. You're reading way too much into the situation when you weren't even there, or know all of the details.
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>>18016576
Sure, if I said that rape was the same thing as a butt slap in terms of the potential damage.

Its not a false equivalency because its an analogy exemplifying how a person's lack of consent creates the criminal act, whether or not the person victimized by said criminal act acts on it and phones the police.

You're making pointless arguments and not very good at pointing out fallacies.
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>>18016571

>She didnt have his consent to slap his ass, she did it, it made him uncomfortable. Clearcut case of sexual assault by the law

OP here.

I didn't ask for her to slap my ass, and I didn't consent. But I don't feel that I was "sexually assaulted".
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>>18016587
How you feel about it is immaterial to the to the law.
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>>18015848
Pussy is the ultimate antidepressant
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>>18016589

The person also has to feel physically or emotionally harmed.

She didn't physically harm me, and although I didn't like it, she didn't leave me emotionally scared.
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>>18016592

Please read in the thread where I explain why it's the worst thing I could do
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>>18016595
Nope. The law is quite clear, and the fact you say "I didn't like it" just puts another nail in the coffin. you admit she did not have your consent. You admit you didn't like it. Case closed. Sexual assault.
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>>18016596
Fuck her in the ass then
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>>18016597

That's bullshit.
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>>18016598

What difference would that make?
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>>18016601
Im sorry you don't know the law. Arguments as to whether emotional harm was caused or not are simply aggravating circumstances, not proof or lack of proof of sexual assault, because sexual assault is defined directly as touching someone in a sexual manner without their consent, which OP admits clearly she did not have.

She didn't ask for it, and consent isn't presumed among friends for sexual activity.

>But yer honor, I've known her for 5 years, how was I supposed to know I couldn't grab her by the pussy?

That's you in a few years if you keep using this bad logic that familiarity with an individual means you have more leeway for assuming consent to a sexual act.
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Don't you think op is covering up his feelings about being violated by a friend in a sexual way, and channeling it into depression?
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>>18016616

The difference is I DO NOT feel emotionally damage. I don't feel violated. Yeah, I didn't like it. But I don't feel her slapping my ass caused me any stress.


>>18016621

No, the ass slap literally has nothing to do with the "sexual assault" hijack. only reason I included it in the OP was to better show that she's interested in me, that's it.
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>>18016634
>The difference is I DO NOT feel emotionally damage. I don't feel violated. Yeah, I didn't like it. But I don't feel her slapping my ass caused me any stress.

That doesn't matter in light of admission that she did not have consent.

>judge: Did she have consent?

>A: no your honor.

>judge: Bang. Case closed. 3 months jail.
>>
>>18016634
https://www.californiacriminaldefenselawyerblog.com/2014/02/sexual_battery_charges_and_def_1.html

California Penal Code Section 243.4 defines sexual battery as the non-consensual touching of the intimate part of another for sexual arousal, sexual gratification or sexual abuse. It can be charged as either a misdemeanor or a felony, depending upon the circumstances.

Some people may find this hard to believe but, even a slight pat or slap on the butt of another could result in a charge of sexual battery. It would most likely be filed as a misdemeanor but any type of charge for sexual battery looks bad.


KEYWORD: CONSENT.
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OP, I would suggest you start a new thread a few hours from now or even in a day since this hijack from people saying you were assaulted isn't gonna stop, they've pretty much taken over the thread.
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>>18016661
All OP/everyone has to do is admit this is basic sexual assault. Just because hes a male and knows her does not make it no longer sexual assault.
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>>18016649

There is no way this shit would even get that far. Why would I report her? There is literally no need or reason to do that. Yeah, she touched my butt, I didn't like it. But it didn't bother so much that it's causing me problems.

If I was raped, that would be a different story.
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I know how you feel OP... I'm scared of having sex. Not so much the act itself, but I'm scared that the rush and relaxed after feel will be so great that I'll become addicted. I've never really felt that happy. So if I were to experience intense pleasure and happiness. I'm scared I'll become addicted, same as a drug addict. Except for sex would be something I can't regularly fulfill. So I think it's best to avoid it completely
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Honestly OP the healthiest option in the long run would be to face your problem with emotional commitment head-on rather than ignoring it and ignoring this grill. You should just do what feels natural rather than trying to ham-fistedly alter the situation for a reason that many of us would agree is pretty lame. You could totally talk to this grill about having a fuck buddy relationship with no strings attached, you would both be happy and it could maybe even help your problems with emotional attachment to see that you can be with a girl and not get hurt.
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>>18017339

>You could totally talk to this grill about having a fuck buddy relationship with no strings attached

REEEEEEEEEEEEE


Dude. Im sure that what she wants. I'm pretty sure she wants to fuck when we hang out this afternoon. Almost identical to the what the anon above you said. I can't risk developing feelings. Im emotionally vulnerable. So, if I do have sex with this girl in a few hours, and it's supposingly mind blowing, the chance of me developing feelings for her while I'm depressed like this is almost guaranteed.

I got really attached to a girl last year. I never even had sex with her, but we flirted a lot. I got really attached, and when she moved on it fucked me up bad. I can't go through that again, or at least in the next few years.
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>>18017342
Show her this thread if you have some balls, maybe she'll understand
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>>18015848
>tfw had hookup last night
>tfw lied and said i was on my period because my depression medicine makes it near impossible for me to orgasm and i didn't want her to feel bad
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>>18017394

how can you have sex if you're depressed? Not physically, but I just mean, how can you allow yourself to get intimate with someone if you're depressed
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Bro stop living in the past fuck the relationship u had before its never the same I can relate to what ur saying n I think u should go in head first n do the ting remember you are worth it!!! She obviously sees something in you u can't see ur self yet maybe Shell show u
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>>18017400
I'm bad at saying no
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>she smiles and looks into my eyes
>She wants to fuck

Fucking lol. Never change 4chan.
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>>18017225
>There is no way this shit would even get that far. Why would I report her? There is literally no need or reason to do that. Yeah, she touched my butt, I didn't like it. But it didn't bother so much that it's causing me problems.

Open and shut case. you didn't like it. That classifies it as sexual assault.
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>>18015848
She wants to be your bro but she is a chick. Abort now anon before it gets bad.
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>>18017394
>>tfw lied and said i was on my period because my depression medicine makes it near impossible for me to orgasm and i didn't want her to feel bad

How can you have a period? Shes the one that should have it?
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>>18015938
Nah mate my hot room slaps my ass, gets close/touchy, runs around in her underwear, postures to show off her body etc... but rejected me when i tried to initiate a relationship, and then continued to act that way after rejecting me. This behavior is not sexual to some women.
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>>18015848
>suggest you get AIDS tests
>she says she's not that kind of girl
>breaks up with you
>???
>profit
>>
>>18018969
>>18018969
Next you'll be telling us rape isn't about sex...
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>>18015848
are you really depressed? sex is the only thing that keeps me going.

you know why you're worried??

cos u don't show your true cards. she doesn't know how you feel, ur worried she wouldnt like the real u, so u fuck, you get closer and she finds out you're different.


you can't ever make friends with someone whilst pretending to be something you're not..

make a choice.

either she makes you happy enough to stay happy FOR REAL, as her as a reason to be happy... and be prepaired to lose her without regret..

or show her your depressed self and attempt to be accepted, and probably have a sad relationship...

gl man.
>>
>>18019789

Sometimes it isn't.
Thread posts: 100
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