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In the process of getting over my ex. Taking active steps such

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In the process of getting over my ex. Taking active steps such as working out, trying to meet new people etc.

However, I am trying to shake off the illusion of oneitis but finding it rather difficult. It does not help that she is a hot thick french ting (was LDR) with a good bone structure and chill personality. I also think way too much about things, which causes me to retread unnecessary thoughts. Though at 21 she is and has proved to be very immature at times. Anyway I digress.

How do I live with the fact that she has moved on and convince myself that I can land something just as good, whilst having a better relationship?

Sorry this post seems all over the place.
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Some advice would be nice anons
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bumping third time
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...oh well
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Hey man, feels bad for you I uderstand but you're just coping with the loss of your relationship, we all deal with that. Time will heal is all K can say. Some people take longer to get over relationships then others, and the longer a relationship lasted, the longer you will need to recooperate most likely.
Did you guys have a bad brake up? Could be you are having trouble with the way it ended. It seems that you feel like she's doing better then you after the relationship and have trouble with that.
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>>18015043
I second this.
One thing I'm finding that helps me get over relationships is closure.
You're ready to move on, but your brain won't let you.
You reminisce on the good times you had, and you wonder what went wrong, and you wrack your brain trying to figure it out.

Get closure op, it will help
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>>18015171
her leaving him is closure enough, no? what does he need a certificate or some shit?

i'm in the same boat. gf of a few years left me recently and i think about her every day. I agree with everything you posted, as I'm going through them all. But I have closure. I know how she feels. I sit and go into denial that maybe she's just confused or maybe she'll come around in like a month maybe we'll get back together but fuck. that could just all be wasted time and energy.

You have closure. I have closure. It's just denial. Maybe she is doing better, like >>18015043 said, but maybe that was her reason for leaving. Maybe a new guy came along and she felt he was a better choice for right now or whatever. Who the fuck knows.
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>>18015043
Appreciate replying. It is more i had trouble with the way it ended I kinda knew it was coming but she handled it immaturely. So it left me with questions as to whether it will ever happen again, there was no sense of why otther than speculating different factors (investment dynamic shifting due to her going uni, LDR, me being more and more needy, my obcession with cheating breaking trust and even possible self fulfilling prophesy).

After a very bad visit, we had a talk break talking on and off for 2 weeks, she took the piss coming to a decision as she kept putting it off. Seemed obvious she was confused and putting off bad news.

I think she was trying to make sense of her feelings didnt know she wanted to break up without consiously knowing when i got it out of her. Said she had feelings but was lost and wanted to be alone maybe future, blah blah that kinda guitar.

So yeah spent weeks speculating with my friends the pinpoint reasons so I could move on, but it really did not help.
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>>18015428
And it believe she is doing better, because I think too much in general, so I am having trouble. And she is in uni, uni is the perfect place to get over someone whether you are coping or straight moving on. But this is a projection on my part as I do have things going for me, i just did not grasp that and focused too much on her and her life.
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>>18015347
op here said this too >>18015428
>>18015437

I agree with this anon in the sense that the break up is the closure. It's over and Im moving on that's all taht matters. But it's the uncertain of why that got me. I like to be precise but life don't work in that way. I know the factors (as well as what i may not know) that leed to it, but that achieves nothing compared to what i have now.

I think too rationally about shit like this, where I'm just covering the fact that a part of my life just died and that saddens me.
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>>18015449
Excuse the typos, got ahead of myself
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>>18015437
Well idunno about that. Its more personal really imo. I had a dark episode in my first year at uni due to relationship related problems and when I didnt get out of my bed for 2 months no one from uni called. My friends from high school helped more then than anyone from uni. It may also be partly due to the fact my closest friends at uni were autistic nerds (I did a very scientific study which attracted mostly men and a larger then average part autistists and nerds).
Maybe she will find what she needs to get over you though, but its not guaranteed.
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>>18014680
The thing about 21 year old women, is they are needy, insecure, and have no idea what the fuck they want at any moment.

You think you have it bad? Try being locked into a lease with your ex. Yeah, that shit's real fun let me tell ya.

In any case, you don't need to convince yourself of anything, you have no choice. You have to move on. If you can land her, you can land something equal or better. I promise you. You just need to give it time, and in the meantime, learn to enjoy your independence. It will be a rocky road, but anything you can do to take your mind off of things will help. And hey, maybe sometimes you feel like just breaking down. That's okay too, let it out.

Time heals all wounds anon.
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>>18015691
I appreciate your insight and wouldn't mind having a look at your study desu. I guess I'm at that opinion because she broke up with me in the long run. but as I mention here >>18015428 it was all over the place so what you say certainly stands. Thanks honestly.

You words are wise for real, the key thing is learning to be alone and improving as well as growing. I have been having a hard time doing that the alone part.

It's funny my very first love was 4 years (we broke up in 2016 June), and it was just in May June that I got serious with my ex (April started dating give or take).

As I mentioned before I didn't allow the tears to come at first I was too busy trying to figure out everything, as if that would solve it all. But it's only after addressing some deeper issues and seeing a counselor (something I should have done years back regarding self-esteem), that the tears came. Well about 3-4 times, and only when I got really drunk. But it's a start. Doing that whilst improving myself I think will help, Im not looking to be hung up on this, we were together about 8 months but it was very intense, LDR further amplifies that i believe.
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2nd line down was meant for >>18015741

I also sympahtise with your situation, my girl
- friend lived with her ex for a while, whilst having a boyfriend. Shit did not seem easy for the guy.
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>>18015839
>>18015844
>>18015741
Sorry I've messed up the replies. I'm sure you can figure it out.
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>>18015449
you're a man. you think logically. you want things to make sense.

she's a woman. she doesn't think logically. thing sdon't need to make sense if they 'feel' ok.
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>>18015892
op here, that made me kek. I see where you are coming from. Guess I gotta continues my own thing with me as the priority.
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Btw thank you anons
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>>18015741
This is true. I had a thing with a 22 year old girl. To make matters worse, she is a pending person joining the military. It showed me a fuck ton of lessons.

Like a car, a v6 wont be a v8 no matter the adjustments you put on it. You can't change a person, no matter how hard you try. I tried changing her, and I somewhat did, but I instead changed myself for worse

Young girls want to party, NSA. And if they have feelings, they will go for the best for them. And it probably wont be you.

I was an 18 high energy guy who has a car, going into the military soon, and drive a car and had money. I was wanting adventure and looking for someone chill to follow with. She was the one, but went with some short dude who's basically me, just 9gag tier funny. Whatever though, salty, but I know Im better.

I haven't talked to her consistently in a month, OP. Time takes it, I don't know if its bad to talk to them once in a while, but I guess its good to check in with old friends and people you knew. Never know when a door opens up and allows you to fuck or get a relationship going.
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>>18016610
It's funny there was a time when I would be considered that, she was head over heels etc. But as soon as I got needier she started to take that for granted and over time i appeared more unattractive despite what she thought of my looks. It was definitely a factor. But it taught me a hard lesson about investment, confidence and status. This is why I'm not jumping on the wagon until i get them three in check.
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>>18016610
>>18016650
I hear you about contacting again, but I'm leaving it for a bit longer. Last time we talked was 28 nov. I said I was unfriending her as i wanted to focus. I may holla one day, but I don't know what will gain. Maybe by then my feelings will fade and as you say she will just be someone i care about that's all. Plus the fact she lives in France and I UK makes hooking up more difficult etc. Plus she wants to travel lol.
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>>18016650
I mean, I usually say we had a thing, and everyone around us saw it. Women have guy friends, lets face it. Actual friends, not guys they like, except on a platonic level. But every guy that talked to me and her, they saw we had a connection. If she was missing, they would immediately ask me. If a recruiter saw that she was missing, they ask me. They would repeatedly tell her to not hang out with me, but in all honestly, they know Im a smart dude with a great future in the Corps and Im young.

Its cool though, I wish I was able to spend the past 6 months together before we disappear from one another's lives for good and have an awesome time, but I guess there will be more along the road. Shit went south and now we dont talk.

I had investment in my future, confidence in my self due to weight loss, and a status of being a man with connections, for good and bad. Slanging bars and being able to call someone for a bail is someone who has a status.

Time my fellow friend, does a toll on you. You start to hate the people you liked or loved. You start nitpicking their worst parts that you loved the most. Sucks that time did the toll on me.
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>>18016655
Checked my friend.

Dont push yourself for contact, if you dont want it.

I just snapchatted her some graffiti we did back in August, back when we hung out. That was a momth ago. No talk. Although, one day, she was saying bye to me, then gave me a handshake, when I told her never to handshake, because it was awkward. I gave her a hug and we laughed. I invited her to breakfast with one of our friend's, but she had something, then said we should eat next Wednesday. We never did, but eh, she has a boyfriend. A few cities away, but why waste my time?

Point is, don't rush back into it.

Any advice for my fading oneitis feels would be fine. Although, no point in relationships anymore.
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>>18016662
>>18016676
Interesting stories. All i've learnt is that time heals. With positive action and getting better so slowly become better and thus less bitter or needy. It's easy to assume there is just one when you put yourself out there.
Thread posts: 25
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