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I need help, /adv/. I dunno what to do. So, long story short,

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Thread replies: 22
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I need help, /adv/. I dunno what to do. So, long story short, I'm being kind to this guy online and one day he tells me that he that he dreamt of having sex all night with me.
I wanna continue being friends with this guy, but he wants to pursue a serious relationship with me. You may be asking, "Why not just reject him already?" Well, it's because he's a depressed alcoholic and I want him to better his life, but in doing so, he's falling in love with me.
Any helpful advice?
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>>18012068
>string guy along to get him out of alcoholic rut
>eventually he pushes too far and you have to drop the act
>the belated rejection makes him immediately fall off the wagon
I don't think you've thought this through, anon.

Don't commit yourself to trying to save a drowning man alone, he'll just drag you down with him. Help him build a support network of multiple people.

And yes, let him down sooner rather than later.

If he threatens to kill himself if you don't X don't fall for it, just call the police.
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>>18012073
This anon gets it
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>>18012073
I'm not stringing him along, or using feminine wiles to stop his depression or alchoholism. I'm legit being a good friend to him and supporting him, but he wants a serious relationship.
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>>18012077
I'm not saying you're stringing him along now, I'm saying if you don't shut down that relationship stuff you will be and it will blow up in your face.

Like I said, don't try to save someone alone. Help him build a support network.
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>>18012077
>I'm legit being a good friend to him and supporting him
And in doing so, you're stringing him along. You can't "just be friends" with a guy like that, which is what the other anon was pretty much saying. Actions matter, intentions (in this situation) do not.
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>>18012068
I think a clean break is your best bet. Staying in contact with him is probably the worst thing for both of you. Maybe tell him that what he said made you really uncomfortable and encourage him to seek help in other areas of his life (not that he'll listen, but who knows) before saying you think it would be best to not talk to each other for a while. YOu'll probably get an extinction burst of angry messages but don't respond to any of them. If he threatens to kill himself, call the police in his area (if you know where he lives) and thats IT. He's a grown ass man, he is not your responsibility
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>>18012077
And I'd like to re-iterate that even if you are being a legit good friend, HE is the one who made the relationship unsustainable
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>>18012085
>>18012086
>>18012094
Really? Does that mean I need to drop him? I wanna stay in touch with him, but I don't wanna be in a committed relationship. I'm not being his friend because I want to bring him out of his alcoholism, I was his friend before that, and I learned that he was depressed and an alcoholic, so I thought "Hey, why not try to help my good friend?" Was I wrong in thinking this? I really don't know what to do.
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>>18012098
>Does that mean I need to drop him?
No, keep in mind that advice from here is probably going to swing to the extremes.

Continue being his friend, but know that the best thing you can do for him is to let him know you're not interested romantically and help him find more friends or communities that will accept him.

There's no need to jump to ultimatums from one creepy and likely alcohol-induced message. If things escalate then you should start considering your options but that would be an extreme case (especially if this is a long-time friend and not a random internet creeper)
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>>18012103
We live pretty far from each other, he can't find me and I can't find him. There's a very low margin that we can find each other, since he's in the East Coast and I'm in Asia.
Regardless, I just wanna support him and get him to turn his life around. I don't like seeing my friend suffer from self-inflicted pain.
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>>18012107
>We live pretty far from each other, he can't find me and I can't find him
You can still help him find online groups to hang out with and encourage him to leave his house and meet people through hobbies and such.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to help him and it's completely understandable that you'd feel bad for him. I don't think anyone's saying otherwise. We're just advising caution because good intentions can still have negative results if you're not careful.
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>>18012094
Also, it's not like he's making it unsustainable. He's not being pushy with his pursuing, he just says that he wants to be in a relationship with me and that he wants me near him, etc.
How do I describe it? He's not being pushy and creepy, yet I want him to give up on me.

>>18012112
I see, so I just gotta be careful in what I do? I wanna show him that I care for him, but I don't want him pursuing me.
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>>18012121
>I see, so I just gotta be careful in what I do?
Yep.

>I don't want him pursuing me
Then, again, your best course of action is letting him down easy sooner rather than later and helping him connect with other people.
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>>18012127
I forgot to mention, I already told him that I'm not interested in a relationship with him, or anyone in general, yet he still tries to go after me. Do I try to forcefully tell him to stop? It's not in my nature to be mean. Perhaps that's my main problem too.
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>>18012132
Oh, sorry about the .gif, didn't mean that. Have this instead.
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>>18012073
>>18012075
>>18012085
>>18012086
>>18012088
>>18012094
>>18012103
>>18012112
>>18012127
Everyone on this thread:
>Stop talking to this guy it's better for both of you

>>18012121
>>18012107
>>18012098
>>18012077
OP:
>BUT I DON'T WANNAAAAA
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>>18012140
So you're saying that if I stop talking to him, my problem will magically solve itself?
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>>18012132
Whether you should forcefully tell him to stop or give him an ultimatum is entirely up to you and how comfortable or uncomfortable he's making you.

Without details it's hard to tell the difference between someone pining just a little too hard and a creepy e-stalker.
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>>18012140
Who's saying cut off all contact?

Helping someone get more friends isn't the same as cutting them off.
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>>18012146
I see, that makes a lot more sense. Alright, I'm gonna try to resolve this next time he goes online, thanks anons. Have a winter loli before I leave.
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>>18012150
good luck anon
Thread posts: 22
Thread images: 6


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