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I want to get married but don't want a wedding..

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>tl;dr: GF wants perfect wedding that I can't afford. Doesn't seem to comprehend what a waste of money weddings are.

Me and my GF have the perfect chemistry. We've been talking about marriage lately and it seems that's where we differ. She wants a huge wedding with all of our family, a photographer, tailored suits, matching watches, custom flyers, invitations, diamond 18k white gold ring then honey moon to London. She wants the perfect wedding but I can't afford that at all and neither can she really.

We're in a country where the "average" wedding costs about $100,000 according to Google. She quotes "$50,000" when I ask her how much she thinks it'll cost as if it's a normal afordable number. Even splitting the costs I'm not okay with spending nearly a year of pay on this.

She makes more money than me but I'm in the military and make peanuts compared to her 55k a year job. Whenever I tell her how I couldn't possibly earn enough to afford this she looks at me like I'm some cheapo because I don't want to take out a loan or use a credit card to put myself in debt.

Is there a way I can "red pill" her on how much a waste of money all of this shit is? I'd be okay with spending like $5000 on a modest wedding and a nice ring but to her it's like she MUST have this simply because all her friends did. They're a bunch of college graduates with wealthy parents like her. We could really use that money for some much more productive like a home or first child.
In my experience, a majority of the time the parents of the children being wed will cover a bulk of the costs.

Rich or not, it's like one of the last milestones for a parent, and they should do what they can to help out.

All they have after this, is grandkids and a funeral.
Jesus that is expensive.

In the area I live in its customary for the bride's family to pay for the wedding, and that is excessive.

Since you both lack money, see if you can compromise on things, see if family would be willing to help out, etc.

I had a decent ceremony for $1,000, and I asked family members if they had extra decorations, and found a good photographer for cheap off craigslist.

Just talk it out with her and see if she would be willing to tone it down. It's not good to start a marriage in debt right off the bat.
I don't think a wedding itself is very wasteful, celebrating the union of your girl with family and friends sounds like a worthwhile moment in our short time here.

With that said it should be within reason too, you should tell her a budget wedding doesn't undermine the value and importance of that special day and if she really wants to, you guys could do that special wedding of her dreams later down the line as a special 25th anniversary or whatever.
>but to her it's like she MUST have this simply because all her friends did.
Don't do it, man. You'll regret it.
>In my experience, a majority of the time the parents of the children being wed will cover a bulk of the costs.
This, it's typically the job of the bride's father to cover the cost of the wedding.

Unfortunately convincing a woman not to have a giant expensive destination wedding and honeymoon is you trying to combat 20+ years of ubiquitous and expensive propaganda from the wedding and diamond and dress industries. Good the fuck luck with that.

Maybe "accidentally" flip to Adam Ruins Weddings when she's watching TV or something
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>$100,000 for a wedding
What articles are you reading, that sounds ridiculous.

We budgeted $8,000 max and it's working out so far. nothing extravagant, a only good friends and close family.

Who the fuck starts their married life down $100,000? we may spend 10,000 max if I include the honeymoon
If you're upper-middle class it's pretty much expected that your wedding and honeymoon with be 5 if not 6 digits in cost. It's a combination of girls getting bombarded with wedding marketing from age 0 and parents needing to keep up with the Johnsons.
>average wedding costs 100k
>she quotes 50k

hahahahah I've never been happier to be someone who will never get married
Haha, I'm actually in a similar predicament except I'm the bride and it's my mother who wants an extravagant white wedding for me because she didn't have one.
I'm getting a dress for 1K, having a simple service with a few friends and family at a small chapel and trying my best to keep it simple and small.
Been engaged two years, been with my fiance for 8 years. A giant wedding will not increase our love for one another, it will only force my father to cover the expenses which I don't want- even if he and my mother are willing to pay for such a waste of money. (I've been disabled for 2 1/2 years and my back hasn't gotten better after 2 surgeries, I don't feel like celebrating when I'm at such a bad point in my life and a giant wedding seems like more of a chore at this point...)

Point being- people have their opinions, and they're entitled to them. Everyone wants different things out of life, and compromises must somehow be made.
Nothing wrong with appeasing your future wife by having a lovely wedding, just make sure you have a very long engagement to plan to make it easier to save money.
If she wants it, the money has to come from somewhere- so she better be ready to go without some daily luxuries and work overtime to be able to save money.
You're also going to have to spend a lot of time being extremely involved in the wedding so that you can help assist in finding cost effective alternatives. I'm sure she would appreciate your time spent in researching and helping her.
Just know now that if she doesn't get this thing that she has been dreaming of her whole life, which holds such significance to her- she will never let you forget it for the rest of your life. I'm not saying that's right, but it's just how some women are. I used to really crave a huge wedding, but after the cost of two surgeries it's really brought me back down to earth and made me realise how much I could need that money in the future- for a home, my healthcare and emergencies.
If she can't compromise with you on the wedding, she's not going to compromise with other things in your relationship. my wedding and honeymoon cost no where near that, 50k is pretty damn excessive.
Holy fuck balls. Why just do a backyard wedding?
Weddings are a business. Some smart guys figured out how to take a religious and social habit and turn it into profit. Because of that weddings have slowly evolved from being spiritual, intimate rituals to huge luxurious parties. During this time weddings have also become more stressful than pleasant for the couple and obviously a huge money sink.

Basically, nowdays weddings suck. Unless you're rich there's no reason to throw 5k at a wedding, let alone 50. As you said, with that money you could do things that will grant you much more satisfaction in the long term. The only reason your girlfriend wants an expensive wedding is because she was manipulated into it. That may sound edgy or cynical, but that's the gist of it.

Making her change her mind would be quite a challenge. Nobody likes being told that they're being manipulated, if you tell her that she'll most likely lash out at you. But you obviously shouldn't allow her to do it either. Going into depth for a wedding is beyond stupid. Make a list with her. Pros and cons of an expensive wedding. Then talk about future expenses and finances. Then tell her everything you could do with that kind of money.

If you do all that and she's not a completely irrational, emotion driven fool she'll see it your way and make at least some compromises. If she doesn't ... well good luck with your marriage.

thats pretty sad man. i know we all want a really nice wedding, but if you cant afford it you can't, and its not as simple as taking out some loan, a 55k wedding is barely less than i paid for two years of college, and thats going to take me so fucking long to pay off, why should a single day cost this much?

when i first saw this thread i was going to tell you to just do it but when i see what shes after here there is no way i could side with her, this is a ridiculous amount of money.

jesus im sorry but my weddings going to be a bbq and its probably going to be to myself and i think im okay with that.
A better question would be, why is your gf such a dumb cunt?

>more stressflu than pleasant for the couple

ive noticed this with everyone i see get married. not even just the man but the woman too. at the last wedding i went to the bride and groom were sad becuase no one was dancing and they felt like they were in charge of making sure others had fun on their special day.

because we need 18 karat white gold rings :^)
>marriage in the year 2017

everyone press F to pay respects to op he is about to become a slave for the rest of his life. also the fact that she makes more money increases the chance of divorce even more.
If I ever get married to my girlfriend it's gonna suck because I have no one to invite besides my grandma. I have no friends.
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Shit, that's sad
Oi, the sex better be worth it. :0)
Women internalize the need for a wedding day. They are told that their wedding will be the day they are the most beautiful.
It's usually stemmed from childhood and ground into their very being from media and social constructs.
50k on a wedding is awful and honestly way too much unless the two of you have a lot of family.
Sit down with her and ask her for her priorities and find a compromise on a budget, how many people will be there, and why certain things are important.
You can make a great wedding happen for less than 1k. But if you brute force your thinking, she will do the same to you. Neither of you will get anywhere until someone feels awful and caves. If you cave you are out 50+k and feel like shit. If she caves she may take it as a personal defeat and it could jeopardize your relationship.
Tbh when i marry a girl i want to do the underwater scuba thing some people do.
Thread posts: 25
Thread images: 4

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