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Ok, so I come here from /r9k/ to ask you normal people for help. Basically, I met this girl at work and I'm rather sure she likes me. We both also go to the same university and are in the same program. Last week she invited me out to dinner after work sometime this week. I told her today that I was free later in the week so we arranged a day. She didn't call it a date nor did I. Here's the thing; I'm not sure if I actually like her. I do like that she's smart and knows how to keep a conversation going. She's also an international student so she's travelled and I like to listen to her stories. However, I'm not very physically attracted to her. Also, I prefer to be alone most of time and the idea of eventually kissing or having sexual relations with another person somewhat disgusts me equally as much as I find it interesting. I don't know what to do because I but want to go home after work or school and play video games.
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The answer is really quite simple - just go with it and see how you feel about it. Humans are notoriously bad abut trying to predict how something "feels" without experiencing it firsthand (have you ever heard of the knowledge problem or Mary's room?)
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>>18006947
I think I understand what you're saying. Since I've never experienced anything similar to this, I have a certain opinion (ie: physical disgust at the idea of being connected at the mouth to another person) but I don't actually know without truly being in the situation. I also don't like to eat in front of other people, so if I eat dinner with her I feel like it'll be a waste since I won't enjoy it. My family is also really overbearing so I don't know how to lie to explain where I was after work because normally I just go directly home to shower, make dinner, and play video games.
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>>18006932
>Ok, so I come here from /r9k/
you have to go back
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>>18007001
Damn it anon, I might be close to leaving that place. I already know that not all normies are bad, that's how I'm able to hold down a job and be in a masters degree program. But I am kinda autistic and prefer to be alone and just play video games or guitar. Besides, this is /adv/, I thought you guys weren't allowed to turn somebody away just because they're from /r9k/.
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>>18007031
theres a reason everyone hates /r9k/, anon
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>>18007031
It's okay if you want to be alone. But trying won't hurt you, what will you lose? An evening you could be playing video games? Postponing to tomorrow won't change a thing you know.
So I'd say go for it. If you enjoy her presence then you're good.
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>>18007050
I actually don't understand why this is. Can you explain why everybody here hates it? Is it because of the vitriol that many robots use?
>>18007114
I guess I agree that if I don't try I'll never really know. But, what if I end up liking her more and she likes me more? Then what am I supposed to do? I guess I would then date her, but then what? What are you supposed to do when you date someone? How do you even have sex with somebody when you're not really sexually attracted to them?
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>>18007185
/r9k/ is hated because of the mentality. It's just a toxic echo chamber where everyone blames anything but himself. They blame women, their height, their small dick, Chad and the such while there is the only reason they're miserable is themselves..
At least that's what I learned from my yearlong journey there and I'm glad I escaped.
If this happens, then just go with the flow, don't be a creep, don't be too much clingy (seriously, don't) and don't overthink, and you'll be alright. You're a bit inexperienced so you might lack of common sense but it's okay, you'll learn from your mistakes.
Now some specifics, it depends but from my experience it's just a really close friend of the opposite sex (if you're straight) with intimacy (like hugs and sex) that are here for you when you need them and that you're here for them if they do too.
Like
you enjoy their presence so you spend time together, doing things together, it doesn't have to be clubbing or whatever, you just do what you both enjoy, be it just walking around hand in hand, cooking together or playing video games together.
Also, hugs and sleeping together are my favorite part of that.
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>>18007319
I agree that /r9k/ is an echo chamber, but I don't blame others for the shitty things in my life because I barely have any regard for other people. I don't think I act creepy around her because usually the one to start talking to me first. She was also the one who asked me if I wanted to get dinner with her, so I guess that's good. I'm worried that we don't have much in common because I like to play video games and she doesn't. The closest hobbies that we have are that I play guitar and she does ballet. I'm also not worried about being clingy, in fact, I'm worried about the opposite. Also, I don't pick up on sexual cues at all. I've only kissed two girls before and one was in elementary school as a dare, and the other was in high school after a friend set me up on a date with his friend. I was meeting him after the date and he saw us part ways and got mad that I didn't kiss her so her told me to run back and kiss her. When I called back to her, she laughed and kissed me first. How do I figure out human sexual cues? Do girls even want to have sex with guys?
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>>18007350
Duh they do, they are just like men, some love sex 3 times a day while others are happy with a monthly encounter.
To pick up, you could try to read books about the body language if that's not innate but usually you just feel it when she crosses the friend border and gets in the flirt zone.
For the hobbies, it doesn't have to be the same, Even though both of my gf and I have a common hobby which is reading,
I love using my computer and playing video games while she prefers to watch tv. So I can watch some tv with her, she might watch me play for a bit, we can even lean back to back (don't know how to explain this lol) and do what we enjoy while being together. You can like, compose, finding a way isn't that hard.
Also showing genuine interest in her hobbies is a great way of getting closer, even if it doesn't appeal to you that much.
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>>18007400
The flirting thing isn't innate to me as I've had a few girls out of nowhere get mad at me and ask me why I don't like them and ignore them. I tell them that I had no clue that they liked me, which just makes them more mad. I do like that she does ballet because I've been going to see the ballet and other theatre stuff with my family since I was a kid. Can you recommend any good books for reading about sexual and flirting cues? Also, I live with my family still because a masters degree is expensive so I don't know if logistically I could hang out and watch tv or sleep over night with her. I appreciate your help so far though.
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>>1800748
That's pretty great, I'm glad for you.
You could even get a new hobby that you both enjoy, but you don't have to.
Yeah sorry I don't, some anons usually give books but since I don't read them I forget their names.
You could hang out at her place, you could hang out outside, you could bring her home when nobody's there etc, you can find a way trust me. You don't have to sleep over to sleep together, I love taking naps lol.
But you don't have to do this things, you just do what you both want to.
You're welcome, glad I could help. Good luck with her, hope it will work out.
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>>18007483
That has never happened to me. Wtf.
You must be attractive because girls ignore me completely.
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>>18007616
I wouldn't consider myself attractive either. However, I have two theories why I get a decent amount of female attention. First, even if a girl doesn't like a guy, they'll flirt with them so they can feel good about themselves after a guy starts to like them and follow them around. Because I don't understand when girls flirt, their tactics don't work on me, and they become "attracted" to me because they don't get why their charm doesn't work on me. But they don't actually like me, they just like the challenge. Second, the way I dress would probably be considered fashionable. A while ago I decided to mimic people who I find attractive. Have you ever seen a girl who looked so aesthetically pleasing that she could also have been made of porcelain? Well, I just try to dress like that a make sure that my appearance is always very sharp. I don't do it for the sake of getting girls to like me, I just do it because I feel better about myself.
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Thread images: 7