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I think I’m depressed, or heading that way, and I don’t know

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I think I’m depressed, or heading that way, and I don’t know how to fix myself. Got my B.A. (Out of 60 people, me and two others actually graduated on time), was all happy and ready to get work, kept up my good spirit for 3 months but then I started to get discouraged, thinking I can’t do this and should probably take a McDonalds job or simply end my life. Fast forward 6 months, still no job, have no creativity left to fix an updated portfolio and go job hunting, I barely get out of bed and if I do it’s only to switch over to the couch. Most days I don’t even bother with putting on the TV but instead just stare into the wall. I’m crying daily, at least 3 times a day. All my friends managed to get work; some even abroad and they are seemingly living happy lives. Been thinking I should contact someone about my feelings but all free therapist/psychological services are for people below 21 years old of age in my country. Can’t hire a therapist because I don’t have any money. Don’t have any money because I don’t have a job. Don’t have a job because of this crippling depression/anxiety. Tried for a while to join different clubs to extend my network. But they are either filled with old people that can’t relate or phony visionaries who believe they can stop all wars by shouting the loudest or something else stupid; like creating a knitting festival. I can’t even remember what I used to enjoy doing, nevertheless what I’m good at. I feel like a parasite for my parents and society.

How do I fix myself? Even just a first step would be helpful.
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>>18006138
See a professional.
Ask your parents for the money. If they can buy you food, they can buy you psychological treatment as well.
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>>18006138
See a professional. Until then, hit the reset. Pick a time in the day, any time, don't really matter what time not like theres much else going on eh? Anyhoo, pick a time and go for a walk, every day, same time. Nothing else matters yet so don't worry. Just pick a time and walk. First step and it works.

if you feel tempted to go to clubs again, cool. Don't beat yourself up for not doing this the first time, but, instead of finding the differences and reasons that people can't relate, look for the similarities. There aren't any? Think again, you're at the same club. There's a reason, find it. Or don't, that's cool, but know it's there. You're not disconnected. Granted, no one will fully understand what you're thinking or feeling as no one else is you, but there are connections, there are universal truths that every person has felt. Don't panic, don't despair. Pick a time and walk
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Firstly, please separate your writing into paragraphs because it's easier for people to read and reply to.

After doing your BA, you're kind of exhausted. And if you studied something creative, you have to deal with your support network disappearing over-night and the reality of having to look for work. I went through the same as you and it took me a long time to get back on my feet. What I mean by this is- it's kind of normal so don't worry, just do your best to look after yourself.

Actually my situation was remarkably similar to yours (knitting festivals and all). I searched and searched and eventually found a counselling service available for young people under 30, which cost about £5 a time. Keep a look out and you'll find something eventually- if you can't find that then things like meditation groups might be a good way to have something to do, somewhere to be, and help with you resting your weary head.

Even getting a small part-time job or some voluntary work is going to help you. I was unemployed for 4 months, and simply doing 2 shifts at a homeless shelter slowly made me feel more confident and hopeful, 'I might not be employed, but I can still serve others'

>I can’t even remember what I used to enjoy doing, nevertheless what I’m good at. I feel like a parasite for my parents and society.

It might take you a while to find your feet, and that's okay. Things will come back to you, I'm a little further down the line and things are going well for me now. One day at a time, one step at a time. I know why you feel like a parasite but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. A lot of people experience what you do, a lot of people feel like you do, over time things will change and you will come out on top.
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>>18006142
I'd rather leave my parents out of this.. Was quite suicidal age 12–15 and their way of handling it was to say I was over-reacting/being too sensitive. Mom is a nurse, since she daily take care of people who are very ill she doesn't believe you have the right to complain unless you got your guts spilling out of you.

>>18006177
I'll try and walk in the morning. I walk 3–4 days a week with my mother, but it's mainly because she forces me out the door since she is too scared to walk alone in the evening after work. I still keep a good diet, yet again because mother cooks and I'm dreading the day I'll go back to being fat.

>>18006195
I like your post, makes sense, and I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
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I think that the first step would be to talk to someone who you can trust. Someone who can will just listen. I feel like you're carrying a weight, and you are looking for someone who can help you uburden yourself. You understand your problems and your situatuon. But its eatting at you. Talking about issues helps a lot of people feel better. And it's what you're going to do if you go to a therapist anyways. So just find someone who will listen.
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>>18006220
Walking anon here again.

Mornings sound good, fresher air too. When I first started I used to go out at night so that I was hidden, didn't want to inconvenience anyone by getting in their way or having them look at me. (Sounds weird now but it made perfect sense to me at the time), however, going at the same time gave me focus to do it, then I started looking forward to it, then I changed to an earlier time as I realised I was delaying a positive thing for a reason that I no longer cared so much about, so then it dawned on me that I regarded something as positive and that that something made me feel better both about myself and my situation. Took two years to get there but it happened
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