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I think my girlfriend might've cheated on me.

So, she's across the country visiting a male friend. Before she left, she planned on breaking up with me & probably hooking up with him, but we patched things up, and she promised nothing would happen. Everything seemed fine, and he picked her up around 8pm tonight. She said they went to a strip club. She got back to her room around midnight.

She texted me at 9:25, 10:14, 11:05, 11:27, and 11:51. At 11:51, she said they were leaving soon. I called her at 11:55, and she picked up & said that they were outside of the strip club & ready to leave. When I pressed about her story, she said she was already in her room. She said she lied to me because she didn't want me to get mad when she forgot to text me that they left.

She knew the details of the strip club (it matched on Google Maps), so I'm pretty sure she was actually there. It's about a 5 minute drive from her hotel. HOWEVER, something about the whole thing seemed fishy to me. I accused her of doing something with the dude, but she swore nothing happened, and they were just eating & talking the whole time. She said IF she was going to hook up with someone, it wouldn't just be for a couple hours.

I can't get it out of my head that something happened. I mean, she could've gone to the strip club, then back to the hotel with him. That would explain why she was there when I called. I have SEVERE trust issues, and something doesn't add up. I'm basically freaking out, and she won't be back until later today (Saturday).

What the fuck should I do???
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>>17999741
IDK man, why would you be in a relationship with someone you don't trust? Break up with her, work on your confidence, then try dating again when you're in a better place. Being controlling about shit is only going to drive her further away. And honestly, she's half a country away. She could cheat on you and you'd never know, you just have to take her word for it either way
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>>17999744
I agree man. and besides, if that girl truly cared about you OP, she wouldn't have gone on that trip. alone at least. my advice; break it off, work on yourself, and find someone that actually gives a damn about your feelings.
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>>17999744
>why would you be in a relationship with someone you don't trust?
We've been dating for almost 2 years now, and she's been the most trustworthy person I've ever met up to this exact incident.

Everything she said is completely plausible, but so is my paranoid version. It's likely that she's telling the truth, and I'm just being crazy. I don't want to dump someone I love because I'm crazy.

>if that girl truly cared about you OP, she wouldn't have gone on that trip
She already had the thing booked 3 weeks before I found out. I don't know why she didn't tell me sooner, but she was probably afraid of the way I'd react.
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>>17999759
>she's been the most trustworthy person I've ever met up to this exact incident.
Then why do you have trust issues? Anyway, my advice remains the same. You have to take her word regardless, so either you trust her, or you don't. There's really nothing you can do besides invading her privacy, and if you are trying to spy on your gf you might as well save yourself some time and dump her cuz that's a neverending rabbit hole
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>>17999741

He's more than a friend.
No girl takes a trip like this without her bf if shes still in love with him. She tried to tell u by breaking up but she had a weak moment and fell back in.
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>>17999767
>Then why do you have trust issues?
Past trauma from previous relationships

>really nothing you can do besides invading her privacy
I already did that - it's how I found out when she booked the trip. I also saw a text she sent where she told him she was fantasizing about him.

>>17999770
I convinced her to stay together and that we could work on our issues. The guy's her best friend, and they weren't able to talk for 6 years. She said it would be weird if I came, because she didn't feel like she could be herself.
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>>17999779

Herself is the side of her that wants to sleep with him.
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>>17999779
My best friend is a guy. Known him since I was 3, grew up together. He lives in another country now, is married and has a child.
Whenever I visit I ask my husband if it is fine for him and if he wants to come. Way before booking the trip. Way before anything. I respect him too much to do something like this behind his back.

Does she respect you at all? I mean, she tried to dump you before going, what the hell.
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>>17999781
Maybe. I was also too judgmental with her in the past, which she brought up. I wasn't the best boyfriend in the world, but I want to be. However, I need to know nothing happened before I even consider fixing the relationship.

>>17999787
She thought I didn't care about her. She thought I'd dump her as soon as she told me she was going. Apparently, this friend got her through a rough childhood and was the most important person in her life for years. I think she didn't want me to go with her and ruin it by being jealous/insecure.
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>>17999796
If you are in a relationship and you plan to spend extensive amounts of time alone with another men you should ask if your boyfriend is okay with it.
My husband is fine with me being close friends with a guy and spending time alone with him, other guys I dated in the past weren't (and I changed my ways around my friend, or dumped the guy).
Going behind someone's back because you're scared of the consequences isn't excusable.
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>>17999796

Op come on, childhood friends even?
Probably her first love
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>>17999741
Trust your girlfriend and stop worrying about shit you can't do anything about anyway, or realize your relationship is unstable and maybe keeping tabs on her like a parole officer is only going to make it worse.

Also, there's every chance she's just lying to your face about everything but there's still nothing you can do about that and acting the fool and driving a bigger wedge into the relationship is not the correct answer.
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>>17999802
Our relationship wasn't in the best state when she booked the trip. She said if things were going better, she wouldn't have even contacted him. At that point, I don't think she cared what I thought. Her previous boyfriend kept her from seeing that kid for 5 years, so that might've brought up some bad memories here.

>>17999805
Could've been. She said they dated in 7th grade. She also said nothing sexual ever happened between them.
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>>17999811
>She said if things were going better, she wouldn't have even contacted him.
OP, it's fucking unacceptable. Dump her, honestly.

If things don't go well between you she seeks someone else, instead of fixing things with you? What the hell?
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>>17999741
She went to strip club with him. At the very least, he left the club ready to stick his dick in someone after having naked women grinding on him/near him. I'd bet they fucked like rabbits, and are probably going to continue doing it until she gets back. Especially with the context added from >>17999811
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>>17999809
>maybe keeping tabs on her like a parole officer is only going to make it worse
I agree it's not healthy. I just started seeing a therapist, because I apparently have some underlying issues here. However, asking a person with severe trust issues to trust someone where there's even a sliver of plausible doubt is like giving a fat kid a piece of cake and telling him not to eat it.
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>>17999818
Trip was already booked. To her, she was just seeing an old friend. She even texted him that nothing would go on between them (she showed me the text). She said we'd work on our issues when she got back.

Fuck, this all sounds bad. I don't want to lose her though. This is bullshit.

>>17999819
Well, fuck.
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>>17999820
Well then it falls back on you doesn't it? You ever think maybe she's talking about breaking up and fucking other dudes BECAUSE you treat her like this constantly? I know you've got history, boo fucking hoo, we've all got history. Don't let it define you. Don't let past shortcomings affect current situations, the past is not now, every action does not have the same reaction.

Get over yourself. If you can't do it with her, maybe you need to do it without her. You'll have a much easier time learning to trust people when you don't have someone in your life for whom absolute trust is a fundamental part of the relationship.
>>
She sent a text telling him she's fantasizing about him. She planned a trip to visit him behind your back and while she was dating you. That's cheating and intent to cheat right there. She then insisted that you not accompany her on the trip and take it anyway.

If I were you, OP, and I wanted to fix the relationship and convinced her to do so, I would have made it dead clear she could not take this trip. I don't have trust issues, I'm not an insecure person. I am not controlling. If someone I was with wanted to go out to a bar, or to a club, sure. Great. Without me? That's cool too. If they have a crush on a friend that's fine and I wouldn't give a fuck either. That shit happens.

This isn't anything like the above. She has explicitly cheated on you with him before she even left the country in sending that text and whatever other texts went along with it. She has explicitly made plans to cheat on you on this trip. Maybe she had a change of heart. Maybe she's only having an emotional affair. Maybe she couldn't make time away from your constant pressing for minute details to manage to fuck him. You know what? You shouldn't have to grill her on the exact details of things to be reassured. You shouldn't be the only thing standing between her and fucking her "friend". She shouldn't be pursuing it, regardless of how she feels.

If you stay with her you will never have closure about what happened on this trip. The best you can hope for is repairing the relationship in spite of that and rebuilding it. Not just the trust, but her actual dishonesty and disloyalty. If the possibility of her cheating on you on this trip is a dealbreaker, you should have ended it when she didn't cancel the trip or when she demanded you stay home.
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>>17999830
>She even texted him that nothing would go on between them
Yikes. If she were really "just friends" with this guy, and they were such close friends like you've said she suggested, why would she have to make sure he knew nothing sexual would go on between the two of them?
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>>17999741

OP I know this is harsh, but I think you should let her go. Why did she go and visit this guy? Her saying she wouldnt have messaged him if you guys had patched things up is a clear warning sign. She wanted a rebound or to hookup with this guy and that is just unacceptable. You will forever have doubt in your mind if she had done something, just let this already fucked up relationship go. Better yourself and move on.

Kind of going through a similar situation to you at the moment. Fought with my gf and she went out with her friends and I think she cheated on me, we patched things up afterwards but then I found things out and even if she was drunk and she feels guilty about it there is no trust anymore.

Trust is the basis of any relationship. I know its harsh and you dont want to hear this OP, but just end it. She could have just cancelled the trip with the guy. Also taking a girl to a strip club and staying at hotels and shit is pretty dodgy behaviour. He could be laughing at you right now, she could have picked up her phone and messaged you after fucking. Even if they didnt hookup OP her leaving for this trip with some guy because you guys hit a rough patch is unacceptable. Please OP just do it for yourself. Have some self respect.
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>>17999796
Look my man, women never blame themselves when a problem arises. It's always "if only you... I wouldn't have done that." It's always an excuse, never the truth. Your women wanted to ride some dick and wanted to let you go. She wanted to hurt you in the least painful way but you clamped on.
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>>17999837
>Maybe she's talking about cheating on you because you worry about her cheating on you
t. a retarded woman.
OP, don't listen to this stupid cunt.
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>>17999850
This.
See
>>17999837
For reference
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>>17999837
>BECAUSE you treat her like this constantly?
Yes. I was a shit boyfriend. I realize I caused this. That's what kills me inside. I never admitted to myself that I have a problem.

>>17999838
>I would have made it dead clear she could not take this trip
She was mad at me for snooping on her shit and said that if I left her for going, that would be my choice.

>If the possibility of her cheating on you on this trip is a dealbreaker
I've never been as happy with anyone as I am with her. What if she's telling the truth and nothing happened? I don't want to throw away future happiness if there's no reason to.

>>17999846
There was clearly flirting going on beforehand, and they may have had sexual chats while she was drunk. I don't know if any of that was sincere or she was just addicted to the feeling of being desired again.
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>>17999830
>To her, she was just seeing an old friend.
You don't typically go to strip clubs with friends of the opposite gender. Or tell them you're fantasizing about them. Or book trips to see them in secret, behind your boyfriend's back.

And like that other Anon said, you don't need to tell them nothing sexual is going to go down. Plus she can easily text him that to placate you (or lie to herself) and then end up doing something else while she is there.

Maybe you pushed her away with your paranoia, you say you did so I'll take your word for it. But your paranoia is 100% founded at this point assuming it's not so severe as to have completely warped what's actually happened.

Maybe you can fix things if you really try AND she wants to fix them too, not if you convince her to. But if I were you, I'd walk away and continue with your therapy for your sake, and for the sake of the future relationships you have with hopefully decent people.
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>>17999865

OP end it. Who knows you might have another rough patch and she drops you. You will never get over this. Just end it. Show her you have some self respect. She has already emotionally cheated on you and im pretty certain she has physically cheated on you. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I am being completely objective. Speak to a friend about it who doesnt know her and ask them what they think, I promise you they will tell you the same thing. Fuck even speak to a friend that knows both of you and they will probably tell you the same thing.
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>>17999741
>going to visit a male im sexually attracted to and have dreamed of having sex with for ages
> staying in a hotel room with this hot peice of meat
>get all revved up from going to a strip club
Idk anon, I can't think of why you would think something happened.

By that i mean. She wanted to bang him, and she did. Your patch up job might have made her feel guilty, but more likely it just made her want to say anything to keep you from being mad at her because women are taught/think that if they spurn a guy they'll be terrible humans and it's somehow better to lead them on and then just do stuff to force him to break up with her. Idk why, but I'm a chick and I see this shit all the time and have to actively think about not doing it myself.

So yeah, she cucked you. Move on. It'll be okay.
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>>17999865
>There was clearly flirting going on beforehand and they may have had sexual chats
OP, why did you make this thread? I think you know what's happening between her and her "friend". Were you hoping for someone to reassure you that she isn't cheating? I'm not asking that to mock you, it's a legitimate question. I wish I could reassure you, but I think we both know that that isn't likely the case.
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>>17999849
Logically, that makes sense. But I have trouble bringing myself to end things, if there's a chance this could all be worked out and we could be happy again. Fuck, this sucks.

>>17999850
Another plausible option. I didn't even realize she was trying to dump me until she already decided not to dump me. Even after I found the text and decided to leave her, she ended up unintentionally convincing me to stay. We were both hurt, and she'd say things like "do you think there's any hope for us together in the future?" I was ready to leave her. She could've just let me go.
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>>17999865
She has already cheated on you. She went a step further and made plans to meet up with the person she has been cheating on you with. Put two and two together. I do not advocate snooping at all and would be livid if someone violated my personal space, but you are in deep, deep denial.

Maybe your trust issues are so bad because you set yourself up for it. You know you're with a woman who is going to abuse your trust, but rather than walking away you're sticking things out so she can further betray you and fill you with that sense of paranoia. If that's the kind of relationship you typically have, no wonder you've got trust issues.
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>>17999878
> if there's a chance this could all be worked out and we could be happy again
If I were you I would just let things unfold, it should be pretty blatant if she cheats on you so just prepare for the worst but hang in there because there is a chance that their friendship is completely platonic
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>>17999878
Shes just leading you on. Maybe she likes the though of knowing that you will always be there and is taking you for granted and just going around flirting and fucking other guys because she knows she can get away with it. What she has done is unacceptable OP. Wake up, please. This will never magically workout, as soon as this sexual attraction to another male also turns into security or emotional support its tickets. You will always be wary of other males. As far as I am concerned this relationship is already over and if you want to show her that you have an ounce of self respect and that you are a man and not some cuck you would end it and let her know that she cant just fuck with someone like that OP please, just think about this logically. I know this is shit.

I had an extremely fucked up relationship with my ex and for some reason we tried to work shit out and it really fucked with me emotionally, I failed at college because I let her fuck with me. Eventually shit ended and I remember wanting to commit suicide and I thought I was the one that fucked up and that I would never be happy again. I started smoking a lot of weed to try and cope and after a while it didnt just make me burst out crying anymore and I got my shit together. I now have a new girlfriend who I have been dating for over a year and I have never been happier. Things are simple and she treats me like a king. I am happy about my life right now. Things get better OP, its not the end of your happiness if you breakup with her. Just get some self respect and do it.
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>>17999890
>There is a chance their relationship is completely platonic
Don't get his hopes up. Let's go over the information we've been given in this thread.
>She texted the guy that she was fantasizing about him
>She an OP are having relationship trouble
>there was flirting/sexting going on between her and the guy
>They dated in the past
>She told OP that she wouldn't have contacted this "friend" if things were going better in their relationship
>She lied to OP about when she was back at her hotel
>they went to a goddamn strip club together
Come on, there's zero (0) chance that this relationship is platonic. She's probably getting railed by that guy right at this moment.
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>>17999890
Do you think she's going to come home to OP with this guy's name tattooed on her back? How much more blatant can you get?
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>>17999866
>Maybe you pushed her away with your paranoia
No, I pushed her away by acting like I didn't care about her. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I've always kept my trust issues in check (she has them too), but this time, I have completely lost control.

>Maybe you can fix things if you really try AND she wants to fix them too
She says she wants a future with me and that she loves me. That's why this is all so difficult.

>>17999872
Then why the fuck didn't she just dump me when she booked the trip?

>>17999875
I told her if she cheated, I'd leave. All she had to do is say "I cheated", and that would be the end of things.

>>17999876
>OP, why did you make this thread?
I was freaking out about not knowing and needed something to occupy my time.

>Were you hoping for someone to reassure you that she isn't cheating?
Honestly? Yes. Did I expect that to happen? Fuck no.

>>17999880
I said somewhere up there that she was the most trustworthy person I've ever met. I can't remember a single time she's ever lied to me before. I'm not setting myself up for shit. 2 years of honesty and 1 incident of distrust.

I can learn to forgive the "emotional" cheating, especially under the circumstances. I can't forgive the physical cheating.

>>17999890
That's what my friend said.

>>17999900
There's never been another guy. It's this kid or no one.

Also, your story is what's preventing me from doing anything. The hope for happiness followed by the fear of how I'll feel when I end things.

>>17999904
>She lied to OP about when she was back at her hotel
This is the only part of that which raises my suspicions.

I guess the real reason I made this thread is to make sense of the situation.

She texted me that she was leaving at 11:51pm. I called at 11:55pm. Why the fuck would she answer if there was a dude in her bed?
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>>17999914
>>17999900

How is my story preventing you from doing it?

i ended shit with my ex and I was miserable with her. Initially after the breakup i felt like shit, but I got my crap together and met another girl and my life has never been better. The fact that things are so simple now made me realise how fucked up my relationship with my ex actually was and how it would have never worked out.

OP please. Dont be blind to this. She has already wronged you multiple times. Move on and find someone better. Trust me there are billions of humans better for you than this bitch. Let her have her fuck buddy, let him fuck her over. It will teach her a lesson. Dont be a cuck. There is so much out there.

Breakup with her. Youll feel shitty about it for max 3 months, but focus that anger and regret into something positive. I started doing weights and got fit and pushed it all into constructive self development. Eventually my ex begged for me back and I told her to fuck off and I have never felt so good in my life.

Please OP do it for me, do it for yourself. Teach her a lesson.
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>>17999914
Wew lad, if you're this easy to fool, she's probably been cheating on you for years. Out of everything mentioned in this thread, the only thing that raises your suspicion is her lying about the hotel? Not her being alone with a guy (after getting all hot and bothered at a strip club) that she fantasizes about, was texting sexually with, and wouldn't have even talked to if your relationship were going better? Jesus Christ m8, if you were to walk in on them having hard core sex, she'd convince you that they were just wrestling.
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>>17999929
The last time I had a breakup this bad, I was essentially inconsolable for at least 6 months. It wasn't anger and regret - it was just depression.

>>17999931
I understood the rest of those things. I can't understand the hotel part. Things I don't understand raise suspicion. That's how trust issues work. I knew about all of that other shit.
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>>17999931
If she was cheating already then why didn't she just break up with OP?
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>>17999936
I don't think she was actually cheating on OP before this situation, I was just using hyperbole in that case. I DO think that she's definitely cheating on him with this current guy, though. Too much smoke for there to not be a fire.
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>>17999936
I literally fucking walked out on her. I snooped on her phone, saw the text, said "we're done", then left. We argued a bit, then I walked out. She could've just let me keep walking, and I never would've looked back.
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>>17999934
Fuck then I dont know... Pull what she did, start talking to other girls then and work on your relationship at the same time. Maybe youll meet someone. Maybe you will sort shit out. Might give her a taste of her own medicine.
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>>17999934
The other shit should clue you in on what's currently happening at that hotel
>>
She's bound to repeat this again
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>>17999942
You don't clean up shit by using a sponge made of shit

>>17999944
Nothing's currently happening. When I called, we talked for over an hour. No way some dude's just chilling there waiting an hour.

>>17999947
She almost never gets time off work, the guy lives across the country, and she doesn't do long distance relationships. I guess maybe if they just decide to be sex buddies.
>>
My problem is: it's easy to prove that cheating happened.

It's impossible to prove that cheating didn't happen.
>>
Based on what I've read in this thread, I think it's safe to say that she's almost definitely getting her sopping wet cunt stuffed by this other guy. It also seems likely that you'll ignore all of the signs suggesting as such out of denial, and stay with her until it becomes extra obvious, or she ends up leaving you.
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>>17999960
If I knew for sure, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. I just want to know for sure. I want to know how to find out for sure.

I don't want to definitely leave her for something that maybe happened.
>>
UPDATE: I talked to her about this again today. She said she and the kid did some other shit (went to a party, picked up some mail at his old house) before the strip club, and they spent the rest of the night there. She said she was in the elevator of the hotel when she texted me that she was leaving the strip club, and she was in the room when I called.

She still denies that anything happened, to the point where she got angry with me for pressing. When I suggested that they got all worked up at the strip club then went back to the hotel, she laughed. I explained how it looked, and she said that she didn't care how it looked, she knows she didn't do anything.

She's still sticking to the story that she thought I'd get mad if she didn't text me before she left (even though she's never texted me before she left anywhere on the rest of the trip). I don't think I'll get the truth out unless I catch her in a lie. She's seeing this kid for breakfast in a little bit. Fuck my life.
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>>18000494
None of this matters, I mean, maybe it does, but in the first place it is not acceptable to be going to strip clubs and parties getting drunk spending all fucking day with another guy, whether she fucked him or not.
>>
Something might have happened but let's be honest here, whether it did or not your mind was already made up that something was going to happen. Whether it actually did or not. This is not a healthy relationship.
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>visited a male friend

dump. forever.
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>>17999741
>Before she left, she planned on breaking up with me & probably hooking up with him
She already cheated on you here, dude. Mentally. This enough is a reason to break up.
Fuck, even if you patched things up, why would she still go and let you suffer?

I can't even imagine going out alone with a guy, even if he is a friend, without my boyfriend, or at the very least other friends. Which leads me to think this is a date, not a hang out. Even if she didn't hook up with him, she went with another dude alone to a strip club and back to a hotel with him all the while she was originally planning to break up with you so she could do these things?


Because you "patched things up" and she went anyways, this basically set her up for the perfect crime. She got to keep her bf and keep her potential, if not already, side lover.


This all sounds sketch, I'd leave. It'd always be in the back of my mind and make me crazy.
>>
>she planned on breaking up with me & probably hooking up with him

if this is true, then she is somebody who is not in love with people, but in an idea of a romantic relationship

cheating in itself isnt a problem. it is her potential lying and dishonesty. if what you think its true, she is an opportunist.

anon, in the end, its up to you to decide what to do. either breaking up or patching things up is equally wrong. but whatever you do, always make sure you love people. whether you are with her or not with her.
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>>17999759
Ger being afraid of your reaction speaks volume OP. Your paranoia and her hiding things and putting you in front of the done deed doesn't make your relationship looks so good.
Seems like you have issues you need to work on. That applies to both of you.
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>>17999741

>So, she's across the country visiting a male friend. Before she left, she planned on breaking up with me & probably hooking up with him, but we patched things up, and she promised nothing would happen.

You're probably a good guy, and sometimes truth hurts but it's better to hear with no sugar coating or double speech, so I hope you read this post.

If it even got to the point where she was going to leave, she was not worth your life/time/a ring. You can only give a woman a ring who you would trust your life with, quite literally in a do or die scenario. The fact she even considered that, you have to cut her off completely. It won't be easy but it's what's healthy, I was in your situation too. Only she left anyway, and now I am engaged to a woman I thought didn't exist. I really hope you read this and take this to heart mate.
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>>18000745
She said she wouldn't drink

>>18000757
I was hopeful it wouldn't

>>18000775
No, knowing what I know now, it was just supposed to be a fucking fling. I asked her what she'd do when she got back if we had broken up, and she refused to answer. I saw her in a much different light from then on.

>>18000821
Thanks, friend. Her and I talked again, and she said the most hurtful things anyone's ever said to me. My self esteem is basically non-existent right now. The last relationship I had that was even close to this good was over 15 years ago. I'd like to be optimistic and think that the woman of my dreams will come along next, but that really won't happen.
>>
>>18000875
Did she tell you she was cheating?
>>
>>18000875

>Thanks, friend. Her and I talked again, and she said the most hurtful things anyone's ever said to me. My self esteem is basically non-existent right now. The last relationship I had that was even close to this good was over 15 years ago. I'd like to be optimistic and think that the woman of my dreams will come along next, but that really won't happen.

I wish I could show you the position I was in, play for play what you're going through. She was never worth it, I don't want to go all Yoda on you because words have a corrosive power and truth respects brevity so I will keep it short and direct.

Cut her off and walk tall because you didn't do anything wrong, it's honestly her loss. If you want to talk some more or just say some shit go hard, I'll listen whether here or elsewhere. Half the women in your life will think they can drink you under the bar, but half of them aren't half of what they think they are.
>>
>>18000881
No, but I fucking wish she would. At least that would give me some goddamn closure. On our last talk, we left things open, but she was pissed and driving away with that other fucking kid, so it seemed pretty hopeless. She's going to be on a plane heading back here in about an hour, and I don't know what I'm going to do.

>>18000888
You haven't had it like this, trust me. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm glad things worked out for you, I really am. But I'm going to be stuck banging shallow sluts until I eventually man up and blow my fucking brains out. I feel like no one will ever want a relationship with me ever again.
>>
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>>17999741
Why would you stay with someone you had to keep an eye on like that?
>>
>>18000983
There's a lot of shit in here and I'm drunk, so I'll just restate: up until this situation, she's been the most trustworthy, honest, and open person I've ever met. That's a hard feeling to let go of.
>>
>>18000985
It's time to let this one go, anon.
>>
>>18000998
No shit. I just don't know how. I'm losing my best friend, my support system, my greatest love, my best relationship, my better half, and the only person who makes me want to be a better me.
>>
>Before she left, she planned on breaking up with me & probably hooking up with him, but we patched things up, and she promised nothing would happen.

You are fucking retarded. Grow a spine.
>>
>>18001011
Focus on what you're gaining, senpai, not what you're losing.
>>
haha

but srsly love is just cancer that compels ya to breed so theres tons of peeps who you can fall in loov with, her being your only support n shit is just some stupid fantasy you eventually made up

get a new fish fegit
>>
>>17999741
Your gf went across the country to meet a guy=she's fucking him. No need for the other paragraphs
>>
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>>18001031
>>
>>17999802
>bf wasn't okay with you spending time with a guy
>so you "changed your ways around your friend"

so you flirt with your male friends until your bf tells you to knock it off? lmao

guess it worked out for you cuz now you have a cuck husband who doesn't make you "change your ways"
>>
>>18001025
A year+ of depression, shit self esteem, excessive drinking, and loss of hope for the future? Can't wait.

>>18001031
Sometimes things are black and white, but half the time they're not.
>>
>>18001045
Those would be bad choices, anon. Why would you choose a year of that?
>>
>>18001048
>choose
That's not a fucking choice. That's a prediction.
>>
>>17999741
>she planned on breaking up with me & probably hooking up with him
and nothing changed
>>
>>18001077
I still don't know what happened. I'm probably going to contact that fucking faggot & find out. I got his Facebook & phone number, so I'm not sure whether to do Facebook message, text, or phone call.

Does it matter either way at this point? No. But I won't be able to move on without closure, and she sure as shit won't give me that common decency.
>>
>>18001121
telling you OP, hard as it is you need to drop this shit and walk away and cut all contact. I wish you could read from our perspective your ramblings and justifications. It's crazy, she's made you crazy. She wants to ditch you for him so why hold on to someone like that? Oh, fuck closure all you want is an opportunity to try and twist shit in your mind enough to take her back.
>>
>>18001139
This. Don't let her dump you and destroy what little you have left of confidence.
Ditch the bitch! Same happened to me, and it sucks for a long while but eventually it fades to a numb feeling.
>>
>>18001139
>>18001142

I'm honestly hoping to find out that something happened, so I can justify walking away to myself. I'm not looking for reasons to stay. I'm looking for a big reason not to.

Basically, I'd rather hate her than be sad and wonder.
>>
>>18001174
What I learned from this past relationship (>>18001142) is that if your gut feeling says so, it most likely is true no matter what kind of bullshit she says.
Women justify cheating in their head and have no problem keeping a straight face while lying to you. I was in the same position, she said I was destroying the relationship by asking so many questions (cause I never got real answers) thus turning it on me. I discovered a few months later - the exact thing I had feared.

Leave with your confidence, Anon. Just leave.
>>
>>18001214
Brother, my confidence left a looong time ago
>>
>>18001228
That's the ultimate sign you need to go senpai. There is no way to rebuild your confidence unless you dump her. It will be a little bit worse before it becomes better and better.

If you still like her, you're gonna teach her how not to behave. If she doesn't want to change, you're off the hook. If she does change, she will come back to you. There is just no other way.
>>
>>18001254
I think you're missing the core concept.

I don't want her.

I want closure.

I want to know she cheated so I can hate her and move on.
>>
>>18001284
check her facebook and everything from that time period, sure you'll find something. Do it now, tell us what you found.
>>
>>18001289
She doesn't have a facebook
>>
>>18001349
She's also smart enough to delete her texts, call history, and anything else that might be seen as suspicious.
>>
>>18001349
Do you have her nudes?
>>
>>18001375
Of course. But nothing, no matter how badly she hurt me, would make me post them.
>>
>>18001386
Haha

Go jack off to 'em :)
>>
I'm sure if you break up with her she'll tell you the truth to hurt you
>>
>>18001394
OR go fuck yourself

>>18001398
I think I know her pretty well, and she'd never do that unless I had proof. She doesn't want to admit that she did something wrong. Even now, I think she thinks we're still technically dating. Neither has officially broken up with the other. I don't give a fuck. Fuck all of this.
>>
>>18001432
Don't you love that grind she does on your pelvic bone while she's riding you? She's doing that for him now.
>>
>>18001463
She's on a plane headed back home now...
>>
>>18001496
With his seed still inside her no doubt.
>>
>>18001509
haha
>>
>>18001284
She cheated when she went to go spend 3 days with a guy she was planning to fuck when she was pissed at you, whether she went through with it or not.

What could she have possibly done there differently that would make you feel better, send you a text 15 minutes earlier rather than on the elevator? What fucking difference does it make, anything she did there would have you feeling the same shitty feeling in your gut, because it was over when she left.
>>
>>18001559
I could've learned to forgive that if she was willing to work for it. I won't forgive actual physical cheating. That's my line in the sand.
>>
>>18001582
Seriously, what do you think they were doing there? She was planning on fucking this guy before you "patched things up", she was texting him that she fantasized about him, they were sexually texting each other, and they were hanging out at a fucking strip club. Do you honestly believe physical cheating didnt occur?
>>
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I will say that this is a familiar scenario for me, very similar but, in my case, i'm "that guy" she went out with.
And, by my experience, i will say this, there really is not much advice here for you. You already know alot of what's goin on, just don't drink while all of this is happening. Just live through it, it's life. Some people spend it by sitting infront of computer for 30 years. We don't.
I do have a question tho, do you hate that kid?
>>
OP, the good news is you don't have severe trust issues. You have a complete cunt of a girlfriend. I don't trust your word when you say the relationship has been great and she's been super trustworthy for the past two years, because I don't think you understand how poorly your girlfriend treats you.

You're not going to get any closure from hearing the truth. Just tell her it's over in the most neutral, disaffected way possible.
>>
>>18001650
>do you hate that kid?
If he were within driving distance, his face would have some pieces missing. As far as I could tell, he knew I existed.

>>18002030
>you don't have severe trust issues
Yes I do

>You have a complete cunt of a girlfriend
That's true too

>I don't trust your word
It's legit - she's never done anything to make me doubt her before, this is all new

>You're not going to get any closure
You're goddamn right. She's not admitting to anything, and that faggot kid won't answer my message.

She says she wants to make things work, and I told her I'd think about it if she could prove without a doubt that she didn't cheat. I have no idea how she'd go about that, but that's my only offer.
>>
>visiting a male friend
didn't need to read any further than this.
Welcome to the cuck club.
>>
>>17999779
>best friend

you poor ignorant fool
>>
>>17999741
She cannot be trusted, break up with her. Treat yourself on something nice afterwards and find yourself a loving, trustworthy girl who truly loves you
>>
>>18003001
Oh and almost forgot, when you break up with her, tell her why and that she's free to fantasize and pursue this so-called "best friend" of hers all she likes
>>
>>18002442
>If he were within driving distance, his face would have some pieces missing. As far as I could tell, he knew I existed.
You went head to head against another guy, and you weren't the best. To be honest, you sound like an obsessive drunken psycho.
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