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I need somebody

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I am a loner. I have no ambitions, I have no goals, I'm comfortable when I have just the few things I need, cigarettes, something little to eat everyday and having somewhere to sleep. Everything else is just a bonus. I have no desires for expensive cars, honorous apartments or high end electronics. I'm all okay with current state of mine, even though I have not much money, but I guess that's normal when you are at college. The thing is I really don't even have any motivation to keep trying to provide for these needs of mine. All my life I've been just flowing through. It was no happy go lucky, but I never really had any greater obstacles on my way.

But all the time I felt that I don't have any real reasons to live just for myself. It seems pointless to me. Why bother trying, why wake up in the morning to go to work if you don't need anything. It only ever changes when I have anyone to be there for. I only had one "relationship" in my life. When I was 19 I met a girl online, we "fell in love" with each other over texts. Never in my life I felt better. There was goodmorning text for me every morning. There was someone who cared about you and you had someone to care about. Life had meaning, life had purpose. For a year life didn't feel like an empty bubble. We broke up after few times we've met. And it was all gone again. Since I came to college I've been sleeping around with girls, but it's just as empty as everything else. Like mdma. It's beautiful when it lasts but it's a false happiness. Atleast for me. I can't be with anyone. I need someone who is atleast a bit like me and it's really not easy to find someone that you could really love, not just superficially. I've met a girl about year ago, who would be just the right one, but she is a lesbian. She loves me just as I love her, but it's really a brother sister relationship. It's great to have her but it's not fulfilling and the knowing of that we will never be together is tearing me inside.
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>>17981985
Tl;dr
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>>17981988
cool
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if you do a lot of drugs, then stop doing that or cut down. the post-mdma state especially makes you even more prone to feeling how you're feeling about your life

i'd wish i could give you more advice, but even with a pretty average look, i'm still a virgin at 21
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Yeah that's painful and fucked up anon. Stand up and start living for yourself. Little by little day by day time will make the pain fade into a beautiful scar. You can do this anon. Life is beautiful if you look past the pain and suffering.
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>>17982119
I've felt all these way before I ever tried any drugs. It doesn't have anything to do with the cause of it. On the other hand, it's probably the reason why I'm taking the drugs though.
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>>17982122
>start living for yourself

not OP, but how? how do i dig myself out of this hole of loneliness and despair i'm in?

inb4 get a job; i already have one
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>>17982137
That doesn't mean it wont make it worse, but just be very aware of how it's affecting you. I guess I used to feel a bit like you, but I had lots of anxiety as well that was just made worse by doing drugs

Otherwise, I really do think some kind of professional therapy is the only way you could hope to start changing
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I will end up sounding narcissistic, but has worked wonders for me.

OP, the real problem isn't that you need somebody for life to be stable, it's that you aren't in harmony with yourself.

Many people today are living a life where they're not living. We constantly want to have the latest gadgets, the most expensive cars, to be with a hot chick, have wider hips, angular jawlines... We look and stare so far up that we neglect what is happening at our own level. That's when we become unhappy with ourselves, body and mind.

I was once obsessed with this person in my school. They became a scarily large part of my life. And a part of me wished that everything would stay like this forever, as I was full of happy feelings. But time changes everything around you, and you never feel the same.
Its difficult to see past the heinous things that are happening in your life right now, but do so, and start asking yourself questions.
> Why am I unhappy?
> How can I stop feeling like this?
> Can a change in habit make a difference?
Then start experimenting with your days. Start taking showers, make your bed, construct a daily timeline of self-sufficiency. Then begin going out to the world with a different perspective. Believe me, a smile is incredibly powerful on society today, as its such an uncommon thing to see. Then before you know it, life is whizzing at such a fast pace that you'll rarely bat an eye on being in a relationship, and when you do, "Nah, I'm all right".
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>>17981985
you should travel some
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>>17982161
For me, I went to a psych hospital and formed great relationships with my doctors and therapists where they taught us how to manage our emotions and thoughts and how to relate well and healthy with others. The key is to learn how to accept yourself for who you are, to know your intrinsic value and take little steps day by day. It's really hard and painful and scary sometimes. It's worth it though. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel alive even through my pain and fears. I even feel joy sometimes. I'd rather live my life like this than not live at all.
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>>17982434
>taught us how to manage our emotions and thoughts and how to relate well and healthy with others

This sounds disgusting to me. I want to be what I am. When I don't feel like it I don't fake smile. This sounds to me like living by some sort of construct that is given to you by "specialists" on life. It sounds conspirative as fuck as I am now realizing, but over all I'm comfortable with what I have in my head. I don't want that to be different completely.

It's just that when I am alone and have noone to live for, I feel like only a half of what potential I have in my brain I am using. Same goes with my heart.
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>>17982700
It sounds disgusting to you because you don't understand it. I'm able to be myself freely now without the fears I used to have holding me back. It's cool though, you don't understand and I understand that. Good luck to you anon.
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>>17981985
There's no cure OP, your life will feel empty forever
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>>17982711
Thank you.
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>>17982849
Are you able to ever achieve serenity when you know your fate?
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>>17982976
no
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>>17982976
Only if you can come to see your sadness as a part of the colors that make this painting called life.

What I don't like is how people say "fear is holding you back". It's not fear, it's other people. Everyone is trying to get ahead, me included, and in that effort you have to grab others and push them underneath you like a ladder. It's unfair to bring people into a life where that's the rules AND tell them they have to be nice the entire time while every asshole who ignores that rule is running around, ruling the place.
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>>17984120
>"fear is holding you back"

From what?
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>>17982407
not Op, but travelling is a meme, imho, and a hurtful one at that too
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>>17982161
this honestly depends on how much you WANT to live.
think about it. In order to crowl out of the hole as I have done you need a reason to live, something to believe in that you believe is greater than yourself. Religion or Ideology.
doesn't really have to be a morally good thing to believe in
It could be evil.

t. former suicidal person
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>>17984224
>Religion or Ideology.

But that's not me, why should I obey to what other people think is right? I learn and think about constructs that people created, but I could never succumb to stranger's failproof ways of living.
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>>17984234
It's just as false as drugs.
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>>17984234
m'lady.

religion =/= church
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>>17984234
>failproof
you didn't get my post
What do you like that is fun?
Hell join a weird ass cult in the woods.
It doesn't have to be accurate.
it is whatever you deem that is larger than life, and is the reason why you get out of bed in the morning other than the job.
It could also be the job that is making you this way. I did this without drugs so if you are using you should stop using until you figure it out
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>>17984244
>>17984241
I'm all fine with religion, christianity is great when it's handled correctly, so are other beliefs. It's just I was never been capable of collective thinking. I don't feel comfortable in groups.
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>>17984256
Then don't collectively group think with the others
boy O is it a good thing you seem to be alright with your fun values are somewhat in align if you are all right with Christianity. When I said anything that you deemed larger than life, I really meant anything. no Ideas are off limits when you are suicidal.
I'll stress it one more time, you don;t have to believe every bit of it nor be 100% dedicated, It could even be factually wrong. whatever it takes to not die.
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>>17984241
kys
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>>17981985
Find the things in life you enjoy doing. Try a few hobbies, try to learn some new skills. Find the one thing that makes you feel motivated. Set a goal around that thing.
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Only cure is a gun to your mouth.
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kys
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>>17984570
>>17984584
Stupidest advice.
Thread posts: 32
Thread images: 1


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