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I don't usually go to /adv/, but I figured I'd ask

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I don't usually go to /adv/, but I figured I'd ask for some advice since I feel sick to my stomach. I've been head over heels over this girl I met three years, and a year ago during break we stayed up many nights together just getting fucked up and talking, but nothing ever came of it. She had a boyfriend, and still does, and I didn't quite understand what the deal was, so I didn't do anything and just let it go. Tried not to care, since she lived far away from my school and I only saw her when I visited the area once in a while.

Now, I visited recently and she was constantly texting me to see me. It was a bit overwhelming. I felt like this was the same song and dance as before, and I was not very enthusiastic about it. I turned her down one night and, in a drunken stupor while begging me to come out, she said she she would not forgive herself if she hadn't told me how she truly felt. I asked about her boyfriend, and she gave some vague answer about not giving a shit. The following night, we hooked up for hours like a bunch of teenagers, but I didn't fuck her b/c of logistical reasons.

I really wish I could start this friendship over, but it's too late for that now. I just wish she'd clear up what the deal is with her boyfriend (who she seems to not care about). I want her to explain herself some more, and what her feelings are for me, and how strong. She said that she just wanted to fuck "with no attachments" in her drunken texts, but I have a feeling she just said that because I was being very avoidant and was denying her advances. Any advice on how to clarify this situation?
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>>17981966
Call and ask.
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>>17981986
I can't really do that, I don't think I can handle talking on the phone about it
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>>17982011
You want a relationship with her but you can't even talk to her?
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>>17982030
No, you're misconstruing what I said. In person, we'd hang out and talk for hours on end. Spend the entire day together just talking, so no, I can talk to her easily, but I'd rather not just call her out of the blue. I'm always cautious of revealing too much about myself because I am a cynical person
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