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My girlfriend is fat

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Thread replies: 46
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I had a nightmare last night that I started working out and my girlfriend broke down in tears. I've never been the shallow type. I'm a weird guy, I do software development and she does clinical psychology. We both have a weird sarcastic humor that turn others off. But I want to find someone who I want to marry. I can't see myself wanting to stay with someone who i find physically unattractive for the rest of my life. I'm not shallow at all. She was this way when we met and its never bothered me before. But it's embarrassing when my family mansions her size.
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First of all, your family is shitty as hell for straight up calling your girlfriend fat. Who does that?

With that being said, not being physically attractive to your girlfriend is a perfectly reasonable and valid concern. It doesn't necessary make you a shallow person. A lot of things factor into the success of a relationship, and you have the personality match, which is great! Now that you have that much together, wanting to work on physics attractiveness isn't a bad thing.

So, how to approach this? Straight up telling her you don't find her attractive is probably too harsh. Instead, have a talk with her about how you want to change YOUR lifestyle to a healthier one, and ask her to do it together, with you. Having a friend to exercise with is a huge motivator, and having your significant other change their diet along with you makes the change 1000 times easier. If she refuses, you'll need to ask why. Pry if you must. Be prepared with good answers and motivators if she doesn't think she of capable of success here. I work in healthcare, and I can tell you first hand that being overweight really, really affects your health in terrible ways, and the sooner you change the better.
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>>17979211
>First of all, your family is shitty as hell for straight up calling your girlfriend fat. Who does that?

If she's fat then she's fat. Are they supposed to ignore the elephant in the room?
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>>17979211

Any Asian family will and without a second thought. It's part of the reason why Asian girls are even more obsessed about appearance than western girls.
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>>17979214
Too bad, we need that here.

>>17979213
Yeah, I usually call things like out when my brothers get a gf or something
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>>17979213
Both the woman and her boyfriend are fully aware of the fact that she is fat. The family saying it has no purpose other than to bring up negative feelings without actually helping.
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>>17979218
And why do you do that? Is your brother legally blind?
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>>17979222
I'm bald but people have no problem reminding everytime I see them.

I wish I could work out and eat right to fix that. Fatties get no sympathy from me
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>>17979174
>it's embarrassing when my family mansions her size

Oh OP you card you.

Moving on, if the only issue is her fatness then you should goad her into being not fat. And as a preface NEVER say outright that you don't fnd her fatness attractive unless you are certain you have that much control over her, but nudge her along the path of aiming to lose it. Offer her opportunities to go on jogs with you when she asks what you're doing, "accidentally" let her see your porn which features skinny chicks, hang out and socialize with skinny people...

Overall move your mindset into where you want her to be. If she really likes you,if she really is the girl who you want to marry she should follow.
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>>17979213
Because it's unnecessary.
My boyfriend is short. Do we need to sit around the table and discuss that he's short? Does it make our relationship better in any way? Does it make him grow any taller?
Why are you even saying it? How does improve me, him or our relationship?
It's just unnecessary. If you don't have anything nice (or constructive) to say, don't say anything at all.
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>>17979232
Fat is fixable, short isn't

Stupid roastie
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>>17979239
How does telling someone they're fat improve their fatness in any way? Does it make them feel better together? Does it matter to them in any way?
It's the same thing. Once you said "OP, your girlfriend is fat" she won't get any thinner and OP won't feel any better about her.
It's a fucking idiotic thing to do.
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>>17979249
It makes her feel bad. If she wants that to stop, she'll need to get off her ass
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>>17979249
It worked for me, but I'm a guy and take responsibility for my actions.

I'm not saying be nasty, but when my dad pulled me aside and said "Hey buddy you need to watch your weight" it was like a light bulb. Started taking care of myself ever since.
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>>17979249
If they are content with their body then calling them fat is ok.
If they want to stop being fat, then they can do something about it.
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>>17979252
Being mean to people doesn't make them get thinner. Most fat people KNOW they are fat.
I didn't lose any weight when I felt bad about myself. I used food to cope, I felt like shit and I found comfort in food. I got fatter, felt like shit because I was fatter, ate because I felt like shit.
When I started feeling good about myself I went from 230 lbs to 130 lbs in a year. I didn't gain a pound back, and it was like 5 years ago.
The point for me was that I needed to break out of that cycle and change my lifestyle. But it was a change I did for me, not to prove anything to others. That kind of change doesn't last.

>>17979258
Your dad, a person who actually loves you and you're close to, told you that you needed to watch your weight. Your family and your in-laws is different shit.
My mom tells me I'm a nerd and a loser every time and I don't mind, if my boyfriend's mom did it I'd feel like shit.
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>>17979268
>Being mean to people doesn't make them get thinner. Most fat people KNOW they are fat.

Not good enough. They need to feel bad about it. I just plain don't accept or treat fat people nicely. They get treated like people when they respect themselves
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>>17979272
What the actual fuck is wrong with you
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>>17979272
Then don't pretend you're doing to help them make better.
Feeling bad about being fat doesn't make you thin. I felt bad about being fat for all my life, didn't make me lose any fat till I decided it was time for me to lose it.

You're doing it because you're an asshole, and it's totally fine to be one, but it doesn't help them in any way. So don't pretend you're trying to help.
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>>17979268
Yea well it could have been anyone honestly. The rest of my family said "oh you're just big-boned" all that bullshit. If someone really cares about you they'll be honest.

Honestly I would have probably gotten healthier sooner had I heard it from a stranger. The point is that people are going to act the way they act, but coddling someone isn't always the best solution either.
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>>17979284
There's a lot between being mean and coddling.
I've never wanted to be coddled, but at the same time it was really painful for me to be called fat, laughed at or insulted.
There are better and healthier way to help someone improve themselves, without making them feel like shit about themselves or make them feel ashamed.
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>>17979277
It's tough, but that's how life works

>>17979279
Yeah, and there are some people who never lose weight. Look at the obesity trend in the US. There's not enough shaming
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>>17979277
Triggered roastie! We got a triggered roastie here!
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>>17979291
>>17979268
OP here. I've been conflicted and I've generally been avoiding the topic of her weight. I've tried to suggest we eat more healthy but it hasnt work. I'm fucking terrified to suggest she has a weight problem because shes a psychologist and she picks shit up quickly. yet she can't see that something is wrong
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>>17979416
Talk to her. If she breaks down and yells at you stand your ground. Don't let her turn this around. Tell her it's about health and that you want to stay healthy together for as long as possible.
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>>17979272
>>17979297

your stupid dogma is nauseating

"that's how life works" very vague, even if you wanted to be rational about this, you would know that positive reinforcement is much stronger than negative, creating negativity around weight simply make people worse

>>17979416

The big issue is, no one can truly control someone else's mindset and actions, all you can do is influence it. Assuming you have an intimate enough relationship, you want to see what's on her mind, perhaps regarding goals; if there's anything she's looking to accomplish. Chances are, weight might be it; talk with her honestly, make her feel comfortable about her weight, etc. etc. Once she's in that direction, collect information from /fit/ and ease into it. Start slowly, keep a calendar or an organized checklist, and make reasonable goals you know she can do (record foods from Weeks 1-2, calculate calories Weeks 3+, etc.) and/or (Lose 5 lbs by x date, 10 lbs by y date, etc.). Of course, you want to allow for flexibility, etc. etc. Once you have this done and habit formation has developed, the rest should be very easy, as anyone who has lost weight/cuts should be able to tell you
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>>17979174
*mansions

At least she is not retarded like you.

" I can't see myself wanting to stay with someone who i find physically unattractive for the rest of my life."

Good luck with that one. People get fat and age. Maybe a sex doll would work better for you?
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OP listen,

It would be bad if you fucked a fatty, but you are straight up dating one!

A man who is dating a fatty is scientifically considered a beta male, you are too beta to get even a normal girl so you are forced to pick up the bottom gutter.

You are a failure of Manhood, you can do whatever you like but don't reproduce and make little fat betas that would have been immediately killed off in wiser times.
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>>17980007
Someone is dropping some red pills
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>>17980007
This is true. When women see a man with an ugly/fat girl. They immediately think less of him.

Social proof
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>>17980007
>>17980153
>getting your validation from what other people think
Found the legit cucks.
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>>17979213
>Are they supposed to ignore the elephant in the room?
Calling her an elephant doesn't help things anon.
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>>17979986
People get fat because they are too comfortable sitting on their ass all day.
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>>17979213
Hahahahahahaha
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>>17980627
Holy shit
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>>17979416
I studied psychology, and I've seen plenty of psychologists, some of whom have been fat women. And let me tell you, being a psychologist doesn't mean people are automatically quick on the pick-up.
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>>17979252
That's been proven not to work, it just makes fatties dig in their heels and give up on doing better.
Positive reinforcement is better, not just about weight or appearance either.
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>>17979227
hahahaha you sad, pathetic, BALD little guy
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>>17979277
>>17979279
>>17979970

Damn, you people need to become better at recognizing obvious bait. You're all so nice and well-meaning, it's really nice to see on 4chan as a change, but just ignore those /pol/-tier assholes. No one deserves a serious answer when writing something like that, whether baiting or not
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>>17981455
Man, reddit cancer is ruining this site.

The man's gf is fat. She deserved to be mocked. I hope people continue to give her shit until she kills herself or loses weight
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>>17981481
Meant for >>17981455
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>>17981487
nah for >>17981465
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>>17981455
>>17981455

Perhaps, but I like to think ultimately an argument has value in its merits, so anything should be responded to seriously, and besides OP will still read and come to a decision, it can help to see different thoughts and such
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>>17981653
Outright calling her fat is a pretty shitty suggestion
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>>17979174
Thread posts: 46
Thread images: 6


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