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Delusional

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I reflected upon myself that I am delusional. Ever since I was younger, I always felt I was a special kid. Always felt smarter than the others, though I don't say it or show it since I don't really talk in class. I admit, that the reason why I am always at the back at the class or alone is because I chose to be it. It made me feel different from the others. Maybe it was because I had too much tv. Maybe because I was always at home and was not allowed to play outside that I was not challenged or let down. It made me feel like I was the pioneer of everything everybody else knew but I never knew, since I had no one I could relate to about those thoughts... Now some experiences accumulated up... My dad's expressive resentment toward me... My distance from normal social people... Other people's silence when I talk... My habit to self-punish.... My dad sees me as a stupid slow moving bitch. Which I didn't see before. But now as I got older and tried to prove otherwise, he was right. I even recorded myself doing my normal acts. And it just made me so damn depressed. All these... In my head l, with all these shit, I even came up with the idea that they might be the wrong one here. That if I had the chance to change everything, all would be better. If only I became president, and had a chance to tell them their wrongs, that I could walk the world without being anxious. That even now , I'm so stupid and lazy. I failed 4 years of my university. Not attending classes. Because I thought I was the kid who can get good grades even without attending class. I just went to computer shops because I couldn't handle reality. I couldn't handle anything. I'm irresponsible... I want to ask for advice. But I also think I know the answer. But then again I might be delusional... What is it I can do...


p.s. I know that many don't have the time to read this. But I wish you do. I'm afraid that this might just get pushed back to archives. But I also accept if it happens. I don't know.... 2000
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>>17975387
Read Discourse on Method by Descartes.

You don't know shit about how to run anything.
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>>17975387
Believe it or not OP, I'm in almost the exact same boat. I've been become horribly depressed over the last few years because I've realised that I'm just a fucking idiot with half a brain. I'm shit at everything I do, which has caused me massive anxiety over my performance and appearance in the world and it's slowly ruined my life to the point where I'm bordering on homelessness now.

It fucking sucks OP, but from my experience, you eventually just get used to the hassle of being a tard.
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You can never cure your autism but you can learn to live with it. I use adderol to keep me focused and xanax to help not giving a fuck.
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>tfw people speak up too much on what I can do then call me out for bragging at times that I didn't
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>>17976205
am I really autistic? can anyone confirm
Thread posts: 6
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