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How do I let go? Is this a fateful chance I'm throwing away?

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6 years ago I cut ties completely with my ex who was verbally and emotionally abusive to me for a large part of our relationship.

This abuse was for the most part, tied to a heavy drug addiction. I myself am a recovering addict, and part of the reason I left was because I was putting myself in dangerous situations.

Sometimes I often wonder if things could've been different if they were able to stay clean. They had a year clean once and the person I got to know during that time was someone with whom I've connected with more than anyone else. It felt like that person had died by the time I finally left.


Since then I've changed as a person, I've gone to meetings every week, and I have a vastly healthier and happier life now.
But this hole is still there, and it won't go away. There are so many things I wish I could share with my ex, and there's still so much pain and guilt that I never got to express. It's more of a dull pain now after 6 years, and I feel silly sometimes for holding onto these feelings that have almost turned my ex into some monster in my head.
9 months ago I heard from a friend of mine that he ran into my ex and said that they were going to NA meetings and had some clean time. A few weeks went by and then I got a message on Facebook from my ex reaching out casually.

I asked them what they wanted, and they said something about wanting to plan a trip for massive concert(something we always had talked about doing, but never could because they couldn't get their shit together in time). I was appalled by the lack of awareness and zero effort to acknowledge all the time that has passed. Hurt, I basically laughed in their face and blocked them.

9 months later I can't stop thinking about their offer. It's something I've always wanted to do, and I don't know of any other people who would want go through with it. I wonder if they're clean still, maybe it could be alright.

Reaching out to them would be an incredibly, terribly bad decision wouldn't it?
>>
I forgot to add, I can't deny that part of this has to do with the fact that I haven't had sex in years. And I'm not going to deny that this sounds like an opportunity to end my sexless life. At least for a little while. And GODDAMN, sex with my ex was the best sex of my life, I don't doubt it's partly the reason why I've had such a struggle with getting over them.
>>
Don't reach out, you deserve better. If anything, just go to a couple parties and get laid. That'll at least get rid of your sex problem. And maybe try talking to new people to fill in that hole. You don't have to go back to something you know is bad for you.
>>
You can give her a chance. You changed, she might have changed too. Just start out slower, instead of aiming for big plans toghether. You already know her redflags, so if any of them come up, bail as fast as possible.

Also, keep in mind that you two toghether might trigger memories of doing drugs in that time, and thath the two of you might be tempted to do so again.

Tl;dr: give it a shot but don't create expectations
>>
>>17975233
>>17975241
Well shit. Which one is it?
>>
>ex reaches out
>IS IT FATE?

if you want to do a fun big concert trip, do it with your new sober friends. dont have any? make some.
>>
>>17976430
I have sober friends, but they don't like the music I'm into and they also don't like going out and doing things since the majority of them are in their 30s.

I'm in my 20s and a bit of an oddball for it since most people don't wind up in recovery until they're early 30s when they've lost everything. I started early though.

I went to a small camping festival once with a normie friend (normie here meaning not an addict as opposed to not an autist) and had an awful time. We ended up camping with some other friends of hers who had an almost literal ton of drugs and booze. I couldn't spend more than 5 min at my campsite, when my original plan was to have it be a safe place for me to go to when I got overwhelmed with the drunken and high crowds.
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