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I'm really hurt whenever my boyfriend says that he might

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I'm really hurt whenever my boyfriend says that he might need time alone on the weekend. Like every other week he does this, and I end up feeling insecure and crying all week (literally every day). He ends up seeing me on Sunday - it's like he tells me this ahead of time though to make me suffer and see how emotionally attached I am to him to make HIM feel more secure about himself. But I don't think he's doing this consciously.

If this were just some random guy, I would have broken up with him. Like I said, this makes me sob for days at a time, whenever he messages me and I'm reminded that he doesn't want to see me. But when we do see each other, we spend this lovely time, cuddling and hugging and fucking and video games and baths and everything, and he tells me how much he loves me almost in tears - from genuine gratefulness and emotions that he feels in that moment.

How would you guys deal with a situation like this? Should I just adapt to how much (little) time he wants to spend together? Should I emotionally manipulate him (in the nicest and subtlest possible way) to want to spend more time with me? Or should I break up with him because it's hurting me too much?
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>>17974342

you should grow up. he isn't saying 'you suck stay away'. hes saying he wants some alone time. most people want alone time. the fact that it makes you cry is pretty silly.
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>>17974342
Uh girl, this is Stage 5 clinger behavior. Let your boyfriend have his alone time. He's probably an introvert who needs to 're-charge' after being social. Don't make his totally normal human needs about you. If you need to be with someone 100% of the time hang out with other people.

And don't emotionally manipulate people, it's rude as hell and not a thing you do to people you care about. Christ.
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you grow the fuck up is what you do. some guys just want to be left alone once in a while. being around other people ALL the time can get irritating. it has nothing to do with you personally.
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>>17974357
I think I do have a serious problem. It's not the alone time that I mind, it's that he wants it apart from me... That sounds really fucked up on my end. But I don't know how to get over it.
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>>17974364
How do I grow out of this
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>>17974342
>How would you guys deal with a situation like this?

find a new bf

if you are not trolling then really something is wrong with that guy or he is already cheating on you

can you imagine being married to that clown ? honey - this is my weekend for "alone" time i'm not telling you where i'm going or what i'm doing
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>>17974371
Literally therapy. Maybe you need to start a hobby on your own, or even start watching a TV show or reading a book by yourself. You need to examine why you aren't comfortable being alone
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>>17974385
It's really not like that. He spends his time playing video games and we chat on steam. I just get sad that he doesn't want to see me in person or do that with me.

I really do love him and can imagine marriage with him. /He/ talks about us living together and marriage with me. (We just live with our parents separately because we are poor college students.) He's even the one who brings it up. I imagine we would just spend time in different rooms when we wanted to do our own thing.
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Honestly it sounds like you have attachment or abandonment issues. You need to be comfortable being alone sometimes, there's nothing wrong with it.
Not sure how to help you other than to say that you shouldn't take it personally if he doesn't want to spend every second with you and it doesn't mean he loves you any less.
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>>17974385
Guy asks for three hours of alone time

>Run, he's cheating on you
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I agree you definitely have some issues, but your bf factors into this too. I wouldn't continue this much longer or it's only going to get worse. I was in a similar situation, always wondering why he never wanted to be with me like I wanted to be with him and eventually it just killed our relationship. The discrepancy is cancer to a relationship, in all honest. And of course some people need alone time, but from experience there are people out there who need a lot less of it and will sync up with us clingier people more nicely. Don't waste any more time doing everything in your power to make him want to be with you because it never works no matter how great you are to him. trust me.
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>>17974404
But he really is wonderful to me. Is there really nothing I can do to make myself an introvert too? I would change myself just to be with him, because we are a wonderful fit otherwise.
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I feel I need some time away from my girlfriend at times. Not because I don't love her, but because I can't really be there as much as she'd like me to be all the time without sacrificing my hobbies and spare time.

I know this for fact, because until I spoke up, my life was essentially:

>Wake up to her walking into my room
>Listen to her complain about everything that's gone wrong since when she woke up until when I had woken up (without a good morning, I might add)
>Try to make breakfast while she attempts to show me things
>Try to eat breakfast while she barges into my room every 5 minutes with a new question
>Put dishes in sink and get ambushed with propositions
>Go to room to relax for a bit
>"Hey, can we do something?"

I get her perspective, so I deal with it kindly. You want to spend tine with the person you love because you enjoy spending time with them. That's great. I am not an energetic person though, and doing this day in and day out really wears me out. It got to the point where my sleep schedule became so skewed just because I couldn't do the things I needed to do while she was awake.

So in that regard, yes. I needed some alone time to just be with my own thoughts for a bit. Is it because I didn't care about her? Is it because I didn't love her? No, it just became a bit overwhelming. I don't think even she herself realized until I explained her behavior to her, she just wanted to spend time with me because she enjoyed it.
Nobody had to manipulate anybody, nobody had to guilt anybody, we just spoke.
I would recommend just spoking and addressing your concerns like civilized human beans.
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>>17974399
Unfortunately it was three days, not three hours.
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>>17974419
I know how it feels, and I know how great it is in person, but this WILL eat away at you and it will not change, and there's nothing you can do to make yourself truly okay with it because "why doesn't he want to be with me like I want to be with him" will always eat at you and your self confidence. You deserve someone who is wonderful to you AND wants to spend time with you, and that's not a tall order to fill.
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>>17974394
>He spends his time playing video games

OMG

total red flag

seriously he would rather play video games than spend time with his gf ?

otherwise you do seem to get really upset about this

i give up

bf's getting sucked into totally wasting their lives playing video games and watching porn is like the #1 complaint females post here in /adv
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>>17974425
>three days

see

>>17974440
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>>17974424
That's really adult of you guys. I really want to be able to do that.
I for a fact know that we're in the same situation, because my boyfriend's sleeping schedule got just as skewed - and he told me it was because he just wants to spend time alone on the internet.

That being said, we can't really deal with the issue. We've tried addressing it, but it instantly becomes emotional and we have to stop. He used to try to tell me kindly that he needs time alone, but because of my emotional issues, I'm bad at dealing with it. I become even more clingy. And he tells me to stop nagging. It spirals out of control.

How does your girlfriend deal with it? Is this worth it to her? How much pain does she suffer when you ask for alone time?
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>>17974440
I don't mind him playing video games, truly. I would rather we just play video games on our separate monitors next to each other and then go to sleep together later that night.
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>>17974342
You sound like a mess. I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you yet honestly, dating you sounds like a fucking nightmare.
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>>17974452
Yeah, it is ;_;
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>>17974342
Get some hobbies. Seriously. You feel like this because you're unable to enjoy yourself or feel good on your own, so you rely on your boyfriend and that's pretty unhealthy.
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>>17974461
I have both hobbies and a shit ton of school work, and I don't mind being alone - I just mind him wanting to be alone for so long? Ugh the thought of not going to his house tomorrow is killing me. I'm really messed up.
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>>17974471
Just try to think of it as an extra day to do ____ enjoyable thing you can do alone and remember that soon enough you'll be spending time with him again. Just try to make the best of it. If you can't get over this your relationship really won't work, you'll be miserable and you'll make him miserable too.
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>>17974385
i don't think he's cheating on her, but he's definitely not emotionally stable enough to be around her. may get irritated. may need to recharge as another anon said.

if they were married, this guy would probably lock himself in a room for hours avoiding her or just sit in the bathroom for hours.

she needs someone who is THERE. the way couples are THERE.

she's mentally wired for stability.. he seems more wired for 50% effort (?)
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>>17974442
Well, I've stressed to her the significance of perusing a path of personal development. So, in addition to the multi-player games and television series that we find and enjoy together, she also cooks/bakes, exercises, draws, swims, and runs two separate home businesses.

So, she keeps busy. They're all things that I'm comfortable joining in on, so we do a fair bit of it together, too.

Overall, I'd say it's worth it to her. It's much more healthy to get her interested and involved in constructive activities rather than have her base all of her time around me. She's improving herself, and we're enjoying it together.

If she's stressed/sad, I will of course spend time with her regardless, so I think in the end that neither of us feel particularly deprived. We just had to both take a step forward, and try to understand where the other was coming from.
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>>17974442
Chill the fuck out. Seriously, how would you react if your bf suddenly broke up with you? You have serious attachment issues and need to get your shit sorted before trying to get into a relationship. If you can't handle being alone for even a short period of time, you're not a very well functioning human being.
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>>17974479
Crying for days because your boyfriend wants to be alone for a couple days is not a sign of emotional health anon, and people have different needs in regards to alone time and his don't sound excessive. Sounds like you're projecting some old relationship of yours onto people we don't really know that much about.
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>>17974479
How do you make a guy wired for 50% effort? Is that his fault or mine? Would he do this for someone he loved more? ;_; I really do think he loves me a lot, just hates putting in effort into anything unless he feels like it.
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>>17974479

>wanting alone time is not emotionally stable
>but crying for days cuz your boyfriend wants alone time is totally okay
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>>17974481
What would you do if she were stressed or sad particularly because she missed you? Because I think my boyfriend would spend time with me if I felt bad for a particular reason, but he doesn't have any sympathy if it's because I'm being needy. It's sort of cruel, but it makes sense. If he just spends time with me to stop me from being sad, then I'll never learn to be independent.
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>>17974491
the fact that he doesn't naturally feel like putting effort into you would be enough for me. I'm in the same situation. Think about how you feel in relation to him. Don't you want someone who reciprocates that? I'm telling you, this will just damage you more and more. He's not a bad guy it's just a compatibility issue. Yes you're really dangerously clingy, and you should work on that, but he's very very very hands off and that's a bad combo. try to meet in the middle, ideally. Get busy yourself, but be with someone who wants to be with you, too.
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>>17974491
*wired for more than 50% effort
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>>17974342
How much time does he actually spend with you, in a given week/month?
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Okay so he wants his alone time from his girlfriend to play video games. You can literally just hang out behind him and chill on your phone or just watch him play or do anything not even bothering him, and I'm certain you'd be okay with that.

What I suggest is, talk to him about it, tell him how you feel about it, don't tell him you cry like a baby all week though, just say "I know you like your alone time to play video games and that's fine, I have friends and enjoy doing other things too, but I wish we would spend more time together, and it feels like you always want this alone time and it sucks for me when I want to hang out. I respect that you do want time alone, but maybe some nights/days we can spend more time together and you can play your games and I can just be there doing my own thing, even that is enough for me." - something along those lines. Just get it out there, or you're going to be worried he's cheating on you, you're going to feel like you're not special. If anything, opening up like this and laying it all down will spark a conversation and you'll work shit out, however it works out, will be for the best. Good luck!
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>>17974508
We see each other for a few hours after classes on Monday and Wednesday, and then from the evening on Friday through Sunday I stay at his house. Last school quarter, we didn't see each other during the week, but I stayed over from Thursday evening to Sunday. And we would spend some half days apart because of work. Writing this, I realize that that's a lot, and I'm really grateful that he's willing to see me this often. I wouldn't mind even cutting it back to Saturday and Sunday at his house, sometimes I want the alone time, too.

It's just when he says that he doesn't want to see me any of those three days on the weekend that I get sad and cry. This probably demonstrates that I'm freaking out over nothing and should grow up. It's just - I never feel the need to ask not to see him the entire weekend. And that's where the imbalance and my insecurity comes in. It just seems like asking for an entire weekend right away rather than saying, "Hey, let's just meet up on Saturday this time, or Sunday" is what is making me sad.
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>>17974490
>>17974498
meh, to the both of you. just opinions.

>>17974491
I think he is fundamentally different than you. If he is easily used up spiritually, and his tolerance level for your presense near him is low. And he shuts himself away, throwing away the weekend as opposed to sharing it with you..and this bothers you.. make him aware this is a deal breaker.

You can't raise kids like that, he needs to have a different kind of ..inner peace to endure that even more demanding experience..

he may change with time.. and perhaps feel guilty and acclimate to you in a way suitable to you.. but if his peace of mind trumps your ability to live together, for future family sake.. something you might wanna talk about.
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>>17974440
>bf's getting sucked into totally wasting their lives playing video games and watching porn is like the #1 complaint females post here in /adv

>Being so shit your man would rather spend time on video games and playing with his dick himself.

Explains why they're asking for advice on a Cantonese suicide forum.
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>>17974520
I think the fact that you freak out and cry is probably what's making him less sympathetic to the fact that it bothers you honestly. If you reacted less dramatically and approached it in a calmer matter he might be more open to the idea of spending some of that time with you. I don't know him of course, so it's just a thought.
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>>17974526
You're 100% right. I always react in a way that demonstrates my neediness and dependency, and he doesn't like that. I guess therapy is the way to fix it.
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>>17974521
I'm afraid that if I make an ultimatum like telling him that something is a deal breaker, he would break up with me.
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>>17974342
>alone time
lol he's fucking Stacie
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this kind of behavior pushed me away from my last girlfriend. id see her every day in school, text her all the time, but if i told her not to come over she would freak out.
shed come over anyway when i told her not to
she wouldnt leave me alone at all.
i have a stressful day and sometimes just want to be left alone.
it was the source of 99% of our fights
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>>17974521
Everything you say is about making him bend to her wants. You sound like a toxic person and I feel terrible for your bf.
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>>17974385
>>17974479

This is ridiculous. It's perfectly normal to want alone time.

I love my girlfriend but I need my own time. Gym, reading, writing, yes, even video games. I can't often do these things while she's around because it feels rude, or we schedule all our time to do stuff together.

OP, you have a serious emotional dependency.
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>>17974527
yeah definitely stop crying. that shit ain't on nothing.. deal with that cuz no man wants to be near a woman who cries too much, harden the fuck up. it makes men feel like they're doing something awful, and really he is...he's fucking up the weekend for the both of you. but you're not helping by crying..

tell him it's a deal breaker, but stop crying.

>>17974530
the above is my response

you have a needlessly hurtful circumstance due to your loving him

>>17974538
I'm a guy lol

dude, I'm also an introvert, and an only child, and live alone..

and not even I would pull that gay ass vidya escapism bullshit, get fuckin grown is what I'd tell em
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>>17974499
I can understand his perspective to some degree. He would see it as enabling this behavior.

Well, I would have to say that it would depend on the circumstances. Typically this isn't an issue because I try to manage the time fairly well. Provided this desire isn't sparked by any other issue, it's sort of dependent on my schedule. If what I had planned wasn't anything terrible time-sensitive or important, then I don't mind doing it occasionally. The keyword being occasionally though, because otherwise we'd simply spiral back into old habits, and neither of us would be happy about that.

The real point to take from all this is that it's good to grow as an individual. A unit is only as strong as the sum of it's parts, right? While we may be stronger together than alone, being stronger alone makes us stronger together. I know that she doesn't have to depend on me, that she can handle herself, and that if anything were to happen she'd be alright. So, I don't have to worry as much. I can have confidence that as an individual she is strong without me.
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>>17974549
>>17974530

alright fuckit, deal breaker is a bit harsh

but you can say it bothers you enough that it makes you feel insignificant
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>>17974521
You're an idiot.

Moving in/raising kids together is completely different.

When you are seeing someone, having them over is like sleepover "rules". You don't dick off when you have a friend over. It's rude. There's an expectation that you'll spend all your time hanging out. Same with a girlfriend. That's why you have a couple days in the week to tend to your own shit.

But when you move in together, there's an understanding that you're not going to spend every waking moment together. Each of you have different hobbies/sleeping shedules/work hours.

>>17974511
>You can literally just hang out behind him and chill on your phone or just watch him play or do anything not even bothering him, and I'm certain you'd be okay with that.

This. I read while my girlfriend sits next to me and does her thing. It's great and a million times more comfy than reading alone. Still, as an introvert, I need solitude every now and then.
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>>17974570
I don't know whether I am capable of this, and I know he thinks I'm not. I'm doing better, but I used to get sad if he did just do his own thing, because I don't have the same interests in my hobbies. I would need to prove to him that I cn be independent first before he trusted me to come over to his house and not expect him to spend time with me.
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>>17974342
>he might need time alone on the weekend
I do too, but only because I have theorems to prove, books to read and general math related activities and whenever my gf came over she would just sit there watching me, it's weird, so I tried giving her some magazines to read, in the end she just hugged me and one thing led to another we fucked like three times, my room smells like cum and I got nothing done. Really I can't do math well in the presence of her, so I told her to stop coming over. Sorry I'm not Gauss. Idk if she has the same thought as you, that'd be fucked up.
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>>17974570
And of course, you're the only one smart enough to figure that out. Waste my time why don'tchu.

I'm addressing a significant mental difference between him and her. Not a schedule difference or current state of things in terms of housing, but THINKING.
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Had a girlfriend like you and it was my only gf. And it traumatized me.

She was so attached to me that her mom even started to worry. I ended up having to break up with her with support from her mother with how clingy and obbessive she was. I was unable to ever hang out with my friends without her having a "anxiety attack" because I leave her. She would even get upset if I didn't wanna talk on the phone/skype after we hung out for 12 hours. Then she would cite the "old days" (literally our first month of the relationship) as how it should be (when I still wanted to hang out all day every day)

Tl;dr fuck you
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>>17974584
I'm not that bad. I try my best to encourage him to hang out with his friends and go do his hobby-related activities, even if it makes me jealous. Today, he said he wasn't feeling to go to an event he had been preparing for because he felt tired, but I urged him to go and told him that it was fine if I didn't go over tomorrow to give him time to relax. I sacrificed my time for him, even though it kills me, since now he says he doesn't want to hang out at all. So I still do caring things, even if my emotions are fucked up.
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>>17974570 You sound too clingy, how dare you. People like you have a good thing going on and you fuss about being apart for a couple days. Wish I had a boyfriend, been lonely for a long time.
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>>17974595
Would you accept a girlfriend instead?
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>>17974594
You know why? Because he's tired of putting up with what I assume to be your passive-aggressive attitude towards him doing his own thing. Trust me, I've been there. You may "encourage" it, but I guarentee you sound very passive-aggressive doing it because of your stupid jealousy.

Does it sound like I'm projecting? If I am, it's because I'm triggered but seriously I am in firm belief if you are just dating, he can do whatever the fuck he wants besides cheat on you and not spend anytime with you AT ALL
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>>17974600
I don't think I come off passive aggressively, because it's usually online that I say it.
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>>17974595
I can be your boyfriend.
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>>17974580
oh no dude... if you can't stfu around him and simply enjoy his presence near you.. that is a whole different kinda clingy.. it's like social butterfly desperation or sumn.. are you like super extroverted? it's not bad, just different than him.
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>>17974605
Yeah, and she could come off that way through text/skype as well

Example:
(Explain why I want to not come over at 9am on a summer morning and would prefer to come over at 10am)
"K"

That kinda shit is obvious and you may not realize it.

One glaring problem was that she knew she was being "illogical" as she would put it but she would continue with the clingy behavior. I still am unsure to this day if she really couldn't control her psychotic behavior or she was just manipulating me
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>>17974595
*hug


jk lol whore
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>>17974371
My gf's overly attached, I have a hard time to even get to my home. I spent all my days with her, I juste wanna be alone to play video games sometimes. It really misses me
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>>17974614
I've been a girl like that, not as bad, and in my experience it wasn't a conscious attempt to fuck you over, just extremely poor self control and no real willingness to try to change because it'd be too hard.
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>>17974627
I hope to god you still don't do that I have no idea what my next relationship is gonna be like because I'm so fucking paranoid after having a gf that wouldn't let me leave 15 minutes eariler than usual without her starting to cry because she's so used to me leaving at 10 or some shit
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>>17974638
Nah I don't. After he dumped me I got my shit together and changed a lot as a person. Good luck anon, hope you find a gf who's not as psycho.
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>>17974583
shut up you blabbering moron
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>>17974612
I dislike most people but him. I don't derive satisfaction from hanging out with people outside of him. I don't have many friends and don't feel lonely for their own sake - only lonely when it applies to my boyfriend. I think it's less extroversion and more dependency and abandonment issues.
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>>17974614
Yeah, I never do that. Look, I'm not a bitch. I was just upset that me offering to give him alone time led him to just throw away the weekend.
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>>17974647
Thanks anon, I really hope so too
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>>17974658
i was like that too with n ex actually, i was crazy about her.. no real way to fix it, just hung in there..
i wish i had a job then, to distract my brain.. but even that i feel would not have helped.. because at school i would constantly think of her.. thankfully cellphones weren't a big thing then.. I'd have probably annoyed the fuck out of her.. but I really did love her yaknow... so it was hard.. she'd piss me off by hanging with guy friends who played video games, she worked at game stop so it was her life really.. but they were also guys..and i hated the idea absolutely. needless to say, she fried my brain, as i did everything to try and understand her.. but she did very little to preserve my peace of mind.. old news now, i don't think that way.

but it stands as a learning experience.

just stop crying, if you do anything at all, do that, or else he'll really start dodging you.. it sucks to watch your girl cry. makes a guy feel powerless.
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>>17974722
But there's a clear solution in sight - not pulling away for an entire weekend. I've told him that I would like to spend at least one day over at his house.
If he keeps doing that knowing that I will cry, what does that mean? Does he not care? Or is it that he wants to spend time without me so much?
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>>17974726
You're both being assholes if you think about it.

He's keeping the best days of the week to himself, and you, you're crying like a baby. If you stop crying, maybe he'll realize something has changed. You need to tel him it's taxing on you that he chooses to do alone time shit on a hang out day.. I mean dude, I would kill to have a gf rn say, let's hang out this weekend, even if it was just watching tv. sucks to think he prefers games to you.. solitude and tranquility are important yes... but if they kill a weekend ..i dunno... let him know it's bothering you..like a lot.
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>>17974740
I don't think he cares. Fuck... I think he just wants me to want exactly what he wants, and when I don't, he distances himself until I stop bothering him about it.

In other words, when he's feeling romantic and wants to care about me, he'll listen. But when it's actually on my mind - when he wants to be alone - he won't.
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>>17974385
Troll, obvious troll, or a stupid idiot
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>>17974764
This song, among many others, helped me kinda hang in there

https://youtu.be/TRBJ3eKYHx0

but desu, it's not healthy to hang on something that toxic.. he's hurting you simply being himself.. and maybe him being himself is incompatible with you in every way.. and yet the physical attraction is there... but not in the way you wish it was..

been there. we don't wanna change anybody, but we wish some kind of agreement could be met..where they can meet us halfway.. or at the very least take your perspective into consideration.. but it just ain't happening. Some people can be so tragically, irreparably different, and yet so attracted to one another.. you guys need a serious talk for once.. just something to fix shit once and for all.
>>
"Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus", covers this topic a LOT. It's a big part of how men and women are different. (Look, I know, gendered cis construct blah blah blah, but this stuff is important for us vanilla folk so leave us alone)
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>>17974726
Knowing that he has to let you over or you'll cry would make him want too less you know, because it makes him feel forced into it. That reeks of manipulation and people resent that shit.
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>>17974784
>buying a book
Elaborate anon.
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>>17974806
>being uneducated
Elaborate anon.
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>>17974803
I really don't do it on purpose to manipulate. If I were any good at manipulation, I would do something that actually worked, like be distant and independent for a bit to make him want me. I just helplessly cry - like I said, issues. I'll try not to, though.
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>>17974810
It's not conscious manipulation, in that you're not coldly thinking "hahahaha, I'll cry, so now he has to invite me over". But chances are, at some point during your life you learned that if you cried and made a show of your emotions, people would feel bad for you and you would get your way, so you learned to react that way and never unlearned it even when it became unhealthy and unhelpful for you to do. It's a genuine emotional reaction that you can't really control in the moment, but it's a reaction that you learned to manipulate a situation how you want (pretty much all emotional reactions are learned this way, you aren't a terrible person for this), but if you're on the receiving end, it sure feels like manipulation.
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>>17974819
I understand. I want to unlearn this. Crying makes both the person and the listener feel like shit. It doesn't make me feel any better.
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>>17974424
I talked to him about it. Is it unreconcilable differences that make me feel unappreciated when he doesn't want to hang out with me, while he feels unappreciated when I demand him to hang out with me?
>>
>>17975017
not him, or her

but i don't think unappreciated is what he's feeling.. probably overwhelmed or over appreciated..
>>
>>17975438
>>17975438
After I ask him to see me on just one day of the weekend, he writes, "You should just assume the answer is always no and be happy when we do things, rather than the other way around." He has a point, but is this a normal mindset to have in a relationship when it comes to seeing your partner.

He probably just said that because he feels overwhelmed and is trying to give me solutions.
>>
>>17974342

Me and my ex got into a similar dynamic where we both got way too used to each others company, even when we weren't actively hanging out. You just need to get some hobbies and reconnect with friends so about half your week is spent doing things for yourself that don't involve him. Best case scenario you can compromise the times and days you spend apart so they suit you both, so if you have plans with friends that's an opportunity for him to have some alone time and vice versa.
>>
>>17975504
He refuses to compromise. He just does what he wants. Some weeks he wants to see me all weekend, and during others, not at all. I ask him if we can stabilize to two to one day a week, but he says, "Fuck agreements." It's really difficult for me.
>>
>>17975566
God, crying all the time. What a fucking baby. Guess what? It isn't ABOUT YOU, and the fact that you're so hurt by THE WAY HE JUST IS, is a pretty strong sign you should just dump him and move on. There are plenty of Whiney insecure boys who will have a panic attack if you don't text them back right away, or literally cry when you tell them you want to spend the night at your sisters house (true story). Go find one of those faggots.
>>
>>17974342
>and I end up feeling insecure and crying all week (literally every day)

thats probably why he needs alone time. Dealing with this every fucking weekend would drive any average guy to insanity.
>>
>>17975464
Ok, you are extremely clingy, but this is a bit more than "I just need my guy time yo"

I need alone time, but I would never talk to my girlfriend like that. He clearly revels in having all the power and I suspect he is well aware that he can do whatever he wants and you'll always come running.
>>
>>17975464
Dude just.. listen, whatever I say is bullshit at this point, because the guy sounds intolerable to me from that statement alone.

"you should just assume the answer is no"

wtf.. if this was happening to me with anyone, I'd have long ended it. or not let the female equivalent of this shit hang out with me when they feel ready.

it's like you have to be ready for him, and not the other way around.

dude, it sounds like he's got you wrapped around his little finger. now maybe I'm overthinking it, but he doesn't sound like someone i wanna meat.
>>
>>17975675
meet* rather

your bf sounds like an asshole, and you deserve better.
>>
>>17975667
Yes, that's exactly the point. I always come running. How do I be more reserved? I suspect that he might end up missing me by Sunday and inviting me over despite assuring me not to hope of that happening. I scheduled an event on Sunday evening to avoid saying yes, though. As much as I would want to be insulted and refuse to go, unless I make plans, I end up breaking and come over as soon as he invites me...
>>17975675
How do I unwrap myself even further? I know I have this problem and I don't want to seem as available as I am, but I just want to see him so much that I take every opportunity that he gives me to spend time with him. And that probably causes him to take advantage of me.
Is it a flaw in me that I expect him to want to see me? He says he's hurt by my pressuring expectation that he will spend every full weekend with me.
>>
>>17975861
You have normal expectations in my eyes. But not everybody has the same tolerance level. Not everyone is cut out to be perfect for you.

You can make yourself less available by getting a job if you don't already have one, or working more.

Or just leave him and give YOURSELF time. Time to really analize things without him there to trigger those feelings.

This thread has gone on long enough, do something.
>>
>>17975888
Sorry, people just kept responding.
I quit my last job because of issues with my coworkers, so I'm just going to look for a job on the weekend. I also have a lot of homework that I end up having to rush through because of spending too much time with him, so I'll have more time to focus on that.
>>
>>17975893
You actually sound like an awesome gf, just your energy feels kinda empty spent on trying to get attention from this guy who doesn't line up with you. Like I said, give yourself time.
>>
Just going to post this here incase op u see it. My gf is fucking exactly like you said, when i say to My gf that i need some time alone it means that i don't wanna be around people the whole time, we want to play games alone sometimes, do hobbies, best pals, u name it. We want to be alone, if you dont give me time i will begin to annoyed by small things. Give ur man time
>>
>>17975952
Yeah... I'm glad there are positive responses here that give me solutions. Thanks. I'm working on the time and being alone thing.

Well I went to a therapist today finally, the conversation we had really helped me out. Thanks to everyone who responded.
>>
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I have this burning desire to be alone basically whenever I am not.
Is that "wrong"?
Thread posts: 101
Thread images: 3


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