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Am I being reasonable or just jealous?

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Before we were together, my girlfriend used to make BDSM stuff with her friend. It was like arts and crafts -- He'd show her how to make different things like riding crops and nipple clamps, etc. Long before we ever got together, she told me that they were never more than friends and never did anything, so I believe her. I haven't read all of their texts, but what I got from the little I did see over the last 2 years (we've been together for 1) is that they're always sorta snarky with one another. They make jokes for shock value like two male friends would.

After we got together, she was put off because he still made suggestive comments even though he knew she was with someone. She felt disrespected. For a time, she would just ignore his texts and we'd actually laugh about them. Fast forward to now, and he's moved to our city. Little by little, she's talked with him a lot more, and she just visited his house the other night to play video games. (he has a girlfriend and she was there) I am VERY unhappy with all of this. He even tried to pressure her to smoke weed.

Am I being too sensitive, thinking that them even texting is inappropriate given that past? It especially doesn't help that this is happening in a particularly rocky time in our relationship.
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>>17973755
Get the fuck out of here with those spiders, god damn
>>
No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. He's a guy. He wants to fuck her. Make no mistake.

I also don't think your relationship is destined to last.
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>>17973755
It is reasonable to be worried about your girlfriend and how her friends treat her. but it is possible, and very likely, that your jealousy may be make you unreasonably worried.

If you are worried that her friend is still disrespecting her, then you should bring that up. A good way to bring that up might be to ask her if she ever talked to him about it. That way you can open up a conversation about it and then talk about how she is feeling. Is she upset about him trying to get her to smoke? was she upset about him disrespecting her in the past, but he apologized? or maybe he did't apologize and it still bothers her?
If you talk to her about it, then you will be able to hear what she is thinking and then you will know what is up between them.

Just being upset about her hanging out with another dude will sound very controlling. saying "I don't want you to hang out with him anymore" just makes you sound like a controlling asshole. but saying "I am worried about how he treats you, he disrespects you, and pressures you to smoke" sounds like you actually care(which I hope you do)

try to take a couple steps back before you talk to her. no matter how reasonable your worries are, if you let any jealousy cloud what you are trying to say, then you will just sound like a dick and make it worse.
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>>17974297
>Get the fuck out of here with those spiders, god damn
Sorry, anon. It's how I feel inside.

>>17974299
>No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. He's a guy. He wants to fuck her. Make no mistake.
It's nice to see someone say what I'm thinking. So how would you bring this up? We've talked about him before and she knows that I don't like him, but I tried to be the bigger person and told her that I'm fine with their "friendship" (And I say "friendship" because she doesn't seem to be very close to him at all) as long as he's not trying to make any advances or stupid shit like that. So I'm fucking pissed about him trying to push drugs on her.

>>17974299
>I also don't think your relationship is destined to last.
Why do you say that?
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>>17974339
>Why do you say that?
I shouldn't have said that. There's no basis behind it. The reason I said it is because you said you're at a rocky point in your relationship and it's only 1 year in. And the fact that it seems to you her and this guy are getting closer.

You're jealous and I don't blame you. I would be too. But I don't know how you could bring it up to her without making that apparent.
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>>17974324
>Is she upset about him trying to get her to smoke?
The main issue with my girlfriend is that she really sees no wrong in people until she's right in the middle of a worst case scenario. But up until that point, she gives people the benefit of the doubt and doesn't look after herself.

>>17974324
>Just being upset about her hanging out with another dude will sound very controlling. saying "I don't want you to hang out with him anymore" just makes you sound like a controlling asshole.
Oh, absolutely. That's the main reason I held my tongue about this guy and kind of gave her my blessing to still talk with him. I don't think I would ever tell her not to talk to someone because if it ever got to the point where I felt I had to FORCE her to, it wouldn't be worth it trying to be in a relationship to begin with.
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>>17974349
>The reason I said it is because you said you're at a rocky point in your relationship and it's only 1 year in.
Well, it's at a rocky point because she's about to move to another city for a year. She'll be about an hour-long drive away from me rather than a 2-minute drive. It's really only rocky because we're stressed out about it. Aside from that and what I said in the OP, I'd say that we have a fantastic relationship.

>>17974349
>But I don't know how you could bring it up to her without making that apparent.
She does know, actually. Maybe not about this specific time, but that I'm a disgustingly jealous person in general. I've talked with her pretty openly about it. I just don't know how to tell her that I'm not okay with her hanging around this asshole because, like I said earlier, I DON'T want to tell her what to do. I need to know a -reasonable- way to bring this all to her attention.
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One more bump for more input.
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male friends are a big no. especially here, their relationship was sexual in nature. and shown by the suggestion text. you try to downplay it and reject the evidence because you don't want it to be true, but all the data is there for you to see
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Why is your relationship rocky?
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>>17975816
See>>17974386
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>>17975830
An hour is nothing. Don't worry about being a pussy, and tell her that it puts you off that she is being friends with someone she designed sextoys with. Another question I had is, what kind of guy crafts that stuff with a girl without being intimate with her?
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>>17973755
Bdsm is like a feet massage, it doesn't need to be sexual but you won't do it with someone you don't have something special. My tip, first talk it seriously with your gf in an adult way exposing your worries after give a try to BDSM it's funny
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>>17975885
what kind of BDSM have you done to someone that wasnt sexual? Just tied up a friend for shits and giggles?
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>>17973755
>Am I being reasonable or just jealous?
Lets see
>>17973755
>Before we were together, my girlfriend used to make BDSM stuff with her friend. It was like arts and crafts -- He'd show her how to make different things like riding crops and nipple clamps, etc
Jealous
>Long before we ever got together
Jealous
>she told me that they were never more than friends and never did anything, so I believe her.
Jealous
>I haven't read all of their texts, but what I got from the little I did see over the last 2 years (we've been together for 1) is that they're always sorta snarky with one another. They make jokes for shock value like two male friends would.
Jealous
>After we got together, she was put off because he still made suggestive comments even though he knew she was with someone. She felt disrespected. For a time, she would just ignore his texts and we'd actually laugh about them.
Jealous
>Fast forward to now, and he's moved to our city. Little by little, she's talked with him a lot more, and she just visited his house the other night to play video games. (he has a girlfriend and she was there) I am VERY unhappy with all of this. He even tried to pressure her to smoke weed.
Him pressuring anyone is a cunt move, but you're being unreasonable
>Am I being too sensitive, thinking that them even texting is inappropriate given that past?
If they were not fucking and she got rid of him after he was being inappropriate, you don't have an argument
>It especially doesn't help that this is happening in a particularly rocky time in our relationship.
Well, you're only making it rockier.

She didn't fuck him, she did arts and crafts with him, it's the topic that bothers you.
She had a rapport with him, but it was long before you were together.
He was inappropriate and your gf ignored him
He has a gf
You're just being jealous of something that didn't happen, you say you trust her, you are either lying or a little bitch.
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>>17974360
>up until that point, she gives people the benefit of the doubt and doesn't look after herself.
women do that a lot more, took a boyfriend to really explain to me that i'm too naive with people

>>17975897
It's hard to explain but I do get into a very meditative trance state when people tie me up in shibari bondage. Like as if I took shrooms or something.
For some people it gets them super horny, for me it's some form of meditation.

Back to the OP.
You do sound jealous but not to a poin twhere I would think it's unreasonable. Unfortunately you're just not super aligned with your girlfriend in that aspect, so it might be a problem down the line.
What could work is that you don't allow her to visit him alone in a secluded space, like no dinners with him alone, but if his gf is there, it's cool, or if they go for lunch outside etc too.

If someone wants to cheat they will. You can't have any assurance that she will not skip lunch and head straight for fuckmyassistan, but i think those are rules where you don't stop her doing what she wants and you don't sit at home feeling like crap too.
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>>17975776
>you try to downplay it and reject the evidence because you don't want it to be true
What exactly have I downplayed or rejected?

>>17975859
>what kind of guy crafts that stuff with a girl without being intimate with her?
That's what I've wondered for a very long time. He used to live right across the street from her parents, and her mom used to suggest she get with him a handful of years ago. She wasn't interested, but they were friends.

>>17975917
I didn't say that I disliked every single one of those things. Stop cherry picking what I say, you ignorant snatch.

>>17976043
>took a boyfriend to really explain to me that i'm too naive with people
I have brought it to her attention and she agreed with me that she doesn't look out for herself. How would you want your boyfriend to try and work on this with you? I don't want to "fix" her per se, but I hate seeing her taken advantage of. It happens with friend and coworkers, and almost every single time, it's something that I saw coming that she didn't want to believe.

>>17976043
>What could work is that you don't allow her to visit him alone in a secluded space, like no dinners with him alone, but if his gf is there, it's cool, or if they go for lunch outside etc too.
How would you suggest bringing that up? I really don't want her to feel like I'm trying to control her. So what would I say, maybe if she were to say she was going to go hang out with him?
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>>17975897
Scapism games with my cousin and tutorials to friends, everything else was sexual.
Thread posts: 19
Thread images: 1


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