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Miss having a boyfriend

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Thread replies: 27
Thread images: 2

>broke up a yr ago because he was an alcoholic
>he cleaned up his act, got a full time job and his own place..living in a beautiful area
>we talk everyday for a whole year, never fight like we used to and he has really changed
>Cant go back to him because my family and friends would freak out
>still worry he might turn back into the alcoholic he was before
>starting to hate being single
>want cuddles and sex but I lost my v card to him and I don't want to do things with anyone other than him...I also don't do hookups
>what do i do?
>>
Get out and become more comfortable with other people. Go to events, clubs, classes, wherever you can meet people.

If you get more familiar with other people it won't feel like you can't do things with people other than your ex. You're not going to be hooked on him forever if you don't want to. He'll just have to deal with losing you bc of the alcoholism if that's the way you go. I say drop him.
>>
>>17971734
Family and friends are not a reason to get into/out of/back into relationships. It is your life. That said, they are an indicator that they don't trust him to have changed, and it is a good indicator because people rarely change. But sometimes they do change, so it is up to you. You want to give it another try, give it. I know a couple who divorced because he couldn't control his drinking, but then he cleaned up his act, went on the wagon 100%, and they remarried, apparently happily, some six years after the divorce. But there is only one such example I know of. If you love him still and want to give it another try, go for it woithout regard to the family, but be wary and realize that it is probably not a smart idea.
>>
Buy a male human size sex doll. He will take your life too the next level.
>>
>>17971734
Get over your oneitis and realize that being in a relationship with you and drinking will always and forever be inextricably tied up in his memory together. Going back to him will drastically increase the likelihood of him regressing back to alcohol to solve his problems, especially once you start having "relationship problems" just like you guys used to.

You got out for a reason, you're both better off as friends, do him and you both a favor and get over it already. There's a fuckload of other guys out there.
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>>17971869
>Get out and become more comfortable with other people.
One of the worst advice you can give to people with social anxiety.
>>
>>17972034
Where did OP say she had social anxiety?
>>
>>17972068
The fact you implied she had to go out and become more comfortable with people, you inexcusable, trollop of a cunt that even your unwieldy, banal, and noxious mother regularly regrets and tries not to shoot herself for not aborting you as a fetus.
>>
>>17972162
Where did I say that I was the anon who suggested she get outside?
OP is hyperfocused on her ex, which does imply that she needs to meet other people. That doesn't imply that she is hyperfocused on her ex because she has social anxiety.
>>
I think you guys are right, we are pretty good friends but I haven't met a lot of people. My instincts tell me to wait it out and meet other people.
>>
>>17972675
Your instincts aren't very good if an alcoholic took your virginity.
>>
>>17972743
Touche haha. I had bad instincts about that too but I didn't listen to them.
>>
>>17973029
>I had bad instincts about that too but I didn't listen to them.
this makes no sense
>>
>>17973033
It does if you're blinded by love. Felt like I shouldn't lose my virginity but I loved him, so I ignored my instincts. M8 do you even instinct?
>>
>>17972675
>>17973029
Your instincts are right. Follow them thoroughly. They're your best guide, better than us at /adv/.

>>17972743
>>17973033
She didn't follow her intuition, doing something else out of sheer emotion instead. She should follow them in fact.
>>
Might as well give him a chance if he isn't an alcoholic anymore and you still like him.

What's the worst that could happen?
>>
>>17973107
That the guy hasn't changed and she goes back to an abusive relationship.

Which is quite risky in fact.
>>
>>17973114
Where did she say he was abusive?
>>
>>17973148
Source: my ass. Sorry.

But I wonder, what sort of consequences did his alcoholism bring that caused their breakup?
>>
>>17973114
>>17973161
Obviously if he is still drinking then don't go back. But cutting out drinking is actually really big, and if he is one of the few people to have successfully done it then props to him.
>>
>>17973161
He would call me names like bitch, slut and whore. He wasn't physical expect for one time he pushed me. He broke my possessions...electronics and stuff like that. Locked me outside in the cold once.

>>17973167
He says he hasn't and it seems like he has changed because he doesn't get weird and angry anymore, he moved out of his alcoholic parents house so that may have helped. Although there's always the chance he will go back to what he used to be.
>>
>>17971734

Do you think that he might became aloholic because of you?

I have 2 close friends that became drunks because of women they were dating.
>>
>>17973318
So OP, do you think that he's worthy another chance?
For me, I was kind off abusive, she had to break up with me for me to realize that I can't do that to the one I love the most. So I did change, and now we're back together. Yeah I know, it's not like drinking, but the point is people can change. Even though there is always the chance for him to come back to what he used to, but OP, he even moved out to get his act together, don't you think he's serious about this?
But yeah, if you do come back together, you should first put some firm boundaries, if he drinks or get abusive, you leave immediately, you know.
>>
>>17973335
Nah, he drank since he was like 13 and told me stories about blacking out and needing an ambulance...so I'm pretty sure it was the environment he was in.

>>17973338
Yeah I feel like he could get another chance yet if I move out there to see him in might not be able to escape easy. Also my family would probably disown me
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>>17973397
Your family needs to understand it is your call. If you want to do it, give him another chance.
>>
>>17972162
I think you spelled tumblr wrong in the address bar. Nobody should get that angry over a post. Especially not one that is attempting to give advice on the advice board.
>>
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>>17972034
>People should never leave their comfort zones
Speaking from experience, if you have mental health issues the absolute worst thing you can do is just give up and let them rule your life. There's medication and therapy out there. Things worth doing are rarely easy, but often essential, particularly when your quality of life is at stake.

The alternative is OP can keep dating the kind of losers and users who go for neurotic shut-ins.

>>17972162
Found the feminist. Happy Inauguration Day! :^)

>>17973318
>Verbally abused you
>Put hands on you
>Destroyed your property
OP, there's literally billions of other men on this planet; don't risk it.

>Although there's always the chance he will go back to what he used to be.
It's likely, actually, but there's also the chance he'll stay straight. I like to believe in people. You can believe in him without being with him.

OP, I cannot stress this enough: it didn't work for a reason. You don't want him, you want the *familiarity of him.*

As another anon advised, get out, do things, and meet people. Failing that, try online dating. OKCupid is a really good site, and just go at your own pace.

>>17972025
Top shelf advice.

>>17971869
Top shelf advice.

>>17973107
>What's the worst that could happen?
Do we live on the same planet?
Thread posts: 27
Thread images: 2


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