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Might be a stupid question, but I figure I'll be able to

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Might be a stupid question, but I figure I'll be able to get some valuable input this way.
Basically my mother has been an alcoholic for a few years now and I have moved out to live with my girlfriend and her generous family last year. Since my mother hasn't been as intense with her drinking until lately, I'd like to finally separate and cut ties with her. I'm 19 and would just like to be as independent and disconnected as I can as far as personal matters are concerned as when she drinks heavily she likes to dig deep and do things to really screw with me (hold things over my head, close my bank account and take money from it that I had earned).

I've:
1. Gotten rid of the shared bank account (that she could see recent transactions and even take money from) and now have an account separate from her that only I can access.
2. Removed any contact information that my college has that references her.
3. Changed my Amazon shipping address :p

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. I've never been lead in the right direction as far as independence goes so I'd like to seek an answer here if possible.
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>>17947816
Should be noted that I have also changed my official USPS mailing address.
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Man, are you shitting me?

...

That's actually really awesome. If you're not just lying for attention, then I applaud you.
You've already done a lot to separate from her, so I can't exactly say what else you can do. How often do you see her? If you still consistently meet with her, then you should absolutely stop that. That's really all I can say.

I don't know your backstory, so I don't know what else you've tried, but I'd say try to force her into rehab. If possible. She's still your mother, so leaving her in such a state might not be the best idea. Instead of just running away from the problem (which is sometimes all you can do), try to solve the root of the problem.

That's just my uneducated opinion, though.
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>>17947834
I can't think of anything else other than changing any numbers/contact info she has for you. I can't think of anything else,since you've done a good job already.
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>>17947834
I really didn't expect this kind of response, so thank you! No, I'm not lying. I see her occasionally, maybe once a week, maybe once every other week. It's tough because she's paying my phone bill and paying for most of the insurance and she basically she says she's going to stop paying that and cut me from her will if I don't show her that I care more, but that's a whole 'nother issue.

She's been in and out of therapy, hospitals, psychologists, psychiatrists, other doctors, you name it. I just went to a joint therapy appointment a few days ago with her!

I'm glad I've done most of it, it seems that when you're a teen that everything you do your parents can see/track/etc.
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>>17947850
>>17947851
What about like insurance/dentist/physician? Not that I'm going to be able to afford all that, my girlfriends mother is more than happy to help with whatever I *need*, but I don't exactly know what I *do* need.
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>>17947860
Whoops I responded to myself

>>17947834
I meant to tag you :p
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>>17947851
Well, this is getting confusing. Too many people. If you plan on sticking around for a while, why don't we all put in our initials in the 'name' subject (and OP puts OP)

What's your job life look like?
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>>17947864
(Okay well that makes more sense now)
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>>17947877
Not exactly much of a job life. I do receive 3k per semester from the school itself, the school is also very inexpensive and is fully paid for.

I worked a bit at the college in order to receive food stamp benefits for the household (I was living with my mother at this point). Basically one hour of work the whole semester would suffice and be able to reap benefits.

Full time Computer Engineering student (20 credits/semester) so not a ton of free time, although I definitely could squeeze some time in for extra dough.
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>>17947883
Wait, you receive money from the school?

Is this college you're talking about? Last time I checked, I have to pay the college money for tuition
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>>17947890
College, yep. It's a community college so it's really inexpensive, but I'm here for two years until I go into a slightly more expensive, four-year school.

They give me grants and whatnot because of the household situation ("moving out" is a loose term, I've been sleeping at my girlfriends house for about a year now but haven't been away from my mothers house this long since just recently)
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>>17947897
Alright.
You said you went to some sort of therapy with your mom this past week. How'd that go?
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>>17947905
Not terrible, she really can be compassionate and caring when not intoxicated. She really looks up to her therapist more than anyone else in the world, so she did act very respectful to the both of us. We just really talked about the state of the relationship, and that I need to take responsibility of the car insurance. My memory is pretty shotty, but I think that's about all we talked about.

When she's level headed though, I take her seriously and everything, but when she messages my girlfriends mother on Facebook to stay away from me, that's where I just can't stand my mother anymore.

I've been dealing with it for so long that I've pretty much became a stone wall as of now, so I'm mostly just worried about the straight/to the point facts that I can do to stay safe and keep my girlfriends family safe.
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>>17947926
Have you ever read The Glass Castle? Your mom sounds a lot like Rex Walls from that memoir.

So from the sounds of it, joint-therapy seems to work. It's good to hear that she respects the therapist. Absolutely never stop with the therapy. The only way she's going to get better is if you let the professionals do it. As for the car insurance...

Your mom obviously has some things that she needs from you. Maybe you should try to start paying for car insurance, or at least pay for a portion. Your mother is a person with needs as well, and I wouldn't guess that she's the most financially stable of all people, buying liquor and all.

She's asked something viable from you, so it's best to work with her to come to a compromise. Once she sees that you want the best for her, and that you're trying to help her out, she'll be much easier to talk to.

Try out some budgeting. What are some other things you frequently use money on?
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>>17947950
Really the only thing I spend any money on is food during school-season. Breakfast/Lunch mostly. I've told myself that I'll just make something at home and bring it, as that saves ~10 bucks each day, which can add up. Sometimes new clothes if I can't find a pair of socks without rips in them. Oh and gas, of course.
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>>17947950
Oh and I'll definitely check the book out too!
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>>17947995
Damn.
Sounds like you're already doing everything you can.

You know what I would do? I would try to find a stable job that you could enjoy, and then take a semester off just to work full time. (You did say that you could probably work a side job, but can you realistically do so without being over stressed?)
Of course, that might not be entirely possible for you, because you're not me and I don't know what are valid options for you...

In terms of finding a job, I don't know what you're interested in other than Computer Engineering, which i have no experience in whatsoever, so I don't even know what jobs that skill could be used in.

But yeah. That's where I would start. And don't be afraid to ask for some loans from your gf's parents, they seem super amazing.
Thread posts: 18
Thread images: 2


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