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so, i have a kid and i'm going to get married to a guy that

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so, i have a kid and i'm going to get married to a guy that isn't his dad this summer.
anyways, i never actually told him that the kid's biological dad has 4 other kids and was a lot older than me when i got pregnant.
i didn't tell it because at the time it wasn't relevant and the topic never really came up. now it feels like it's way too late to tell him stuff like that withou it looking like i was hiding those things from him for whatever weird reasons.
how do i proceed? he will find out someday anyways. do i just say: "uhm, you know, x has 4 siblings and his dad is a lot older than me"?
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I sure do hope this is bait
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>>17945938
not baiting in the slightest... sorry to dissapoint
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>>17945936
I know it's not Christmas anymore, but you're still a "hoe-hoe-hoe"
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>>17945936
If the guy has already settled to the point of hitching a single mother nothing else will deter him. But if i were you, why even bring it up? Seems completely irrelevant to any situation.
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>>17946086
not if the kid's gonna date one of those 4 other kids
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>>17945936
I mean did he even ever ask details about who the dad is? Did you beat around the bush about his dad? If you voluntarily witheld information about your kids dad whIle in a conversation about the dad then you might have something to worry about. If your partner never asked for details you don't really have anything to worry about. I think it would be respectful for you to mention that your child has brothers and sisters that your kid might want to see some day, because that's going to be a situation that he will indirectly be affected by.
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>>17946479
he asked a few questions and i answered them truthfully.
i never witheld informations, but i also didn't rub it in his face since it's obviously not the topic he likes most.
so, should i just casually mention it?
the situation is as follows:
my kid's dad war married and had 4 kids. they divorced and i was just a rebound. ofc i didn't know that. he told me a wrong age and never mentioned having kids or having been married for a few weeks into "dating" him. i was just a careless idiotic teen that didn't think twice because i just wanted some fun and not spend the rest of my life with this guy (yeah, i know. very slutty). then i got knocked up despite being on the pill and since i was a new age fag at the time, i decided to keep the baby. ofc he vanished quickly after that but i didn't care. i was happy i got the baby.
the kid is now 6 but has never seen his dad.
i have very sporadical contact with him (mail every year with few pics) and some with his ex-wife (since the kids are somewhat related). we meet u for a play date roughly every year once.
i'm in a relationship with my fiancé for 1,5 years now and in that time, i never met with the ex-wife because we both were too busy. now we will meet up again soon and i think that would be a good moment to tell my fiancé about the situation. but it feels so weird. i wish i had told him earlier... but now i can't go back and am just looking for the best way to tell him and not cause drama.
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>>17945936
I got married to a girl w/ a kid and her ex now has another kid with the lady he cheated her on. Long story short, from personal experience, it's an annoying situation. Granted I knew all the information before hand. However, the constant driving our kid back and forth between weekends to visit her father deters a lot of our plans. Additionally now that we've moved across the country, we are required to send our kid on a plane 4 times a year to visit her father. This will go on for another 13 yrs. it is a huge commitment.

The fact that he didn't even know anything, makes him an idiot for marrying you without further information. It speaks volume about him as a person who cannot even do basic research as to asking you face to face. How stupid can he be? Additional it speaks volume about you as a person because you've basically lied this whole time. Not telling him is essentially lying. Now he's marrying you without even basic facts. You both are idiots. There are children involved. Get your head out of your ass.
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>>17946516
the situation is a bit different than yours.
the biological dad lives on a different continent and has never met my kid.
there's no deiving back and forth and stuff like that. he also doesn't pay any alimonies or anything (yeah, i went to court, nothig i could do). so it's a rather clean cut. there is no contact besides the yearly update mail. he's really not in the picture alltogether and thus also not a big topic. when we started dating, he asked a few things, but mainly if i still have contact, what arrangements were made, he wanted to see a pic (he looks younger. it was obvious he's older, but not that much. he's actually 16 older than me), asked if i had intentions to raise a family with this guy and if i would go back to him if i had the chance.
i mean, it probably never even crossed his mind to ask if he had been married previously or had any other kids. maybe it also didn't matter to him.
i just tried to not push the topic because i felt like it would make a bigger thing out of something that didn't really have any influence on our daily life.

sure we are idiots. but who isn't
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in case you didn't know already, you're a stupid whore and deserve everything you've got

>decided to be a homewrecker
>decided to not take birth control consistently
>decided not to abort the little shit
and now
>decided not to tell fiancee of your terrible decisions because you're afraid it'll scare away your new source of income

if you had any morals at all you'd tell him, but you won't, because you're a stupid whore
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>>17946549
meh, they filed the divorce papers before we even met.
i did take it religiously. guess my body just hates me.
yeah, i fucked up here. but i wouldn't want to give back my kid

it won't scare him away. i just fear he will feel betrayed.
i make my own money, thank you.

i will. maybe i'm a stupid whore but i am sure you have made mistakes too you aren't proud of and would advice your younger self to do differently.
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anyways, i tought about mentioning it casually. if he asks me about my plans for next week i say "well, on friday i meet up with x's sister and her mom." and then wait for his reaction and any follow up questions? or is this even ruder and i should do the whole "there's something i need to tell you" thingy?
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>>17946508
I don't think you need to tell him the age of your kids father or your love story unless he asks. Simply tell him that your kid has siblings and you make an effort to include them in his life with a play date every year. Tell him you're sorry you didn't mention it before and say you weren't hiding it but you didn't know if it was appropriate or necessary to bring it up. Don't give him details unless he asks because in my experience men don't really want details unless they ask for them.
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>>17946599
thanks. that was helpfull. i'm going to handle it like this and see how he reacts.
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>>17946564
Also anon the salty virgins here calling you a liar and a whore are being mean to you out of some weird insecurity. Don't take it to hewrt. You never lied to your fiance because he never asked any further information about the kids dad. You answered him truthfully about ever wanting to be in the fathers picture again and that's all your fiance wanted to know. Just tell him about the other kids to avoid drama later, but honestly don't mention how he's older and the details of how you got pregnant unless he asks about it.
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>>17946613
She gave him the partial truth he asked for not the WHOLE TRUTH. And emits easy to see why, she is scared that he would take this negativly and would fight and or lose the relationship over it. So she putts it off until she realizes that he will figure out she wasn't telling him he WHOLE truth and wants advice on how to tell the WHOLE TRUTH now with no negative consequences. Good luck, next time, tell he whole truth.
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