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Depressed all the time. School makes me miserable, could probably quit and get a job as a software engineer. But ego won't let me dropping out of my masters now (really can't, more likely to kill myself than give up). Procrastinated for three whole weeks now, dropping deeper into depression and self-loathing every day. Almost 100% chance to fail all my exams. Just want to go to sleep, tired of everything. Just drowning myself in distractions like 4chan, reddit, Netflix and chess. Mean while getting more tired and more miserable. My solution: to this misery: distract myself with a new short term dopamin kick: aka distractions. How to break out? In my life tried out: 2x 10 day Meditation retreats, did LSD, did Ayahuasca. But seems there is an ever lasting to pull back to my misery although I really tried. Mental health is detoriating. Probably have ADD, depression, slightly bi polar, social anxious, mild autism. Am I fucked?
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>>17944526
Jesus you sure nobody is causing you any damage? Get this master's DONE son! Don't get into the lazy habit of thinking. If you need rest, take complete rest until you feel a natural impulse to work again. Go to the gym and walk in the park a bit.
Your life isn't confined to this work, it's only a duty which accompanies something far bigger: yourself. The fact that you are this stressed and miserable is evidence how much you care of yourself.
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>>17944526
Sometimes you will need to run away from the problems to get the best out of your life, i think you should really just calm down and not be so responsible about the masters degree, think to yourself that you can probably do the masters degree in the future if you want.
Perhaps this will ease your mind and you will find yourself able to prepare for the upcoming problems again.
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>>17944536
Thanks, feel that's what I needed to hear now. Made me feel better about myself.
>>17944545
Thanks
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>>17944526
You're not meditating correctly. Take it seriously, it's not a hobby you just pick up. Meditation is supposed to be everything. Meditate three times EVERYDAY for 20-30 minutes. Even when you're tired, even when you don't feel like it. It's like brushing your teeth. You can't go on a retreat and then go back to being a working drone. Meditate every fucking day from now on. Take it seriously and it'll cure all of these emotional problems you have. YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF THESE MENTAL PROBLEMS AND YOU ARE ALSO THE REMOVER OF THEM. Grow up Mr. Meditation retreat 2x 10 day. You're actually in control.
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>>17944575
Yeah to be honest I did not meditate regularly the last few months. The thing is when I'm actually somewhat productive it feels like missing out on productive time. And if I'm guilty of procrastination, the guilt makes me work directly instead also meditating before. And then when I'm frustrated and tired I go drown myself in distraction. But I see myself that this is stupid.
A reluctance why I meditate less could also be the nihilistic philosophy behind it. Feeling equanimous with the whole world and yourself seems like and other false extreme to suffering
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>>17944526
OP just know I would kill to be in your master's program. You have a future dude, you gotta make it for the rest of us.
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>>17944526
Name: (you)
Status: meme
Endgame: self rightous sueycide
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>>17944575
Isn't meditation about not being in control?
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I'm in the same boat except I'm in my second semester in a meme buisness degree so I'm pretty much fucked what do?
>too scared for group projects
>too tired to study
>feel sad and miserable at school
>life is boring in general
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