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My boyfriend has a facebook, and I don't (however I used

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My boyfriend has a facebook, and I don't (however I used to). Recently I was helping a family member with theirs, and I decided to look up his name.
His profile has about 1,500 friends. Almost all of them are women; escorts, attention whores, teen girls.
This made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I told him about this when it happened and I asked him to purge his Facebook. (delete people he doesn't know/talk to, particularly all the fucking women)
So this was a few weeks ago, and he's had several days off work since then. I checked his yesterday, and he made his friends list private.
I have asked him if he has done it yet, and he said no because he was hoping I'd drop it.
When I asked why he hasn't done it, he said because there's no reason to other than how I feel about it.
I told him I can't believe how little respect he has for me, to talk to me when he decides my feelings matter to him, and that he's coming off as a different person than I hoped he is.

Quite frankly, I'm fucking pissed. I feel like he's trying to pull a fast one on me.
But, am I in the wrong? What should I do?
>>
>>17939333
yeah, you're definitely in the wrong, you could not possibly come off as more of a crazy, desperate, selfish, controlling bitch desu
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>>17939338
Ok, explain why.
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>>17939342
You e stalked your boyfriend and are mad that he looks at free porn on Facebook. Don't tell me that you are one of those "porn is cheating" cunts.
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>>17939352
I'm not. I have no issue with him looking at porn. As in, professional porn from porn sites.
>free porn
>girls posting selfies = free porn
But PERSONALLY being involved with other girls that are half naked isn't ok.
>>
I don't think you're wrong. The fuck does he need fucking escorts and random teenage girls on his facebook for?

There is no reason to delete the teenage girls off his facebook expect for the way that you feel about it. You'd think that if you loved and respected somebody, the way that they feel about it would come before him having random cunts as facebook friends.

He has no respect for you and he's sly as fuck, he's proved that by hiding his fb friends and hoping you'd drop it. What makes you think he isn't messaging these girls? What makes you think he doesn't have these girls on snapchat and that he's asking for and exchanging nude photos with these girls? He's clearly a dodgy cunt.
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>>17939355
Sounds like you don't have much trust or respect for him.
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>>17939364
Damn you must be fun to date
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>>17939364
buuuuuulshit Exchanging sexts doesn't even fucking matter. Fluid swapping is the only sexual behavior that introduces risk into a relationship.
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>>17939333
Dump him.
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>>17939342
Look, the foundation of any relationship is trust. Without trust, you are just faking it until one or both of you gives up.

You clearly do not have even a basic level of trust for your boyfriend, unless you are leaving something out he has done nothing for you to not trust him, and you are being mistrustful to the point of being psycho.

I'm not some autist and trust female intuition so if he has done nothing, he likely would at some point. But trying to control what he does and who he associates with, to the point of deciding who he gets to be friends with on facebook when you don't even have one yourself, is just total psycho controlling bitch territory, there is never a situation where that is okay. like if he was a compulsive cheater and actually messaging these chicks, or even just like liking/commenting all their posts, or if he had an ex he kept talking to, that would be one thing. but from what youve said its just 'he has women he doesnt talk to on fb and i want them to delete them all and give all his attention to me'. like if i were him id straight kick you to the curb for even trying that shit.

>he's coming off as a different person than I hoped he is.
yeah that is what i am getting. that he is a normal outgoing person with a social life, who likes you enough to hang out and fuck and not cheat. and what you want is a guy who will make you 100% the main focus of his attention and do what you want. sadly because your a girl you are more attracted to alpha type guys who do what they want, than to betas who are less attractive but will act the way you want them to. good luck.

tldr your demand was crazy, controlling and unacceptable. but the fact that this is a conflict probably means you are really not right for each other anyway.
>>
>>17939374 here

>>17939364 is exactly an example of the beta attitude, which is more the type of guy youd be interested in

however you would probably be more attracted to alpha guys, whose response to this whole thing is more along the lines of 'what the fuck are you talking about you crazy bitch'
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>>17939368
>respect for him
He doesn't have respect for me by keeping this up.
Would you guys be ok with the reverse - your girlfriend having 1500 friends on facebook, most in which are Chad Thundercocks or orbiters?
And if you asked her to go through and delete people she doesn't talk to, she got upset, hid her facebook?
No, I think you'd be upset.

>>17939364
I mean, that's sort of my logic. I don't think he's sending girls nudes on snapchat though.
But what purpose does it serve to have these girls on there? It comes off like he's orbiting them.
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>>17939333
>FB friends
>mattering
Jesus Christ, enjoy getting dumped, crazy.
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>>17939371
When a social media friends list is more important than the feelings of your partner, you're a dumb cunt and I wouldn't want fuck all to do with you anyway.

I expect from my partner what I would do for them, which is respect their feelings. What a crazy notion.
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>>17939381
look you're dating an alpha male. deal with the side-effects or get out.
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>>17939381
If this thread involved a female doing the same thing in reverse, the men on this board would be calling her a slut and telling the OP she's fucking other people.

You're forgetting where you are - on a board for socially retarded 14-30 year old males. These people are either trolling or are genuinely mentally retarded, there is no inbetween.
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>>17939387
>When a social media friends list is more important than the feelings of your partner
pretty much my logic here

>>17939394
Then what should I do?
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>>17939387
look she should dump the guy. he as a social life that shes not comfortable with. she needs to date a guy who is more a loner and would dedicate his time to her. simple as that
i agree calling ppl sluts is wrong. but op isn't ready for this guy hes way out of her league
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>>17939401
>op isn't ready for this guy hes way out of her league
>being disrespected is out of my league
Please troll somewhere else
desu
>>
>hurr durr alpha male
>hurr durr betas
>hurr durr crazy bitch

Sure is /r9k/ in here
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>>17939405
its not trolling. he has options and doesn't want to give them up. do you really wanna wait until he cheats on you?
be naive for all I care but he has refused to delete those "sluts" off his facebook.
date somebody your speed
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>>17939398
Unironically go ask reddit for help. They're much more useful when it comes to relationships than 4chan is.
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>>17939381
>Would you guys be ok with the reverse - your girlfriend having 1500 friends on facebook, most in which are Chad Thundercocks or orbiters?
like its fucking 2017. every girl who is remotely fuckable and not weird has 1500+ friends on facebook unless you are literally in high school. and some of them are hot guys and some are weirdos and both will post some creepy shit hitting on her at some point. this is literally not an issue at all unless she responds, encourages it or messages them.
>And if you asked her to go through and delete people she doesn't talk to, she got upset, hid her facebook?
i wouldnt make such an overreaching demand but it sounds like you are the one who got upset, him hiding his facebook was just to avoid upsetting your crazy ass again.

>But what purpose does it serve to have these girls on there? It comes off like he's orbiting them.
hes obviously not orbiting them dude. hes prob not even hitting on them, hes with you because he chose you over all them. just its nice to know more people especially when they are pretty girls, its nice to see pics posted. and yeah he probably doesnt expect to be with you forever so why cut off all those opportunities down the line.

>>17939387
like when im being too crazy i damn well need her to let me know im being crazy. gotta keep me in balance ya know. and id expect the same from her, although of course theres a difference between normal irrational woman behavior and actual being crazy. which youve crossed the line.

>>17939401
pretty much this, you want to be treated like a princess and unless you are really something special a guy with options is not gonna do that

>>17939414
this too, they will give you more of the affirming beta responses you seem to be after
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>>17939398
The ideal thing would have been to sit down and talk about it. Say WHY it made you uncomfortable, he could explain that it probably made HIM feel uncomfortable because he feels distrusted, see if there was an available compromise etc. Instead he acted like he just didn't give a shit and hid his friend list.

Since it's all too late for that now, just tell him that it isn't even about the friends list, it's just about the lack of fucks given about your feelings re: something so trivial and unimportant. It just sends the message that even though FB is unimportant, your feelings are even LESS so. If that's truly the case for him, then why would you want to be in a relationship like that? It's pretty understandable.

Just try to put it into laymans terms, or even do the "in each others shoes" shit and ask him how HE would feel in the same situation.

Then maybe you can reach a conclusion you will both be comfortable with.
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>>17939409
More like he isn't ready for a serious committed relationship and by his comments, doesn't have the mental maturity to understand what goes into one.

Good for you OP for standing up for yourself and your self respect. At this point, if he is unwilling to delete those girls or Facebook in general, I would weight the pros and cons of being with him. The last thing you would want to go through is being cheated on by a selfish douchebag who ends up creating trust issues for you when you meet the next guy.
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>>17939408
my thoughts exactly
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>>17939428
i agree she needs to dump the guy before he hurts her.
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>>17939423
See, I would agree with that IF OP had addressed it and he had responded with communication. Instead, he goes the sneaky paranoid route of making his friend list private and then blatantly stating that he was hoping she would "drop it". That is more indicative of his mindset toward the relationship than anything. He doesn't respect her or their relationship and priorities his social life over it.
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Unless hes sending nudes or racy pics on facebook its literally none of your business.
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I don't know if it's right to demand he change his friends, but as a femanon, I hear you OP. Guy sounds pathetic. I would dump.
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Dump him just for the fact that he hid it after you brought it up. Guarantee he is hiding other shit for you.

A guy I dated did this same kind of thing and in reality he was cheating his ass off. You're right, he doesn't respect you. Leave him.
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>>17939333
people are saying this dude is alpha and date a beta instead but the fact that he just hid things by making his friends list private and said that he was just hoping she would drop it doesn't sound all that alpha to me. I'm curious as to what he said to you initially when you said that this made you uncomfortable, I think whatever response you got from him initially should give you an idea on what you need to do. Did he just say you were being insecure, or that you don't have anything to worry about? If anything I would say making the list private is pretty suspect if the information you are giving us is 100% accurate. If he isn't doing anything he should have nothing to hide/feel no need to even care enough to make the list private. If you didn't already you should have initially brought up "how would you feel if I did this?" and then probably both of you could have found a happy medium. Right or wrong, since you told him to talk to you if his feelings change, you left the ball in his court, so if you back pedal and try to talk to him now rather than stand your ground things will be more difficult especially if an issue like this comes up in the future.

I say stand your ground, but if you really think you are in the wrong and were just being paranoid then apologize. However, I think it's inappropriate for a male or female to entertain large numbers of the opposite sex as friends when they are in a relationship. It isn't a matter of being secure or insecure it's just about showing your partner a certain amount of respect.
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Deal with your own insecurities and stop trying to control a grown man. He did right by refusing because if you get away with controlling him in this manner it would just dignify that behavior to you and you would keep trying it in different situations. People like you never feel content and secure which is probably why you were surveilling him in the first place. I'm sure he loves you and respects your feelings, but respecting your feelings doesn't mean complying with your demands, or uprooting his social life so you can feel secure.
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>>17939333
It doesn't mean he's cheating op, but it more than shows what type of guy he is. Run fast in opposite direction is you want a meaningful relationship. Gaurenteed he is probably a low life porn addict who has e.d to look forward to in his future lol
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>>17939649
Are you kidding. That applies if this were normal platonic female friends, but this guy has thousands of escorts, attention whore type pages, and underage girls added. That isn't normal or something you dismiss. Did you even read the post?
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>>17939649
no im sure he likes having options because hes a piece of shit. op should dump him before its too late.

Do you really wanna date somebody who hangs around people known for cheating?
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>>17939422
>he probably doesnt expect to be with you forever so why cut off all those opportunities down the line

This, I agree with OP that this is weird but in the long run, it doesn't matter because you probably won't end up with this guy anyways
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I feel like best case scenario he uses FB as his spank bank and just likes looking at their photos with no intention of starting anything with these people. It's unlikely though, sounds like he's a fuckboy

Don't know how that would make you feel and if you're ok with him looking at other womens' photos if that's the case but if he wants a compromise and be able to keep these contacts I think it's reasonable to want him to be honest with you if he wants you to trust him and be cool with this.
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You are not in the wrong.

1. You clearly want an exclusive relationship with no distractions, or as little distractions as humanly possible.

2. You've discoverer he isn't in sync with your standard of respect for the relationship.

3. He isn't willing to sacrifice something so trivial as social media to give you peace of mind.

He sounds like someone who doesn't deserve you so far.
>>
You are definitely not in the wrong. What you feel is just what you feel. As your partner in the relationship, he should've made you a priority if he really loved you. The fact that he was hoping you'd "drop it" says worlds about that, honestly.

You deserve someone who cares about those feeling of yours, no matter how ridiculous they can be.
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>>17939333
What's up with all of these "im a girl" threads lately? Are they bait?
Idk why I'm asking, this board loves to be trolled.
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>>17939333
What cave did op crawl out of? And op, are you like 12? Because that's how 12 yrs olds think. Unless this is bait, I can't believe anyone still thinks like this, sort of being an immature idiot with no sense of reality.
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>>17939364

you know escorts are people too, right?

I've had many friends over the course of my life. Some were drug dealers, some were in jail for murder, and some are successful businessmen. You can't just invalidate an acquaintance or a friendship just because of the status of their occupation.
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>>17940121
>You can't just invalidate an acquaintance or a friendship just because of the status of their occupation.
You can if you aren't a moral nihilist.
>>
>>17939333
Do the guy a favor and dump him, so he doesn't have to listen to your toxic jealousy..
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>>17940121
Technically they're people. But not really. More like reusable napkins
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>>17940172
The guy is a douche. The only guys I know on facebook that have that many friends and most being sluts, are either sluts themselves or too ugly and wish they could be manwhores so constantly like and comment on provactive pics. Nobody got time for fuckboy drama
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lol any guy with 1500+ fbfriends with almost all of them whores and underages girls is a thirsty as fuck guy. Those girls didn't send him friendrequests, he found them and added them, and they accepted for whatever reason.

OP don't listen to the anons that say that you are paranoid or crazy. Those fb-friends are really weird, and how your bf is responding to you is even weirder.
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>>17939667
This

It may be 2017, but most people don't have 1500 friends, if he values that many girls that he can't cut out at least half of them for you its definitely not a healthy relationship. I'm all for having friends but 1500, mostly women is excessive. He literally keeps them there to fantasize about. Impossible to form close bonds with that many people
>>
If a guy has whores added, it's fine.
If it's a girl, you whine she must delete all social media.

Nah, it's one thing if he had pretty female friends who posted revealing photos every now and then. Having unknown underage girls and prostitutes who post revealing photos is disgusting.
Give him an ultimatum. Delete or end. Because this disregard for how you feel, this apparent certainty that he can ignore you and suffer no consequence will only get worse.
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>>17940213
>Nobody got time for fuckboy drama
if you are using that word unironically you need to pls get out of the high school mentality.
>>
lol at dating a normie with a Facebook
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>>17940232
Wow you sound so cool. Abnormy
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>>17939333
glad to see that there are grills out the that share my distaste for social media
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>>17940240
Facebook is for hooking up and having completely vacuous social interaction, like having 1500 "friends" and I'm not interested in that. over half of the divorces today mention Facebook in their paperwork. normie trash social media is a waste of time
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>>17940295
>Facebook is for hooking up and having completely vacuous social interaction
maybe for you. for me its a quick way to read news articles and keep up with my fav bands
I never use the chat thing either. you can customize social media for your needs
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>>17940299
and OP's bf has customized his for fapping to underage skanks, whores, escorts and probably erping/exchanging nudes
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>>17940309
thats an assumption tbqh. OP needs to let her bf show her his feed.
he could have them unfollowed for all we know. really don't understand why don't you just let your partner see your social media accounts. my gf has access to mines anytime
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>>17939333
>he's coming off as a different person than I hoped he is.
Please...
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>>17939338
So... you would not be embarrassed for your parents to see that your girlfriend chose 9/10 of her facebook friends because she wanted to look at their muscular butts & bulges in boxers?

Cool story that I somehow don't believe whatsoever. Even apart from whether it's reasonable that OP doesn't like seeing a huge huge list of all his fap material laid out, with their real names and contact info, it's just utterly classless and immature.
Thread posts: 61
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