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how do i handle the fact that i am somebody that isn't very

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how do i handle the fact that i am somebody that isn't very cuddly and my bf is somehow searching bodycontact 24/7?
i tried to tell him that it's not that i don't love him pr that i don't like cuddling with him, just the AMOUNT is too mich for me. but ofc he still took it personal. if i say something, he pays attention to not smother me for half a day and then goes back to his usual dose of it.
i try to not push him away so he feels rejected but honestly, i's just too much for me sometimes and makes me even resent him a bit. i feel invaded and like he doesn't respect my boundaries.

and for the record, i'm mot just paranoid. others have made remarks about him constantly being glued to me too (despite the fact that he's "less" clingy in public...).
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>>17939241
Establish your goals, do you want
>him respect your boundaries
>him feeling loved
or both?

if you want both
>how to have him feeling loved while keeping up your boundaries

People are complex, keeping in body contact 100% of the time won't be the only thing that will satisfy him, otoh finding a basic compromise and cuddling too much for you and not enough for him will end up with both unhappy, and possibly breaking up.
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>>17939254
i do want both if it is somehow possible...

i will have a talk with him and try to find some other ways to make him feel loved. but if we assume that there are 5 love languages (gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physcial affection and acts of service), i feel like i already do all of them in appropriate amounts. he has said that he has an exagerrated need for being reassured. he's insecure and thinks he's not worthy of love. so i guess that's one of the roots of our problem. i just don't know how to help him deal with this so the symptoms might get better.
i on the other side have some intimacy issues, which make me bbe a bit colder than healthy. truly an awesomw combination. but i guess we can both learn from each other and hopefully meet in the middle and find a good balance. might just need some pushing and pulling till we get there.
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>>17939280
Wasn't the theory that everybody has a primary, possibly a secondary, and doesn't really care about the other love languages?
If physical touch is his primary, you could try initiating more often. If you focus on the stuff he doesn't care for you'll feel like you're really trying and doing a lot, while he'll think you aren't, a really bad combo.
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>>17939289
yeah, but since i can't seem to give him enough of his primary (he isn't big on gifts and acts of service but i think i can compensate a bit with loving words and quality time) to fill up his need for feeling loved i tought it might be worth a try to amp up the others that aren't a problem for me. for example: i love spending time with him doing something else than cuddling or fucking. we could easily do more stuff like cook dinner together or go for a hike or something.

ofc i won't just shut him down on physical affection! i need my dose of cuddling, too. we just have to work on the compatibility of the amount of it.
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Man, my boyfriend is the same fucking story. He's way too needy and this has been a problem since we started dating. What I've figured out is that the problem here is his insecurity. This is a much bigger problem than what it leads on to be. Lemmie guess, he's also a very jealous person and overprotective? All have to do with insecurity.
I'm also a very cold person, but we've been dating for a few years now so I actually push him when it's too much. He really hasn't resolved that problem yet, but it's been somewhat improving. I managed to get to the root of where his insecurity comes from, who knows if maybe your guy has the same one, but from there you can't just fix it. You need to get a hold of that root and careful talk to him and do things that will make this problem disappear.
>>
carefully*
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>>17939343
i know that his insecurity is the cause for his clingy behaviour. i also know that he feels like he's never good enough or worthy. i don't know exctly why. he doesn't either. or how to change that.
maybe time might help him get over it.
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>>17939241

hello ? this is a compatibility issue

anything else he does you do not like ?

>i feel invaded and like he doesn't respect my boundaries

this is totally creepy and IMHO time for a new bf
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This might sound dumb, but what if you not only make the amount of cuddling less, but also make the quality of cuddling higher. That way he might be more satisfied with cuddling with you less.
>>
You bitches needa get with the programme...
Give your man sum fuckin attention
Just because ur cold and distsnt you know these are not good traits
Maybe your the problem not him?
Cuddle into him once in a while dont make him initiate it everytime
Get a routine or pattern of like i duno the same message or sentence every night before bed
Remind him of why hes great and mean it
Either meet his needs or let somebody else?
Enjoy his money while it lasts
Thread posts: 11
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