So you're a guy. And there's a girl. You're close

Struggling to understand why you made this thread OP.

Nothing is special about you, people want to be around people who are nice to themselves and love themselves. That's what sets you apart and ultimately gets you a good partner.

You need to explore how to love yourself and how to be nice yourself and enjoy being alone FOR YOURSELF NOT A GIRL before you should try a mix a woman into it

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Not a god damned thing.

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>>17916081
Impossible. You're telling me to be okay with the prospect of dying alone and feel okay about it, as if the one thing I want out of life isn't someone that loves me. I've had everything, I've had nothing, and the one thing I can say for sure that I absolutely need, that everyone needs, and is the only thing anyone needs, is someone that well and truly loves them.

Everything else under the sun can fucking burn.

>>17916102

How are you supposed to make anyone happy if you can't make yourself happy? A woman is supposed to be icing on the cake, and well you're the cake.

You've been watching too much anime.

>she talks to you about the other guys
sorry anon, you're just frieeeends

>>17916073
You are just deep in the friend zone, if you want to make her your girlfriend then you have to stop giving her the perks of relationship without the responsibilities and you have to stop treating as your friend but rather a woman.

>>17916122
Would it be just distancing yourself and approaching her as strictly as a potential partner?

>>17916117
I repeat. You are asking me to be okay with the prospect of dying alone. Who the fuck is even capable of doing that other than aromantics, if such a thing is even real? Not to mention the part of that where I've let my father down and doomed my extended family by failing to provide an heir in their name. I can't let any of that happen. And that's before I even get to my own personal feelings on the subject, where we can pile on all sorts of specified pain like never knowing what it feels like to hold hands, never spending a night on a holiday with your SO, never knowing the greatest joys that are even possible, never watching your children grow and mature into their own fulfilled selves. Having to die with the knowledge that the vast majority of humanity lived a fuller, more joyous and more meaningful life than you, and it's your fault for failing to do so as well.

There isn't a single hobby, skill or language on this planet you can learn to negate that.

>>17916134

Friend zone is bullshit, don't buy into that, I know you're a younger guy. The love yourself advice is the right way man. It's the only way to sustainable happiness.

>>17916134
Pretty much.
If shes not sucking your cock you shouldn't have to listen her talk about other men.

>>17916139

How old are you? Give me an honest answer.

>>17916151
25. Handholdless, kissless virgin, never been on a single date.

>>17916157
I am also not OP, if you were wondering that.

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>>17916080
Got rejected by a girl like the one in the OP.
I enjoy my time with her, look forward to seeing her even. Wouldn't call it head over heels, but sure, why not. Asked her out, got the "I'm busy" excuse right after we were talking about how empty her schedule is (ha). Nothing more than expected and no big deal to me like the replies here are implying.

Just one thing is bugging me, and that's that there are so many guys she's involved with. Among them are so many ethnicities, so many lifestyles, so many hobbies. It's like a big pool she could just fish for any set of traits from and still catch something.
In a pool like that, how do you stand out as a person if all the others are already doing the best they can?

I'm not asking to get with this girl and not trying to anymore. Just curious how romance with someone like that works out. That's why I wrote out a generic story, because just loving yourself doesn't feel like it cuts it.

>>17916161
hi it's me OP

Welp, if it's me that we're talking about in this situation I'd first have to face the very, very real possibility that I could be rejected outright or given a completely noncommittal response. I'd consider the aftereffects of both those things. Then I'd ask her out on a date. Based on the way you're describing her, full disclosure might be best. Something very, very concise and along the lines of, "Based on everything you've said to and around me, I know you don't want to seriously date someone. But I want to go on a date with you so I have a shot at getting you interested in more casual dates. And if that works out, we go from there."

But honestly, it sounds like a futile act. You've made it sound like dozens of guys have asked her out and she's turned all of them down, which may mean she has a serious aversion to commitment. It really sounds like you need to find someone else.

You're putting pussy on the pedestal man... if you can't see life's purpose beyond romantic love, then you are lost. People don't define it the way you do, and it seems to me that you haven't experienced the bitterness that comes with love either. Just saying. Once you taste it and lose it, you will understand why focusing on yourself is better in the long run.

>>17916157

Your problem is that you give too much power to women. You need to try a new way of thinking because what you have does not currently work for you.

The reason why guys say all the "Friendzone, cuck, alpha, beta shit" is because they're trying to achieve the same goal I'm trying to tell you. To treat women as people, people who have different variables and may be complete shit. The problem is that they're insecure and haven't tried to understand themselves before adding anything else to the mix.

The irony of this premise, is that you want all this romantic love, happy family life but you somehow think by being a douchebag initially you will achieve this happiness and love? How does being manipulative lead to love? It's illogical.

I'm telling you that you need to love yourself so much that even if you were alone, you could die happy. Is that goal achieveable or feasible? No, ONLY if you really wanted to yes. But it's the direction you need to be thinking. Buddhist Monks are celibate, do you think they are unhappy? They are the most happy and peaceful people on the planet.

>>17916174
>The reason why guys say all the "Friendzone, cuck, alpha, beta shit" is because they're trying to achieve the same goal I'm trying to tell you. To treat women as people, people who have different variables and may be complete shit. The problem is that they're insecure and haven't tried to understand themselves before adding anything else to the mix.
Okay, I get that, but I fail to see how that applies to me. I don't fall into that trap or believe the rhetoric behind it.

>you somehow think by being a douchebag initially you will achieve this happiness and love? How does being manipulative lead to love? It's illogical.
What are you event talking about?

>I'm telling you that you need to love yourself so much that even if you were alone, you could die happy. Is that goal achieveable or feasible? No, ONLY if you really wanted to yes. But it's the direction you need to be thinking.
I've never been good at convincing myself of anything that can't be proven directly through science or statistics. The only way I'd be able to achieve such self respect is if I somehow had such a monumental impact on the world that it really wouldn't matter anymore, and I'm not Elon Musk, or anywhere close to him. Buddist monks are men of faith and conviction. I am not. I am a man of evidence and calculation. If I can't make the numbers work, then it's fucked for good. I can't possibly die happy if I still have regrets about my life, and the biggest one I have is spending it all alone while I still had the chance not to.

>>17916167
Same situation. Girl is talking to several guys but not looking for commitment. Calls me her main guy but rejects a date though she wants me to be around her during the rough times. She got scared after my approach, especially since she's 23 and committed to work and I'm 26 and very stable with my career. My mistake was giving her all the benefits of dating without physical intimacy. Thinking of just not talking to her for a while and seeing if she's ready later. In the meantime, looking to test the waters.

>>17916210

I think im confusing ops post with some others posters forgive me im human.

That's why it's called "self-confidence" Having faith in yourself. And it seems that it is literally foreign to you, not everything works by the numbers and assuming you can't comprehend that is a fallacy.

You're being way too hard on yourself as well, you don't need to be Elon Musk and you don't need to make an impact on the world. We'll all be dead soon enough.

My girlfriend is awesome. She is a professional solo violinist and is undeniably sexy as hell and adores me. I am average, I'm not particularly good at anything. I like learning Japanese, meditation, studying music and art and learning about game dev. I'm pretty sure the way i treat myself, how i treat her, how i am open with my feelings and having my own interests is what keeps her around. But to be honest, if we break up it's okay. I love myself most of the time. I will still have all the things I like to do and that'll never change.

>>17916073
>What makes you stand out here?
nothing
you are just one of many sources of free attention

>>17916244
see
>>17916161


I'm a has-been shooter and a dead-end tinkerer. I treat myself like crap because I hate expending the effort and money to do well by myself. I indulge my interests to the point they become a crutch. I am on track with my life goals and financial plans, but they are lowly, low-effort and hands-free. I just want to eliminate sources of trouble or discomfort in my life and achieve financial independence so I can spend all of my time out on a ranch attending to little projects.I'm slothful and miserly. I deny my feelings and aspire to stoicism.

I can't feel prideful about being that kind of person and I certainly can't love myself for it.

>>17916295

Check out Buddhism literature, I recommend Thich Naht Hanh. You understand the harsh, disciplined side of relating to your emotions which is great but you haven't learned the soft compassionate side of relating to your emotions.