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Relationship advice.

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Warning : Long Story Ahead. Not begging you to read but if you have the time, please do read it. :D Thank you.

Had a boyfriend for over 4 years and it wasn't a good journey. I'm writing this in green text just to make it more easier to understand for you.

>we met because his girlfriend's best friend was me and I was sort of a mediator between them
>they broke up and he slightly showed an interest on me and I didn't like it
>he started to ask me out or certain occasions
Suddenly one day,
>he got admitted to hospital due to a lung problem from excessive smoking (not weed but just cigarettes)
>after he was dismissed form the hospital, we became more friendly
>he asked me if I like him?
>I said "I need time."
>he said okay but make it before this day ends.
>Arghhh...okay I said a "yes" the next day.
>went on multiple days
>blinded me with his love and care and took me out on places
>he seemed like a very good person and I thought he's the one for me
>his ex(best friend then) started keeping a distance with me
>I understand and I felt guilty but he actually left her because she was an "Angry selfish bitch" according to him

Later he started telling me he needs more from me and I understood what he meant and told him that, "once after we get fixed on our lives and we get married, I'll do it with you because that's how I prefer and you gotta respect that."

Even after saying all this, he still gets angry whenever he picked this topic and I said no. I just didn't want to do it because I preferred that way. Instead of understanding and respecting my decision he wasn't ready to act cool.

Then, I get into a college and he didn't because he had other plans.
Whenever I post pics or say how cool I'm with my friends here, he gets jealous and says "Look, you shouldn't talk to them like that. I have kept a distance with my friends and I'll be this way and not talk to them but you also should be like me."

It's stupid and I did say that's stupid but he gets angry at me for that.

He was also very jealous of the male friends I have but I even kept a distance from them and was that silent girl in the class. I thought to do this because I didn't want an another fight.

Then I met this dude and he seemed really nice and I said to my bf that he's a nice guy and is really helpful with me. Now this dude isn't trying to hit on me and I'm cleared at that part because a few days ago just before the new year, he told me that "People over here are saying we are in a relationship but I know I'm not because if had planned on asking you, I would had done it a year back when we met because I don't like keeping things in for a long time. I currently have other plans and am currently focused on studies."

Even tho all of this, he constantly kept on having doubts on me with this dude I met and an another dude that already has a gf. He had serious trusts issues on me and I told him it directly that I'm still in love with him and I need a bit of freedom.

He kept on getting angry at me for even the smallest things.
Later I understood that he really just wants sex from me because he gets really happy when I just agree for the sake that I'll do and then he'll be soapy.

Discussing general things were actually less because fights became one of the primary things that happens over the chats and phone calls.

We both like each of our interests(I don't know if he liked them for me.).

My parents are well aware that I'm in a relationship with him and my mom almost sees him like her own son, dad is the same too.

Then we slowly started to keep distance and we often met up that ended up in arguments by him saying;
>"I was acting all these times just to keep you happy."
What do you mean by that?
>" I stopped interacting with people just for you."
Why?? Did I restrict you from talking to them?

He started saying dumb things which has no logic.

Also I didn't actually like(did like him as a best friend like my bf considered) his best friend for reasons.
Whenever I told him to come alone, he brought his best friend along with him.
Whenever we had a fight, this guy comes up in between in chats and tries to solve our shit. I mean who told you to this? Aren't we both grown ups? Are you patronizing us?
He tells to me on chats "Are you guys fighting because of me? Okay, I'll go."
Okay man, I don't have any enmity towards you but why do you have the need to interfere in our relationship stuff?

Also, when these both have fights and don't talk to each other, this guy puts the topic of his(my bf) ex and these both are once again okay together. What the fuck is wrong here? I can't understand.

He and his ex has had sex and I know that happened because she told me because I took a fucking sex ed for them just because I scored good in Biology.

My bf has also told me he's trying to forget her but when his best friend puts her topic up, he's interested like a bee to a flower.
Later I started keeping a distance from my bf and still we had fights between, and because I could not take this anymore, I told I'm breaking up with him.

He tried to apologize. But no, he isn't that trust worthy.(I have an explanation to that.)
I', perfectly alright with him drinking and shit but I told him more isn't good. Then he still promised me that he wouldn't drink and he broke that promise a multiple times(2 times me catching him in the act.).

I started opening up with the dude I met because I was always that silent girl and never really talked to anyone but this dude, which I told earlier and he told me "From what you've said, that wasn't a smooth journey. I think you did the right thing. And you should not feel over-bad and should over come stuff like this." He's an open dude and a great friend. He also told me that I'm like a sister to him and I give him the care. He regularly thanks me on stuff even though I tell him not to thank like excessively. But then he says "This is how I do. Deal with it." He's also a really funny guy and kinda a memelord and constantly makes me laugh from the stupid shit he said that he admits most are from memes on the internet. Now this guy's a regular visitor on 4chan and if you understand who I am, hello! You stupid monkey. ;D

So now that I've told my story, I regularly find myself crying to this stuff which I'm trying to overcome with as many as methods I learn of. Meditation, taking extra classes, etc you name it.

I sometimes ask myself "Did I do the right thing?"

"Should I go back to him?"

I still like him but I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

>What opinion or advise can you form from reading this 1 million worded story of my relationship(first ever) and the questions I asked at last?

If you have reached here, thank you for taking your time reading this poor girl's story. May you have a wonderful life.
Your ex sounds immature. He sounds like he has problems articulating his feelings, and he probably didn't know what he wanted in the relationship.

Leaving someone is hard, because it's like a part of you that you invested in this person is just... gone. I would focus on school and building ties. You can't forget, but you can trust you made the right decision.
...This is unbelievably dramatic. Why were you even in a relationship like this? You've mentioned being an adult at the time, why didn't you act like one instead of creating another act for your silly play?
From what it sounds like, you never wanted to be in a relationship with him to begin with...
Obviously it was an unhealthy relationship, and by the way you converse about the past it wasn't beneficial to your life whatsoever. Even in memoriam, you hardly have a single positive thing to mention regarding this relationship. (Jealousy, controlling behavior, continual arguments over nothing important, trust issues etc...)
By the way... his friend chiming in was probably because he was extremely uncomfortable with the immature fighting going on literally right in front of him. How can you say he should have minded his own business when you were one of "those couples" that thinks it's okay to publicly argue? Try to not assist in obnoxious behavior in your next relationship.
Besides from that it's his friend, why the hell would he jump onto your bandwagon? You bring it up like it jaded you so badly, but you would be unimpressed if one of your friends had leapt to his aid...
are you autistic?
I forgot to add this but he even came into the event of asking me "Did you just say yes to me because of a sympathy that I was admitted to a hospital for so long?" This gave me a shock all over inside me.

I really don't know why I still kept on hanging in this relationship even though I know it's an unhealthy relationship. I had hopes here and there and I thought something would change. I was inexperienced. I never had a relationship before and most of the times, I didn't know what to think or do.

When it comes to publicly arguing, it was always he raising his voice.

I know this was a mistake, but then it made me into believe all guys are like this but I know they all are not. Call me a dumb girl but I was super naive when it came to relationships and he fucked my emotions up. He knew where to pinch when talking to me. He constantly told me, I hadn't had any friends and was lonely and this put me down a lot.

He hasn't physically abused me but he was an expert in putting me down every time I talked to him without any aggressive verbal abusing.

Absolutely, his friend was coming in between us stupidly.

Yes, this totally had me up but the break up happened like 5 months back and still I break down every now and then thinking of what has happened.
Sex and only sex! Apparently what I understood from him is that sex is the most primary thing in a relationship and he surprisingly has said this.
He also said, sex will make him more happier in the relationship of us. I was totally weird out.

I'm trying my best man, but I really fucking hope I come out of this.

that's a cute cat

i hope writing all that helped

i read some of it

getting angry at your partner is generally a big red flag


good luck !
Not my cat but a friend send me it.

Yes, actually writing all of it, I feel a bit relieved. I can now agree on the fact that writing down your problem will relieve you. And I don't blame you for not reading the whole thing because I'm aware the things I wrote are very big. Thanks for stopping by and replying. :)

You can get angry at your partner but only for good but when he/she does it for dumb reasons, it's seriously a red flag.
Thread posts: 11
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