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Why does nothing seem to go right when it comes to men? You're

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Why does nothing seem to go right when it comes to men?

You're either interested in them, but they're never interested in you (or notice for that matter). Or they're interested in you, but you don't feel the same. Or they come onto too strong and get creepy. Or you risk being the creeper. And when it doesn't work out, you're always the one having to pay for it. Where you have to be made to feel like crap for rejecting their advances, losing them as a friend, or watch it all fall apart at the seams.

Recently, I had something like this happen with a guy friend of mine. We were very cuddly and affectionate towards each other, platonically of course, but I always felt he came on a little too strong at points. Particularly whenever he asked to hang out. I just could never get into the mood to do that; and danced around the issue when it came up. He didn't push that much, but threw it into our conversations on rare occasions.

I don't know why, but it was starting to creep me out; and I began acting more aloof whenever he was in the same room. Eventually he asked me what was wrong, and I told him, as calmly and kindly as possible, that he's been a little too persistent for my tastes. He just looked at me blankly, and nodded his head awkwardly, before, also in a calm demeanour, saying that if this was the case, it's best he and I never speak to each other.

When I heard that, I immediately began to panic, and tried to persuade him otherwise. I even followed him out of the room when he left, begging him to reconsider. But he told it was best that we don't be friends, until I gave up and walked back. He's been gone since, took me off Facebook and everything. Even my attempts at on the phone wind up with nothing.

I really didn't want this to happen. But it always does with men. :(
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>>17913676
>you want to buy food
>someone says "ok i have food"
>instead of giving you the food they dance around it and just talk to you
>finally ask them if theyre giving you the food
>sorry you keep asking about it, i dont want to give it to you now. But lets keep talking!

Thats you op. Quit being a fucking faggot and using people to validate your attention whoring ways while you continue to look for 'the perfect guy'. Guys and girls like you are literal trash.
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>>17913676
pretty simple, its usually impossible to be friends with opposite sex.
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>>17913676

Your buddy was definitely attracted to you, and when you said you weren't attracted to him...his bubble burst, he was hurt, and he had to leave.

This wasn't your fault.

It's difficult to find your love, but keep trying; they are out there.
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>>17913676
Girls and guys can't be friends when they have feelings for you. You're also aiming out of your league. Relationships should come organically and there is no song and dance someone should have to perform to prove their devotion to you or you to them. Get hotter or lower your standards.
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People like you piss me off OP.
That friend of yours sounds like a stand-up guy though.
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>>17913774
What? What did she do?
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>>17913743
She didn't even speak about what she wanted in a relationship, you butthurt beta.
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>>17913783
First post best post in this thread.
Please give it a read.
>>17913702
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>>17913783
Probably not take into account how her guy friend might feel, instead focusing only on her.
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Look, as a girl who has one best friend who is male (and not gay) that really works, but has also had situations where what you described happen with other men, I really do think a lot of men have trouble viewing women as people beyond their value as a sexual mate.

They also can't compartmentalise the way we can, and seem to look at all women as a potential partner.

Lesbians can be friends with straight girls better than men can be friends with women. The majority are too sex focused and incapable of seeing women as people to ever be friends.
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>>17913789
But why is it so hard to see that women may not be attracted to you? Why is that such a big fucking blow? Why are you all so pathetic about it?

What if she really likes this guy as a person? It's not her fault she's not attracted to him.
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>>17913795
Well, while that is a bit inconsiderate, she is ranting about her feelings.
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>>17913805
ur questions way to generalised, u seem presumptuous and clearly hurt.
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>>17913811
No, I'm not hurt.

I just find this attitude where men expect sex and a relationship just for being someone's friend really irritating.

And then when a woman complains about the dynamic this creates, people attack her for not going out with someone she doesn't want to date, and just wants as a friend.
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>>17913786
Lol, if she was having trouble finding a certain kind of personality she'd have said. Relationships come easily. The people who want you are who you choose from. It was apt advice without the elaboration on her part. You're the one that seems butthurt tbqhfamdesu.

>>17913798
Y'all are just boring compared to guy friends. You'd have to be pretty feminine as a guy to like what girls like.
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>>17913805
But why is it so hard to see that guys might not want you as a friend? Why is that such a big fucking blow? Why are you all so pathetic about it?

What if he really likes the girl more than a friend? It's not his fault he's attracted to her.
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>>17913818
But it's not the girl who's rocking the boat here.
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>>17913816
And what do girls like then?
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>>17913826
A bunch of vapid shit usually. And hentai porn, apparently.
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>>17913818
*All* yea nice
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>>17913824
She's being oblivious is her problem. She should find guys that aren't attracted to her, like gay dudes or really hot guys.
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>>17913828
Why do you believe that? Where are you meeting these girls? I'm not that anon, but it seems like you're only meeting one type of girl.

My gf likes philosophy, history, playing music, reading, video games, and cinema. So do all her friends.
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>>17913676
fuck you op men are not your fucking emotional tampon and women are shit friends in general. also women are for fucking not for friendship.
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>>17913676
There's no surprises to anything you've stated thus far. Good friends are usually honest with eachother. It was not very honest to string your friend along if it was never in your interest to reciprocate his advances.

There's nothing taboo or hurtful about declining him because he isn't owed anything, but acting like you don't care about or shouldn't have to worry about his feelings on the matter of dating is pretty immature and unbecoming of somebody you'd expect to call a "friend."

Basically, grow the fuck up.
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Look men don't want to be friends with us. They just don't. Sex gets in the way. Either befriend gay men or find other women.

They can't handle being close to a woman that they're not fucking, unless she;s much uglier than them.

Accept this fact and move on from that friend.
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>>17913824

>I platonically cuddle of my friends!
>you mean people could get the wrong idea from that??
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>>17913833
Something tells me women don't go near you enough for either fucking or friendship.
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>>17913798
> people beyond their value as a sexual mate
I obviously don't speak for all men... It's not so much men view women as only sexual mates, but it's nearly impossible to not view a woman as a potential mate, if that makes sense.

From my point of view:
I am friends with a woman. I respect her and view her as a human being with just as much value as any other person.
There's always this nagging urge along the lines of "what if we fucked", or "she would be a cool girlfriend". It's worse the more attractive a girl is. If the man's feelings are strong, and the woman senses them, she's probably going to feel a little alienated and might tell him she doesn't want something like that. The man is hurt, since you basically just told him he's not a good mate. Men hate "the friendzone" because it's really easy to interpret it like you've been made her bitch.

It's hard wired into men, since our reproductive strategy is to mate with as many women as possible. Obviously humans can and do overcome their instincts every day, but we can't totally remove them. This makes platonic relationships with women really hard, on both sides of the equation.
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>>17913805
>But why is it so hard to see that women may not be attracted to you? Why is that such a big fucking blow?
If you have feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate, that's one of the biggest blows that you can experience aside from death of a loved one. That shouldn't be too hard of a concept to follow.

>What if she really likes this guy as a person?
Doesn't matter. She still doesn't like him the same way he does. That's a huge problem which makes any friendship and relationship an impossibility for the two.
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>>17913838
I'm not denying that OP was an idiot. I just don't think men understand how much women don't get that you can't view us as anything less than a potential romantic partner (unless we're ugly).
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>>17913831
>philosophy, history, playing music, reading, video games, and cinema
Like I said lol. Guys talk about sports and working out and getting laid, which is vapid too, but masculine. Bring up a conversation about history or philosophy; sounds great, once. Men just have a different dynamic. We are always ragging on each other for fun, whereas women as a gaggle don't do that.

Idk man you're asking me about obvious stuff where you can just say "Well, no, I have this one gal friend..."
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>>17913850
>Guys talk about sports and working out and getting laid, which is vapid too, but masculine
I don't talk about any of that, and nor does anyone else I know (as in, my male friends). We talk about politics and music, art, martial arts (with a couple of friends) society, the universe and everything.

Maybe you're just boring and thus attract boring girls.
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>>17913850
Well if you make sweeping generalizations about half the species, don't be surprised when people point out how they're not exactly true.
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>>17913839
because I am not a pathetic beta orbiter waiting for her to throw me a bone after she hits the wall. I have better things then being her emotional tampon. also male friendship is way superior they are more loyal, less judgmental, intellectual superior,more fun and more useful.
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>>17913885
Well, friendship with such a bitter and angry individual as yourself can't be good for anyone, male or female.
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I have plenty of female friends. I love them, but not in a sexual way.

I think both younger men, and attention starved men, are generally more likely to be attracted to any girl that gives them the time of day, and wonders "what if we were together?" I personally have plenty of other options to date, and because of that, I'm less inclined to care if a girl just wants to be my friend. Another will come along.

That being said, if the tables were turned, and there was a guy you were totally in love with but he didn't give two shits about you that way, would you stick around? It's unfair and kind of heartbreaking, because unfortunately, the relationship is one sided and broken.
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>>17913676
This is old pasta
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>>17913858
>the universe
You must be an astronomer to bring up the universe more than three times in a relationship in a long enough conversation to consider it talked about.

Look dude I'm not saying you can't be friends with a girl casually. But to choose her over other guy friends to spend one-on-one time with seems weird. You can talk about any of those things with guys and it'd be 100x more informed and fun. Unless you're a feminist, or talking about the patriarchy, or makeup, etc.
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>>17913913
My female friends are just as informed as my male ones. And no, I'm not a feminist.
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>>17913899
just calling women on their bullshit like ever real men should do instead of being a little pussy that is afraid of not getting laid if they say something on the way women treat men.
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>>17913921
Most women treat men well. There are bitches, sure. But there are awful men out there too. Outside of your little echo chamber, most people have functional, happy relationships.
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>>17913798
I'm a straight guy who's mostly friends with women to the point of being able to cuddle and get physically intimate with them (not necessarily in a sexual way). Mainly because I just like having that kind of attention from them. But I've had similar problems as the guy in OP's story, where it seems like I'm might making a girl in comfortable, but they say otherwise, while still acting weird and out of character. And when this continues, it starts getting worrisome, especially when they keep saying nothing's wrong, while clearly behaving that something is up. But when you try to enquiry or investigate the problem, you often risk making whatever's happening worse, or inadvertently pushing it into that direction in some self-fulfilling prophecy kind of way. And once you cross that line, you can never go back, and the consequences for it never end there.

So I've had to end a few friendships over problems like these, mostly because they're a lot more trouble than they're worth. And it almost always get worse the longer you stay. And I just want to avoid whatever can make things get worse.

Heterosexuals in general often have trouble being friends with the opposite sex.

>>17913783
Weirdly enough, related to what I wrote above, cutting friends off when you're worried there might be discomfort between the two of you sometimes end in them trying to get you to reconsider, or trying harder to keep you around, or rekindle whatever relationship you had. Something they weren't putting nearly as much effort into before. Which can get annoying, because it's like "well if you didn't want this to happen, why didn't bother you keeping in better communications with me?" It's just the case of "you should've saw this coming." Something about people who can't take into account the possible consequences for their action, even something as simple as walking down the street to their job, just irritates me. And makes losing a friend, whether because of you or them, more tragic.
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>>17913676
op, if I didn't know better, you literally described the exact same situation I've been in with this girl.

Like we had a thing awhile back but then we ended it due to complications, and when we came back and tried to be friends still, I couldn't help but still be attracted to her. I tried to be her friend but I couldn't help be madly in love with her. But I really didn't want to creep her out, so I tried my best not to show my feelings. But it became too obvious, I have a bad habit of drunk texting her and I pretty much just stated my feelings. And tried to block and delete her when im xanned out, but I end up always adding her back because she is my favorite person and she says wtf y u keep deleting me. I can't be friends with her, its destroying the relationship I am in now because all I can think of is her.

So the best thing to do it never see her again, pretend she already moved to germany like she says she will. I didn't mean to make her feel bad or guilty that we cant be friends, I just can't help be attracted to her, and I don't want to be creepy so I deleted her number and told her to block me on everything

feels bad man. she has such nice energy and personality, and that blonde hair, and sleezy humor...god damnit she was perfect
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>>17913719
This.
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>>17913676
>We were very cuddly and affectionate towards each other, platonically of course

i'm a guy and have had lots of platonic female friends and we were never "cuddly" or "affectionate". that's how you act with somebody that you're intimate with, not a platonic friend. it seems like you were sending mixed signals.
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>>17913676
this is pasta
>>
this has to be bait
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>>17913840
Actually a really accurate description
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>>17913676
>very cuddly and affectionate towards each other,
You CANNOT BE THIS WAY TO FRIENDS.

What's so hard to understand about this? That kind of behavior is couples behavior.
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>>17913798
>The majority are too sex focused and incapable of seeing women as people to ever be friends.
I always love hearing this shit, because it's so false. I'm friends with plenty of women because they're actually interesting. We don't even share the same hobbies, they just have their own shit going on and I'm legitimately interested in hearing about it.

The issue is that the vast majority of women are boring. If all you do is work a dead end job, engage in some garbage gossip, and just watch makeup tutorials on youtube you have nothing interesting going on. I want no part of that life. But that's what most women resemble. Don't get me wrong, tons of men are equally boring too. But when I say I'm not interested in being friends with them people don't whine about how I'm sexist or some nonsense.
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>>17913815
Men want meaningful relationships, not disingenuous materialistis aquaintances (see: friends).

Do you think OP could get "cuddly" with a male friend while she has a bf? How do you think her bf would feel?

If it was you who wrote the lesbian friendship example. It's a terrible example btw, a straight woman who hangs out with dykes has questionable judge of character skills.

Men want a family, wife, child, etc. Women want to attention whore, seek validation from men and other women, they wanna sit around complaining about other women (presumably because they don't have men in their lives), and waste money on material things to fill a spiritual void in the absense of meaningful relationships.
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>>17913676
I can't speak for all men but when women tell me "I just want to be friends" the first thought in my head is "Well, I've already got friends...."
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>>17913676
Guy here. To be honest both sides fucked up here through a lack of communication and mixed signals. OP was very affectionate towards this guy and cuddled with him which is a very intimate thing and probably aroused this guy's interest in the first place. The guy fucked up after he caught these feelings by pussy-footing around the issue and not directly asking OP out early on. He liked their relationship, wanted more, but was scared to lose it all if she did not reciprocate these feelings. OP fucked up by having suspicions of this (and opportunities to address it when her friend was acting weird) but decided to dance around the issue for the same reason, fear of losing the friendship.

The guy got tired of this and finally took the initiative to learn where he stood in OP's eyes. He learned that OP had not interest in him, and it seems he very maturely broke off ties with OP so that he could move on with his life. This might seem like a big thing for him to do, but many guys have been in a scenario like this. If he stayed in the relationship as it was with some small hope of wooing OP in the future, he will be kicking himself 1 week, or month, or even year down the line when OP eventually finds some other guy and becomes romantically involved.
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>>17913676
>we were alwaya cuddly platonically

Unless a man is your actual father or a homosexual there is no such fucking thing.
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