[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | | Home]

My bf and I have different life plans- should we break up?

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 21
Thread images: 2

I'm in my mid 20s, dating a guy 2 years older. We get along okay, have good sex and all that jazz. Taking the relationship to the next step however, means going down the marriage and kids route.

The issue is, he wants me to be his housewife. and not focus on my own career.

At this point, I'm working in a field I love and make good money (law), and am probably able to progress easily, as I'm good at it.

But he calls himself 'traditional' and wants to be the main breadwinner, have me keep house and raise children etc. etc.

I do want kids (eventually), but I want an equal partnership. I'm scared of going into a situation where I'll be financially beholden to another, and that the breadwinner always has more power in a household. It also means that it would be nigh on impossible to get back to where I am in my career, should the relationship go sour.

What do I do /adv/? Do I leave, as we're going to be incompatible in the future?
>>
>we get along ok
This was the first red flag. Why would you marry someone you only got along ok with? Are you retarded? You're gonna spend life 24/7 with someone you only get along ok with?

Also if you marry him you'll be resentful that you won't have a career, he'll be resentful that you're resentful, and it will spiral down from there.
>>
>>17913674
>I do want kids (eventually), but I want an equal partnership. I'm scared of going into a situation where I'll be financially beholden to another, and that the breadwinner always has more power in a household. It also means that it would be nigh on impossible to get back to where I am in my career, should the relationship go sour.

This means you don't trust him not to abuse his power over you. Don't you think that's a bad sign? Because it is.
>>
>>17913686
I meant it as a general term. I suppose the more accurate term is 'well', as in we have the same interests, talk, go on dates etc. etc.

>>17913692
I wouldn't trust anyone like that, I want to be able to be in control of my own life.
>>
>>17913699
You don't even sound that crazy about him. Are you even in love with him? Nope. You'll know when you find the person you should marry. In the words of my non-native english speaking mother, you 'will never feel the hurricane feeling if you settle'.
>>
>>17913712
I am in love actually. It's just gotten to a point (we've been together for a few years) where to regain the 'honeymoon spark' we'd have to keep moving forward as a couple. Marriage is something that I suspect he's thinking of to get us out of the slight rut we're in. I'm scared he's going to pop the question when I haven't decided all this other stuff.

I love him, but I don't know if we're compatible in terms of life trajectories.
>>
>>17913699
>I wouldn't trust anyone like that, I want to be able to be in control of my own life.

Love means you trust someone. If you can't trust someone, you can't love them. Why? Not having trust means you fear them / are insecure in some way. That feeling will always bubble up.

That said, any guy that doesn't want his wife to work ever if they have kids is also insecure.

You desiring an equal partnership is admirable, but you also have to adjust. If he makes a lot more $, and you trust him, why not take off a few years (or part-time) for the kids?
>>
>>17913720
>I love him, but I don't know if we're compatible in terms of life trajectories.

Think about that, it's clearly not going to work.
>>
>>17913720
But are you IN love? What if after you marry, you get into the rut again? You're gonna have kids to fix the rut? And then you get into another rut after the baby is born. then what? It shouldn't be like this.

You alrrady know you're not life compatible so you know what you have to do. The only question is if you're gonna do it or not. Good luck.
>>
>>17913729
We earn about the same.

I'm just saying, I feel that the imbalance in a traditional relationship leaves the woman in a dangerous and unsteady situation, particularly if the relationship goes poorly.

I mean, for example, if he cheats or something, what can she do? Go live in relative poverty or put up with it? And if she cheats, he can just leave.
>>
>>17913734
I am in love. I really am.
>>
>>17913736
>I mean, for example, if he cheats or something, what can she do? Go live in relative poverty or put up with it? And if she cheats, he can just leave.

Uh, maybe you have heard of community property? I thought you were studying law.

Besides, kids go to pre-school when they are like 3; moms work part-time or flex-time all the time and still have great careers.

MOST moms in America work.
>>
>>17913741
I like how you only respond to the part of the post that you can argue against.
>>
File: 2U8A716.jpg (94KB, 640x720px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2U8A716.jpg
94KB, 640x720px
This isn't really one of those things you can go halfsies on. You say you're in law, but doesn't that require a stupid amount of hours to be remotely competitive? I don't really think the wife being a housewife means the relationship is "unequal", but I'm also biased considering the women in my family arguably have more control than the men. But if it's not something you want to do, I don't really suggest going with it.

>>17913720
>Marriage is something that I suspect he's thinking of to get us out of the slight rut we're in.
Bad news. This relationship strikes me as a dead end even if you discount all of that other stuff. Fix that rut before you even think of marriage.
>>
>>17913744
I'm not American.
>>
lmfao wow, these men and their responses. obviously, if you don't think it's going to work and you're scared of the commitment of becoming a dormant house wife, then don't go for it. honestly, i don't blame you, because if shit goes south and you need money and a job to support yourself after the housewife thing gets played out and you're not on good terms (even if this happens way later in life), that'd be the worse thing to deal with. had that happen to an ex-friend of mine, she's out doing tricks now to support herself because she's an uneducated slob who can't support herself like a normal person could.
>>
>>17913752
>I'm not American.

Oh snap. Well shit I have no idea, if you have no community property law then it's a different situation.

If you're worried about losing power being a housewife, then don't do it. Find a guy that will be more of a partner.

If the guy desires power over you, you will both be unhappy.
>>
>>17913755
And that's what I'm afraid of.
>>
It sounds like if you get married with this guy things will end up bad. You guys don't even share the same values and want to spend the rest of lifes together?
>>
Sounds like it's time to break up. You're both still young, and this sounds wholly incompatible.
>>
>>17913674
>The issue is, he wants me to be his housewife. and not focus on my own career.
>At this point, I'm working in a field I love and make good money (law), and am probably able to progress easily, as I'm good at it.

sorry forget this guy

you're a lawyer you should be able to figure this out

work for awhile establish your career then stop for kids then you can go back
Thread posts: 21
Thread images: 2


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.