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She dumped me, how do I win her back? She dumped me because

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She dumped me, how do I win her back?

She dumped me because she found more details of the cheating I did a couple of years ago, that we had already worked through, and she says she can't look at me the same way again and it has made her fall out of love with me. She says there must be something better than this out there, and a whole bunch of things about why I'm not good enough - sometimes I yell at her when she does something stupid, I'm sometimes rude and standoffish to strangers, and she's about to start a new school that is very intense, and she doesn't think she'll have time to commit to the relationship to try and make things better.

I told her how I felt about her and she got doubts for a while, but after an hour or two regained her resolve. I feel like she still has doubts that she's suppressing and that she's connected with a few friends that don't like me that are leading her to break up. I haven't spoken to her in a day, I will leave her alone for about a week to stew on things, then go drop off the last of the stuff she left at my place, I'm hoping that will give me a chance to try and sway her again, and that all this 'I'm out of love with you' stuff is really just because she hasn't come to terms with her anger yet, and a week of stewing on being alone will change that feeling. She keeps posting shit like pic related on facebook, and it's so ambiguous I can't tell if it's 'bye, it's time to move on, no ragrats', or, 'I know you can change, I just need you to show me'. I'm so confused it's making my heart hurt.

I love her more than anyone in the world, she was my princess. How do I change her mind? I don't have oneitis but fuck it, I love her, she's special, I really don't want to lose her. This is fucking killing me, I didn't expect this, and I definitely wasn't ready to lose her.
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>pls respond
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>>17912846
find someone new to make her jealous
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>>17913033
It would be very difficult to do that, since she's basically a model-tier semi-successful actress.

To make her jealous I'll basically have to date either an actual model or someone actually famous.

Besides, I don't want to make her jealous, I want to get her back.
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>>17912846
-No contact
-Give the bird some space
-Date other birds
/ Makes the bird you want jelly, bro /
/ She'll come flopping back /
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>>17912846

It depends.

Do you think she was telling the truth when she said that she had fallen out of love with you?

If she was, then it's over, and nothing you ever do will ever, ever bring her back. Once love ends, truly ends, it never really comes back.
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>>17912846

relationships are about feelings, not facts. make her feel like she loves you. its not a rational thing. its a human thing. we are all animals.
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>>17913265
I don't know, partly I think she's just mad at me for what she found, and hasn't confronted that. We haven't really argued about it or discussed it, we just went into this weird 'things are ok' mode for a week then she cut it off with no warning.

She wouldn't say she loved me, even when I said I loved her. That hurt. Still hurts.

I think the fact she responded emotionally, even temporarily, when I was explaining to her the reasons why I'm in love with her and the reasons why I want us to be together and work through this, says there's some feeling there. But I think she had resolutely decided one way or another that on the day she broke up with me she wouldn't cave regardless, out of principle.

>>17913276
Yeah, that was my strategy to try and convince her to change her mind - I told her how I felt about her, how she made me feel, how I wanted to make her feel. She cracked at that, but when I stopped telling her it didn't hold for any longer than half an hour.
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>>17913312

just be persistent. give her space but make sure she knows how you feel about her.
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I feel like you can't love her very much if you cheated on here before. You sound like a narcissistic douche tbqh, why can't you let her make her own choices?

If she's made a decision, respect that and leave her alone.

Also the pic related seems to mean she's moving on.

P.S. if it's gotten to the bitching about you with friends stage she's begun the moving on process.
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>>17912846

You sound like an immature moron. You love her "more than anyone in the world", "she was my princess"

Yet you cheated on her, yelled at her, and generally made her unhappy.

Maybe you're just fucking stupid and are incapable of having a real relationship until you grow the fuck up.

Ever think of that?
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Classic case of getting dumped and realizing how much you needed your girlfriend.

It's too late, she dumped you. There's nothing you can do or say to make her change her mind, zero. Every time you contact her, you just push her further away.

Go no contact. That is your only chance. Never text or call her again. No happy birthdays, no holidays, no casual texts, nothing.

If she wants to talk, she'll contact you when she's ready. Never contact her again. Give her space and time to think things over.


Let me just repeat that you can't do anything if you got dumped. The only thing you can do is nothing. The best strategy to get an ex back is to do this.:

>One last message that states you are sorry and you know you made mistakes, but you would like to see her again sometime in the future. Then just say "take care." and never contact her again.
>If she contacts you, simply answer her questions in a polite businesslike fashion. Do not ask her anything.


Don't say a fucking word to her after you apologize and tell her that you want to see her again, OP.
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>>17912846

You cheated. Move on. Trust goes both ways.
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>>17913340
It was a long time ago. Our relationship was toxic at that point, we were on the verge of breaking up, I just tried to segue out of the relationship and into another one too quickly. Since then our relationship has flourished and grown into the best relationship either of us has ever had.

I just concealed some things back then, that are basically inconsequential, because I thought it would be easier for us to rebuild the relationship that way. But You can't rebuild a relationship on a foundation of lies, and she's hurt because she was deceived.

I do respect her decision. I respected it at the time, and I've respected it since she made it a couple of days ago. That doesn't mean that I can't have my own agenda, of what I think would be better for both of us. I think she's throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

And women always bitch about their boyfriends to their girlfriends, just like guys do. I think the issue is the friends she's gone to for support this time - a bunch of polyamorous lesbian types, mostly - all hate me, whereas the friends she would normally go to for support are out of town at a festival, and I suspect they would have encouraged her to reconcile.

I just think she hasn't dealt with the situation at all and has just chosen to check out instead. The combination of this with the stress of starting a new school has overtaken her capacity to want to work at it. One of her top reasons why we shouldn't continue was simply 'I'm starting school in a few weeks and I just don't think I'm going to have time to rebuild this relationship while I'm doing it'.
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>>17913342
>>17913358
>>17913360
Oh look it's the infidelity white knight brigade.

I cheated on her *years* ago, and she knew that. It's not like she found out I was fucking the neighbors daughter yesterday. She found slightly more details of things I did right before we broke up and subsequently reconciled, years ago. We had moved beyond it, she had forgiven it, I had apologized. But finding this stuff out just reopened all the old wounds.

Our relationship of a month ago is totally unrecognizable compared to the relationship at the time I cheated. We have both since dealt with our mental health issues, we're both doing entirely different things with our life, and our relationship was strong and healthy. We both agreed, the strongest either of us has ever had.

>>17913342
Yeah, I yelled at her. Very rarely, usually in crisis type situations, and I was always the first to apologize and admit that it was wrong, and I was taking steps to improve that pattern of behavior. It's not like I was unashamedly verbally abusive; I was completely aware of the impact of my behavior and trying to stop doing it.

I made her anything but unhappy. Two weeks ago we were as happy a couple as either of us knew we could be. We had both just had major achievements (her being accepted into an extremely elite school, me finally having a good year at work) we were celebrating the achievement of together, as a team. We were close and intimate. We went on cute dates that we organized for each other. Things were perfect.
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>>17913407
>Things were perfect.

Yet...she dumped you. Sounds perfect.

If it was actually perfect, then she would never let you go. Never.

Let that sink in.
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>>17913415
Well obviously, but excepting the history that got dragged up and ruined the fuck out of everything, things were pretty perfect.
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>>17913407
So, she never fully dealt with it.

Look, once that trust has been broken it can never, ever be repaired. You fucked up. It's on you.

There's nothing you can do. She'll either come back (and she's stupid if she does) or she wont, but chasing her and following her around will have you seen as creepy and desperate.
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>>17913407

I'm not giving you shit about cheating. I've done it myself and got dumped.

I chased, begged for forgiveness, etc. Got me nowhere, she actually got a new boyfriend while I chased.

The second I stopped chasing I noticed results. Within a week she dumped her boyfriend. Now we're on good terms and I have a strong feeling we're going to meetup sometime soon.

If you want her back, don't contact her. If she wants to work things out, she'll contact you.

If you chase her instead of just going no contact, she will have an easier time getting over you and she won't miss you nearly as much. If you go no contact, it will force her to miss you.
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>>17913419
It sounds like there's something else. If it were only the history then it wouldn't be as much of an issue. Maybe they were perfect for you, but obviously not her.

You sound narcissistic. Not once have you said you care about how she's feeling, or that you're sorry for cheating or anything. It's all about you, you and more you. Maybe there was more going on than you realise.
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>>17913407

Don't ask for advice then if you're gonna buy into your own fantasies.

>>You cheated.
>>Hid the details.
>>Foolishly realize cheating wasn't worth it.
>>Proceed to lambaste those who tell you to move on.

There is no chance she's gonna be your GF. Quit contacting her and attempting to "win her over." She can slap you with a restraining order and fuck up your life if you don't understand that people need their space.
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>>17913431

This.
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>>17913431
Of course I care about how she's feeling. It makes me sick to the stomach to think that the actions I took so long ago are so hurtful to her that she feels that this is the only response. I've hated myself for what I did ever since I did it, because I knew all along it was wrong. Do you really think she would take me back and then stay with me for years afterwards, if she didn't think I was genuinely regretful and contrite about what I did?

Regardless, the point is I asked for advice on possible strategies to win her back, not to be grilled on my ethical rigor by the internet ethics police. She knows how I feel about what I did, how I feel about her, and how much I care for her wellbeing, but that's between me and her. This thread is about me asking what *I* should do; it's not my responsibility to apologise to all of you for what I did.

>>17913430
I'm not chasing, at all. I'm having my own private little freakout, but as I told her from the second she said she wanted to end it, I respect her choice, I'm not going to try and manipulate her into changing her mind, because if she truly isn't in love with me anymore then not being together is the right thing to do.

I've left her alone since I dropped her home after dumping me. I'll continue to leave her alone for about another week, at which point I'll arrange to go to her place and drop off the last of her stuff. I'm hoping that with the additional perspective she may be more receptive, and at that point and that point only will I try and remind her of why she loved me, but I'm not going to keep on begging. If she doesn't feel like we can work on things then, then I'm out, I know it's a lost cause.
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>>17913460
We've told you the truth. There is no winning her back once she's walked.
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>>17913460

>Try to remind her why she loved me

The only way you can do this is by dropping off her stuff, being polite and leaving immediately. The process shouldn't take more than two minutes.

Give her some space. Don't say a word about the breakup or anything serious whatsoever when you drop off her stuff. Treat her like a friend. Don't even hug her. If she hugs you, sure, but make it quick. Do not initiate a hug or any type of physical contact or serious communication.
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>>17912846
>she was my princess
>lol i cheated on her

Cheaters have some of the most interesting cognitive dissonance out there.
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>>17913587
>people are incapable of personal growth

kys
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>>17913407
>i-i-it happened years ago
>m-m-muh depression
>m-m-mental health

Cheaters go tos for justification are self-victimization and shifting blame to forces outside of their control.
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>>17913598

Yeah man, youve totally changed. Dismissing her opinnions as founded on emotions only and temporary, bashing all of her friends, and creating some sort of boogeyman out to ruin your ideal relationship while downplaying your own issues and trying to justify cheating with "it was years ago!"

Totally dont see you cheating/doing whatever you want to. Nope. Not at all.
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>>17913602
It was her mental health, her depression, and her hormonal issues, actually.

I'm not shifting blame at all, I've said ever time I accepted responsibility for cheating 100% and apologized and worked with her to reconcile and rebuild the relationship. Otherwise we wouldn't have lasted together for years after it happened.

Saying it happened years ago doesn't diminish responsibility, it simply reinforces the fact that it's not ongoing infidelity that's the issue at hand, but rather the fallout of something in the past. But w/e keep up your moral crusade, white knight.
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>>17913639
You're just not a nice guy, and she could do better. I mean, you're spreading your personal stuff around 4chan. What does that say?
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>>17913639
>im not shifting blame at all
>it was HER depression, HER hormones, and HER mental issues actually

You cant make this up
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lol swallow your pride and possibly some cum, you're not getting her back if she's deadset on not being with you over YOUR cheating. also, why bother to try to be with someone you cheated on, do you know how hard it is to forgive someone for betraying your trust? also, if you ever cheat, expect to get cheated back on by that same person if they know. they might later in life say, fuck it, he cheated on me first then cheat on you the second they're tempted.
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