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2017 rant

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How do I change?
How can I make this year finally worth something? I'm so fucking tired. I feel like im doing everything in my power to better myself.. I work from dusk till dawn, I work out, my looks got 10x better, I can say confidently I'm good looking, I'm making a real effort to socialize with people, to go out, I even met a girl off tinder, and met with a girl I met at a bar and got her number. but nothing is working out for, why do I work so hard and still feel so sad and alone? why am I still a virgin at 22. I look in way better situation than the avarage guy if you don't know me, fuck this life...

All my life I feel like pushing through barriers, trying to get somewhere, but life is shitting me back out. I can't get anything I want. I only get more things to struggle with.. sometimes I'm at my job, feeling like shit, and I think to myself "this is life man, keep struggling, things must get better for people who work hard, who make an effort, just keep working, just keep lifting, just keep trying to socialize, keep practicing guitar, keep swiping right on tinder, keep no fapping, keep being nice, keep pushing yourself - until someone loves you :'(

but nothing really changes, yes I'm stronger, yes I'm prettier, maybe smarter, but I feel the same, I'm still lonely, I still get depressed, I still don't see a point in life and have no direction, and worse of all I still don't know what it's like to feel loved, to have a sex life and to be free of shame, be honest and confident, around people, and with myself.
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Why did you even improve yourself in the first place?
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You are like the best archer in the world but with no target. You can shoot anything at exact precision. But without a target you can never find the satisfaction of success. You have got to understand why you even pull your bow in the first place.
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>I work from dusk till dawn and then I lift weights
>I'm so tired
>why am I unhappy?
The reason seems pretty obvious to me. You're working all day doing something that I'm guessing you don't truly enjoy. I'm not saying you should quit your job and quit working out, but you should find a balance. To be truly content with your life you need to do things that offer you instant gratification (like playing videogames, eating ice cream and getting drunk with friends) and things that give you long-term rewards (like working out, developing a skill, having a career). Many people become depressed because they only focus on instant gratification so their life becomes a spiral downwards so they end up living in their mothers basement doing nothing but watching chinese cartoons all day. You're in the opposite extreme, you only work for a future goal but never really enjoy yourself. This in turn makes you tired, frustrated and harder to talk to. Hence it's harder for you to find meaningful connections with other people - even though you try it to the point where it becomes a chore. Which also makes you more tired etc. Your life is also a spiral downwards, but in another way.

Besides, the long-term goals you're working for are generic and say nothing about yourself. You don't find pleasure in them, you're only doing it for the end result. Which may never come, as you have probably realized by now. Life is a journey, not a destination. So, while you should have long-term goals, you should set them in a way that would allow you to enjoy the activities you do in order to achieve those goals. This is also a reason why you can't find relationships with other girls - you're boring. You have no personality, no interests because you spend all your time working. What do you even talk about when out on a date?
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>>17911445
Because it's part of my goal, I enjoy it, most of the time, and I expect the benefits of it.
>>17911456
>>17911464
My goal is being content with myself, honest and confident in what's now causing me insecurities. I want to surround myself with good people, and experiece the love or lust of girls.

A job is a job, I couldn't find anything better in my situation, but it's not as bad as other places I worked at.
I am doing things that give me instant gratification, or how I call it chasing "highs".. working out is one of them, smoking weed and doing things with friends is too. I really think I got that balance you are talking about on point. I'm not often feeling depressed, but it's a new year, and when I'm down that's all I think about, however pathetic it sound, just wanting a gf, or atleast fuck a ton of sluts, which doesnt seem hard for some people.

Everything is generic, fitness is a defining aspect of my character, I love the lifestyle, I'm good at it, and it makes me feel good while working out and after.. I got passions, I love music, I write songs from time to time I play the guitar. I basically have everything I need to be attractive. But I think the problem lays in my social interactions, which I improve at too, just in a slow unsatisfying pace.
My dates are not bad from the "talking" standpoint. I just don't know how to show the subtle warmth and affection to make the spark that leads me farther into the relationship. I usually apear cold, but I haven't had many dates. And I'm the one who usually turn them down because I'm not attracted enough. But haven't had luck with a girl I'm really attracted too..
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>>17911464
I think it's important to note that I went from super awkward social anxiety kid in highschool, and grew from there. I had missing teeth and braces that felt like ruined every chance I had with girls(although I still made out with one), it took till 21 to fix. Now that I feel good enough about myself, what's still causing me insecurities is just the lack of the experience from the years wasted..I don't know how much it will take to catch up to society's norms, but I know I can't sustain a relationship feeling that lack of experience. I want to work this aspect of myself to a point where it's not a problem anymore, get good at picking up girls, fucking, having some dates/relationships, just enough to make myself feel normal, then I'll have all the confidence I need, and I'll feel pretty content I imagine. I know it sounds pathetic, like these kind of things.. chasing girls never changes life for the better, but I want it. A man's worth in our society is highly estimated by his success with women.
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>atleast fuck a ton of sluts, which doesnt seem hard for some people
>I'm the one who usually turn them down because I'm not attracted enough
Well if you want to fuck a ton of sluts maybe you should stop trying to look for the perfect girl. People who fuck tons of sluts are, rare, they devote a lot of time to it and, most important they aren't too picky. They manage to find something very attractive in most girls. Or they fuck every girl that's not disgusting without really enjoying it. Obviously, the former is recommended.

>I just don't know how to show the subtle warmth and affection to make the spark that leads me farther into the relationship. I usually apear cold
Thing is, showing warmth and affection and all that is very hard to do on command. Usually the other person can "see" your feelings. In order to show warmth and affection you must first of all feel warmth and affection. To do that you must connect with that person in some way or another. Try to plan more "interesting" dates. Go dancing, hiking, play paintball, go to an amusement park etc. Something that involves more than talking. There's nothing inherently wrong with coffee dates, but it seems like you are have trouble connecting to girls, so doing stuff together will definitely help. Also when you are talking to them, try to break out of the usual, shallow conversation subjects. Be sincere, talk about things that truly interest you, show your real feelings and try to make them comfortable enough to do the same. That's how people get closer, by experiencing things together, by having a deep understanding of each other and by being comfortable with eachother.
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>>17911436
You don't strictly need to hold onto your past, anon. There are things you have to do, like work out and do your job, but life isn't like a computer game where it's progressive and there are stages and eventually you'll win. There's no winning, and there's no progression beyond what we challenge ourselves with, and you could see that in the gym if you just never loaded another 5lb plate onto the bar, you could go every day for years and just never get any bigger. Similar to life senpai, you've got to ensure that you're being challenged intellectually and spiritually, not with impossible tasks, but with progressively more complex goals. In this way we can grow stronger, with incremental achievement. The rest will either come or it won't, for example tfw no gf, you're limited on how much influence you have on that situation, so focus on stuff you have control over. Grow in those areas.
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Self-fulfilling prophecies, maybe? Subconscious beliefs about yourself?
Something about you that you said to yourself, some limitation that you imposed on yourself a while ago and that now you subconsciously believe and keeps you from moving further? Maybe the idea deep in your mind that you're not good enough, the glass ceiling that's keeping you from getting what you want?
Keep your every thought in check, analize the situations you're facing, and why you think you fail or what keeps you from getting where you aim.
Just a thought
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>>17911639
I realize that, but I challange myself with getting what I'm lacking.. gf
>>17911591
I guess I just havn't found the right girl to feel the attraction and with that the warmth and affection.. I can talk all day long though and be sincere, it's usually the kind of talk we end up talking through massages, in person, it's a lot harder to feel the connection, I think mainly it's because of her looks and my level of attraction.
question though..
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>>17911960
nvm i deleted the question
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>>17911960
>I realize that, but I challange myself with getting what I'm lacking.. gf
Well you should understand that you have very little control over whether or not you actually get a girlfriend. It's more up to her than you. If you set this as a goal you will be frustrated and miserable.
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>>17911950
It makes a lot of sense.. kind of obvious even, I don't believe in myself, believing means having the confidence to do what I want. But I'm having trouble getting rid of my subconscious belief
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>>17911966
I don't think so.. there's a reason it hasn't happened to me for 22 years. I guess the only way is to pursue it, since it so rarely happens spontaneously. I really plan in the next months to just go to bars and try to make things happen, I've reached this level of desperation.
Thread posts: 14
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