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i get no pleasure from anything. i've tried so much, so

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i get no pleasure from anything. i've tried so much, so many things.

15 years of therapy. over a dozen medications that permanently fried my brain. countless attempted hobbies. spending time with family. "connecting with nature". quitting video games. cooking. lifting. dating. sex. i tried taking a year off from college to "find myself" and ended up in a mental hospital for a suicide attempt. now i'm about to go back to school in the hopes that getting some direction in my life will help me... it won't. i say it won't, because that's the reason i went to college the first time and i ended up dropping out, which will likely happen again.

now i'm sitting here alone on new year's eve. i'm too sick to hang out with the few friends i have, and my family all have plans of their own.

i'm sick of every year passing by and realizing that i've only gotten worse with each iteration.


how can i live the rest of my life like this? i don't even know what it's like to be content, i've never felt it.
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>>17910505
I don't know how you don't get pleasure from taking a shit or relaxing in the bathroom.
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>>17910521
i get chronic intestinal yeast infections so i have diarrhea a lot, that's how.

and yeah, i've treated it, but it comes back: hence, "chronic"

but thanks for the chuckle i guess
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>>17910527
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>>17910532
i wish. i found out i'm too much of a pussy to do it. if only
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oh well
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>>17910505
what do you mean your brain was permanently fried from meds? what meds did you take and how old are you?
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>>17910743
i don't remember the names of all the meds they put me on. i started taking meds when i was 17 and my brain got super... "foggy" i guess. nothing felt real. my memories don't feel like they actually happened. idk. i was on meds for 3 years. anti-depressants for a while; when they didn't work i was moved on to anti-anxiety meds; when they didn't work i was moved onto anti-psychotics, and so on. i'm 21 and i've stopped taking them for nearly a year now with no signs of cognitive recovery
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>>17910775
Do you have any physical symptoms? Tell me all of them, even if you don't think they have anything to do with your mental problems. Tell me also about the brain fog, what else accompanies it?
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>>17910775
Sounds like you suffer from a hardcore anxiety problem my friend. I don't think it's the meds, I think it's a recursive negative feedback loop.
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>>17910794
i'm always tired. i have trouble keeping my eyes focused. idk. treating my sleep apnea and eating healthier hasn't helped, and these symptoms started when i was in the best shape of my life.

technically, everything accompanies it; the brain fog is 24/7. it's like i'm always dreaming
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>>17910809
are you underweight? has your blood work ever come back with any red flags?
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>>17910801
well that sucks because i've tried everything that's supposed to lower anxiety and it hasn't helped at all. medications, meditation, deep breathing, cbt, exposure therapy, etc.
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>>17910813
average weight. have had blood work done twice this year, first time i was told i was "healthy", second time i was told i was "disgustingly healthy"
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>>17910817
That's very frustrating, OP. It sounds like you have tried to do a lot of things to help get better, and nothing has worked. Sometimes Depression can be a disease that stands on it's own, but it can also sometimes be a symptom of another underling disease. When depression is "treatment resistant," as yours is, it makes me think more is at play.

I don't however, think the meds caused your brain fog. Unfortunately, I think it's just an unhappy coincidence.
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>>17910834
that's about as far as the approximately 20 different mental health professionals that i've worked with have gotten, so congrats
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I don't have a solution, sadly, but you're not alone.

When did it start for you? And did it happen quickly or gradually?
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>>17910847
i've been psychologically fucked up my whole life. i was showing symptoms of maladjustment and emotional disturbance as early as 4
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>>17910840
Well,keep looking for a diagnosis. It's out there. Don't give up. You can hire a medical detective to look into it for you if you are lazy. I'm hiring this guy: <http://www.canceravenues.com/links-resources/patient-advocates>,to figure out what is wrong with me. I hope it leads to something. I'm different from you, but I'm beginning to think my treatment resistant depression is a side effect of a mast cell disorder, so strange things do happen.

If worst comes to worst, you can always get ECT(which works most of the time, no matter what is wrong with you) It's going to be a bitch to get insurance to pay for it though.
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>>17910859
Don't give up OP. Find the smallest thing you can toi take pleasure from ( say a TV show) and enjoy the fuck out of that. /adv/ is here for you.
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>>17910859
it's hard to not give up when all of the physical doctors say it's a psych problem and all of the psych doctors say it's a physical problem.

i haven't done ECT but i did try neurofeedback/biofeedback LENS treatment for a few months which is similar but a much lighter, pinpointed electrical pulse. didn't do me any good.
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>>17910869
like i said in the OP, i don't take pleasure in anything. no TV shows, no video games, no food, no jerking off, nothing. i'm a fucking walking corpse
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>>17910872
Yes, you're right. The medical system often chops people up into body parts and ships them off to specialists(figuratively, of course). If you have skin problems, you see a dermatologist, if you have heart problems, a cardiologist, if you have allergies, an immunologist. They miss out on putting the pieces together, and seeing how they might all stack up as a disease. You need a doctor that will do that for you, someone who will look at you holistically. If you have the money, I recommend doing what I'm doing.
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>>17910881
oh jeez, reminds me of a treatment team i had for 6 months. had a psychiatrist, a nurse, 3 counselors, and a general practice physician all working together to try and figure me out. "we take a holistic view of mental health". i got worse by the end of that 6 months
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>>17910890
what did they tell you?
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>>17910505
it sounds like ur bored with the "norms" of life
it also sounds like u should move to a diff state or country and start learning there. maybe u will actually study in a different environment.
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>>17910893
at the beginning, "we're confident that we can help you".

then we tried loads of shit. in the middle it was "we recognize that we haven't been making any headway togethet, but we think you should keep working with us"

at the end it was "we're sorry we weren't able to help at all."
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>>17910905
i've lived in 5 states and visited other countries and it's all the same.

i don't think it's the norms of life i'm sick of, i just don't think i'm compatible with life itself
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>>17910907
Well you have brainfog as one of your symptoms, which isn't essentially unique to depression. I wonder if you have an inflammatory condition?

I'm really sorry that you have been having such a hard time getting relief from your symptoms. Keep typing though, one day you will figure it out.
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>>17910954
i hope it's not an inflammatory condition, you usually can't really fix those, only manage them, which would leave me with suicide yet again being my only cure
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