Hello. Sorry for bad English, but I need to spit it out.
I am falling to the abyss of depression.
Long story short, I searched for the ideal girl for years. I've dated some, who I thought were ok, but I never loved them, and felt like they are not the one I need. I had a feeling, like they are aliens to me, strangers.
And once upon a time, I understood, what girls I like, the ones who turns on chemical reactions in my body, the ones who attracted me so much, that I was losing my cold mind.
And, yeah. Unusually, it is not the one specific girl. Nope, it is about category of specific girls.
And I made a new goal in my life, I decided to find my personal ideal girl. I just needed that. I was pretty confident in the beginning, I had no problems with girls, but soon I understood, that there was a nuance.
You can't find it. There are just no such girls in my city, and some others I visited to check. I asked my friends, I searched on websites, I fucking tried everything.
And still nothing. All this money, efforts, time - led to nothing. I had a fire in my heart, I had a goal I wanted to reach, but after 5 years of nothing it's faded. That's just impossible. Or possible, but I can't wait any longer.
So, I burned out. I just don't want anything.
The girls I was talking about are really rare to find, and they are considered to be ill, though I don't.
>>17909497
don't give up looking. how important is marriage to you if you just give up?
>>17909547
It is important, but I failed, and there is just no other way to handle this. I don't see any. I already left my job, so I guess I'll live until my savings won't finish and then kill myself.
>>17909497
>The girls I was talking about are really rare to find, and they are considered to be ill, though I don't.
>and they are considered to be ill, though I don't.
>considered to be ill
> ill
what?
>>17909594
Uh. I mean, some may say, they have mental and physical disorder.
But it is not true. But most people thinks though.
>>17909497
>ive got depression
>long story short, i searched for the ideal girl for years
i didn't have to keep reading after this, but i did anyways because im a masochist.
the problem was you treated girls like htey were toasters. As if finding someone who checked things off your arbitrary list of desirable traits would even be into you. you know what you wanted: a chemical reaction. you can't force that, you can't fake it, and going looking for that feeling makes it impossible to get. those feelings happen because someone surprises you in some way.
>>17910734
Not exactly. Everything is much more simple. I am attracted only to non-fat girls. I mean. Really non-fat. Completely non-fat.