so, my bf is starting to act really weird. >would have had

>>17905671
you know the answer to this and it's not you it's him but if you continue and think he will change you are wrong. It will only get worse. Hope you think a relationship with him is worth it

So you think he's weird cause he's stopping you from whoring yourself?
You do as the man says if you know what's good for you.

>>17905676
we've been together for a year. this has all happened in a matter of about two weeks. i don't know what his problem is... he never did anything like that before.

>>17905680
i'm not whoring myself out at all. i actually dress quiet modest.

You sound like you and your bf are Islamic
Is that a fair assumption?

>>17905681
Maybe now it has reached a critical mass but guarantee if you look back there were hints. However, as I said before it gets worse. Way, way worse and though you may believe you can manage it, you cannot.

>>17905691
not at all. i jokingly named him "muhammad" after he tried to tell me what to wear when i go outside


>>17905694
so, there are 3 options if a couple has a problem. find a solution together, deal with it on your own or walk away. i'd rather not just toss my relationship away. what could be a solution we can both agree on?

>>17905671
Is all of this really that bad though? I doubt he's saying it in a romantic way but it's sweet that he wants you all to himself.

>>17905683
and I will bet, now that he has planted the seed, you will dress even more modestly

>>17905706
sure, i can see the cute side of this. but i don't want to end up not being able to do anything without him anymore... that seems unhealthy

>>17905707
i don't think so. he's not my boss after all. and i feel lole it will make things even worse if he gets what he wants with his behaviour. but i also want to know why he suddenly acts that way because i think he's afraid of something, bit i don't know what.

>>17905713
Are you a doctor? It's not unhealthy, what's unhealthy is him stressing out and worrying that you're cheating on him just because you felt the need to go with a low cut top that day.

>>17905699
>find a solution together
to do that you have to admit to yourself his position. He believes you are dressing provocatively wanting male attention and expects you to cover up. If you insist on dressing like you do now that confirms you are a tart. Your only compromise is how much you are willing to cover yourself so you can please him. You better thrown your shirts like in your OP out

>>17905713
>i don't want to end up not being able to do anything without him anymore... that seems unhealthy
You are already there

>>17905718
ofc it is a sign of an unhealthy dependance in a relationship if you can't do anything without the other anymore. i don't have to be a doctor to see this
is that really "low cut"?

>>17905729
but i already feel like i dress modestly... i don't think o dress provocatively. maybe i just don't realize?
i mean, i got very big boobs. a lot of stuff just looks provocative, without actually being. i could wear the plainest shirt, it will still show that i got boobs...

>>17905736
how so?0

>>17905742

I think we need a photographic example

>>17905742
what you are wearing is not provocative it is your bf that is possessive. He believes you are his property.

He already has you believing you are wrong somehow and you will change your behavior to please him.

>>17905750
you want my bf to kill you?

>>17905753
i feel like it is quiet the opposite. that he fears that he will never be able to be fully in controle and decide what i do and what i don't do.
i just don't know how i could help him not be so scared in a more healthy way...

>>17905756
>i just don't know how i could help him not be so scared in a more healthy way...
and I keep telling you he is too far gone. it is in his DNA. It is a control thing but it wouldn't matter if it is you or some other woman he'll always be like this. What is the relationship like between his parents?

>>17905756

He won't kill me.

Truth is we'll never really get to the bottom of who's being unreasonable without actually seeing what is causing the problem.

>>17905756
>you want my bf to kill you?
see, you already knew your bf was possessive and probably thought that was attractive initially but now it begins to be a bit troubling

>>17905767
nah, he probably won't. maybe he wohld rather kill himself. not going to risk that

>>17905768
he really wasn't. not at all actually. this came out of the blue. atleast for me... maybe he just contained himself till now.

pretty normal. i can't sense any strange power dynamics. his mom works, and if anything, it's more like she's the boss at home

>>17905774

Why would he kill himself?

it could be that you've been wearing hotpants and a super low cut cleavage tank top your whole life and just feel that's normal, and your bf is telling you to stop, or it could be that you wear a turtleneck and loosejeans and your bf is a dumbass.

We need to see what you're actually wearing on you to find out. If you're worried about your bf then don't tell him.

>>17905774
>it's more like she's the boss at home
so strong women make him feel powerless

That does sound pretty weird and it's really strange it would all happen over two weeks. Something must have triggered it but what that could be is beyond me.

>>17905671
you have some new male "friend"?

>hickeys
tell him to cut that crap once you pick him up from kindergarden.

jealousy is a huge problem for relationships and it's mostly not worth it to continue.

>>17905794
thanks for pointing this out anon. hickeys at their age is trying to show possession

What about you sit down and have an honest convo about the problem with him?

Why can't couples nowadays solve their problems with dialogue? communication and honesty is the key of every successful relationship anon.

>>17905671
>"ok then muhammed"

you're a western girl dating a mooselimb ?

fuck that shit dearie

/thread

>>17906227
She was joking, see >>17905699

He cheated. Now he's guilty and insecure.

Sorry.

>>17906408
I was thinking this too, but it's too early to tell.

>>17906408
>>17906420
that seems like some mental gymnastic. care to explain?

>>17906420
Are you op?

That's a starter sign of an abusive relationship. How long have you guys been together?

Extremely clingy guys(girls too) can become very mental, often after a certain time when you least expect it. Be careful, this is not a good sign, unless he's willing to listen to you.

If you dressed like that all the time and this came to happen since not long ago then he's in one of the following states:

- He's cheating on you with a woman who also has a relationship. Maybe this explains why he doesn't want you to wear something provocative, so you don't cheat on him like this woman did to her SO.

- He's very insecure, selfish, and a control freak. Be careful with these folks, they beat up women.

- He probably read your private messages with Tyrone.

They are listed from most likely to less likely.

>his mom works, and if anything, it's more like she's the boss at home

I take back 1 and 3 from
>>17906457

He's got a problem with females in power. His mommy already has control over his life, he doesn't need another one. He unconsciously tries to drop your self-esteem to the ground in fear that you'll leave him for someone that is more self sufficient, ergo, a more powerful economically, intellectually and sexually individual.

>>17905671
hes in the process of losing it if he hasnt lost it already. i advise firmly sorting this out or abandoning ship. there is a seldom mentioned addendum to the never stick your dick in crazy rule, and here it is: never let crazy stick its dick in you.

>>17906429
When people cheat two things happen
-they start overcompensating in their relationship out of guilt
-they start making or demanding changes out of fear their partner will cheat.

It's also possible that he's abusive and only starting the pattern now - it's not uncommon for their relationships to start out great before fostering total dependence then becoming abusive

>>17906429
Not them but once you cheat on someone you become paranoid of them cheating on you, constantly on your mind. I'm not saying that's what's happening but it's possible. Since none of us know him it's up to OP to discern otherwise.

>>17905846
Why op doesn't left the mental gymnastic aside and follow this >>17905846 ?

>>17905671
Nice b8. I took you seriously until you said Muhammad.
But just in case you live in Sweden you're dating a filthy Muslim. What did you expect????

>>17906729
Oh you're joking. Thank god. But break up. He's trying to get you into a possessive relationship.

>>17906537
Because they wouldn't be posting here

>>17905680
people should get banned for replies like this on /adv/

>>17905671
He sounds like he's becoming possessive and kind of obsessed with you. You need to talk it out, tell him straight up that you're not his property, and him trying to control how you dress makes you uncomfortable

>>17905671
>would have had a class reunion next weekend where they would have gone to germany. he is determined to cancel, because he'd "rather spend his time with me"
Hes being kinda clingy here
>i told him i want to gift my sister a weekend trip for her and me for her birthday. he said "i don't want you to go on vacation witheout me"
This is a legitimate concern, women are more likely to cheat than men even if you personally don't think you would.
>we went to a club two days ago and all he did was urging everybody to go home again
Clubs aren't a good environment for monogamous relationships, parties sure, cocktail lounges sure, but not clubs.
>we were at an amusement park and he said "i never want to go anywhere with you again, because if we're put, all i do is wish we were at home again"
Ugh clingy, maybe hes just an introvert? Ask him before you when was the last time he had a GF.
>i got ready for going for dinner at some friends house and i jokingly said that i might have to wear a different dress to cover the hickey he gave me. he said in a strange tone "are you going to wear auch a low neckline?". then he suddenly changed his outfit to something a lot less fancy (from suit with tie to jeans and button down), so that i decided to wear jeans and a blouse too instead.
I don't find anything particularly strange about this behavior

>>17906846
>>17905671
>today i got dressed after showering and he came in, embraced me from behind and suddenly he nonchalantly pulled up my neckline. i said "what are you doing?" and he said "i don't want you to go out like that", so i answered "ok then muhammed".
Oh fuck off, you don't have to be condescending because your man wants you to dress modestly. Just remind him that if other guys didn't oggle you that'd be a sign he was dating an ugly girl, or if you don't think he'd respond to that just say "don't worry about guys looking at me I'm ugly anyway~" to get comments out of him and junk like girls do.
>a short while after the incident above, he asked me if i got any push-up bra's. i said no, but that i could get one. he said "that would be nice, but you could only wear it at home".
See my last point.

>>17905671
Take everything that I say with a grain of salt because I'm retarded, but

1. He's completely insecure with the relationship. He thinks you're going to leave him the next time a guy makes eye contact with you. I was in a position like that once with my ex, while I tried my best to hide it, the feeling was there. I wanted her to spend all of her time with me, which really ruined things.

2. Maybe he feels you're going to cheat on him, which is common for people that cheat on other people. He thinks you're just going to fuck some guy because he actually just fucked some girl.

3. He's comfortable enough with the relationship, and wants it to turn into some dominating thing where he controls every aspect of your life. If this is the case, he's not doing a very good job of it, and it's coming off as pathetic instead of powerful.

Either way, I would consider leaving him, because that doesn't sound like it would be good for you.

>>17906846
>This is a legitimate concern, women are more likely to cheat than men even if you personally don't think you would.
Not true, women are just most exposed to cheating since men are the ones who go after women, if the social norm was the opposite you would have the same result or even worst since men are more sexual creatures.
>Clubs aren't a good environment for monogamous relationships.
But she is going with him, its no like she go only with her single friends.

>>17906778
Or you could, you know, just ignore it like an adult.

>>17906857
It's completely insecure behavior. If by principal you don't want your girlfriend to be a slut in public, tell her that straight out. Don't just say "I want you to not do that", you say "Look, I can't handle you wearing that low cut top in public. Your my girlfriend, not everyone else's, and I'm not going to be with a girl who behaves like that". If she wants to be with you enough to submit, then cool. If not, then leave her. There needs to be a discussion though, otherwise it just comes off as insecure, which is unattractive to literally every single person on the planet.

>>17906885
>If she wants to be with you enough to submit, then cool. If not, then leave her.
People don't change for others, she might wear what you want for some time just to please you, but after a while she will get sick of it and will go back to what she wear before, if you don't want a girlfriend who dress slutty, don't go for girls who dress slutty, that's all, don't pick a girl and try to shape her at your taste, it never works.

>>17906945
That's not necessarily true.

Take smoking, for example. My coworker's wife used to smoke. One day he told her "Either you stop smoking, or I'm leaving you", and she stopped cold turkey and hasn't smoked since.

Your girlfriend might value you you much more significantly than she values the ability to dress sluttily. So long as you're willing walk away if she relapses, and so long as she values you more than dressing sluttily, she'll stay.

>>17906954
>Comparing dressing slutty to an habit that will kill you.
She was not doing it for him, she was doing it for her health, two different things buddy.

>>17906964
Not really. If she was doing it for her health, why did she have to wait for him to tell her to stop?

If it's important to you, and you're important to her, she will do what is important to you. It goes both ways. If over time, it fades, then it fades, but don't act like it's impossible for a woman to stop dressing sluttily if she wants to.

>>17906970
>if she wants to.
That's the point, because she had a good excuse to stop smoking and wasn't just his insecurity, people stop smoking all the time even without others calling them out, but no girl stop dressing the way she likes because someone told to do so, if you really believe in this, good luck to you.

>>17906978
>but no girl stop dressing the way she likes because someone told to do

You're wrong though. If she loves you more than she loves dressing like that, she will stop dressing like that. It's that fucking simple. There is a point where she will not love you enough to continue doing that, but that point is not necessarily reached. It could never happen, she could continue loving you with her whole heart and never dress the way she likes again because she values you more than she values her freedom of dress.

It's not fucking crazy, it's psychology.

>>17906987
>She has to love you more than she loves herself.
Again, good luck on that.

>>17906996
I'm not saying I would do that, I'm just saying it's possible, and not even that farfetched.

>>17907004
>and not even that farfetched.
Yes it is, but whatever you want to believe.

>>17905671
ignore anybody that is defending your bf or trying to tell you that this is normal behavior. it's not.

the only way any of this would be normal is if it happened only like once and you were wearing something particularly slutty that made him uncomfortable.

Repeat patterns of this behavior accompanied by no major changes in your relationship means he is either starting to become abusive and possessive of he is cheating on you and doesn't want you to find out. he always wants to be around you so he can keep an eye on what you are doing and make sure that you don't snoop around and find something out.

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>>17905671
He's an insecure beta. I should know, because I used to be the exact same way. He's likely afraid of the attention you'll potentially bring in and he's too afraid of what will happen if someone starts hitting on you. He obviously can't stand by and get cucked, but he's also likely afraid that he'll get hurt, and humiliated, defending your honor.

Basically, your boyfriend is spineless and avoids problems by making you dress conservatively. And if your outfits are similar to pic related, then I'm more than likely right.

I snapped out of it when I realized that I was being insecure and it wasn't fair that I was preventing my girlfriend from feeling good and having fun because of my fears. So I grabbed my balls and decided that if I get into a fight, then I get into a fight. Because she's worth fighting for. And if your boyfriend can't muster up the courage to fight for you, then you might want to reevaluate why you're with him.

>>17905676

What kind of a fucked up generation we are if the first thing that comes to mind when there is trouble in a relationship is to just give up and end it. This is so fucked up. Relationships are worth fighting for and working for, especially if the problems is such a "small" one like this.

>so i answered "ok then muhammed".

Explains a lot

>>17907677

That's ridiculous. Marriage is worth fighting for. If the relationship is shitty or the two people aren't good for each other the worst thing you can do is deprive each other of the opportunity to find someone better.

>>17908488
Its funny how people get triggered by this that they don't even bother read the rest of the thread, or maybe some are just too dumb to get a joke.

>>17907667
Fighting is not good, if you pick up a fight just because some guy made a move on your girl you will embarass her, the kind of woman who find neanderthals attractive are the ones who are not worth to fight for, aggression should be used in extreme cases, like the guy trying to physically harass her.

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OP here
didn't expect this thread to still be alive...
i haven't read trough all of the new messages, but i got an update.
this morning, i had a talk with my bf and it turned out that he was feeling insecure because he was afraid i was ranting to a female friend about him/us (which i wasn't...).
he was afraid there's stuff bothering me and i would not tell him bit just break up. he was afraid he's not "good enough" for me and doesn't "deserve" me and that i will run away by the smalles mistake he makes or if he shows any vulnerability.
i think we could clear away a lot of misunderstanding and assuming with that talk. i hope things will relax again.

thanks all for your help!

See?! Communicating is not hard and solve most silly problems easily, glad that things worked out for you.

>okay then Muhammad

Underrated

>>17908844
he didn't find it very funny

>>17907667
>having fun
"Woo my tits are out so much fun!" Really?

Listen OP he's saying you dress like a freaking slut or someone who is vying for another man's attention. He wants you to cover up your melons because he wants to keep you. If wearing a tank out in public is more important to you than your relationship that's sad and you should break up. Imagine a girlfriend putting out her tits and every guy staring because we can almost see nipple. It garners disrespect and is thus disrespectful that you wear something that garners it.

>>17909074
Stupid advice. Unless the relationship is already on the rocks, he's not going to "lose" her because she's wearing a tank top.
Maybe you and other guys need to calm the fuck down and understand a melon is a melon.

>>17909077
Wtf are you talking about? Women monkey branch all the time.

>>17909106
That's retarded rhetoric pushed by people who can't find girlfriends. And even if it were true, wearing a turtleneck instead of a sleeveless shirt that shows a tiny bit of her baby-feeding organs won't change a thing.

>>17909110
It'll stop dudes from staring, did you read my post or did you assume what I was saying? And women do monkey branch all the time. This is coming from a guy who recently had an engaged girl remove her top to show her tank top underneath as an invitation.

>>17909115
So what if they stare? They'll still stare if they happen to be footags and she wears sandals one day, too. OP better keep her toes covered. In fact, if she's in any way attractive heads will turn wherever she goes. Hijab when?
The point is: If it never goes beyond staring, and she doesn't ever cheat on him (which is something she could do even if he did control her clothing choices), the problem ultimately lies in his insecurity, not her being "disrespectful" because there's a chance that other people will be "disrespectful".
>as an invitation
Ok buddy

>>17909121
>Ok buddy
I know you're fucking ugly but it does happen. You're a cuck dude.

>>17909126
>Y-You're a cuck! And ugly!
Whatever you say. Stay paranoid, anon.

>>17905671
Sounds like you should respect his wishes. Clothes really are not that important to a relationship. Besides, if he is worried, then dressing modestly will ease his mind. A good partner would want to ease their partner.

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Holy shit some of you guys need to get back to your containment board.
>MUH ALL WOMEN ARE CHEATING SLUTS HAHAHA!

Yet OP doesn't seem to be interested in cheating.

OP, clearly your boyfriend is really insecure and afraid that someone will hit on you or something.
Talk to him about it, reassure him, but still show him you're free to wear whatever the fuck you want, and you're not even wearing indecent clothes anyway
Or, you could listen to him and wear / do what he wants you to, but if you let him it'll get worse, because if he's insecure he'll always find SOMETHING to be insecure about. After making sure you're not wearing anything "attractive" he'll make sure you're not going out, then he'll make sure you're not talking to anyone "suspicious", or whatever.

And the funny thing is that the more he'll control you, the morey you'll want to get free of that, and ultimately you might even want to cheat on him at some point. All that just because he's being overly insecure

The problem comes from his jealousy, not your "behavior".
Talk to him about it.

>>17905671
>Muhammed

Found your problem

>>17909266
>didn't get it was said jokingly
Are you autistic ?

>>17905671
I had a boyfriend like this and it only got worse and worse.

At first, I naively joked along. Changed when he wanted me to because I thought he was joking.

Then, one day, I was literally wearing jeans, a cardigan, and a v neck shirt when we were on a date. And he freaked out saying the jeans exposed my butt too much. And I thought he was joking or flirting with me. I thought it was a compliment.

Then as we walked, he did that really annoying thing where guys walk behind their girlfriends with their arms wrapped around her waist. Like he was literally dry humping me as we walked. I told him walking like that was really annoying.

He blew up on me and told me if I wanted to be a little slut then I could be and he left me. I started crying and asked a friend to come pick me up.

He gave me the silent treatment for several days.

Everything after that turned into an argument. I told him I could wear whatever the fuck I wanted to. Which also was just like t shirts and jeans and shit, I dressed really average.

He told me the way I dressed told everyone I was single and was disrespecting him.

We very soon after this change, broke up. Then when we argued about the break up, he told me he cheated on me with a few women.

Fucking psycho.

>>17909304
Your boyfriend was probably this guy >>17909074 lmao

>>17909304
Jesus... how do you even start dating someone like this?

>>17909115
>as an invitation.
Hope you don't rape any girl on new year's eve Mohammed.

>>17909304
What the fuck am I reading

>>17909460
Women are too dumb to understand the relationship between smoke and fire.

>>17909460
Met him in high school through mutual friends.

We were both virgins when we met, we were like 17 and dated until we were 19. And he just seemed charming and innocent. About a year into the relationship, he started getting into that thuggish scene.

Pretty convinced he'd just never seen an example of a working relationship. Plus, when he started acting all thug, his attitude towards women/relationships started changing and shit.

He was clearly very easily influenced by stereotypical lifestyles of rappers and stuff. That shit got really annoying to me too, another part of the reason we broke up.

>>17909681
He didn't change, he just felt comfortable enough to show his true colors, this happen in every relationship at some point, you just need to get to know people better before create expectatives about them.

>>17909681
>stereotypical lifestyles of rappers and stuff
nothing more pathetic than a white guy trying to act gangsta

>>17905671
Stop dressing like a slut.

>>17909751
Nothing worse the assuming only minority's are gangstas.
Faggot.

>>17910386
That's not slutty. T shirts are not slutty. A corset, or a low cut crop top, is.

OP, he sounds like he's really controlling, which is not a path to go down. I'm not saying your bf is like this, but he seems to be following the pattern of abuse.

Charming for the first part of your relationship, so you fall hard. Then starting to control what you do and what you wear, and isolate you so that they are the only one in your life.

Next it'll be solidifying that, so that they control everything and it's really hard to extricate yourself.

Be cautious. He could just be really insecure (which is not great anyway) or he could be tipping towards being abusive.

Also to all you others saying she's 'a slut', OP said she's not interested in cheating and doesn't dress 'sluttily'.

>>17905671
Dude is possessive as fuck, and it sounds like something has him feeling some type of way. Maybe threatened. You can suggest he chill the fuck out, but I don't know the details on this guy. He might not change on his own.

If that's the type of shit that you wear, then I don't see what would be making him act like that. That outfit is regular as fuck.

>>17910414
Not only, but the majority, SJWs on 4chan is something new to me, why don't you try twitter, leddit or tumblr?