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I'm lame as fuck, help me

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Ok, this is a bit of my background:
>30
>no friends for most of my life
>clinical depression for a decade
>verge of suicide
>just a loner nerd hoping for a miracle

Some-fucking-how I decided a few years ago that I need to change this:
>lost weight
>made money
>got into some hobbies
>started traveling the world

A few months ago I sold everything I had and moved to the other side of the world, and for the first time in my life I have...a life. I have made friends here, I go out every day. Everything is great except I'm lame as fuck. Because I haven't done shit for a decade other than travel a bit, I don't really have anything to talk about. I feel like when I'm in a group people don't really give a shit about what I say because it's not something stupid to laugh about. The thing is, even my hobbies like riding motorbikes or photography or travel itself are not really topics people like listening about. I mean, it's cool when I mention them but the conversation lasts 2 minutes and then some fucker jumps in with the dumbest of topics and everyone gets so excited about it.

So here I am, worked hard for years to get here, and I feel like I'm as far away from my goal as I was when I had no friends and was spending new years alone in my room.

I don't really know where to turn from here. I'm not particularly good looking so I can't get away with just being lame but still respected like some people do. I also don't expect to ever be the life of the party, I just want to be happily average. Cheers for any suggestions you can offer.
>>
>>17905654
But travelling is probably the most interesting anyone can talk about? I don't get it.
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>>17905664
You'd think. But the reality is quite different. When traveling, you meet people who are generally also traveling. So after a brief conversation on where everyone has been the topic becomes stale as most people have had the same exact conversation over and over in the recent past. Back home people don't really care because they can't relate. As you grow older you realize most people are quite boring and not very adventurous, most of my friends end up traveling to resorts or a short city trip to Vegas or a similar destination.

I guess what I'm looking for is being able to talk about nothing but still make it interesting. I'm sure the practice I get now will help but I need more help than that because of where I started from really. I'm what seems like 10 years behind the people I hang out with.
>>
You. Need to improve your chitchat. Not all the conversation are deep and meaningful. talk about movies or funny shit of the internet. Things like that. And btw, youre not lame, dont think about that ever again, youre alive and fighting with your demons. And you sound like a really good person. Cheers
>>
>>17905654
You're hanging out with the wrong people.

There ARE people out there who are interested in talking about more than dumb stuff. You just have to find them.

Let's start with motorcycles. Where would people interested in serious talk about cycles be likely to hang out? You can answer that. Go there and hang out.

The same is true for everything from travel to Shakespeare to Aztec throat singing. Whatever you would like to talk to people about, there are people out there somewhere eager to talk about it. And a little mental detective work will tell you where to find them.
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>>17905726
>Not all the conversation are deep and meaningful
I get this 100%. This is the problem. I feel like sometimes I can't relate to the dumbness. I'm not really that smart myself, I just feel like I'm autistic in those situations. :/

Anyway to just improve on chit chat other than practice?

>>17905809
Hmm. I get what you're saying and yes, I could just sign up to a bunch of photography and motorbike clubs and hang out with some bikies. But I'm just trying to befriend people from all backgrounds. It's kinda hard to talk to your average girl in a bar about just how much I love riding my motorbike haha. I guess what I'm looking for here is to just be able to relate to everyone in one way or another, obviously not becoming best mates with everyone but at least being able to chat to them for a little bit and if the convo is going no where moving on to the next person and hoping to maybe click.

In a way it's a little easier for me here because I have an "in" being a traveler and mostly meeting other travelers. Just need to somehow move past that step and make genuine friends.
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Don't worry about being cool. You're 30, you're past that.

So keep your friends, and also find some new ones. Go to a motorcycle meet or to a photography exhibition. Get talking to people, enjoy just meeting folks.

Most people in circles like that are lucky because they had these interests as young teens and 20 year olds, and met like minded people with whom they formed lifelong friendships in college, but you're a late bloomer and that's ok.

Also it's nice to step back and talk about trivial nonsense sometimes. I'm lucky to have friends with whom I can talk about movies or philosophy or art or literature for hours, but sometimes that can get tiring and you want to make dumb jokes about farts.

The important thing to remember is that the absolute best of people get along with everybody, and form close bonds with everyone, not just those who are of a certain type.

Also, you moved somewhere completely new, that's a pretty non lame thing to do and takes a lot of guts.
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learn Mixed Martial Arts, kick everybodys ass that tells something stupid have something to talk about
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>>17905868
>Also, you moved somewhere completely new, that's a pretty non lame thing to do and takes a lot of guts.
Thanks. Somehow travel for me is easy, maybe because I just love it so much. Even as a loner it came easy for me. Can't really explain it but it saved my life.

>Don't worry about being cool. You're 30, you're past that.
Shit :(

>>17905874
I've been meaning to start Krav Maga for like 8 years now. The problem now is that I'm not going to stay in one place for a long time. I plan on traveling around for the next 2-3 years before settling down for a longer period of time. Hmm, will have to figure something out.
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better yet op, tell me the story of your change. how did your get the money and time to travel the world? your stories end point up to your post is a goal point for many. your story is bringing me confidence I need during a difficult time, for that I thank you.
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>>17905654
Just make some shit up

Literally make up a story, or better yet. Listen to a story another guy tells, that has the whole room paying attention. Remember that story, and with a completely different group of strangers, tell the SAME story but make it about you.

If you travel a lot this is even better, you have access to all kinds of people with interesting stories you can steal. Just try to remember them and don't get hung up on the details.
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>>17906521
Uhh, I'm not much of an inspiration m8. At the moment I'm still a little overweight, alone, and well, kind of lost in life. But at the same time, this is the happiest I've ever been and I know I'm not even close to how happy I can fully be. Ever since my first solo trip I realized that this would likely be the best thing to happen to me, just traveling. I didn't imagine that it would get better like it is now that I could possibly even reach a normal life at some point. I don't know, maybe you can get there with whatever hobby you have, travel is just an easy one cause it's so common for people.

Whatever it is you have hangups just slowly start to change them. Start off small, then do something bigger and bigger and bigger. My first trip was only to the next town over, then it was 2 weeks in another western country, then it was 6 weeks traveling around Mexico (I don't even fucking speak Spanish). Baby step it. I didn't lose all my weight at once, been at it for 3 years now and I think in 2017 I'll reach my goal weight finally (I'm already dreading this cause I'll have loose skin :/). As for the money and time to travel, this is something you have to figure out yourself. I somehow had a decent enough job the last few years. Had time to travel a little bit each year with a goal of eventually leaving everything behind. I felt this year was the right one to finally make the jump. Because it was a major goal of mine, I've been sacrificing other things to save up for it. A small sacrifice now can be a huge reward down the line.

Yeah, just baby steps. The process will take much longer than you think and it will be frustrating but even half way through (like I feel I am now) it's so rewarding. At this point I'm so close to where I want to get I can almost see it and I just need someone to give me a hand to climb over that ledge.

If you have specific questions let me know, maybe I can help you out a little bit more. Give me your contact if you'd like to talk.
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>>17906656

sure man.

[email protected]
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>>17906946

sorry, [email protected]

hope to talk to you soon bro.
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>>17906976
I sent you an email. If anyone else wants to talk: [email protected]

I'm still looking for suggestions on how to improve my situation :(
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What country did you move to?
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>>17907600
Oz
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>>17905726
Doctor Strange and the Silver Surfer could top them.
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>>17905809
>You're hanging out with the wrong people.
This. For the longest time I thought I'm just unlikable and everyone hates me. Until I changed my "friends" and I'm feeling better than ever.
People that you don't connect with and that make you feel like shit? Remove them from your life. You don't need to prove jack shit to anyone.
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>>17908104
This is a slightly difficult feat for someone traveling because it's not like every traveler will have similar hobbies as me. I obviously also don't want to befriend everyone I come across, that would be stupid. I still think it's possible to just have buddies who you don't click with on a particular specific topic but still get along in general.

Maybe I'm overthinking it as well, I always do that.
Thread posts: 20
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