how do I come to terms with being a disappointment to my parents?
Namely my mother. She's an amazing lady. She did everything for me, but I still turned out to be a loser and it's not her fault. I so want to make up for all the shit I put her through, so I do everything I can for her; I buy her gifts all the time, take her on trips, call her every day, do her chores. But the only thing she wants after dealing with my shit for 25 years are some grandchildren.
Now I'm finally in a stable relationship, with decent income, in a perfect position to have kids really. But the problem is I absolutely despise children. I hate how they sound and how they act, and when I hear a crying baby I just want it to stop breathing and die. Suffice to say I would be a really, really shitty parent if by any chance my child survived my inevitable post partum depression.
So I have to deal with being an eternal disappointment and knowing my mother will die not having known true joy in her life.
Make me wanna kill myself, not gonna lie.
Adopt
>>17905301
When it comes to children, the well being of the child comes first.
So, you have a kid which you hate, just to please your mother. The kids life sucks because you had him/her for an ulterior reason. This makes no sense.
Your mother is choosing to be disappointed.
>>17905302
hurr
I know an old couple who has a 42 year old son and a 45 year old daughter. Neither child ever married, and they will never have grandchildren.
If the conversation topic ever goes towards children, she cries because her children never had children. We can't ever talk about our family because she'll cry and cry.
Just think about that.
>>17905395
what an idiot
>>17905395
if my mom started doing this I would go back to alcohol and pills.
But I'd also rather kms than deal with a child for the rest of my life.
>>17905301
Birth thee child, then send it to an inexpensive nursery/charter school in Malaysia/Indonesia for 18 years. You can visit every few years. You and your mother now have grandchildren.
>>17905427
She doesn't cry because she wants to hurt you. She cries because she wants grandchildren really badly and she'll never have them. It hurts HER.
Stop hating kids.
Anyway, partly your mom's fault for raising a non human.
>>17905479
kek
>>17905495
i know, and knowing it hurts me. so here is what im left with:
- never have kids. result: she's unhappy, which makes me unhappy.
-have kids. result: she's happy, but i'm unhappy, and a child lives a terrible life due to bad parenting
>>17905500
not her fault. and I can't help disliking children. They're just so gross.
>>17905622
Hopefully, you won't have children.
>>17905495
basically, she cries because she's selfish
>>17905622
She'll probably raise the kids for you. Involved grandmother, she could live in the same house as you, inter generational household like the Asians