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>have fiancee >she always complains how she never has any

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>have fiancee
>she always complains how she never has any friends
>finally she finds friends
>hangs out w/ them frequently
>comes to me one day and asks if I'm okay with it
>ask her why
>because she didn't want me to think she was cheating on me
>tell her I trust her, and realize she needs friends too just like I have mine

>one month later
>wake up one day and go to work
>come back and all of her shit is gone
>texts me that she's leaving
>never tells me why
>never has a conversation about it
>i'm literally left with nothing

>one month later
>she's dating one of her new friends
>found out she cheated on me

I'd like to move on, however, I cannot shake the fact that my trust was completely betrayed. The one girl I had ever trusted the most. I honestly think now that anyone can and will betray you if given the opportunity. How can I seek a new relationship with this new cloud of distrust? Feels bad.
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i honestly dont understand how this type of shit happens
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>>17901338
How do you mean? The fact that I let her hang out with other people, or the fact that she up and left with no discussion?
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>>17901343
the fact that you had a fiancee and left without telling you anything at all.

that just doesnt make any fucking sense. I get that relationships fail, but for someone to literally just walk out of your life without even a talk...just cant wrap my mind around
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>>17901390
Yep. It happened. It was completely unexpected and I didn't understand it at the time either. It was literally I love yous one day and gone the next.

Now I guess it's because of cheating, but who knows for sure.
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>>17901406
im sorry you're experiencing this brother. theres not a lot that will make you feel better. Take time to analyze what went on in the situation so you can learn and grow from it.

if she attempts to come back into your life, take a long hard look at the entire situation before making a decision. no one can tell you what the right decision may be, but just make sure you dont blindly take her back because you're hurt. Think about it carefully first.

good luck
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>>17901334
That triggered me a littlw reading that. Sorry OP. And idk how to trust people either desu. Thats why a lot of people just keep it platonic i guess. Id rather be able to put my trust in someone but then shit like that happens
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>>17901334
I had something similar happen to me.
Sadly, I got no advice for you.

I'm still not over it after 2 years.
Good luck.
>>
>>17901420
>>17901416
>>17901414
Thanks, friends. I've talked with other people about it and the consensus has been pretty much "yep you got dealt a shit hand and there's nothing you can do or should have done and there's almost nothing to do to get over it."

Shit's hard, but I appreciate the honesty.
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>>17901334
Also had something similar happen to me.
Hurt so bad.
I have trust issues and continued failed relationships because of it.
Feels bad man.

Keep your head up...and don't take her back.
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>>17901433
>>17901429
>yep you got dealt a shit hand and there's nothing you can do or should have done and there's almost nothing to do to get over it

Is it true you really can't get over it?

Not even therapy, medication? It's just boom. Fucking trauma?

That's fucking scary man. How can people be so evil? Why are people so cruel? I literally cannot accept this.
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>>17901334

Probably a reason she never really had friends. That's especially fucked up and cowardly that she couldn't own up to it AT ALL. Even when someone pulls something so awful they at least TRY to have a conversation about it.

At least you didn't marry this psychopath and dodged a bullet that way. That truly was some heartless shit dude and I hope she gets what's coming to her eventually. If she cheated on her fiancee she'll probably cheat on this dude eventually. Not everyone is a flaming pile of garbage looking to betray you. Don't date for a while and do you boo boo.

Also seems suspect that she was the only one hanging out with this group of friends out of nowhere and that you didn't really know these people.
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>>17901437
You get over her, but the pain of it, takes way longer. I saw a good explanation of that pain the other day. You don't really get over it, you just make peace with it. But yes, people can be VERY cruel in relationships, as we've seen firsthand. Always remember to work on yourself and try not to expect the worst with other women later in life (easier said than done).

I'm sorry bro. It hurts.
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>>17901414
>if she attempts to come back into your life, take a long hard look at the entire situation before making a decision.

You don't take her back under any circumstances. I don't even know how you could be friends after that.
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>>17901444
>You don't really get over it, you just make peace with it

What's the difference?
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I've been in a similar situation for about 2 years now. I've had a few girlfriends in that time, but I can't bring myself to trust them. So, once the novelty of a new sex partner wears off, I'm left with no feelings for them.

I think it might actually be better this way, but I'm not sure.

I'll probably fall for the love meme again, but I'm not really in any hurry.

The only thing I can contribute is the seemingly morbid affirmation that, yeah, love is an illusion for tricking people into reproducing. This whole man-and-woman thing that keeps you up at night? It's not supposed to work. People are shit.

The things that help me cope with this worldview are fitness, art, cooking, and sometimes marijuana.

All the best
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>>17901454
It's hard to explain.

The shock of the trauma stays, in a sense. Social media posts with the new guy; seeing her in public/gym/grocery store and she wants to chat (happens to me), any interaction you ever have again with this woman will be unnatural as per the pain she has caused you. It lingers in the mind.

As far as peace goes, think of it this way: you cared for her more than she did for you, and you don't want to be in a relationship with a woman who doesn't even respect you or the boundaries in the first place. Make peace with that you deserve a better partner. The present and future are not the past.

I hope any of this advice has been semi-helpful.
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Op, I was very controlling on my ex. Had jealousy crisis, we set rules, the whole deal.

Today she's married to my "friend" who she cheated on me with

It's not your fault at all for giving her trust and freedom. You did the right thing, and she leaving you just proves it. Better now than later, facing a divorce with two kids and having to provide for her and chad.

You can keep a savage bitch on a short leash and she'll bite anyone who comes close regardless. Set up a few red flags and move on. But never think you did something wrong, it's all on her
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>>17901437
Haven't tried therapy, but I did try medication. It's been about 9 months now and I still think about it every day.

>>17901438
Indeed. I was invited out to a party held by her work (she worked retail), and those people showed up because they were "regulars," but I didn't go to the party because once she mentioned they were going to be there, I wanted her to do her own thing and have her own friends. Probably a big mistake *shrug*

>>17901445
I don't plan on ever taking her back, though I'm expecting the text eventually.
>>
Thanks for the overwhelming support, friends. I always told myself I would try to be the best partner someone could have, so I was expecting a huge argument when I mentioned that I trusted her having her own friends, that I was stupid for letting her do her own thing.

I mean, at the end of the day I guess that was the downfall, but it really means a lot to hear that I wasn't wrong. Thank you.
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>>17901334
OP that hurt to read. You avoided a bullet, and yes she's a massive cruel whore. You deserve better.

If you don't think that you can overcome this, I'd suggest taking therapy because you run the risk of not being able to trust again.

Best regards for you. And a brotherly pat on the back.
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>>17901482
if you didn't trust her to have her own social circle, you'd be told you're a control freak
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>>17901334
uhhh by finding a girl who's not a slutty whore?
>>
after reading all of this i legitimately don't know how you can fall for the "love" and "relationships" meme. seriously, it's a high risk high reward but ultimately mostly risks.

might as well stick to platonic friendships or FWB before you mentally ill yourself.
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>>17901334
That's my biggest fear. Fuck dude.
I'm close to move in with my gf, she will start to work, me too, we want a forever but I'm kinda scared of something like this happen one day.

I don't want to be a control freak but what happened to you is my biggest fear word for word. I'm sorry for you OP, truly.
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>>17901528
I guess just talk about it. Never thought that it would happen, we were both so crazy with each other and involved in everything. We had a policy to always tell each other everything before it ever became an issue. This was the one I wasn't told about, though.
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>>17901522
This. Have kids, pay child support, but never marry tbqh. Not worth it.
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>>17901542
>have kids

i don't even wanna have kids tbqhwyf.

i'd rather be "dad's weird friend" or that "fun uncle"
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>>17901497
>implying women aren't all SLOOOTS

lmao
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>>17901545
Well then shit dude, why the fuck would you want to marry anyway? Or even care about something long term?

The only reason for the average person to marry is kids. That's literally it. Well, if you give a shit what others think about you then marry so you're not thought of as some pedo fuck or something but these days single people are the norm. Otherwise just go about your life desu.

It sucks that OP had to go through with this shit but it's super fucking common for both men and women. Except often time we get the short end of the stick because women refuse to marry down and if they do they feel as tho "they could do better". Coupled with 50% divorce rates, fuck that.

I've seen it happen to too many friends and coworkers whom I've known for years and had literally the 2.5 kids, white picket fences, and thought that their spouses were "the one". The fuck does that mean for the rest of us?
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>>17901558
like i said, it's better to just be FWBs.

friendships can become as passionate as a relationship if you try (and be slightly gay.) friendships can last forever too and betraying your "trust" is less as common, and even if they do it's less traumatizing.
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The key to not having your trust broken is to not give it so freely. Don't date someone as your first way of interacting with them.

If you're not friends first, you're being reckless with your trust.

If you say "I love you" without being sure that both of you would take a bullet for the other, you're rushing it.
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>>17901541
I feel you. Believe me when I say that I'm really sorry for you. I can imagine the pain and it sucks.

I want to believe that it will not be my case and that happy endings do exist. And you need to believe that too, otherwise life will suck.
>>
Some girls want someone possessive. Not all girls want the chill do what you want kind of guy. You kept your eye off the ball and someone grabbed it. Move on and get yourself someone who is chill like you or next time, get to know her friends.
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I'm afraid this is about to happen to me. Just tonight my fiancee of 4 and a half years is considering being poly... We've lived together almost our whole relationship. We've been friends for over 10 years. Either I leave now or adapt to the poly life. I know it's just who she is and she will be miserable if I don't let it happen. So much of our lives and finances are tied together. It's going to be hard leaving...
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>>17901753
that's fucking rough man.

no offense but your situation is enough to make a man suicidal.
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>>17901821
That's how I'm feeling now. I think it'll be easier to stay. Maybe I'll adjust and actually like it.
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>>17901825
if she wanted a poly relationship, take advantage of it, fuck other women. if i where you i wouldn't be a cuck and just let my fiancee get fucked by other men.

i'm curious by what you mean by "I know it's just who she is and she will be miserable if I don't let it happen" though.
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>>17901831
Personality wise. I feel like she has way more love and emotions to give. I'm honestly not exciting, not extroverted, or outgoing. I'm skinny but not muscular. I do give her everything she wants. And I make the majority of the income. The poly thing may never happen, or it might be a long ways off. At least I can prepare. I've always had trust issues with women and vowed to never date or marry. Yet here I am. She's the only person I've ever had sex with and my only real relationship. She's had many multiple relationships and slept with a few guys, but I think that's normal for most women. My case is abnormal. The poly thing will always be a deeply desired fantasy that will eat away at her if I don't agree, even if she says otherwise
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>>17901842
jesus christ man. not to be offensive but i'd be weary on how much she actually loves you.

best of wishes to you.
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>>17901842
Sounds like you're not valuing yourself in this thought process. You say that her desire for that kind of lifestyle will eat away at her if you don't agree, but would it not eat away at you if you did agree?

If the answer is honestly no then stay and agree. If the answer is yes then you owe it to yourself to get out of there and find someone who actually suits you.

If two puzzle pieces just don't fit, forcefully jamming them together isn't going to change that.
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>>17901852
I know she loves me a ton. I feel like she loves me more than I do her, or she just shows it more. Buys me things, she does little things for me, maintains the house mostly, that sort of deal
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>>17901854
I know you're right. And of course right now the idea is killing me. But I've always been hard adjusting to any change of any kind so I think right now it's just my usual bad reaction to change. I'm time I should get an unbiased feeling about this
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>>17901868
that's good. i just hope you're not making things up. you have any friends? get some outside perspective.
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>>17901878
We have a few decent mutual. I have no close friends. The ones I did have lost touch. The time and distance killed them sort of situation. All of us in different states.
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>>17901334
The moral of the story is that women in relationships shouldn't have friends.
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>>17901842
You're a bona fida cuckhold lol
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>>17901961
This.
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>>17901831
Dont do it to fuck other women. It is way easier for women to find guys who will sleep with them. She could find a different guy every night while you will be left...hanging.
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>>17901334
>>finally she finds friends
>>hangs out w/ them frequently

So obvious... if you don't know any of her friends or not even in their circle and she's with them all the time you shouldn't be surprised something will happen. I know there's a lot more to this story. Probably she was dating you because you're one of her orbiters/providers.
>fiancee
kek
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>>17901334
When are you guys going to get it. When your wife of gf has all these male "friends" you don't know or are not friends will too, one of them one day will fuck that pussy. Nothing you can do about it but just know when she is out with them it is a date and when she is still dating other men it will probably lead to something more.
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>>17901390
Its a cowards act.
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>>17901603
This is true to a degree but do not be close friends with a woman you want. Casual friends at best but don't date someone who is a good friend.
>>
You cant trust anybody in this life. Just accept it as a valuable lesson and move with your life faggot.
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>>17901334
>he believes that some men don't want to have sex with their girlfriend and that they are just friends
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>>17901753
fuck that shit you need to be careful with that. if she gets pregnant that kid might now be yours. also many laws can make you the father even if that child is not yours. don't sing any birth certificate saying you are the father because you have to pay her child support even if the kid is yours. also stay away from single mothers because if her kid sees you as his father she can go to court and get child support from you.
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>>17901753
>is considering being poly
>is considering
>imply she didn't cheat already
kek drop her like a bag of trash
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>>17901842
stop thinking with your dick. she has no respect for and sees you as a beta provider. she wants the dna of other men and not yours but wants a beta like you to stick around to raise the other guys kid.
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>>17901334
Fuckin lmao, guy freinds are always bad news.

Its pretty obvious OP no one wants to deal with a females bullshit unless they're trying to fuck, are forced to given the circumstances, or are super gay
>>
Well, at least you didn't marry her.
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>>17901334
you did good, man.

I always leave my girls "free".
women have men hitting on them 24/7, plus I have no say in what they want to do.
so if they want to stay with me, thats okay, but they should behave accordingly, i.e. not giving other men attention when they are hitting on her

if she acts different than that I just get the fuck out and move on.
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>>17901334
Fuck man, I had similar situations with girlfriends. One was anti social and found a new "friend" and it ended with her cheating. The girl after her moved away and was just using me as a toy until she met new friends and found a new boyfriend (before leaving me). The one after that was less a gf but not FWB. We were talking about having a serious relationship when she got pregnant by another FWB.

It's hard OP, just don't lose trust in people and believe that you'll find someone compatible with you who will also be faithful. It's the worst thing in the world to live without trusting and loving others.
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>>17901334
Don't seek a new relationship. Dont LIVE for """your""" women. Other grown-up humans are just.....idk op, lets just not stress ourselves.

What you should live for is for your children, your genes. I myself plan to never marry. Civil unionship at best. If i find a girl who i believe has good genes, ill impregnate that bitch and hope to have single custody.

Easier said then done, but thats my general guideline. If we turn out to have a loving supporting relationship, thats good. But the prob with this guideline is that if your child dies before you, this'll hit 2x harder
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>>17901475
>I did try medication
>for heartbreak
kek, are you sure that you are seeing a proper medical doctor?
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>>17902506

yeah it is my ex did the same

HA BEN IF YOU SEE THIS FUCK YOU AND YOUR BASIC BITCH HOPE YA HAPPY W DOWNGRADING
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>>17901470
You might not have helped op but you just helped me anon.
>>
If she was going to leave you, she was going to leave you, period.
You should be happy with yourself that you're not a cunt like her and that you dodged a bullet.
Learn, build yourself better and move on.
That's what life is after all, you learn from your experiences and grow.
Don't look to blame anyone, it never helps and makes you spiteful.
Youll find another better partner in good time, for now, just focus on yourself now and realize sometimes it's just you that you need to make you complete.
>>
What I don't understand is how you were so totally blind-sided by this.

Did you never see any signs? Why were you never invited to hang out with the group of friends? Did you never see her texting the guy? Did you never notice her become colder?

I just don't understand. I feel like I know my GF very well, that we're very involved in each other's lives and while I trust her, I am sure I'd know red flags when I saw them. There's no way she could completely fool me unless she built an elaborate lie but that would require a sociopathic personality which of course the signs would be noticeable in other parts of our lives. I myself am a very good liar and like all liars, I understand the more exposure to the victim the more difficult it is to maintain a lie or tell new ones -- they know you too well.

The way I see it, either all of these guys with these horror story relationships are schmucks with low standards and poor judge of character, or I'm naive and all of them felt the same sense of surety I feel now. I just don't get it.

Walk me through it OP. Did you really never notice any signs?
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>>17904700

Not OP.
Wife of 10 years cheated in the last year. Did not suspect anything because it all happened gradually. Didnt check herphone for 9 years. Didnt see reason to check in the 10th year. When I look back, i can see how she used to be a little more anxious if i came close to her phone, etc. At some level I was bored with her and wanted something to change. Anyway, tough lesson but good riddance.
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>>17901334
That's one of my number one fears in life. I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle it and kill her and myself. Not like I have to worry since I'm never getting a gf anyway.
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