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27yo virgin here never been on a date or anything, pretty much

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27yo virgin here

never been on a date or anything, pretty much what you'd expect of an /r9k/ denizen except i'm not angry about it, just depressed

how fucked am i
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also, ask me anything
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>>17900947
what do you want from us op?
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I'm 24 and never had any sexual liaison either, I think I'm a genuine autist.
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>>17900961
idk just bored atm

probably going to get drunk tonight
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Get tinder or whatever dating app you prefer. Match someone, try find some common ground, avoid using 4chan chat up lines. Go slow and start with meeting up for a coffee. If you feel uncomfortable throughout this whole process, that is great! Take a risk and open yourself to the beautiful world of uncertainty.
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>>17900941
Are you going to become a wizard?
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I have to ask, how does someone get to this point?
Is it that you think you'll never find anyone so you don't even try?
Is it social anxiety that prevents you?
It can't be that you're ugly or have a shitty personality, it would have to be REALLY bad for that to be the case, because I've seen some hideous people as well as some pretty awful people not only in relationships but bouncing around to different ones (sometimes they're ugly AND terrible people as well).
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>>17900941
>never been on a date or anything
Why?

Also what do you actually do with your life?
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>>17902031
I'm not OP but I'm 24 and a dateless etc. virgin who isn't a bitter misogynist or a trogolodyte so I'll bite

>Is it that you think you'll never find anyone so you don't even try?

More like I've never found anyone who was interesting enough to bother trying for. Of course, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy since people don't go around with their hearts on their sleeves. I think 99% people are boring as fuck, so I ignore them, so I never get to know them, so I never learn if they really are boring or if they're just playing the part.

It's probably a low sex drive thing too. Other guys say shit like 'wow that girl was HAWT' or 'wow there sure are a lot of cute girls at your job' while for me they were indistinguishable from the faceless masses.

>Is it social anxiety that prevents you?
I guess, but I feel like it's just realistic thinking. I enjoy niche things, (very niche) I have no ambitions, I couldn't care less about politics and gossip and small talk, I live on 30$ a month, don't drink, don't own a car because I think they're money pits, don't have TV because I think it's trash, don't have internet because it's free at the library, etc.

So unless a girl shares an appreciation for my minimalist, monk-like lifestyle and shares my strange aesthetic tastes and niche interests I don't think it's at all reasonable to think she'd enjoy being anything more than an acquaintance.

And seriously, do girls who ARE into that even exist? I'm not saying all girls are the same, but I've never found anyone like me. I don't even hear about people like me on the internet. And I definitely don't hear women saying
>tfw no bizarre ascetic artist bf to be bizarre and aesthetic with
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>>17902031
Not OP but I often wonder the same thing about myself. Maybe I'm just not horny enough? Maybe I'm just way more disgusting and repulsive than I think? I really don't know.

>Is it that you think you'll never find anyone so you don't even try?
Well by now, yes, that definitely plays a part. I'm so old now that I know I've missed a lot of development that I can never have the chance to experience. I don't know how to flirt, every time I try it just appears creepy and awkward.

>Is it social anxiety that prevents you?
I guess this is the best answer. I haven't left my house and spent time with friends since August. I wish I had more time with my friends, but I only have 4 friends and we live in different states. I like to chat and joke around with co-workers a lot, but beyond a few games of Overwatch when it came out I have never hung out with them.

>>17902047
>never been on a date or anything
>Why?
Not OP but I wouldn't even know how to go on a date.

I have never had a female friend, so it's really difficult for me to talk to women. I feel incredibly self-conscious when around females even ones I'm not trying to impress. Even ones that go out of their way to talk to me I just don't know how to act.

For instance, I've been internet friends with this guy for about 8 years and have known his wife for the same amount of time. Even after all this time, if he leaves voice chat I just go silent. This women I've known for 8 years who I have joked with and talked to for hours and hours I can't hold a conversation with the minute we're alone. I feel awful just thinking about it because she must think I don't like her or something.

What the fuck is wrong with me
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It's normal..

try finding someone who shares a similar hobby, anon. Be friends, talk, respect one another.. and eventually, if you feel really compatible and happy to be with her, ask her out. Presumably she will live near you. It takes time though, all good things do.
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>>17902031
Hit a point in my life where I look at myself from the eyes of the woman I want to date. It helps me to see that I lack grounding in my life. It's not about being financial stable it's that I can't look out for myself - and in that regard I'm a failure. I have nothing to offer for a potential gf outside of my niche hobbies.

I also have a lot in common with those both guys
>>17902181
>>17902226
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>>17902031
Im only 19 and I've never got in a relation ship. Until some years ago I used to fall in love and I confessed too once, but now I just don't love anymore. I still met and somehow get to know girls but my heart doesn't go dokidoki.
Like the other guys who replied to (You) I dont have a lot of sexual drive (I don't masturbate but I still watch porn). When I dont go to university I just stay home and hangout only with my friends in the weekend. I want to befriend people yet I fear to be rejected so I never start a conversation whit a stranger.
Pretty normal you say, the moment I will fall in love again will come again you say, but I'm starting to think that I just don't know what love is anymore and before I just misunderstood myself.
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>>17902031
>>17902181
>>17902226
>>17902515
>>17900941

I often wondered the same thing and never understood why they didn't simply chat to, and have sex with girls.
After a lot of mulling it over and reading the common themes I noticed a few fundamental reasons for virgins who don't want to be virgins

1. Low sex drive as a result of depression
Probably the biggest, but most of the people who complain about forming relationships and getting with girls in particular talk about having low or no interest and not caring or it not appealing to them. This is grade A low testosterone, usually as a result of the neet lifestyle and the cure, as we know, is:

>Regular/daily exercise
>Regular/daily sunshine
>Regular social interaction with peers
>Good sleep
>Good diet

They're called sex hormones for a reason, but they also drastically make us more confident and interested in the opposite sex as a result.

2. Self-depreciation
Another common one is "I'm not good enough" or "Nobody wants me". I've found this is mostly ironically the result of high expectations and/or simple lack of action. These are people who often mentally think girls should like them or that there should be someone who likes them and they just can't find them.
The solution of course is simple common sense and understanding that any human is only as desirable as their skills, abilities and enthusiasm for life, and that actions of social ability, articulation, creative pursuit etc all increase the chances of relationships finding you instead of you finding relationships, but at the end of the day it's mostly about how valuable a person you are and how many girls you talk to and attempt to fuck.

3. Social anxiety and fear of rejection
Are probably the third most common and it's usually fear of rejection from an earlier incident, or as a result of shutting themselves off from society and social interaction.
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>>17902535
I can heal myself, yes but what about love then?
>implying I will ever change
Thanks for the advice thought
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>>17902583
No idea which post you were or what you're referencing so I can't comment
What about love?

and changing is you prerogative, I don't give a fuck what you do because it doesn't affect me whereas complaining about being a virgin does
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>>17902031
It kinda just happens, for me it's prolly cause I'm socially autistic. Two years older than op, had 2 boyfriends in my teens, but I didn't even think about sex till I was around mid twenties. It's really hard for me to make friends, was very shy in uni, didn't go out much.
It's not even like I didn't have an opportunity to get a bf or a hook up during these years cause I was asked out, but never by someone I was interested in back. So I'd just rather stay alone.
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>>17902047
not op.

i'm 33.
i don't work/ study. just eat, sleep and tv/ games/ internet.
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>>17902676
How does him being a virgin effect you, any more than him not changing does.

I'm going to detail a fact why we are virgins that I very seldom see talked about in these threads.
It is about the building of experience, and the drive that many me have.

Most non-virgin men will know this feeling through their experience, they know the feeling of doing/acting/saying something that the other person will find pleasing or seductive.

This came to you through your high school sweetheart or other women you were at one point involved with. You built a confidence through the fact that you could do certain things that another human found sexy, hot, or they wanted you.

As a virgin, most of us have never experienced that. So we do not have that drive, we do not understand it. In that regard we are as children and to build that experience becomes more and more difficult the older you get.

>just go to a prostitute

Does not work, because it doesn't build that confidence of have a direct response to your stimuli of action.

To fix someone who is a 30+ virgin is not impossible but it would require such patience and deep psychological cognitive therapy that there comes a point where it's more beneficial to get someone to forget about having those experiences in life.
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>>17903100
>i'm 33.
Holy shit, do you aim for arch warlock or lich?
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>>17903223
i gave up on relationships because i've never dated because when i was a teen i was very arrogant and rejected everybody so now i feel guilty and a need to punish me myself by not dating or having sex ever.

i mean i'm average looking and not fat and my personality is very normal but that's it pal.
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>>17900941
Im in the same boat, although i have been in bed with girls several times, i was just too drunk, she wanted to stay a virgin or the place was too uncomfy. Okay, mostly too drunk.
Maybe i should get less wrecked on parties, then i might score
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>>17903100
B A S E D
A
S
E
D
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>>17903175
>How does him being a virgin effect you, any more than him not changing does.
It doesn't, which is exactly the point I was making.

>Most non-virgin men will know this feeling through their experience, they know the feeling of doing/acting/saying something that the other person will find pleasing or seductive.
That's not dependent upon your virginity, that's social acuity, self confidence and practice, as is any interaction. I've known virgins brimming with confidence.

>This came to you through your high school sweetheart or other women you were at one point involved with. You built a confidence through the fact that you could do certain things that another human found sexy, hot, or they wanted you.
Granted, true for most people because those are the times most of us chose to chat to the opposite sex. Personally that wasn't the case until after college and I had no experience or intuition and merely gained attraction by being an interesting outgoing person. After I picked up interest I was still autistic and basically had to nearly be told point-blank she wanted to fuck, but I was open enough to go for it, and to try, which is all it ever really boils down to.

>just go to a prostitute
I've never understood that prerogative either. As I identified, most virgins either have low sex drive and disinterest, self-depreciate, or are scared of rejection. Prostitutes and to a lesser extent sex, wont help with any of those.

>To fix someone who is a 30+ virgin is not impossible but it would require such patience and deep psychological cognitive therapy that there comes a point where it's more beneficial to get someone to forget about having those experiences in life.
Nope, like anything in life it's the result of choice followed by deliberate action. As I showed previously virgins tend to get hung up on the psychological analysis, over-analysis over social interaction or rejection, etc rather than simply going through it and moving forward.
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>>17903100
>>17903318
>I choose to be a virgin but still like to complain or despair over it on imageboards
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>>17903398
i've never complained about that shit. i just talked about this lol
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>>17900941
I am on the same boat at the age of 25. Because i am extremly poor and shy.
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Try living in middle of nowhere, hillbilly America as someone from outside. Locals think of outsiders like peasants think of Frankenstein. No way to leave when serving as a caregiver for a parent for over a decade, and going to college as an older student in CS means women in that setting may as well not exist.

That's how you get to your 30s with basically no interaction with females.
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>>17903390
The only thing you have shown is that you don't understand what it means to be a virgin any more than I understand and comment on what it means to have sex. You can have a intellectual opinion but unless you are a virgin you have no point.

Read through your own writings then remove yourself from the equation.
It does not matter that you "had to be told" that she wanted to fuck. The point is, this happened. After it happened you had built a experience, your next interactions from then on spread out from that experience.

Later you probably learned how your actions could have a pleasing effect on other people. You learned to charm and so on.

You're basic advice is for people to act but any action without an understanding is null.
Punishment for Russian prisoners used to be forced manual labor. Dig a hole, move the earth, move the earth back and cover up the hole.

This is a punishment that is pure torture because at no point where the prisoners told what their actions was for.
Telling someone to "just do it" without them understanding what sort of effect an action has, is to me insane.

It's the same with friendship. If you never had any friends and you never learn what support is, telling someone to just go out and make friends is a mute point. The effect one person can have on another must be experienced you can't intellectually teach it away.

And its not an issue of confidence because confidence can come from many places. It's the ability to learn how you can effect another human and that can only happen through experience. The longer that experience is delayed the more of an social outcast you will become.
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>>17902031
> Is it that you think you'll never find anyone so you don't even try?
pretty much this
> Is it social anxiety that prevents you?
this as well

>>17902016
honestly, it'll probably happen

>>17902047
go to work in the morning, go home at the end of the day
sometimes I'll go out to eat, and sometimes I hang out with friends, but most of my days are like that

>>17902535
I have interests, but my main problem is cripplingly low self esteem. I feel like I'm not a good enough person to get a girlfriend, that I'm an ugly weirdo, etc.

I mostly avoid social situations but I can handle them if necessary. I feel like if I revealed that I liked a girl they would instantly think I was a creep. Not sure what that comes from.
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Be in shape and shave.

That is all.
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>>17904383
thanks for the bait
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>>17902535
good post. add drugs to it.
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>>17902535
>Another common one is "I'm not good enough"
To further articulate the flavor of this for my case, "I'm not at a point in my life where I am satisfied with myself, how could I burden an outsider that doesn't know me with the dissatisfaction of talking to such a boring person."

I don't want to be an inconvenience.
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>>17904383
lol /fit/ is not here
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>>17904399
>>17904429

you want advice or not
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>>17904433
what if I told you I already did those things
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>>17904433
not op. but I don't think they want the /fit/ manlet advices. I never understood how chads lie to themselves and others. You can believe the shit you say on a daily basis? I guess that's why they end up salesmen or car dealers.
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>>17904438

Why do you think you're not getting girls
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>>17904445
try reading the thread
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>>17903656
fear of intimacy. read about it.
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>>17904525
Fear of seeming like a creep?
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>>17904540
no?

>Fear of intimacy is the expression of existential views in that to love and to be loved makes life seem precious and death more inevitable.
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I just recently turned 24 and am a virgin. There's this girl I work with in which I confused her attention for attraction. She is just a really nice person and I genuinely believed she liked me.

It sucks, there are days where I tell myself to not give a shit, but it all comes back. I never really chased/made the first move because I feel like a fuck up. I dropped out of college, I don't know how to drive, I don't go out much to parties nor do I drink and I've never played beer pong. I don't smoke anything at all. I'm everything the girl I thought liked me isn't. That's why I was attracted to her. I believed that if we were to be together then I would start to take in these habits (mainly the way she is genuinely nice to people and knowing basic things that everyone should know).

Doesn't matter now, she's been using Tinder and I wad ignoring her for a while and she would try to get my attention but I know that she'll never be with me. When I finally hit her up, she was on a date.

But yea, basically I've done things that the you typically would do/suppose to do as a teenager therefore I don't chase girls because tbe majority of them expect things like that from you.
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I just wanted to share a personal experience from someone who has hired prostitutes, since some people talked about it.

I lost my virginity to prostitute when I was 24yo. I imagined first times are always a bit messy, it wasn't great, but would't say I came out dissapointed neither. I also feel I got lucky because the lady happened to be very nice.

The thing is, I've always had high sex drive, but due to social anxiety and I guess low self-steem I was never to even get a date. So, if you just want to do it because of some sort of social pressure, you can try, just to have the experience, but it isn't really gonna do much for you, most it likely won't change your life.

In my case, I guess you say could I've acquired a taste for prostitutes, I still hire one from time to time, and I've had a lot of fun experiences, but in a way I still feel like a virgin since I still haven't had any romantic interaction with a woman I didn't give money to
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>>17900941
>>17900987
Sex and relationships are definitely not the end-all-be-all of things. You value them too highly.
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>>17905475
I value them because it's the highest intimacy you can share with another person. Being undesirable also means you never get to have offspring as well.
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>>17905555
Eh. I'm a complete antisocial who doesn't want kids. So maybe I'm not the best advice-giver for you. Sorry about that. Good luck.
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Also a 27 yo virgin here.

I believe I will lose it at some point next year, but I'm worried because I watch a lot of porn (just regular hetero stuff, nothing really depraved) and don't know what impact it will have when I actually experience it for the first time.
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I'm afraid to show my penis to a woman because I've phimosis, she will think I'm disgusting.
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