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I got my first (yes, really, first) friends at like 14-15 when

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I got my first (yes, really, first) friends at like 14-15 when this girl group of equally awkward anime enthusiasts kinda took me in, and we've been hanging out doing weird nerd shit ever since, bonding over weeaboo stuff I've never really gotten that into, and observing in confusion how everyone we went to school with started getting engaged, married, pregnant and generally "growing up" while we're all 20-22 and still doing teenager shit. They're all kinda uncomfortable with the existence of men in general and keep making jokes that I "don't count". I mean, they all pretty much roast the shit out of each other anyway and I'm just as fat, ugly and hopelessly virgin as they are so that's comfortable.

Anyway a long samba starts with me getting sick, hospital runs and losing a fuck ton of weight, having to buy new, decent clothes because of drowning in the old ones, and letting my sister's pestering hairdresser-student friend practice on my hair, I've kind of stopped looking like myself.

And the joking has shifted tone a lot, gotten weirdly sexual and I'm not sure how to handle this gracefully. Like, they're my friends, I look at them pretty much the same way I see my sister, and even if I wanted to, dating one of them would shatter the whole group.

It could just be my anxiety talking but I keep getting this feeling of impending doom, like the situation is so fragile that a single thing I fuck up is going to ruin a social circle I've had a home in for almost ten years, and I don't know how to unwind it.
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>>17790934
If self-improvement would shatter your social life, then it sounds like you've already outgrown your friends. This happens sometimes. Social "groups" naturally fall apart over time, you'll find out who the REAL friends are because they'll stick by you anyway and encourage your growth
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>>17790955
It's not really self-improvement as much as my comfort-zone appearance-wise shifting somewhere more socially normative.

I just don't know what to do with them actually sexualising me.
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>>17790968
So in non-Tumblr terms, you've become more attractive, which most people would consider "self-improvement."

You should just laugh it off as a joke when that's all it is. If one of them is taking it too far and really making you uncomfortable, you can just tell her that she's making you uncomfortable
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>>17790972
Hospital food is nasty and doled out in containers, it was easier to eat less. Needing to haul around less mass, it gets more comfortable to be more active. When the comfort of being clean outweights the urge to be inactive, it's easier to take a damn shower every once in a while.

I haven't climbed a mountain or learned a new language or any shit, I'm just letting stuff happen to me like I always have.

And there's the whole thing about anxiety. I'm literally always uncomfortable. I don't know where the shit that's all in my head ends and where the shit in the real world begins.
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>>17791006
"Self-improvement" doesn't mean "attaining perfection," you just look better now and you've obviously noticed a difference in the way people treat you. That's an improvement, even if there are other areas of your life that need work.

I'm just nitpicking semantics at this point though, second half of >>17790972 is the only real advice I can give for your situation
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