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Help: I want kids, she doesn't

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Has anyone here ever met or been in the situation of developing a relationship with someone who doesn't want to have babies, while you/other person you met do/did?
Me and my gf have been together for 2 years almost now. I've fallen in love with her, and I think she has with me too. From the beginning we knew that I sorta kinda wanted kinds and that she sorta maybe didn't. We've always had hope things would turn out ok, that one would eventually agree with the other.
But as these 2 years passed, I've grown, I got a job, I started thinking about my future, my own house with her, etc etc. I've reflected on my life and I know now that I really want to have kids. I can't shake that feeling off, it's a part of me.
And on the other hand she wants to travel, wants to visit the world with me, wants us to be together and free of any big responsibility. She says not until at least we're both in our late 30's early 40's does she even want to think about that.
What do we do? Do we have to break up? Don't make me cry /adv/. I love this girl, I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like her.
Pic unrelated.
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>>17577878
>kinds
kids**
>>
Shameless self-bump.
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>>17577878

> our late 30's early 40's does she even want to think about that

She wants to wait until she's infertile to decide whether or not she wants kids.

Could she come around? Maybe, but I doubt it. Potentially as her thirties close in the impending wall will make her rethink the value of frittering away her youth but that's no guarantee and the likelihood of birth defect will have already increased substantially by that point.

I can't tell you if you need to break up with her today, but if having kids for you is a must and she wants to wait until she's out of eggs to decide, the break up is inevitable.
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>>17577938
OP here.
Thanks for your reply.
I feel that it's inevitable too. And the sooner we do it the better - the latter we do it the more attached we will be to each other.
This fucking sucks.
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>>17577969

Best of luck. I was in a similar situation this past year after realizing I wanted to have children eventually. We ended up breaking up for tangentially related reasons. As much as it hurts to do, you realize it hurts less in the long run than giving up key life goals.
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>>17578026
Thanks man. This is what I needed to hear.
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Why exactly do you want kids? Seems like such a full retard decision to me. There are enough babies in the world, why do we need more?

This world is filled with so much suffering and injustice, why would you want to expose others to that if it can be prevented?
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>>17578051
>There are enough babies in the world
Why do people say this? Proportionately, no. The Western World is aging FAST. If I want to have a nice retirement plan, I need the world to have more babies. At least the Western World.
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>>17577878
>She says not until at least we're both in our late 30's early 40's does she even want to think about that.

Dump her.
(Pic related).

Oh, and leave her with the pic.
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>>17578059
Oy Vey, import more refugees!
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>>17577878
>finally start making money
>can get your own house, etc
>what should i do now?
>have fun while I'm young? see the world? buy frivolous things that I want?
>NO better have kids and make sure I remain miserable and tied down

I get wanting kids but your gf has a point
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>>17578180
I really don't see how one excludes the other 2bh.
Sure, it's harder to travel with kids, but if you really want them you will be willing to take up that responsibility.
>have fun while I'm young
dude I'm already young. I'm already having fun. i don't intend on doing this forever.
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>>17578188
I'm not saying never have kids I'm saying I understand that your gf thinks you guys should enjoy EACH OTHER before bringing kids into the picture. Personally I agree. Your relationship will have more time to grow stronger and work the kinks out, which will be crucial for having and raising children successfully. Just wait a few years, go on a few vacations, go on dates, do fun things together. Then I bet she'll even have changed her mind. Having kids is something you can't ever go back on and you can't ever live a carefree life ever again really. So consider what your girlfriend is saying. If you think about it, I feel like it makes sense.

not necessarily the waiting til 30s or 40s but in general. having kids is a ton of time, energy and money. you want to be WELL prepared both financially and mentally to make such a drastic transition.
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>>17578206
Of course, I understand her too perfectly.
But she's really not into it. It's not a big thing for her as it is for me.
If I see kids on the street I smile like an idiot. But she's like "ok..." and doesn't know how to react well to kids who come talk to her.
My niece is 1 year old, just learning how to talk and walk, and to my gf it's a cute baby but not much else. To me it's the most precious thing in the world.
What I mean by this is that I think it's very unlikely that she'll ever want kids. I mean she doesn't even know past 35 it's super risky for kids, she just doesn't care for that stuff.
Which is fine to me. But it doesn't mean it'll be good for us in the future, is all.
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>>17578221
I have heard lots of anecdotes from women with kids who when they were younger, never wanted them, were annoyed by them, didn't think they were cute, etc. Like your girlfriend. Then one day, like flipping a switch, they needed kids of their own. Even my own mother says she was like this. So I wouldn't say it's "unlikely" as I don't think what I described is necessarily uncommon. I guess it would help to know how old your gf is. Maybe she is just not yet at the right time of wanting to "settle down" as you are. She might need time to catch up and that's why I think if you waited and lived more of life together as just a couple, it would help her come around.
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ask her to adopt a teen tell her you ontly habe it for a vfew years if she accepts shell be more open to haveing them if she does not dump her
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>>17578254
She's younger than me. I'm in my middle-late 20's, she's still in her early 20's. It's normal for her to not want kids now.
Thing is she really just doesn't imagine a future with kids. Maybe it's just me, but I need that certainty in my life. That we're together cause we wanna move in together eventually (check for both of us), grow old together (check for the both of us), and have kids (check just for me).
It's an almost excluded possibility for her. She pretty much avoids them.
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>>17578051

> there are enough babies in the world

But I don't want some fucking afrishits as my kids. I want to make and raise my own kids, pieces of me and my own genes.
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>>17578299
Why?
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>>17578272
From what you said it doesn't sound like it's an "excluded possibility" to her otherwise she would be saying "i don't ever want to have kids" and not things like "let's wait." You can afford to wait and see if she changes her tune, you're both young and like you said, she is at the age where having kids is not something that appeals to her but it will likely change with time. So my advice is to go with the flow, and try to enjoy her and your relationship and put kids on the backburner in your mind. You still have plenty of time to have kids, even if it doesn't end up being with her.
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All you can do is take what she's said at face value. You can wait and hope that she *maybe* changes her mind, but there's no guarantee of that, and it may be too late for you to start over if you do find that she really doesn't want kids. To me, this would be a fundamental flaw in the relationship (especially since you two see the next 10 or so years going SO differently), and therefore a perfectly reasonable grounds to break up. Having kids isn't something you can find a compromise on.
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>>17578354
>she would be saying "i don't ever want to have kids" and not things like "let's wait."
When we first met she did say those things. "i'm just not a baby person" - exact quote. She still says stuff like that. The "let's wait" thing only happened once yet, iirc.
I hope you're right and that it does change with time.
Thanks anon.
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>>17577878

You have very different views then

If having kids is more important than having her, then you need to end the relationship.

The older she gets, the more likely your kids will browse 4chan
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>>17578407
>The older she gets, the more likely your kids will browse 4chan
Lmao'd at this.
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This is something that absolutely will make or break a relationship, unfortunately. You can't force her to change her mind, so you really need to decide what's more important to you: her or your desire to have children.
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>>17577878

You may not be happy apart, but you will not be happy together in the long run.

Yes, you are set up for a genuine and necessary ugly break-up.

You could try a compromise, like for the next two years you will travel and live free and whatever she wants, then you will start a family. The danger of this is that the longer you go without kids after that, the less you will trust her (staying on birth control, deliberately aborting/ miscarrying, etc.), and you could end up feeling like she's wasted even more years of your life.

If she's adamant about that timeline, and you're adamant about starting a family, you're just not compatible. Easier said than done, but you have to stick to your guns and get ready to move on.
Thread posts: 27
Thread images: 2


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