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Forgiveness?

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Hey 4chan. I want to ask you a question. it's been 6 months a few days ago since I got raped. I keep hearing the words forgive a hell of a lot lately. I almost feel like it's a sign I need to learn to forgive. It's not that I feel the need to forgive my rapist. I put that behind me... actually I feel more hurt by the friend I will have had known for 8 years this Octorber. When I was raped. I reached out to him and felt so lost and hurt. And my best friend at the time least me like that after I was raped. and now I wanna learn how to forgive it but I'm not sure how... or even if I want to.
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>>17573374
The guy meant a lot to me at one point. He was my high school crush. the guy I followed and became my role model after he left high school. and finally my first ever lover after we reconnected. We had an on and off thing for almost an entire year and I respected him not wanting a relationship because I cared for him and all I wanted was for him to be happy.
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>>17573374
some actions cannot be forgiven, nor should they be
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>>17573374
Forgive only for yourself, not him
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>>17573379
Forgiveness is important, I believe
But you don't have to rush it
if you WANT to forgive him, do it for you
I would recommand reaching to him and trying to understand his reasons
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>>17573382
>>17573386
See here's the thing. You see all these stories of people who were literally stuck in prison by some random stranger for a crime they didn't even commit and were able to forgive them. I personally feel so... well incompetent compared to them.

>>17573388
See thats why, I believe forgiveness is important. but at the same time I feel like I need to push myself to do it. I had my ex's fuckbuddy and friend message me on grindr hitting on me. and I kinda blew up at the dude in a nice way and explained the situation of what happened and why I couldn't even be his friend. Thinking about my ex:bestfriend/lover hurts to the point where I literally have anxiety attacks over it.
So the whole reason I'm trying to learn to forgive is so I can move past it and stop having anxiety attacks over the whole issue.

I don't know if I could realy reach out to him. I basically was in a pretty dark place and I didn't say anything shitty about him. but the last words I said to him were what he did to me was shitty and that was about it and I didn't wanna be his friend or in his life anymore.
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>>17573403
it's possible to forgive him on your own but trust me it'd be way easier if you could reach out to him and see things from his perspective
Especially if you still are highly anxious about it
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>>17573403
But the thing is you dont have do be beat to near death to be owed an apology. If you believe you do, you do. No you weren't brutally murdered but what was done to you was fucked up and you deserve to be able to put it in your past
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>>17573374
>>17573379

Wait, so what exactly happened? What did the friend do to you that was so bad? You say he "least" you, was that a typo meaning "left?" What was his reasoning?
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>>17573411
>>17573414
Here's he fucked up thing though. I'm kinda scared to talk to him or see him again. Like I would have no idea how to reach out to him again, this is literally the last thing I sent to him. and apparently it was so fucked up he blocked my facebook right after.
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>>17573374
Reconnect with them, know their persective, forgive, free yourself from your own prison.
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>>17573415
Omg sorry haha I did mean left. sorry this is kinda one of those late night slightly emotional nights.

And honestly I got no reason. All I know was I felt super fucked up after being raped and kinda confessed it on my snapchat because I was all fucked up after it. he saw all my snaps and like ignored that. I texted him at noon that day after I called into work because I was so messed up over it. and I heard nothing... silence. I literally heard nothing from the guy. and I felt fucked up because I knew he knew... but just left me scared, alone, and feeling low about myself after and ex and their bf raped me.
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>>17573417
Command this fool to talk to you even for 5 minutes. He's probably just scared of your unresolved feelings and wants no drama
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>>17573418
See here's the messed up. I feel like I could move past this if I could talk to them. but I would have no idea how to go about it. every time I think about it I cry and my chest seizes up and I can't breathe.
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>>17573424
Yeah the thing Is I don't think you're so wrong about that. I took him back as a friend even though he cheated on me and I forgave him, I helped him for months after he got out of the hospital for trying to kill himself (ironically it was the dude who replaced me treated him like shit and cheated on him and left him alone on all the important holidays. ) I remember I kept trying to have a serious talk with him and told him and he kept blowing me off. and kept wanting me to text it. so I got pissed off and made a 10 page cited document of why I was pissed.
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>>17573425
messed up part omg
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>>17573429
Wow yeah you put up with waaaaaaay more you should've. Fuck that fucking guy. Let your anxiety turn into rafe for one day and let this trash have it
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>>17573421
>>17573429

He sounds like someone that's not interested in dealing with serious issues, be they his own or others.
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>>17573437
Rage*
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>>17573437
See I just dont know. I almost want a mutual friend of ours to have us meet one day and set up an awkward meeting thing so I could ask him why. I'm just not an angry person. I just feel a little messed up that it's been 6 months since I've seen the dude and it still hurts. I literally feel less about being raped than I do about losing my friend.

>>17573438
yeah. he was really flakey. even so being around the guy would make my day no matter what. I just felt like I was making mistake after mistake trying to get him to talk to me.

>>17573441
I wish I could rage. I just feel hurt and wish he would be happy or content with something for once.
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>>17573447
This guy doesn't like expressing obvioisly. I'm not even sure if he cares really. But at any rate you must stand your ground and tell him hey ive known you for a long time you're fucked up for leaving me to dry you. Show him you have some backbone because right now he's like whatever im living life
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>>17573447
I honestly feel for you, but really, the guy has no obligation to stick around and help you deal with these things. And forcing him into a corner probably made him feel like you were just causing unnecessary drama and he was done (which is why he blocked you). It sucks, but some people have to put themselves first, and for him, that may mean cutting off others.
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>>17573463
The guy doesn't want contact with her. I don't think that's going to resolve anything for either of them. He's just going to run away again if she confronts him.
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>>17573469
yeah I feel like this is the more rational thing. but at the same time Idk. he didnt really cut me off till i told him I was done.
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>>17573472
Thing is though the dude isn't entitled to get away with no consequence. If the roles were reversed, he may have confronted her. She just had to do whats gonna make her feel better
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>>17573472
This is how I feel as well. But I don't really think he would run. Part of me thinks that me leaving didn't really affect him in the slightest. >>17573463
And Technically I stood my ground. I kinda told him I wanted to know why. Why after knowing him for so long he left me alone. and he ignored me still.
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>>17573480
>he didnt really cut me off till i told him I was done
If you were done, then try to be at peace with it. That's what you wanted, isn't it?
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>>17573484
You know I wanted to bad for there to be consequences. but honestly all it feels like are there are consequences for me. If I find out someone is close to him I cut them off. See the thing is... after I left him and bascially nicely told him I gave up on him, I have made so many bounds. I have gone to the gym more felt confident in both me as a human and my sexuality. when I was with him I felt so emotional that if he got remotely sexual I would get physically ill and throw up.
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>>17573488
You know... it's been 6 months and I don't know. See when I said that, It wasn't even a full month since I had gotten raped. and all I seemed to ever feel was lonely. I missed the guy literally every day. I tried the moving past thing, but it never really worked.
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>>17573484
>Thing is though the dude isn't entitled to get away with no consequence.
He isn't the one who raped her. He's an ex-friend that didn't want to be there for her during the aftermath--he technically didn't do anything wrong, he's just insensitive. She even told him she was done in >>17573417

>>17573485
>and he ignored me still.
He may not have a reason, but he doesn't seem to want you in his life regardless.
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>>17573485
If you aren't done you aren't done. But then again, you could just try and get over it yourself. You must realize that people are animals and will do what's best for them regardless of someone else's feelings, no matter how long you knew the guy.
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>>17573488
I guess at the end of the day I need to learn to forgive someone who I'll never see again. realistically I know if we were together again as friends I wouldn't trust the guy anymore. he cheated on me, left me along after I was raped, and I took care of him when he was suicidal, and took care of him when he just needed me, forgave him for cheating on me. but it just feels so hard this time around.
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>>17573499
Yeah you have a point. maybe one day I'll meet him in person and we can have a talk, but I just need to stand my ground.

>>17573494
yeah you have a point. I always felt like he made such unhealthy choices in life. the guy was older than me, but honestly It felt like he was years behind in maturity.
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>>17573502
It's because you see him as a coping tool. Youu go to him when you feel hurt. Try growing some spiritually and emotionally. Work out, learn some martial arts, meditate, find a hobby you love, you get the rest
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>>17573502
You're better off without someone like that in your life. I know it hurts, and you'll always wonder why, but you were the driving force of that friendship/relationship. You took care of him, you pulled all the weight, etc.
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>>17573509
Yeah, see thats how I feel. I feel like I've grown so much since cutting him off, but it's like hes a thorn in my foot still.
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>>17573374
Thanks anons btw! I was feeling kinda low since this week reopened a lot of wounds and I want to thank you all for reminding me I'm a stronger and better individual for this.
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>>17573513
He will be a thorn for a while, but you'll forget eventually. Someone new will come around to pass your time. Remember there's billions of people who knows what will happen
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would you be satisfied with the amount of interaction you had with him or how things were left off if he died?

Did you make an attempt to express your feelings to him and articulate that you were hurt he didn't reach out to you?
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>>17573374
As the great Nitzche said forgiveness is just the fact that someone is unable zo get revenge. That means, if you can and YOU can, get revenge. I would seriously consider paying some 2 meters high shredded dudes aroun 1 k each to beat the living shit out of that rapist. That they beat him up so he's stuck in a wheelchair.
But you're looking confort and shelter fron all of that, OP dont be a little bitch and go do something about and just because you got raped you're not a special snowflake now. These days every 5 person gets raped, stop whining and get your revenge,god damn it.
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>>17573567
revenge does not beget healing, I believe this is terrible advice.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201109/the-power-forgiveness-why-revenge-doesnt-work
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>>17573578
Recenge is the best medicin for everything. When you know that you're even the world is again the best place to live.
That's quite simple, if revenge didn't exist hitler would be still alive. If revenge didnt exist alot of things would be different now. It may seem as the wrong advice but belive me when people see that you're wiling to get your revenge no matter what they're gonna stop fucking with you and you gonna live peacefully.

There is no paradise if it wasn't chaos.
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>>17573578
And when you let that just go by, you're not even worth living anymore. We didn't become what we did today because of forgiveness my god, we because like this because we fought wars and seeking for our revenge. I'm not implying that war is a good thing, but forgiveness is even worse...
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>>17573585
>>17573597
Nietzche never said it like that and you are an idiot
Thread posts: 44
Thread images: 2


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