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Hey there /adv/, tonight I come to you with what is probably

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Hey there /adv/, tonight I come to you with what is probably just a manifestation of my paranoia and anxiety, but I'd still like your help/opinions regardless.

Over the last two years I've been in a pretty much constant state of depression, loneliness, regret, guilt, and recently the last few months have been full of a new issue of anxiety beginning to form in me over dumb things. Now for a year I smoked pot pretty much constantly, I mean if I wasn't at work I was baked and there was a three month period where I had no work at all so I was just baked sun up to sun down. Not sure if that has any bearing on the situation but it's relevant as a variable if nothing else. I stopped smoking pot about a month ago, maybe a little more.

Now the I guess root of my problem is, I feel dumber. I feel like I don't take in and memorize information, I feel like a lot of things just kind of float in and float back out. I want to go back to College, I want to read books and to learn things, but I feel like things don't really stick the way they should. I have a hard time recalling conversations, I have a hard time committing facts to memory even when I want to, I have a hard time remembering conversations with my therapist as soon as I leave the office and my Mom asks about them. I'm kind of freaking out over it. I've read that long term exposure to stress and the cortisol it produces can fuck with your brain, is that part of what's going on with me? Is it just residual brain fog from the pot smoking? Is it something to do with the Welbutrin I take? I'm so fucking lost, I've never in my life felt as dumb as I do now and I need it to stop.
Oh god, I remember this. Yeah nah, give your mind a bit to recover, I'm still suffering from smoking pot from when I was 15 to 18 years old.
That shit is poison for the mind, and good on you for dropping that habit. Mean time, stay away from alcohol, be active with your mind (get in to a hobby such as drawing, playing music), and take your omega oils. You'll be all right, senpai.
I just have a hard time believing it's all from the pot. Not to use what may be a bad example, but someone like Joe Rogan seems to smoke tons of weed, but listen to him talk about ancient egypt or psychedelic drugs or the UFC and he seems to be 100% capable of committing seemingly complex stuff to memory normally. I'm sure there are other people like this too, people who smoke plenty of marijuana but still function and commit things to memory just as well as any sober person. If nothing else it's maddening to think that I can't enjoy the benefits of pot because of how it interacts with my brain while others can. Maybe it's an interaction with my anti-depressant, or maybe it's the kind of weed I was smoking. Unfortunately until it's legalized across the country I can't even be sure what kind of weed I'm smoking as far as indica vs sativa and all that. But thanks for the props man, I finally decided to give it up because of the effect I felt it was having on my memory and because I started getting wicked anxious instead of relaxing and enjoying myself.
Next time you want to off yourself, do this:
Grab an AR-15. You can get them cheap at your local Walmart, or alternatively a gun store.
Search on google for highschools, colleges or malls in your area.
Take a stroll around and scope the potential targets. Map out potential routes and escape routes, where are the panicking normies most likely to escape towards?
Pick a day you know there's gonna be alot of people there. There's tons of events happening in schools and malls.
Prepare a decent amount of explosives. Those can be easily made with every day materials, google it. This are your escape plan, you can either off yourself with them or use them and escape in the chaos they will create.

Optional: Body armor will let you kill more normies if confronted by security or police or just carrying normies.
Carrying a sidearm can be extremely useful, some normies might try to disarm you.

Remember, good planning and fast action will net you a good high score. Flexibility is key, you never know how things might go, the best of the best like Breivik were so succesful because they could make correct decisions on the fly.

Good hunting brother.
Bump before I lay down. I'll try to reply if anyone posts anything, but if I fall asleep I'll reply in the morning.
This isn't my advice but it was given to me from few people and also seen it float around internet and so on.

The brain is like a muscle and specially the memory the less you use it the weaker it becomes. Pick up studying and reading books perhaps playing music(this makes your brain shot fireworks compared to other activities)
For me it helps to keep a journal where I write daily about what I'd like to remember.
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