Okay, so long story short: I've been dating this guy, Mark, for six years. We grew up together and we get along wonderfully for the most part. We are a gay couple. If I had to label it, he's generally more feminine than I am but that's something I love about him.
Recently he's revealed to me that he's taken up the hobby of trolling/harassing people online. Specifically, he's telling trans people to kill themselves because he believes they're (and I'm quoting his text here) "human garbage. They're freaks and deserve to die". He even goes as far as making multiple accounts to harass the same person.
I'm horrified. This is not something that is okay and I guarantee that anyone I told this to find his behavior deplorable. Why would he willingly tell me this? Why does he do this?
Over the years I've had this suspicion that Mark might be transgendered. One time when we were drunk he mentioned feeling like a woman in a man's body. I bring this up to him--he says if he were trans he would kill himself because they're so disgusting. He goes on to claim that anything he says doesn't really have consequences. "Nothing I say can affect them though. Every emotion they feel is their own fault." Furthermore, he claims that they're not real people since it's on the internet. He says words are harmless.
I tell him his behavior is vile and I'm extremely angry. He says "you choose not to be angry. Why'd you decide to feel this way?"
Okay, so I really think he's projecting. I think he's trans and he's afraid to admit it, so he takes it out on other people. I think his behavior comes from a place of hurt, so maybe he doesn't mean it? I've suggested therapy to him in the past for depression, but he says it won't help and won't go. I feel like this is a deal breaker for me and I'd like advice on if I should try to help him or just leave. I love him so much, we've been through so much together... but this feels like too much for me.
Any advice would be appreciated.
>>17571823
Frankly this behavior would be a deal breaker to me. Were I you I'd give him an ultimatum, cut this shit or I'm out.
As for why he does it who the fuck knows, you're not a psychiatrist so don't pretend to be.
I'm quite close to a few trans people irl, and I can tell you that your partner sounds like a textbook case of a repressed trans girl. That being said, there's no guarantee they're not simply a cis bigot... but the thing is, if he was just a transphobic cis dude, why waste all of this time and energy harassing people online?
I think they have a lot of thinking to do... if they are indeed trans, this whole thing is either going to end with them transitioning or offing themselves. It's a fucked up situation and I feel for you for wanting to help them. One possibility would be an ultimatum: tell them you don't think their behavior is healthy, and that either they try therapy, or the relationship ends. It's harsh but you really can't be with someone behaving and thinking this way, for your own sake.
Your boyfriend is right. Trannies are freaks but don't need to die, just have serious mental treatment. Anyone who thinks they are a man/woman trapped in a woman/man's body is by definition mentally unsound
>>17571823
sounds like mark really urgently needs psychotherapy or at least some professional accompaniment
six years is no joke to throw around like it's nothing. it's a real relationship imo.
you need to talk to a psychotherapist and have some sort on intervention or something done on him