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First Boyfriend At Age 25

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Thread replies: 57
Thread images: 2

So I made a huge mistake. This guy has completely different values than me.

>casual sex before me/I was committed to waiting for marriage
>not open to religion/I grew up Christian and incorporate traditional African/vodun elements into my practice
>sees love as a happy feeling and liking being around each other /I see love as a commitment like Corinthians 13 in the Bible
>blind when he has a budding attraction to other women/I detect and shut down my crushes immediately
>doesn't read or engage in self analysis, doesn't like mental effort or discussing things in depth/I read, take personality tests, always wabt to discuss issues, and have been to psychologists
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You sound like a really fun person to spend the rest of one's life with.
>>
Go marry your brother or something you terrorist
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>>17570565
Then do not date him?
Like, what's the fucking issue.
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>>17570565
>Dating niggers
I found you problem.
>>
He also has anger issues. He has yelled at me and called my feelings stupid. He can tell when I am upset but would rather preserve his fun weekend than talk about it. He has slept next to me crying without trying to comfort me. I am having a hard time letting go though. Somehow I let chivalrous behavior, the nice feeling of being wanted, and people thinking we look good together override the red flags...


Last year we had an episode where I had an emotional breakdown (ripped up an application for something I needed to do due to anxiety l). It made him uncomfortable. He informed me that he was "usually" attracted to driven businesslike women and the episode made him less attracts to me. This has popped up repeatedly. He compares me to a coworker who has a similar look as me and respects her more. He has used a cutesy nickname for her when I asked him to stop and he has even called me her name once (not sex, during conversation ). This morning he asked if he could send a group a "before" picture (5-7 people have an ab contest going including the coworker we have fought over). His dick outline was clearly visible. He said I was the only reason he would not use it. I feel he should know how to act without me telling him.

How do I let go of my first date, first kiss, first boyfriend, and first time having sex?
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>>17570587
>she's 25

What are you 12?
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>>17570587
This guy sounds toxic as fuck and you already know that.
Think about yourself and your welfare. It doesn't really sound like you have a future with this guy, and being honest, would you really like to spend the rest of your life around him?
Do it for your own good.
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>>17570577
It has been over a year, we share a social circle, and breaking up has never worked before. One of us always caves. Not sure if it's fear of loneliness or if there is some deeper connection we have that makes us ignore the huge differences.
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>>17570602
You're just dating because it's better than staying alone. You probably don't even really like each other.
Move on.
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>>17570567
>not fun
I am a professional performer. I don't want to get into the details but trust me I am neither physically boring nor is my personality bland even if my morals seem so.
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>>17570615
Oh I know what this is

Yeah she's never gonna leave him guys. She probably says the same shit to her friends

Okay we can all go home now, have a nice night everybody
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When was the last time you guys had sex?
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If you want to stop fighting with your bf just sleep with him.
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ok so you're clearly an immigrant or outsider to your boyfriends shitty western party culture. he's obviously not likeminded why haven't you dumped him yet. i don't know, i'm not a girl but to me this solution is easy.
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>>17570654
2 weeks ago.

>>17570658
Comments about other women's positive qualities are even more irritating when your vagina hurts from penetration -_-
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>>17570674

Both are my posts. 2 weeks is dangerously long for a guy to not have sex, that's definitely cheating territory and your bf sounds like a catch.

You're gonna lose him if you don't have sex with him regularly. Sorry if your vagina hurts, but you have to make sacrifices to keep it secure.
>>
Sex once a week is the golden number to make your bf happy and in love. It's long enough for him to want it every time and he'll work for it.
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>>17570679
Yeah no. He made it a year with no sex at all without cheating (he lives with his sisters who I'm friends with and he isn't perceptive enough to hide things like opened condom boxes, bobby pins, or hair). We have also been busy with work and school.

Which is part of what confuses me about the way he treats me... How can someone say they love you and change so much about their lifestyle but still disregard your value?
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>>17570687

Because he has another girl. You don't want to listen to me you think you know everything he does and you got him locked down.

You think you run the show and hold sex back from him, that's fine just don't be surprised when you find out he's been seeing another girl. I tried to warn you.
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>>17570681
Spotted the virgin.
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>>17570674
>last sex
>2 weeks ago
I totally understand why he is mad.
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>>17570697

I'm not a virgin, you can disregard everything I told you because you don't like it, I can see why he got fed up with you.

He probably liked you a lot too.
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>>17570706
He has not asked/tried and we don't cohabitate.
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>>17570709
that's obviously not OP kek it's the typical male insult here
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>>17570710

He probably tried before and you turned him down/rejected him and he hasn't tried since.

Yeah he's seeing another chick.
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>>17570712

It obviously *is* op. She acts like she's the center of the world and refuses to do anything she doesn't feel like doing.

Which is fine just don't expect people to put up with it for long.
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>>17570709
That wasn't me.

These were though. I forgot to leave the name field in.
>>17570674
>>17570687
>>17570710
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>>17570709
Are you a girl? In what bizarro world do you live in where you think a guy would be happy with sex once a week?
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>>17570714
He hasn't tried. We haven't even had the time to be alone together till two days ago and he didn't act like he wanted anything.
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>>17570753

Once a week is good unless you are a porn addicted freak. I'm a guy.

>>17570755

He has other girls why do you think he belongs to you only? Also do you really think his sisters would choose you over their brother?

You are starting to see something isn't right and I'm afraid that it may be passed the point of no return already. I'm a guy so I can understand your bf pretty easily just from talking to you and reading his actions.
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>>17570765
You have an abnormally low sex drive. Perhaps you are asexual. It's not healthy to be in a relationship and withhold sex for 6 days out of 7.

Stop projecting your abnormality on others.
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>>17570777

Checked.

>it's not healthy to have sex once a week

Ookay
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>>17570765

He has given me his phone's unlock code the fallen asleep.. If he was cheating he'd be afraid I'd check.

Our whole families have met too. Our parents have each others numbers and invite each other over for holidays.

And maybe his sisters wouldn't say but they would act different. We give each other clothes and shit.. I feel like that would stop.
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>>17570777

You're probably a virgin who beats it multiple times a day and equate masturbaiting to sex.
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>>17570791

Does any of that matter ? The relationship is between you and him and you've neglected him, end of story.

Now he doesn't want anything to do with you, try and put the pieces together.
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>>17570792
You're obviously a virgin who has never been in a relationship. Unless you live far apart and can only see each other once in a while, couples normally have sex at least every 2-3 days, some more than once a day. If you only want it once a week despite being able to do it daily, you should consult a doctor as something is wrong with your sex drive.
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>>17570808

Op and her guy doesn't live together, my once a week rule was right.

Nobody asked about your sex drive.
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>>17570796
You say that he doesn't want anything to do with me but he isn't breaking up with me. Why stay with someone if a) you are sick of them and b) you have replacements lined up
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>>17570829

He's probably one of those guys who "hate drama" and would rather not say anything. He's probably waiting for you to break up with him.
>>
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Depends on how your values are important to you, but this sort of stuff happens all the time. Usually, being with someone with the exact same values as you can be nice but it's not as interesting.
Him not comforting you while you cried is some sociopathic borderline crazy shit, though. Like I'm not one to hug people, but if I see someone cry at the very least I can't sleep like it's nothing.
Anyway, like I said, depends on how important values are to you. You can make amazing relationships like that (like you already seem to have done).
Like, if you don't like him so much, leave him, but if you do, you should think twice.
What impresses me most is how you only figured this shit out. Are you 16? Seriously how did you get so involved without knowing this guy's values? It's like one of the first things you find out while you're dating.
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>>17570880
I am 25, this is my first everything. I deliberately avoided relationships and dating before him due to religion and knowing I am very easily distracted from my priorities (school at the time).

He has always been good at changing on the surface when I express that something bothers me. He's very chivalrous. I hated this at first because it seems shallow but the door opening and "ma'am" stuff grew on me. I did see some differences but somehow focused on the wrong ones because things like his work ethic and tendency to avoid complaining were rubbing off on me in a good way.

Also whenever we had discussions about where we were going, how we felt, and if we were at an end point he always said he thought we improved each other's lives and that he loved me. Lately he doesn't get that all the things he does (he is critical and prioritizes other people over me) make me feel like he is lying or doesn't understand love.
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>>17570937
I'm sorry but how did you two meet exactly? Out of all people to decide to start dating with, this guy seems like a total manchild. Why did you give in so much? I know you were inexperienced, but him not being religious and not really showing signs of reflecting on life, didn't that bother you immediately? Most religious people I've met usually immediately reject people for things like that.
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>>17570976
Everyone around me told me to just give it a chance. I shouldn't have listened. When I was younger I used to say dating with zero thought for marriage was useless. I see now I should have stuck with that because my view of myself and what I needed was obviously clearer then. I tried thinking more casually but I am very concerned with self improvement and having good communication with everyone. I assess where problems are and want to fix the root, even with little things. My tendency to do that (and the fact that we weren't having sex for a year) and the way we always compromised after talking kept us thinking we were good for each other...

He also made me feel good. I never allowed myself to accept or reciprocate male attention before so I have a low tolerance for the high.
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>>17570976
Oh and we met through a recreatioal class I was assisting teaching.
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>>17571018
>>17571025
Thanks for making things clearer. This sort of situation is familiar to me.
So basically you grew up and made yourself better and stronger, and he didn't.
I can see exactly when and where it happened, too, you probably kept ignoring it cause he made you feel decently, and he kept on being who he was because he didn't feel any pressure to be anything else.
Been there, done that.
It's sad but things are only going to get sadder if you keep going down that road (you and him together). I'd say you should break up with him, but I know how he must matter to you. He is your first love after all.
But see, the thing is, when people say "there's plenty of fish in the sea", that's actually true. There ARE plenty of decent guys out there who'd be lucky to be with a girl like you. You just need to see that for yourself. Men much better than that trashy bf of yours.
Really, you need to break up with him. Things are only going to get worse, and he's not going to listen to you by you complaining. He needs to wake up and resolve his shit on his own. Some people never do, sadly.
Good luck and godspeed to you, OP.
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>>17570565
You fucked up

You could have screened for a guy who has your same values and found a good match if you had stuck to them. Instead, you compromised on your values, and now any further attempts to hold to them will be shallow and fall short.

You fucked up
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>>17571052
I really should, I just am not sure how and am scared of the social repercussions since we share many friends. I'm also angry with myself because of what
>>17571066
said bluntly.


I got to thinking last weekend and asked how he thought we would be as friends and a few other questins to open up the topic. He answered as succinctly as possible then disengaged saying he didn't want to have a "talk" because "he needed to have a clear head this weekend". Then he decided to go out. I expressed lost of what I felt and he apologized (he claims he thought my period was just making me insecure and moody) and the weekend was fine but I still have this nagging feeling. I hate that I made a bad judgement in losing my virginity to him but I also don't want to end up marrying him and always feel unappreciated. I guess I just have to make him sit down and discuss it regardless of his "weekend" being ruined.
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>>17571106
>he didn't want to have a "talk" because "he needed to have a clear head this weekend"
What a shitty excuse. Sounds like a real idiot to me.
Dump the dude. I know it'll seem hard, but it has to be done. Sorry, and good luck, like I said, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
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>>17570595
>
This. Your morals and values do not match up, and also he just generally sounds like a dick. Break up with him. Do not cave.
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>>17570565
>in depth
>online personality tests

I dated a girl like that, why the fuck do women think that taking personality tests and obsessing about man-made self-evaluations is having "depth"? That's just a reflection of your boring shallow narcissism and wanting to identify with a label (like those stupid INTFP personality analysis).

But you sound absolutely awful. I'm a Christian, and you just sound like a pretentious fruit cake.
>incorporate African beliefs

My sides
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>>17571220
But aside from my rude criticisms, your guy sounds like a fucking nut case. Just drop him and resist the temptation to take him back

>social circle
>having friends in your mid 20's

Dude either find a husband and be a stay at home mom or get focused on your career. Friends are a joke passed high school
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>>17571153
I was going to do it this evening but something happened

Long story short there's an ex colleague of mine who teaches an activity and she asked him to substitute for her instead of me or someone else.


We stopped associating as closely last year when my skill level began to surpass hers in a short amount of time. We still associate enough for her to have asked me but she is afraid I will steal her customers (I would never). I have a degree in the area by the way and boyfriend is not even advanced level. Boyfriend and I have had fights about him being close to her in the past so him telling me he was exited to sub for her on top of everything else pushed me over the edge. I called and broke up on his lunch break.
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>>17571220
I did not equate tests with depth. The point was he doesn't like thinking too hard.

>African beliefs
Didn't mean to be a special snowflake, thought it was relevant. I am open to exploring religion from a cultural perspective and often keep items, listen to sacred music, learn religious dances etc from non Christian traditions. He is averse to that. Even though he isn't religious Christianity is the only tolerable one.
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>>17571386
Well good for you.
Good luck with life, OP.
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Damn 4Chan You people are painfully honest, dont stop senpai, never stop.
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>>17571544
who are you talking to
Thread posts: 57
Thread images: 2


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