Is it even possible for a girl to lower her standards when it

>>17561523
Everyone male or female who expects perfection is nuts. If you spend a long time (years) trying to adhere to your standards and you never get anywhere. Guess what? you are the problem and you need to lower your standards.

inb4 white knight good feels enablers arrive.

You can be my girlfriend!

I am your knight on the white horse.
I can cook, make millions of dollars, work 16 hours a day AND be with the kids, fuck the shit out of you for hours.

My hand doesn't get sore when spooning.
My dick is as hard as steel, and I wake up with the perfect haircut.

I am an actor, a rockstar, a hacker, I work for the government, and I do classified, dangerous things.

My suit always fits me perfectly. I don't swear, smoke, drink excessively. I can have fun and talk to you about quantum physics while not making you insecure.

P-please m-mmary me, m'lady?

>>17561541
>how do I lower standard
>consider lowering standard
I HAVE tried dating someone I wasn't attracted to. It was terrible.

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>>17561615
Okay, now don't get stressed, beautiful.
It's bad for your complexion.

Why are you talking to this dirty peasant?

Now lay down like a good princess, and let me massage your feet, m'lady.

>>17561615
you poor baby.

Just a heads up. I have no idea what you are looking for and it doesn't really matter. Because a good relationship is with some who is like a best friend to you. People who gripe about their standard are 9 times out of 10 over reaching.

Either improve yourself to improve your chance of being with your standards, lower your standards. or realize every time you get salty about your standards everyone just thinks your a salty toxic cunt.

>>17561615
Lowering your standards means the person your dating is no longer attractive?

Your standards are already low, you probably just don't talk to enough people.

>>17561632
I don't even know what my standards are, nor where to look for it. It's been like four years since the last time I had a crush on a guy, and he wasn't exactly an ordinary-looking one, either.

>>17561637
I do talk to people. Both my school and and workplace are virtually all-male. I mean, hell, there's two women in the class and I'm the one who's not happily married with kids.

>>17561523
it depends on how we view all "standards"
some people i know with the highest standards actually have very low standards in some regards. i mean vise versa for lower standards people. it's really about BASIC outlook and lifestyle. i think standards are somewhat bullshit because we generalize so much.

>>17561674
Well, I don't know how to fall in love with anyone I could have access to.

>>17561790
Falling in love doesn't come instantly, you need to know there guy better, but there is a huge gap between I'm crushing on him and he's repulsive. Aim for that gap, and start going out with people. Give them a chance, and give yourself a chance too by not being too quick to judge. Work on that mental connection, don't expect anything to fall in your lap.

>>17561790
most of us seem to have an ADD type of mentality. or a swipe left or right mentality. or a like or dislike mentality.

the main times our bodies are idling, we are also staring at screens.

our thinking patterns and whatnot are different when we are sitting still, versus walking around. we have more of a focus for just the screen.

take this general idea and apply it to guys. the answer is to meet them and learn from your experiences over the course of years. the only deadline is death. any other and you set that for yourself. e.g. you want to get married before 30. these self-ultimatums also set standards, which can be more successful with creating more new problems than solve past problems. the bottom line answer isn't here. it's being out there and putting yourself forward and moving through the world. the more we sit around the more we think about how we are literally not moving anywhere in life. that is our thinking.

we don't have this same emotional and mental connection with other people when we are face to face. practice face to face irl is all.

Probably not, females would rather be alone than face the reality that chads and alpha males don't want them. It's also why women would rather share an extremely high status male than settle for one single average guy.

There used to be great economic and social incentives for women to settle for a nice beta, but now that the government is violently taking money from productive men to give to women they don't really need to do that anymore.

It's your true nature OP, don't beat yourself up over it, just be aware that if you can't figure out a way to get over this hurdle you will probably live a deeply unfulfilled and lonely life.

>>17561922
people who make a lot of money know how to make a lot of money. with this comes experience over years and boost in confidence that any human should have over the course of experience over years, with whatever they do.

the simple fact is that rich guys have money and that is the difference.

>>17561912
So just take a guy who's kinda meh and see what happens? He won't mind me wasting his time?

just wait until you're a bit older then it will start naturally. it always does

>>17561984
I'm 22. When does it start?

>>17562037
it will start before you hit 25 and be in full effect by 30. i'd suggest different methods of searching for an adequate man.

>>17561920
So what do you want me to do? Go around bars telling guys I don't put out unless it's true love?

>>17562090
what do you suggest?

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>>17562096
bitches like this always are the worst

>>17562103
I always suggest church to both genders no matter what religion they are. It's a place to find community and meet with new people with wholesome morals. If you're some kind of edgy atheist then try going to more concerts.

>>17562090

No longer giving a shit is also a possibility.

As far as I see it, we all have certain things we can and cannot accept when it comes to dating. Some people have more than other, some people have dumber requirements than others.
At the end of the day, sometimes you're just fucked if you have high standards. Because you'll be unhappy no matter what you do if you try to lower them, but on the flip side you'll likely die alone if you don't. It's a lose lose and there's nothing you can really do about it other than decide which loss takes the harder punch. Just the cards you were dealt.

However, I suspect since you don't even know where your standards lie, that you just simply aren't ready for this aspect of life yet. Try focusing on something else first, your career, friends, hobbies, you name it. Then, and I'm not trying to sound condescending or like I'm making fun of you or anything, once you've matured a bit you might find yourself ready to search for another person.
Or you might not ever get there and find happiness through something else. Not everyone is meant to be "omg in luvvv", not everyone finds happiness out of a romantic/sexual relationship. Some find they're perfectly happy living out life solo, but feel like this can't possibly be true because society puts so much pressure and importance on "love". (pro tip, love isn't real.) Don't buy into the bullshit if that is the case, do whatever makes /you/ feel your life is fulfilling.

>>17562133
I don't think me and church-going christians have the same morals.

>>17562149
I DO know what my standards are, as in, the basic grounds of having a good head on his shoulders and not being mentally or physically handicapped beyond a point I'm realistically capable of supporting long-term, but every time a guy shows interest, my first thought is "no, not him". Even if there's nothing at all wrong with him.

And I have everything else under control. I lack nothing else, I'm in school and I have a good job and friends and hobbies and everything.

>>17562037
happened to me when i was 15 got brutally rejected in front of my whole class and now i have a huge void in my heart and see pleasure in other peoples pain so basically dont fall your just being pressure by your peers to think you need to fall in love just run away and tell yourself nothing matters and you dont need someone and its your subconscious telling you need to reproduce but why would anybody want you v.2?

>>17562229
Calm down.

At your age I was being taught what the other end of the friendzone looks like by a fragile neanderthal in a leather trench coat.

>>17562214
again, sounds like you just arent there yet. When I said focus on the other things, I wasnt implying you didn't have them. That point still stands, you should just put dating on the backburner and keep doing what youre doing with the other parts of life. You're 22, you're still basically an infant in the adult world. There's plenty of time for this shit.
Datings one of those things that when you seek it out, it wont come. But when you let it come to you, it comes by the truckload.

>>17562283
Then what?

I want to be happy. I want to have nice things and feel good. To do something because I want to, not because I have to.

>>17562294
I- where did this conversation take a swing to now? I'm confused.
You can be happy man, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Including date. It is however a myth that dating will bring you happiness. If that's the only reason to date, is because you want someone else to make you happy, it's doomed from the start.
what is it you're feeling like you have to do but you don't want to?

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>>17561632

>Because a good relationship is with some who is like a best friend to you.

You do realize that 90% of the people here are incapable of forming meaningful relationships, right?

Guys here look at relationships as a pissing contest to see who can get the hottest, purest girl who will suck his dick, make his dinner and let him treat her like a dog.

Standards are great for when you're weeding through people you aren't attracted to but the older you get the more you'll be surprised what kind of things you like that you didn't think you would AND how much more willing you are to entertain ideas you were vehemently against as an adolescent.

Minimum standards, in theory, are great but in reality they're not as staunch and rigid as we like to think they are. Relationships are something you configure with time, not with a passing glance and a quick conversation.

Sometimes it can take weeks or months in the beginning of a relationship to even find out whether or not the person you're dating meets your standard. It isn't as black and white as people think it is.

Simple "lowering" your standards will allow for a greater amount of interactions you wouldn't of previously had but has little affect on the quality of relationships.

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Well, personality and to some extent looks factor into what makes a person attractive, but acceptance from your partner is in fact the most attractive thing any man can find about a woman (speaking as a male).

If you start to like a person, you'll start to find that within reason, certain imperfections (usually quirks or superficial ones like freckles) help you associate and concretely remember that person as an individual.

I don't know what your standards are OP, but I would assume that you look for more than stability, wealth, and looks. Perhaps you're looking for certain behaviors thought to be rare?

>>17561674
>>17561920

This anon gets it.

>>17562122

Please kill yourself. Your posts are a cancer on every single thread.

>>17562320
Don't give him (you)'s. If you ignore him long enough he starts to whine about how nobody will reply to him. Ignore the trash and it will get bored eventually.
Or at least take off the faggy ass trip.

Ofcourse it is possible, but why would anyone who respects themselves lower their standards?

But standards should be based not only on looks but morality and personality, If a 9/10 wanted to date me but was toxic and manipulating I would not waste my time. Would rather date a 6/10 who is a good person.

Then again OP I don't know if you are even attractive yourself, or if you have a good personality. If not why should any self respecting man waste his time on you?

>>17562307
Everything that happens between waking up and going to bed.

>>17562368
Ok then you need professional help because you're severely depressed. Seek counseling, talk to your doc about getting on some antidepressants. This is where these feelings of inadequacy come from.

>>17561523
My sister is a virgin at 32 because she has high standards in very specific ways.

Think of how much you don't want to be that, I guess.

>>17562377
I've been on sertraline for a month now, it does nothing.

>>17562431
are you doing the first half, seeing a professional therapist?

>>17562316
I don't even know what I'm looking for. I think that no major debt, criminal background, substance abuse problems or any other issue that'd also harm my life, and not being repulsive by physical appearance or personality would be enough, but I'm already talking to someone like that, who's good enough and lets me pet his hair, but something in me still just doesn't want it and for the life of me I can't fathom what the fuck I could want that he doesn't have.

>>17562357
I try to think I have a good personality. Or at least I try to keep an eye on the bad parts of it and keep them in check. I try to be kind to people as much as I can.

I'm not fat or have any kind of downright deformities or any mentionworthy crippling skin disease. Save for a few nicks and cuts I think I look ok.

>>17562437
A psychiatrist prescribed me the pills, didn't he?

I don't get what talking can do to fix the inherent nature of human existence. I will still have to go to work and to school and to fold the laundry and put away the dishes no matter what some shrink tells me.

>>17562460
Then kill yourself idk. You don't sound like you want help, you just wanna wallow in misery.
These are your options in life, continue the therapy/drugs until it gets better because most likely it will eventually, or an hero and be done with it all.

>>17562467
I can't an hero because of my family, and there's no "therapy".

I still have to go to work.

OP, you're way young and have a lot of dating life ahead of you. There's a lot of time to learn what your standards actually are.

Don't fucking settle, though. Being in a relationship isn't some wonderful special thing unless you actually give a fuck about the other person, it's just trying to fill some void. Eventually it'll just end up fostering resentment.

Find someone who rocks your world or don't date at all, and learn to be okay with that.

>>17562481
Wait so you're not talking to a therapist on a weekly basis?
Have you considered actually trying everything in your power instead of just poopooing it and whining online?

>>17562508
What the fuck would a therapist help? I do not understand the benefit.

>>17562313
kind of this

also, don't be a dumb cunt with ingrained expectations

try appreciating someone for who they are, and not their relative place in the social hierarchy, and maybe you will realize what it actually means to be attracted to someone

>>17562544
I don't give a fuck about social hierarchy, I'll date a homeless guy if I like one.

I just don't know how to be attracted to good people.

>>17562538
You don't know if you never tried mate. Again though, you don't get to bitch on the internet until you've exhausted all other options. Get a therapist, even just for shits and grins, or just to say you tried.

>>17562585
What if I can't get one?

>>17562595
There is no such thing as cant. Theres no valid excuse. Get a loan if its cash, or get better insurance, there are plenty of cheap shrinks out there. Unless you live in the most remote part of Alaska you'll have one near you. If you do, congrats on the internet access, because the wonder of the internet means you can do it completely online.
Actually, you said you were in school, literally every school in existence has a counselor for their students to use. Go find yours.

>>17562492
This advice will make you a cat lady. Settle for someone who you're happy to spend your spare time with. Attraction can grow.

>>17562654

>I'm waiting for a girl to settle for me some day :^)

>>17562595
Why wouldn't you be able to get one?

>>17561657
>I don't know what my standards are
There is the problem, you don't know what you want
I got the same problem and I got no idea how to solve it. I think in my case I'm looking for somebody similar to me on too many levels and a mix like this is kinda rare, as pretentious as it sounds.
>I'm a weeb who likes drawing mango, coming up with stories and characters and doing it with somebody else makes it 10x as fun
>but at the same time I'm extroverted, go out a lot and have an unhealthy lifestyle while lots of weebs (whether they draw mango or not) are introverted and often almost straight edge
>I like playing drums and would like somebody to play music with but only if they're as bad at it as me and nobody is as retarded as me, picking up an instrument when they're over 20
>I'm not ambitious but I have a stable job and got my shit together so again I don't want a useless NEET but I don't want somebody super ambitious either
>I got terrible humor sense but surprisingly I know a few girls who share it, though only with one we always make each other laugh constantly
It's probably having too high standards but I don't even need 100%, just 3/4 of it or something. But when I find one she's the "I hate relationships" kind. ree