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I may get blasted for being a silly femanon, but whatever. So,

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I may get blasted for being a silly femanon, but whatever.

So, I've been with the same guy for 5 years. I have never been indecisive about the issue of having kids, and have told him from the start "yes, when I'm in my 30s I definitely want kids". At the time, he told me his opinion was that yeah, kids are cool, it might be nice to have them one day.

Within the last year though, now we're properly making proper plans to move in together (personal circumstances have prevented me from doing so before -- but that's another story entirely) and get married. My plans have typically included my hypothetical children, and recently he dropped the big bombshell: Actually, no, he doesn't want kids anymore. They're such a handful and cost too much money, time, and energy. Can't it just be me and you, babe?

As you can imagine, this is a bit of a dealbreaker for me, and back at the start of the relationship I thought I would have the courage to leave. But it's been 5 years, and part of me is clinging onto that hope that he might change his mind... after all, he did speculate that kids would be an interesting challenge and a nice way to complete a family... so is there hope? This is literally the only thing that is making me question the relationship. Otherwise, everything is perfect and I wouldn't want things any other way.

So what do? Cut my losses and walk from what would otherwise be a perfect relationship, or see if I can win him 'round? (or 'accidentally' become pregnant..?)

TLDR:
>yet another 'I want kids but he doesn't' scenario
>>
Don't 'accidentally' become pregnant. From one femanon to another, that is a shitty move and is not going to work out well for anybody. Just don't.

You need to talk stuff out with him. I say it's probably good to not sacrifice a good relationship for something like that, but at the same time that is definitely a big deal and could even be a dealbreaker.

It's always rough to have to throw away a long relationship, especially over something that seems so small but is so important to you.

Talk to him, try to work something out. Relationships are all about communication and compromise. See if you can work it out. You both need to approach this with an open mind.

One last question, how old are you both?
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at least he is honest. i tell my gf i want kids even though i hate kids and had a vasectomy years ago
>>
I broke up with a girlfriend of 3 years because she said she did not want kids. It was a similar situation where in the beginning I was clear I wanted them, and she was similar to your guy in her initial response. However as time moved on and I was closer to proposing her status changed.

I say find a guy that wants kids and not wait around and hope someone wants kids (he probably will not). Despite what others your age may tell, having kids is the greatest thing in life and also the most fulfilling thing you can do.

DO NOT accidentally get pregnant with a guy who does not want them.
>>
>>17457438
I'm 25, he's 32. So yeah, I've got a little way off before my personal deadline comes around.

I've tried talking about this before... it's actually more difficult for me. I tend to cut the conversation off myself by apologising and saying "sorry if I'm nagging or ruining your day, just think about it please".

As for compromise, I've even gone so far as offering to make the child(ren) my own personal responsibility, and he doesn't even need to acknowledge their blood ties if he doesn't want to (obvious daddy issues are obvious..!!). His response is that we are in it together, and he would not leave me to look after the child(ren) alone.

I don't know, I feel a bit shitty for potentially dragging him into a situation he doesn't want. And I certainly am not going to allow myself a child-free future. Is there a way of actually compromising on this kind of situation?
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>>17457444
You're a soulless cunt.

OP, break up. It is tough but there is no other way. If there is even as much as a spark of doubt in his mind about kids, he'll tell you after you broke up. Otherwise this issue will poison your relationship and throw away your precious time to find a good future father. It is unfair towards him to pretend to have accepted his answer, only to secretly hope he changes his mind, and eventually it'll explode because he notices your thirst or you ask again and you will be angry that he did not change his mind and he will be angry that you expected him to. Trapping someone with a child who doesn't want one is a terrible thing to do both towards the man you supposedly love and your future child.

Basically, this will drive a wedge between the two of you and cause resentment one way or another. Kids are non-negotiable. You've just found your dealbreaker. Follow through, have the respect for what you want out of life and for the future he wants.
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> this is a bit of a dealbreaker for me
There is no "bit". It either is a dealbreaker or it isn't, you need to decide. It's a binary choice, just like him deciding to have kids or not. He's told you he doesn't want them, so don't stay with him hoping he'll magically change his mind, the only thing you can do is try to convince him to change him mind NOW. I hate to say this, but if it's a dealbreaker for you you'll have to give him an ultimatum. I expect you'll have to break up with him, though. That's the way it has to be, unless one of you gives in.

>or 'accidentally' become pregnant..?
This is a terrible idea, he'll resent you and probably leave you and you'll shoot yourself and your child in the foot.
>>
>>17457424
I am sorry, Anon, but you need to leave.

It IS possible that he might change his mind in the future. But you, as his significant other, will not be able to change it. If you tried, it would inevitably carry an undercurrent of an umtilatum: "give me children or I will leave". Even if you seemed to succeed, your success would be tainted by that perception, and it wjll only drive another wedge between you. That's not good for either of you, nor for the children you want.

I am sorry. But there is only one path with any chance of everyone involved in this mess being happy. and it does not involve you two being together. Don't threaten him, and don't argue any further. Just go. Even if he suddenly agrees to have kids in a bid to keep you, leave anyway: staying would still be a tainted success.
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>I'm 25
>I've been with the same guy for 5 years
>now we're properly making proper plans to move in together (personal circumstances have prevented me from doing so before
>Otherwise, everything is perfect and I wouldn't want things any other way.
what
>>
If you stay with him and don't have the kids that you want, you'll grow to resent him.
>>
Reproduction is the ultimate act of a narcissist. You are so obsessed with yourself you clone yourself and project all your shortcomings onto it.
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