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Relationship autism

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My gf accuses me of being indifferent and cold because I don´t talk and that she initiates it all the time. Last two weeks I would barely reply back a few words, regardless of being home or at work. I don´t know what to say besides ¨hi, how´s your day?'. if I have something to say, I will, but that's that. How bad is this?

I'm very solitary, have only one friend I talk to rarely and generally like to keep to myself and spend time alone. Socially engaging is tiresome and often boring, I dislike chit chat and giggling about nonsense (she likes it). Problem is that I could go for days or weeks without seeing or talking to her and wouldn't consider it a break up. I'm gonna try communicate more but it may not work since it's how I've been all my life, unfortunately. Is this relationship doomed because of our differences? Should I give up on human contact?

I'm afraid of losing her (we've been together for almost a year) I'm nearing my 30s and becoming harder to bond with people at the surface, much less at a deeper level for a relationship or just getting to know each other. Plus everyone is kinda married with kids now.
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How in the world did you manage to get a girlfriend with barely speaking to her?
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The only advice I can give you is try to talk to her about it and how you're feeling. Let her know it's okay to go out and see her own friends and do her own thing while you focus on your own thing(s). Let her know you still love her and that you'll engage in conversation when you're ready. If she doesn't understand your boundaries and keeps pushing it, it may be time to end things and move on.

I recently started dating someone new about 2 months ago. Before we were ever "official" I made damn sure he understood how solitary I can be. When I'm having an "episode" of wanting to be alone, he's very awesome at finding other things to do such as playing video games or going out with his friends. He respects my personal space and the boundaries I have laid out. He knows I am affectionate on my own terms and not his. The few times he's tried to be affectionate and I wanted to be alone, all I had to do was express my disposition and he would fuck off. I still very much care about him and want him to be a constant in my life, but I do have to remind him occasionally to fuck off and leave me to my vices. But at least he understands when I remind him and he can't say I didn't warn him, I told him about my solitary-habits prior to us ever really dating.

If she doesn't respect your boundaries, then I'm sure you'll find someone who will... I did and I never thought that would be possible.
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>>17456067
>>17456013
Neither of you deserve relationships. Relationships are a give and take. Another person with needs exists, besides you two selfish cunts. Just be alone. Don't fool people into thinking you're capable of being in a normal, loving relationship when you're clearly not. It's not all about you and your fucking needs all the time. Jesus fucking Christ.
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>>17456066
It´s sort of a mystery to me as well and maybe I´d still be alone if she hadn´t crushed on me this much. But before and at the beginning of a relationship I talk more and as I become more familiar and/comfortable with not putting up a facade I start to appear more detached, silent, etc.
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>>17456070
I do try, within my own possibilities and resources, to adapt to her needs but I just can´t change this part of my personality so much. I don´t consider myself that selfish but I guess this issue strikes a chord with her. I wish she could see my own point of view as well and not interpret it all through hers, and maybe that we´re not that compatible but we´re still both trying...kay?

>>17456067
Good to know it's possible, anon Only time will tell and I wish you the best. How often do you have those episodes?
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I'm like this too but never had a gf, curious as fuck, how did it happen?

I see this as possibly the best opportunity for you to increase your social and dating skills. She's probably feeling very lonely, I think you should go out for dinner, have a few drinks or something to get a bit more talkative and get to know each other a bit more. If you don't enjoy each others company then shit, what are you doing.

She might be thinking about the age thing too which I see as very stupid. You might possibly be happier without her and alone or find someone a bit more compatible and she might find someone who will chit chat and giggle about nonsense.
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>>17456067
Still OP, forgot to add that I tried talking about it but she doesn't see my behavior as 'normal'. I get that. She can't help but feel ignored and unloved, truth is she didn't took the time to get to know each other better before engaging in a relationship of this sort (as I suggested we should, knowing this may happen) and now it's blowing but I hate to feel like the bad guy here constantly. I don't know how to go about this issue
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>>17456075
I'm a very solitary person too. I have been my entire life. I feel the same way about social interactions. They drain me completely. I avoid them at all costs. I only have one friend too, who I barely speak to, and I feel bad about it most of the time. Between me and her, it works out. She understands I need a lot of distance. If she didn't, I wouldn't have friends. Now the only difference is, I do want a partner in life. You don't seem to be really interested in it. If you were, there really wouldn't be a problem. To be honest, I got me someone who is exactly fucking like me. Hates everyone. Won't leave the house unless it's absolutely fucking necessary. We have similar interests. Like to loaf around together - play video games. It's fucking great.

So, you either are solitary enough that you really don't need anyone at all, or - if you are like me and just want one other person - I suggest finding someone just like you. It's pretty cool! Also, give up on people too dissimilar to you. It will most likely not work out - unless you want it to!
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>>17456085
I'm sorry, anon. Bitches like the other poster make me so mad. This whole, "I'll only love the way I want to, and if you don't like it fuck off" is fucking immature, entitled, baby, bullshit. People need to grow the fuck up and realize they are not the center of the fucking universe. /rant

Anyway, it's nice that you do indeed try, but perhaps as you've mentioned, you're not compatible. That's okay! It doesn't seem like you're that interested in making a major overhaul which means you're either just not interested in general, or she's not enough to make you want to. Either way, it isn't good. If you really want a relationship at all, you should look for someone who is more like you. They won't mind it, and you'll completely understand them. I know there's a cliche about opposites attracting, but it's complete horseshit. The more similar you are, the less you have to compromise and argue over differences.
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>>17456088
We met through a mutual friend and started dating. I was dating someone else as well back then (she was aware of this), so after a few nights out she decided she wants commitment. So I had to make a choice and chose her because we clicked more in interests and physical attraction.

Personally, I thought it was too soon, knowing myself, but at that time I was desperate not to lose her so I agreed to an official relationship. I don't like to talk about myself so I would slip in here and there caution about compatibility issues or general issues but being the open, positive person that she is, I thought she took them too lightly or in the happy-go-lucky 'i will help you/this relationship will save you/you will be fine in time'
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>>17456090
I don't consider myself selfish for it, as my partner is entirely understanding of my introvertedness and social anxiety. We live in a house with 7 people total, so when I am wanting to be alone, it's not an issue for him to go socialize with the other roommates (they've all been best friends for 10+ years). I am still affectionate towards him. We run errands together, we sleep in the same bed, we shower together, we go out to eat from time to time, we cook meals together, etc. I'm not entirely deadened to the point of there being no communication or any signs of love from me to him, but when I am undergoing a lot of stress from work or school (etc), I tend to shut down and require my space so I can properly assess what is going on and where I am headed or what I can do to resolve issues or work through things, and he is entirely understanding of that.

I major in psychology and so did he, so we are both very adaptive when it comes to our unique behaviors. I shut down when I'm under stress and he turns into a giant teddy bear. At the end of the day, both of our needs are met to some degree and he is completely content having to do his own thing every once in a while when I need my space. He's usually able to tell when I need to be alone because I will be cuddling my cat and my bf knows that's a tell-tale sign that I'm trying to soothe myself (my cat is my rock and my comfort-zone when i'm unhappy).

TL;DR, I'm not a selfish cunt. I just like my space when I'm stressed out or going through a lot. This year has been exceptionally hard for me. My boyfriend is very understanding of my introvertedness and does not mind needing to go do his own thing for a while.
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>>17456090
You're not a bad guy. You care enough to be concerned, so go ahead and let that go. You guys just don't seem compatible. That isn't a bad thing, just unfortunate. You can both completely move on and be fine. Don't sweat it so much.
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>>17456105
That's okay, I hate them too. It's unfortunate that some (difficult) people end up thinking like that after repeated failed relationships.

I do however find that cliche to be true, from experience as well. But it's only the initial attraction, the gap between them will not make a normal relationship last.
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>>17456112
Fair enough. Well, I suppose it just would seem like that environment would eventually breed resentment since ostensibly you find it hard to find "comfort" in him. I don't know. Maybe he is perfectly fine with it. I suppose what I'm saying is you'd think that'd be your deepest connection - your partner. But! You two are really the only one's who can judge that. So, I wish you luck in your relationship! (Completely sincere, no sarcasm - really).
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>>17456126
Yes. That is what I was referring to. Initially it's fun, and new, and intriguing. It gets old really quick when you're trying to merge lives though. If the similarities are not drastic, there's always compromise. But if you find yourself either arguing a lot over differences, or even worse, staying quiet and resenting them, then of course that's toxic. The more similar you are to someone, the easier joint choices will be.
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>>17456112
How do you even get to be alone in a house packed with 7 people? Unless it's pretty big or those people understand your need as well.

>>17456092
>>17456117
Still undecided because I'm attached to her although I start to believe the same thing more often.

I don't think I want to be alone, I do crave a partner, more in the form of a friend/companion, because the type of intimacy required in a normal relationship is scary and suffocating
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>>17456138
Yeah, it's hard. You're already attached, and that alone is a bitch to deal with if you want to sever ties. But even then, because you are as solitary as you are, finding someone else might be a bit of a challenge.

I see your dilemma. Honestly, you can try to work it out, but since you mentioned she called your behavior "weird," it's clear she already resents you for it - at least a bit. Unless there's a drastic change, I don't believe she's going to be happy. If you're willing to change at all then, why not look to be perhaps more outgoing, but with the goal of meeting other people? If you set that up as your goal, perhaps you can meet someone who's just right for you. Or, at least better for your personality type.
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