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How do I move on?

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I am positive I am friend zoned by a woman. She never texts me first and rarely texts me back. She never seems pissed though when she does text me back. I have been out on dates with her but I'm not sure if she thinks they are dates. I explicitly use the word date.

Anyway, how do I move on? I spent 5 years chasing after her and I mostly just want to forget her. I can't though because she is first woman to show me any real affection that is not related to me.

I actually kind of hate the girl that friend zoned me but only because I can't stop thinking about. When I date other women, I am just looking for a copy of the woman that originally friend zoned me.

I just want to forget her. Can't even bring myself to delete her number. I fear never talking to her again.
5 years?
Best to cut contact. Maintaining contact is just teasing your self. I won't do you any good.
Cutting contact scares me. What would it even prove? Or do for that matter?
Let me rephrase.
What is it that you hope to achive in the next few months that you haven't achieved in the past 5?

It's not impossible that you will end up together. But it will be when she's finished fucking around (litterally) and what to settle. She may or may not be pregnant at that point.
explain to her how you feel, if she does not reciprocate, cut contact. I had basically the same problem with a friend of mine of 3 years. never looked back.
Ideally I would like to have a girlfriend. However. Meeting women is really hard for me because of many variables. So when I do meet a really good girl I get infatuated.

Now I am scared that I won't meet another.
>So when I do meet a really good girl I get infatuated.
same here. im in kind of the same situation as you now but i have only been chasing the women for a few months. have you tried telling this girl how you feel? 5 years is an awful long time
Can you really look at other women like potential partners when all you can think about it is the girl you cannot have?
If you're not mentally leaving her, you're not mentally open for other girls either.

knowing this girl hasn't helped you get a girlfriend.

spending time/money on here is distracting you from your actual goal.

you don't have to be a jackass, but you should stop investing your time, heart, and money into her.

stop reaching out to her. if she reaches out to you, it's up to you how to respond. I would prioritize hanging out with her or doing anything with/for her as lower than literally every other activity that could be improving your life. put her lower than going to the gym; put her lower than studying. put her above vidya.

if you can hang out with her in a place where other women might see you as having a gf, that _might_ be positive. but that's about the extent of it.
>spending time/money on here is distracting you from your actual goal.

I meant to say "HER" instead of "here"

spending time/money on HER is distracting you from your real goal.
I understand....

I just feel pretty empty now. I hate permanence. Like I hate knowing that I have no chance with her because my determination is too much. I hate defeat so much that I would rather try over and over and over until the end of time than give up. But this trait has only brought me anguish in the romance facet of life.

I just don't see how anyone or thing could take her spot in my mind. While situation is fucked.
Do women ever get this infatuated about men?


I spent my senior year of HS, and the summer after, dating an epic girl. I thought she was absolutely everything.

Well, she went off to college, and we tried to make it work for a while, but she dumped me. She got more and more plugged into her new college life; I became less and less of a priority for her.

I did not handle it well. After she started cutting me out of her life, I said nasty things to her and about her.

Every night I'd stay up as late as possible trying to distract myself from how bad I felt. Every night, during the few hours of sleep I got, I'd dream that we were back together. Then after a few hours of sleep, I'd wake up and realize we weren't; that it was just a dream, and that reality hurt so much worse than fantasy.

Every night and every morning, that's what happened. It sucked pretty bad.

She has not spoken a word to me. It's been almost 20 years.

I thought I was ruined. Somewhat later in the year, I dated a new girl for a while, but ultimately that ended also.

I gave up on the idea of an LTR entirely.

These days, I'm happily married and a happy father. I don't long for my highschool girlfriend or anything like that. I don't regret how my life turned out -- not at all. I don't think I "missed the one" or any other such nonsense.

I do have a sense of sadness about that time in my life, and about how badly broken my relationship is with that person. She was really great. I wish I could have handled myself better; I wish I hadn't had to have such a negative experience in my life.

You will experience loss and sadness in life. In your youth, you feel heartache very intensely; all the chemistry in your body is turned up to 11, and you haven't had many years to learn how to deal with yourself, your feelings, your emotions, or other people. As a young person, it's typical to feel higher highs and lower lows.
Same situation as op. Told her I wanted a break and didn't want to chat for a few months because all we do is argue and she blows up on me over the most dumb stuff. It's been about a month now but every week she messages me trying to get a response out of me even those knows I'm not reading/responding. Idk why she hadn't just stopped bothering yet. I've got like 15 unread messages

(she's taken btw, so it's not like she's interested in me)


the point of this tl;dr is to say that; as time marches on, the events that were periods of intense sadness in life become a shorter fraction of your whole life. You don't learn to love those times, but you learn that you can live with them.

You learn that you will have even worse times, but hopefully, much much happier ones also.

The heartache of youth doesn't begin to hold a candle to how much intense happiness I feel when my children smile at me - children I never thought I'd have (for a variety of reasons).

When I was in the midst of sadness so long ago, I remember thinking that my life had already peaked; I had already been the happiest I would ever be; that it was all down hill.

How wrong I was! How glad I am that I stuck around!

I will close with this bit of hopeful wisdom: you cannot control other people; you cannot control what they do to you.

You can control yourself; you can control how you respond to people. You can even learn to control how you deal with hurt, anguish, sadness, and loss.

Good luck, anon.
Stop talking to her immediately. Stop wasting your money and time on her. She will realize that you will not keep waiting forever to be her boyfriend. Go on to some other girl, and actually try to at least have sex with them. When she hears about this trust me she will CRY FOR YOU!!! and you will be flipping the citation.
Thank you for the insight. It is helpful.
I wish I followed this advice 6 months ago, trying to make a "2nd go" work again but just didn't feel it anymore like the first time. Possibly missed out on a better woman
I'm kinda in the same boat OP. Known this girl for about four months and she's admitted that she has a crush on me. We have lots of fun when we hangout and we've made out/cuddled a few times.

Problem is she's stuck in an abusive relationship. They're always off and on but she ends up going back. This time around I've had it, either she makes an effort like I have been doing or I'm gone. I've cut contact starting yesterday, she's text and called me but I haven't replied back.

I know it sucks OP, but in the end you gotta watch out for yourself. Tell her how you feel and just move on, cut contact. This way not only will you eventually get over her but you'll work on yourself, and who knows maybe she'll see you have self-respect and start missing you. At least that's what I'm hoping in my case.

Good luck.
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