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Watch out, this is 100% cringe. I currently have a gf, I'm

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Watch out, this is 100% cringe.

I currently have a gf, I'm 21. Never fucked before. The thing is, as hot as she is, I can't be hard when we're about to do it, I don't get turned off by her body I get some sort of anxious signal and I can't get hard, I feel bad and I get even more anxious and there's the vicious cycle.

I don't know what it is, I think that it has something to do with the fact that I'm ashamed of being naked, which is irrational but yet.... I could get a boner just being with her hugging her but once we're about to do it, I get all anxious. I'm not fat, a little bit skinny so I don't think it has something to do with my body, I believe it's more like the fear of doing it wrong or something like that. I've seen a thread about it once, <that might happen> said the anon who answered but in my case I've tried three times and we called it off because of me. The feeling of anxiety gets even greater when she touches me.
She's been awful ok with it, she's confronting me, telling me that she's okay, she will waiting for me to be "ready", and I want to change that. I know this is no erectile dysfunction since I can masturbate or get hard with her, but this could as well be it. If you anon think so, I will talk about it to a doctor.

My first measure will be to stop watching porn, I've seen a tedxtalk about it, as stupid as it sounds, that might be idealizing sex and making me so anxious. I don't have a fucking clue but that's my only idea so far. Another idea would be to get myself shit drunk but that might just pain for her to fuck with a drunken lord, so I don't think I should.

Anyone else got in the same situation, or knows a way ?
Not masturbating would also help.

Also high heart rate = boner killer

Focus on your breathing, close your eyes, and enjoy the sensations. It's not about sex, perse. It's about feeling good together. Just feel good together.
That's what I meant when I said stop watching porn, stop masturbating in general.
I will try to stop for a few weeks or maybe months, I always wanted to take this dirty habit off anyway.

Thanks for the other tip, will take any other tip people have. I'm already feeling stressed out and humiliated because I've done this wrong three times, I'll need to clear my mind before doing it.
It's pretty hard to get wrong.

If you can't get it up for intercourse, then just eat her our/finger her. Try to make her feel good, listen to her reactions, maybe come up and kiss her while you're playing with her and have her play with you.... Just get into it. You aren't being graded. Go with the flow. Everybody is nervous the first few times.
Breathe in and smell her. Nipples, armpits, pussy, anywhere that's extra sweaty = pheromones. Pheromone exposure = boner. I'm getting a little chubby just thinking about it. Pay attention to her body. You're attracted to her so it's just the anxiousness.
I don't know how to make a cunni either (yes, I suck... well actually I don't, anyway )
She's been an angel about it, and telling me the same things you are saying, that we will probably laugh about our first time because it will be shitty, etc.

Yet I don't know how to "invade" her body, to touch her, etc. She said that I'm great with my hands, but I don't know about my tongue, I don't even know if I'm eager to do it... I will probably try if that does happen after all fails, because I'm in love with that girl, but she will probably leave me if this is still a problem after months of relationship.

I'm sad now.
I had the exact same problem.
Even if you don't feel it, the problem is simply your anxiety.

Here's what you do:
Go and talk to her, and tell her you're sorry you've let her down, and that you think getting more relaxed will help. Suggest you get on bed WITHOUT the expectation of sex. Hug her, kiss her, fondle her. If she's comfortable, finger her a bit.

Again, no expectations of sex.

That's it. You'll figure the rest by yourself
Dude, I was you. I thought there was something wrong with me, but its just nerves. And I "messed up" more times than three. Seeing that she is not really bothered by it, I think you are in good hands. She is right, the clumsiness that you fear so much right now, could/will be a fond memory in a couple of years. Just have a good time with her.
This is it.

This is such a relief, really. I didn't know how to cope with it, I got angry at myself, I was thinking about the causes and I was blaming myself, my gf, my family which was way too religious, I am totally not the sort of person focused on sex but this had such an impact on myself, I could "do" it.
Knowing that it's only a phase that will eventually be cured by time, it's a relief. Thank you for your replies

I will do it and I understand the logic behind it, but isn't it kind of creepy to smell her armpits ? I'm totally okay playing with her body but I feel awkward about this.

Yeah, no worries. Hah, I even had the same thoughts. About the armpits - do whatever feels right, nothing is a prerequisite. Ciao!
This just happened to me with this girl i've been seeing for the past month and a half.

Im also a virgin and the first day we hung out, we made out for a few hours and I had the worst case of blue balls of my life. She tried to fuck me and I went instsntly soft.

We tried a few more times the following week and it didnt work at all.

I tried cialis and was atleast able to get it in but would go soft 20 minutes later, without cumming.

I was nervous as fuck everytime and asked if we could wait a week or two. And finally lastnight we fucked 3 times, and I came every single time. Lasting like 30 minutes each load.

If this girls not a cunt, ask too wait. You can also try getting naked with her and fingering her. It gets you more comfortable with them. The cialis was a waste of money though.

Good luck bro
Performance anxiety. Google it.

That being said. Lost my virginity at 23 and the first time it was incredibly romantic but I had ZERO idea how to go about it.

If you can laugh about it and take sex off the ridiculously high pedestal you'll be fine.

Make jokes. Laugh about it. Imagine it more like a game.

First time I had sex I got blue balled. Also, same boat as you as well. She was a 9/10. Couldn't finished. My GF cried because she thought it was her. Worst blue balls I've ever had. Had to take pain killers because of it.

Trust me. It's a game. Not a competition.

Fun. Funny. Laugh. Converse.
This happened to me, happens to a lot of guys. I mean a lot. It's very, very common. It certainly doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you and it's very likely to go away with time. Like people are saying, it's almost certainly nerves, even if you don't consciously feel nervous.

Everyone's given you good advice (don't rush things, work up to actual sex with other stuff, communicate with her, above all RELAX) but here's something else that might help: take really fucking excellent care of yourself for a couple of weeks. Eat right (stay hydrated, eat lots of protein & veggies, a fair amount of fruit, go relatively easy on bread and above all avoid sugar), do some light-to-moderate exercise each day, get plenty of sleep, and so on. Your problem is definitely psychological, not physiological, so it's not like I'm trying to correct any physical problem: the point is how you feel about yourself. It's kind of obvious -- when do you feel better, after a moderate workout and eating right for a couple of days, or after eating an entire Papa John's pizza and sitting on your butt? When are you going to feel better about yourself and be more relaxed & confident? It helped me out, anyway.
Only if you think it's creepy. You don't just nose dive straight into her armpit, but you explore her entire body and in that process breathe in these areas with high concentrations of boner perfume. Nothing about the body is disgusting. People only think that because of thousands of years of Jesus and shit
Imagine how many of us there are who are so freaked the fuck out, lads. Fuck this society man, where problems like this are considered embarrassing or shameful.

Anyway OP, solid advice throughout the thread. Once you get good at eating the goo, try 69. For me it was heaven having my head surrounding by two nice soft thighs.
That's some /fit/ shit. I'm actually studying for two weeks, and I don't have nor time nor the money to do that, but you hyped me up. I will find a way to work on my own physical self.

Thank you everyone by the way, not my first time asking /adv/ but this one blew my stress up in one go.
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