[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | | Home]

How to accept the mistakes of the past and move on

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 5
Thread images: 2

File: 1460729673371s.jpg (460KB, 1566x1583px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1460729673371s.jpg
460KB, 1566x1583px
A few years ago I was sleeping with a close friend and fell for her hard, and then she ended it in a shitty way. I could blame her for that, but the truth is there were lots of things I could and should have done differently - I never told her how I really felt about her, I was afraid to initiate things, and so on. Further, there were a few extra reasons why it probably wouldn't have worked out long-term between us anyway. Also, she wanted us to 'stay friends', but I made the decision to ask her not to contact me again, and cut her out of my life completely. I should have been glad for the life lessons, and moved on bitterness-free

But I didn't. The pain I felt when she ended it never really went away, even 3 years down the line. The only times I've managed to be happy in this time are when I've convinced myself that she is or she will be unhappy with her new boyfriend, and she'll realise she made a mistake in dumping me - but that's just not true. If social media is anything to go by she's very happy with him (they're just about to move in together), so it was the right choice for her. I hate myself for being so bitter and depressed about this, but for whatever reason I just can't let it go. I feel like until I regain control of the situation, eg by her asking for a second chance with me and me refusing, then it will always feel like I 'lost'. I know this all sounds childish, but it's been a source of real pain for me, the last few years feel like a nightmare to me and I really want to wake up and be happy again.

So how do I accept that the past is the past, and learn to be happy whether or not I'm in a relationship?
>>
>>17395134

>I feel like until I regain control of the situation, eg by her asking for a second chance with me and me refusing, then it will always feel like I 'lost'

Because you did lose. You had something good and didn't handle it properly, so now that something good is with someone else. She will never want a second chance with you, and never thinks about you. Quit believing you matter to people that aren't in your life.

Go out and get a new girl, since you obviously haven't in the years since.
>>
>>17395191
Well like I say, there were other factors at play which meant a long-term relationship was never really on the cards for us, but yeah - I did lose. I wanted to carry on being with her, and she rejected me. I don't believe I matter to her particularly (although she has tried to reach out to me a few times, to see how I'm getting on) - I acknowledge that the problem is with me. I just don't know how to fix the problem, taking that tough love approach with myself doesn't seem to work.

You're right that it's a problem that I've not been seeing anyone else - in the years since it happened, I firstly shut myself off from everyone completely, then went travelling around the world to try and escape from everything, and then went back to university for an MSc to try and get my life back on track. Some of it was fun, but I was never in one place for long enough to lay down any roots, so getting a new girl hasn't really been an option. There has been one girl since, and it felt nice, but we both knew it could only be a temporary thing so I didn't get attached at all. I think the reason I'm finding it so hard at the moment is cos I'm currently living with my folks over the summer and have zero social life - I just work from home and wait to hear back from jobs I've been applying to around the country. So she's always on my mind, and I have nothing to disrupt that. I'm really desperate to start somewhere new, for good, and put this whole episode behind me - I just worry that I've been too fucked up by it to ever connect with people like I used to.
>>
File: IMG_0401.png (721KB, 719x1280px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
IMG_0401.png
721KB, 719x1280px
>>17395400
Don't lose hope anon. Several of my bro friends had similar stories. They hadn't been social for years, fell out of the loop of regular life, pining over the one special girl that got away. But once they got out and started making friends it really did make all the difference. My buddy George was like that, I ended up introducing him to a friend of mine and she and him have been happy together for over a year now.
>>
>>17395445
Any tips on making friend once you're past university and 'into the real world'? I'm shy and I've always struggled to meet people unless I'm in a situation that really forces me to meet them, and I could do with getting involved in some hobbies that help me make friends with girls. I think a complete lack of a social life is probably my biggest problem, and pining over the ex is just a consequence of that. My happiest times over the last few years have been when I was on placements with a group of people my age, I just want to find something like that but more permanent.
Thread posts: 5
Thread images: 2


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.