How to accept the mistakes of the past and move on

>>17395134

>I feel like until I regain control of the situation, eg by her asking for a second chance with me and me refusing, then it will always feel like I 'lost'

Because you did lose. You had something good and didn't handle it properly, so now that something good is with someone else. She will never want a second chance with you, and never thinks about you. Quit believing you matter to people that aren't in your life.

Go out and get a new girl, since you obviously haven't in the years since.

>>17395191
Well like I say, there were other factors at play which meant a long-term relationship was never really on the cards for us, but yeah - I did lose. I wanted to carry on being with her, and she rejected me. I don't believe I matter to her particularly (although she has tried to reach out to me a few times, to see how I'm getting on) - I acknowledge that the problem is with me. I just don't know how to fix the problem, taking that tough love approach with myself doesn't seem to work.

You're right that it's a problem that I've not been seeing anyone else - in the years since it happened, I firstly shut myself off from everyone completely, then went travelling around the world to try and escape from everything, and then went back to university for an MSc to try and get my life back on track. Some of it was fun, but I was never in one place for long enough to lay down any roots, so getting a new girl hasn't really been an option. There has been one girl since, and it felt nice, but we both knew it could only be a temporary thing so I didn't get attached at all. I think the reason I'm finding it so hard at the moment is cos I'm currently living with my folks over the summer and have zero social life - I just work from home and wait to hear back from jobs I've been applying to around the country. So she's always on my mind, and I have nothing to disrupt that. I'm really desperate to start somewhere new, for good, and put this whole episode behind me - I just worry that I've been too fucked up by it to ever connect with people like I used to.

File: IMG_0401.png (721KB, 719x1280px) Image search: [Google]

721KB, 719x1280px

>>17395400
Don't lose hope anon. Several of my bro friends had similar stories. They hadn't been social for years, fell out of the loop of regular life, pining over the one special girl that got away. But once they got out and started making friends it really did make all the difference. My buddy George was like that, I ended up introducing him to a friend of mine and she and him have been happy together for over a year now.

>>17395445
Any tips on making friend once you're past university and 'into the real world'? I'm shy and I've always struggled to meet people unless I'm in a situation that really forces me to meet them, and I could do with getting involved in some hobbies that help me make friends with girls. I think a complete lack of a social life is probably my biggest problem, and pining over the ex is just a consequence of that. My happiest times over the last few years have been when I was on placements with a group of people my age, I just want to find something like that but more permanent.