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Am I the constant variable?

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None of my friendships feel "real" people only talk to me when they need favors whereas I talk to people just to see how they are doing. I've gone from thinking maybe everyone around me just sucks to maybe it's me. I've gotten to a point where I'm very lonely and my gf is my only true friend but don't want to reach out anymore to the people around me because perhaps the impression they have from me has been solidified in their heads and there's no point in trying to change it or if there were how would I even go about that in a non awkward way. Do I start fresh with new people? Or do I just continue my transformation into /r9k/
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>>17394431
Do you have fun when you talk to these people? Or does meeting your friends feel like chore?

Do you always keep up some distance to them, or do you talk about how you feel about things too sometimes?
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>>17394431

go out and meet new people. i did it this year.

joined meetup, searched the craigslist discussion, and just scoured facebook for local events (and by scoured, i mean looked at what my only friend on facebook posted).

then i just went to them. even if they didnt seem like quite my thing, i tried new things. now i play dodgeball, and of course pokemon GO has lead to some new friendships, and anime parties, and laser tag, and even just going to arcades or talking to people on the bus.

the point is you gotta try to meet people. when you meet the right ones, you'll click.

i had enough time that I actually had a group of people that i felt fairly 'close' to by the time my birthday rolled around and it was nice.
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>>17394431

This is legitimate advice and not an attempt at bullying:

PROVE IT. Give it a couple weeks. Make a tally sheet (or, for bonus autism points, an excel sheet that tracks the person, time of contact, and what they talk about) to when you start a conversation for help/funsies and when they start one for help/funsies. It's entirely possible you're just seeing what you want to see.
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>>17395177

this isnt bad advice. had a similar issue where i believed my brothers treated me unfairly, and when called out on it they denied it.

so for a full month i tallied the number of times they did a specific chore on their own, versus how many times i did it on my own.

i was correct. they would alway sinsist i come and help them, whereas if they were playing video games id just do it myself.

it was good for me, and good to shove in their faces. now i dont expedct you to shove this in your friends faces, but it will help give you clarity OP.

or it might just make you say 'UGTH THEY ONLY CONTACTED ME AN AVERAGE OF THREE TIMES IN A MONTH?'

its kind of like the people who say
>TODAYS MY BIRTHDAY AND ONLY 4 PEOPLE SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

for some people, its never enough
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>>17395140
A few are fun but they're the ones who are hardest to keep in contact with >>17395177
I'll try this

>>17395189
It's not about how many people for me yknow? If I had just one friend besides my gf who I felt close to I'd be completely content.
>>17395159
I'll give meet up a shot thanks
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Yeah, this tends to happen. You probably present yourself as someone who expects little, always lends a listening ear or advice, is always ready to do someone a favor without asking anything in return.

The thing is, normal nice people like to be friends with people who are both generous and assertive. They like it when you also draw attention to your life and your own person, and they respect that you draw reasonable boundaries.
The people who love it when you present yourself as a doormat are the people who are opportunistic and selfish and not looking for equal friendship.

Don't get me wrong, it's still possible that your friends are decent people who have just become complacent and entitled as the friendship progressed. But I'd still look out for other friends, even if it just gives you another perspective to balance things out and reconsider how your old friends treat you.
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>>17395790
I thought about this too, the problem is I was never a doormat, while I made it very clear that I was always there to be helpful and offer a listening ear I was also always a big personality myself and I'm thinking maybe that's the problem, I would walk down the street or hallways back when I was in school and high five or hug at least 30 people in one walk through but now it's 0
I was in and out of school for a while cus I had a suicidal phase because of past trauma that came up but surely that wouldn't cause people to desert me would it?
Thread posts: 8
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