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PTSD has made me a savant?

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My mind is different after recovering from an awful event/period (1 year ago). It feels like my character skills have gotten shuffled in an RPG game.

I believe I have mild-moderate PTSD. I actually don't want this to go away (especially from exposure therapy or medication). My current brain seems super-powered.

Hyper-vigilance, zoning out when overwhelmed, autistic social impairment, and triggers upsetting me are some downsides. Never out of control imo. My job is helping me learn to manage it.

My previously-decent art has 200x more emotion and form. A reddit post of mine reached the front page. If I try drawing things 'normally', they tend to morph abstractly and expressively.

After studying for a physics class I couldn't sleep because formless equations and graphs were floating in my vision. Chemistry is straight-up too exciting before bed. Occasionally a spurt of ideas has me writing pages of notes before bed.

Wikipedia browsing is probably the only thing that is always comfortable. Before sleeping I once procrastinated on turning off the lights by browsing articles on my phone.

I'm reaching the point of changing my undergrad major at university. I was never confident with my previous degree. My past fear of math has diminished, and I now think it's always been a strength.

I'm working alongside two professors with an image processing project. I suddenly have an audience to discuss ideas. I'm trying to become more active on Github.

I scare myself when I feel respected smart people are missing the big picture about something. To be clear, I'm often wrong, or I struggle to grasp concepts. I just notice underlying behavior and constantly check my thinking.

Posting this on /adv/ since it's difficult to discuss elsewhere. Can I have input about this? I'm aware this post seems delusional/manic. I don't see these changes as much until I am successful applying them. Day-to-day I'm cautious and skeptical of everything, especially my abilities and this topic.
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Sounds like you are 18, got triggered when you were younger and associate your brain growth with meme magic.
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>>17394247
Check for what grades you write and then see maybe?

Your "savantism" might only be imagined if it cant be proven through anything...

Good luck OP.
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Does sound like mania though, which doesn't mean you have to be utterly delusional. When I was manic before it took a bad turn into full blown psychosis, my thought process was just overclocked, I could reel in pieces of information out of the corners of my mind that I had just skim read years ago, etc. It was crazy, almost like the film limitless. Also I could totally relate to whole staying awake at night with information floating around your head like that.

You need to be very cautious man, people who are manic do not know they are going manic.
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>>17394247

>I believe I am super-smart.
>Here is a description of my life and thoughts which perfectly describes boring-old mania.
>All evidence I give of being super-smart is self assessed.

You think you're super-smart, and maybe you are. Also, maybe you're not.

Instead of trying to figure out on your own if you are, which is problematic because you have every reason to be biased in any assessment you give yourself, why not take a Mensa exam?

I don't really hold Mensa in very high regard, but I do believe their entry exam is meant to be challenging. Go take a crack at it. Either you'll realize that you're plenty bright (and probably manic), but no genius, or you'll blow the exam out of the water and Mensa will shower you with attention and praise.
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>>17394259
20, experience was at age 19. involved immediate family member's death, was followed by use of several substances (which can stir up PTSD) and a breakup with my longtime girlfriend.

I wasn't really able to talk to anyone throughout this. all during a semester at university that obviously wasn't stellar. it was three months of hellish stress. some circuitry got rearranged, was it of any benefit? is it unhealthy to avoid outside help?

>>17394260
success in applied math would more look like author credit in a paper. or a job/position.

I only used 'savant' to reference people becoming art geniuses after a head injury or getting dementia. Not saying I'm going to go beat a chess master.

>>17394289
Thanks, I'll be reminding myself about that for the future. That this could be mania, and it could get worse.

Much of my thinking seems normal: memory, reading speed, crunching numbers...

It's more like my mind is on defense mode constantly, like it automatically starts trying to break down the meaning of things.

I suddenly am doing coding, math, and listening to specific genres of music while doing the first two. I had zero interest in these until 2016, but this might be from prior fear. I'd rather code than go to a party now; autistic symptoms have definitely popped up

>>17394383
I was convinced I was the smartest at everything until 8 years old. then I realized I was bright, but there were plenty of smarter people. At the time it was tough to swallow, but some people my age can't handle that (people who join Mensa).

>ur just saying that to avoid reality
actually the younger me had an IQ that was in the mid 130s, so no genius prize for me. I also have difficulty reading clocks and struggled between left/right, yet I'm at a high-ranking university after bad high school gpa

Intelligence is having thoughts that are useful/valued. Tactics, good jokes, important scientific theories.

Personally I think creative analysis is somewhere I stand tall.
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my focus is on sudden changes in how I think, not what IQ I've convinced myself I have.
past me vs current me:
sketches rarely vs full-blown images when I close my eyes
movies for fun vs reads about JPEG

after reading up on signals I felt inspired to play on my plastic keyboard. I only learned scales and nursery rhymes before quitting a decade ago:

https://vid.me/B4Lz

that's me 'understanding' harmony and practicing for four hours straight. that's not a song, it was made up as I played. my brain felt like it was on fire later.

I see everything about myself as average, aside from the things mentioned here. I'm not Superman, I'm confused by my brain acting up, and my best explanation is 'weird ptsd'.
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>>17394814
... It's really not that good dude...
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>>17394247
I had PTSD. it never really goes away.
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