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>He works full time and has his own place >If we moved

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>He works full time and has his own place
>If we moved in together I'd do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, chores, errands and whatever else needed doing
>Pretty much his personal maid
>He wants me to get a job before we move in together despite putting away $1,500 a month in savings

Is that fair?
>>
>>17389994
No.
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>>17389994
No, it's not fair. If he expects you to work on top of do all of those other things, he's a fucking prick and you'd be a fool to get into that situation.

A serious relationship where two partners live together needs to be equal. Equal work across the board. That means if you both work outside of the home, you both split the in-home chores evenly. If you work 10 hours a week and he works 40 or more, you do more of the in-home chores to make up for it.

You figure out a fair balance that works for the two of you. But what he proposed is not even remotely fair.
>>
He wants you to work AND do literally all the housework? Absolute bullshit.
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>>17390007
Care to elaborate?
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>>17390008
To me it seems like he's doing it for 3 reasons:

1. He wants to keep hoarding his money, says he's saving for hard times so ok fair enough but it's not like me joining him will make a huge dent in that he'll spend slightly more on food and bills but that's about it.

2. He wants the freedom to say "Yeah you should go" if things don't work out and he doesn't have to feel guilty about it because I'd have a job. Which to me is an insult because he's already planning for if we break up when it's the last thing I'd ever consider.

3. He wants the benifits of a housewife with none of the downsides of one, like responsibility for their wellbeing.
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>>17390027
Your observations are probably correct. and you're crazy to even consider your boyfriend to be a suitable partner. You not only need to NOT move in with him, you need to seriously reconsider being with him at all. He's up his own ass in a huge way. It bothers me that your initial reaction wasn't to laugh at him and tell him to fuck himself. Respect yourself, chick, I mean goddamn.
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>>17390038
I just don't understand why he's trying to force me into working. He knows about my anxiety and how I've been a shut in most of my life, I've tried to contribute in other ways when I'm at his place by doing all the things a housewife usually does but apparently that's not enough.

He knows I'm most comfortable at home taking care of things there and I know he's more comfortable at work and he makes a lot for his age yet what I offer isn't enough apparently. He wants total commitment from me but complete freedom for himself.
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>>17389994
He's made an offer. If it upsets you, then don't take it. If he's just THAT terrible, then break up. I'm assuming he's not, since you wanna move in with him.

So just don't move in with him if it's that terrible of an offer.
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>>17390038
Virgin spotted
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>>17390063
While I dont entirely agree with the work arrangement I do understand his logic of wanting you to get a job. You sad yoursekf you have been a shut in and have anxiety. In the real world that lifestyle does not work so getting a job is a good way of getting around that.
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>>17389994

Yeah, this is an absolute no situation. He has no respect for you, and you likely have no respect for yourself if you agree to this. Get some self esteem, and if you do not have any you do not need to be in a relationship.

I understand the need for two incomes to get debt paid off, bills covered, etc but if you are contributing then you both need to split the chore list right down the middle. If he will not agree to that then do not move in.

This is the same type of guy that if you have a child together, will expect you to continue cooking, cleaning, staying up all night with a sick baby, and then expect you to get up and go to work in the am. You will stop taking care of yourself, you will loose your attraction for him with enough time, and eventually your sex drive will be at sub zero.

Then you will end up either being a single mother, or a mother not only to his children but to him as well sticking it out with a man you truly loathe.

You are not super woman and do not pretend you are to him right now or ever. What you give in this relationship is what he will come to expect in the future. So, either get your shit in order now, or continue pretending and in a few years remember this post and see how much rings true then.
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>>17390149
I understand his logic, I just wish he'd stop try to make me into a person I'm not. I know it makes me sound lazy but I'd rather be at home doing housework than out in the real world, I just wish he'd accept that and say "ok we both have strengths and weaknesses, I'll do what I can and you do what you can".
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>>17390159
Then you need to tell him that.

He either accepts it and says yes, or he sticks to his current offer. If he won't accept your idea, and his idea is awful (which it is), then you don't move in with him. Simple as that. You're not on compatible terms for this life decision.
>>
OP, why not get an at-home job? A computer job, like being a transcriber or programming or something. Freelance or part time, even. Then you can say that you do work but not traditionally.

You should really work on your anxiety regardless. I have it too but I try every day to at least talk to cashiers a little more, or articulate a bit more in conversations, or try not to break eye contact. Little stuff, man.
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>>17390159
I think something you could talk about him with is a compromise. Part time work instead of full time. Full time work and housekeeping sounds ott but part time I feel is manageable. Sit down and talk with him. The fact you are here asking for help shows communication is an issue between you two.

You must also understand circumstances change. Your partner may from your end be preparing for a potential break up, but statistically and culturally that is more likely than not. Maybe he isnt but just saying, as a guy myself, I can understand. It may not be the best way but I cant fault him for trying.
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>>17390163
>OP, why not get an at-home job? A computer job, like being a transcriber or programming or something.

Where do I get jobs like that?
>>
My ideal situation is a wife who does all the housework and keeps a part-time job until we have children, at which point she would quit her job to be a full-time housewife. I would think it fair since I work about 60 hours per week, but I don't know your situation. If he works a lot, you having a part-time and doing all the housework seems reasonable.
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>>17390159
There are plenty of professions that allow you to work from home. Medical transcription, sell crafty things or baked goods online, telemarketing, web design, 1-800-flowers hires online associates, apple, insurance-all kinds of strictly from home jobs. You just have to be willing to do it, and self motivated. Still you need to understand these are jobs, and you still need to split the chores if you are contributing to the bills.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife contrary to what modern feminism portrays, but your SO has to want that as well, and be able to be the sole bread winner while you tend to the housework. If you two are on different pages then this will not workout in the long run. One or both of you will end up resenting each other.
>>
No, it's not fair. "Kitchen bitch" is a sufficient occupation.
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>>17390191
>You just have to be willing to do it, and self motivated

But I'm not and never have been, being a housewife is my dream job. We'd never struggle for money with just him working, he's just being greedy and wants me to work so I can add more to his savings.
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>>17389994
fuck all that
i like to be able to give a woman the option to forego working if she chooses. if you kept my house clean, my stomach full, and my balls empty, you can not work to your hearts content.
also where do i find a woman like yourself?
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>>17390297
Online and [spoiler]I'm actually a dude.[/spoiler]
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>>17389994
You're not entitled you his money. If you're living in his house rent free then you damn well better do all the chores and be a little dick sucking slut while you're at it.
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>>17390349
>If you're living in his house rent free then you damn well better do all the chores and be a little dick sucking slut while you're at it.

That's all I'm asking for. I don't want any of his money.
>>
He "expects" you to do the house work.. or have you assumed he would expect you to?
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>>17390356
>I'm not asking for his money

You literally are by living in his house, you'd be surprised how much it costs to maintain a person in your house, get a fucking job you lazy dickhead. Do the chores as a thank you for him providing free accommodation or just fuck off.

Fucking millennials man we're the worst and most entitled generation going
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>>17390361
>You literally are by living in his house
But I'm cleaning, cooking, shopping and doing chores and anything else he wants me to. Surely that covers feeding me?

>you'd be surprised how much it costs to maintain a person in your house, get a fucking job you lazy dickhead.
I really don't see it costing all that much, he just has to buy slightly more food.

Do the chores as a thank you for him providing free accommodation or just fuck off.
...That's what I'm saying I wanna do idiot.

>Fucking millennials man we're the worst and most entitled generation going
Oh fuck off you self loathing retard.
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>>17390357
He flat out said he expects it of me.
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>>17390374
>but muh cleaning
That is shit that needs doing anyway, it definitely does not cover the cost of another person

>he only has to buy more food XD
You absolute retard. You need to gain some life skills and actually learn how to maintain finances, mummy and daddy aren't going to pay for everything forever and you shouldn't expect this guy to either.

>that's what I'm saying I wanna do... I-idiot heh heh

Listen autismo I know this is difficult to understand but you should do all those things AS WELL as having a full time job if you're living for free, you entitled little shit.

>self loathing
Definitely not, I work for what I have I'm sick of little cry babies like you expecting life on a plate, time to wake up
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>>17390063
Turn the tables, is it fair for him to have to work everyday while you get to do a little cleaning then sit around doing nothing?

Split housework 50/50
Split bills 50/50

It's not the 50s anymore, get a job.
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>>17390387
This. /Thread
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>>17390387
But what is the point in both of us working when he's making enough to support us both AND save money?
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You guys are exageratting on house "work", shit is easy now a days with washing machines and other stuff,this isnt the 50s, my mother used to clean with a washboard, that was real work, took the whole day to do laundry, when she moved to the U.S she got a part-time job because most work is done in 1 or two hours around the house
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>>17390391
What's the point in working if i can just be a leech on someone else?
Maybe he has more ambitions in life than having to look after someone who refuses to work because 'anxiety'.
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>>17390391
Because he isn't your cash cow. Stop being a lazy bitch and get a job.

If anything he's looking out for you long term, you might not be with him in a year and if you're out on your ass you'll need a job.

What is the point in asking for advice if you're just going to reject the general consensus...
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>>17390394
Exactly, my and my girlfriend just split it 50/50 most the time I just put the washing in the machine after work and hang it up, in the mean time I play games or read, that's in the first 20 mins of being home. If I had all day I definitely could not justify house work. Dusting and vacuuming are probably most time consuming but even then less than an hour and a half.
>>
There are lots of "women" in this thread who are actually men pretending, trying to fuck you over because your relationship is something they could only dream of wanting and they are jealous about it.

1. Stop acting like housework and cooking is difficult, everybody does that shit including your boyfriend right now who is also working his job that "earns him lots for his age". Shopping, chores and errands are a breeze too.

2. Pretty much his personal maid? What else do you expect to do? You said you have anxiety and don't like going outside which is why you don't want a job so you are starting to seem reluctant to work and unwilling to improve your life. There are benefits to getting a job and being productive don't let lazy NEETs tell you otherwise.

3. He pays the bills and pays for the house, you seem to have conveniently ignored that. The life of a housewife really is an easy thing to do and feminism has convinced many young women to stray away from any role that could be misunderstood as "doing what your man want you to do for his freedom". Total fucking bullshit considering the technology we have in today's age, no one lacks 'freedom".
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>>17390413

>"doing what your man want you to do for his freedom"

*doing what your man wants at the expense of your freedom
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>>17390413
All excellent points but I think OP has stormed off to reddit to start the thread again so they can get the answer they want, not the answer that's correct
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>>17390413
pretty sure the guy posting is a gay twink who thinks his looks will keep him entitled to live for free, I could be wrong but I don't think this is a feminism debate.
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>>17390421
I think you're right, bit the exact same argument applies (not feminism) that you are not entitled to others money, you should earn your keep and doing house""""work"""" does not count at all. the reason people drew the housewife parallel is because in the 50s it actually was serious manual labour, now with appliances it's a piece of piss and takes 2 hours max
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>>17390426
agreed.

I had an ex like this once, he (i'm gay) tried this same shit with me and I lost interest faster than the speed of light when it became apparent he was never going to actively improve his life and wanted a free ride... I felt so much satisfaction when i kicked him out and he wen't back to live with his parents at age 24.
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>>17390413
From what I understand the problem isn't really with him demanding her to do all the house chores or demanding to get a job. It's both together. Which is really shitty.

I'm planning on becoming a housewife once me and my boyfriend are stable enough and get kids. When that time comes I'll gladly do everything I can around the house. But until then the housework is evenly split, anything else would be ridiculous.
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>>17390441
I'd agree if OP wasn't getting free accommodation, when I mentioned it earlier op didn't deny and tried to justify themselves which leads me to conclude their partner isn't charging rent. So really doing house work is the least op can do.
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>>17390441
kids are a different story in my opinion, someone needs to look after them full time and childcare is expensive.
OP is a guy trying to mooch off his boyfriend because he is lazy.
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>>17390027
the second point is pointless.
men are educated differently and they are not planing their breakup, they always have to have an eye on the worst case. This is why men and women can work together pretty good, because they have different strength: women are good at networking in a happy environment, while men are good for when shit goes south.
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>>17390441

It depends on what kind of job you end up getting.

If you're working part time, or full time but its at a library or something simple then house work isnt much extra.

Looking after kids is a full time job.
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>>17390457
>gender stereotyping
I mean I suppose all of us are exactly the same.
Inb4 "well they're stereotypes for a reason"
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>>17390063
you seem like you really could use haveing a job for maturing and learning beeing humble.

right now, you are a pretty shitty woman, that is not giving or nurturing at all. you are nitpicking and nagging. i understand why he is hessitant to take you in his home like that.
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>>17390387
>Turn the tables, is it fair for him to have to work everyday while you get to do a little cleaning then sit around doing nothing?
Have you ever had to do all of someone's chores for them? Depending on your lifestyle, it can easily rival part-time or full-time work.

That said, if home-making and money-making work is split 50/50 that's certainly fair, but it's also fair to delegate them if that's what a couple prefer. The only person suggesting an unfair arrangement is OP's boyfriend, expecting OP to support him without supporting her.
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>>17389994
Did he agree to have you do all the cooking and cleaning etc? if he is living on his own and works there is no reason to think he can't do it himself.

Do you have a job?

You are asking us if it is fair, but you aren't giving us any details.
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>>17390462
I live alone, i do all my chores and work full time.
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>>17390460
every man I know has a plan for what he would do, if shit went south, what he would do if he or his spouse suddenly died or ran away. hell my own dad has savings abroad for that case, and he has been married for 30 years. interpreting this in the light of how she thinks she would do it is pointless, because you are comparing apples with plums.
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>>17390462
OP is a gay male, i'm interested to see if this changes your opinion as I suspect it will.
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>>17390361
>Fucking millennials man we're the worst and most entitled generation going
Are you retarded? Staying in someone's house for free in exchange for housework is how the fucking baby boomers lived, it's a completely foreign concept to most millennials.
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>>17390384
>Listen autismo I know this is difficult to understand but you should do all those things AS WELL as having a full time job if you're living for free, you entitled little shit.
If OP has a full time job, they're not living for free are they, retard.
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>>17390401
>What is the point in asking for advice if you're just going to reject the general consensus...
There is no consensus, most people ITT have been saying OP's boyfriend is being a shit.
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>>17390475
Read the thread.
OP doesn't have a full time job.
Housework without children is not a full time job.
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>>17390471

...Why would that change my opinion?
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>>17390478

Reading comprehension, dude.
Anon tells OP to get a full time job in addition to doing housework to compensate for living free. If anon gets a full time job, he's no longer living free since he'll presumably be paying his own way.

Unless anon just wants OP to get a job and hoard money while living free, which is stupid since that has nothing to do with doing right by the person you're mooching off of and would only benefit OP.
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>>17389994
>Is that fair?
Yes.
That kind of shit takes you maybe 2 hours a day, exaggerating.
You can have a part time job and doing it.

I live with my boyfriend, I do all the housework because he works full time, and I am a student and work part time.
All he does is running errands for me and grocery shopping sometimes on his way home/work.
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>>17390483

Except that having a full time job wasn't specified, just "any job".

Also OP was and is never paying for the house mortgage and bills
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>>17390485
>Except that having a full time job wasn't specified, just "any job".
Uh... read the post chain?
>you should do all those things AS WELL as having a full time job

>Also OP was and is never paying for the house mortgage and bills
Then why should OP get a job if not to contribute to those expenses?
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>>17390488

No, OP wants him to get a job and do all the housework.

And an anon who I was actually fucking replying to, you nosy retard, also wants him to get a job and do all the housework, while also living free despite having a job and therefore the ability to pay his own way, which makes no fucking sense, which is all I was questioning.
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>>17390493
haha nosy retard? Public discussion board sweetheart.
The insults are cute but make you sound like you are trying far too hard.
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>>17390472
>>17390475
>>17390476
Read the fucking thread retard. There is clearly a concensus that op is a lazy shit.
Working and If OP has a job that does not automatically mean they are paying so I fail to see your point.

It's really easy so I'll make it simple so even a moron like you can understand.

OP should get a job, if OP is not paying rent as he has implied in the thread he should do all the housework as a form of "payment" if rent is paid then housework is 50/50

As for the boomer comment most millennials live with their parents for longer and I'm guessing if you have anything about you, you offered to do house work for a lower than market rent. the boomers were loaned money to buy a house that they paid back because of cheap housing prices. I'm not saying one is better than the there and as a millennial I recognise there is a serious cry baby entitled attitude in our society especially with people around my age (23)
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>>17390497
>says something completely retarded
>deletes own post
>"oh shit someone saw it better try and safe face"
>"n-no u..."
>>
>>17390500
deleted it because I misread someones post before yours, you sound upset.
>>
>>17390483
>I Base my argument on assumption
You know what they say about assume it make an ass out of u and me. I've based my argument on the facts op gave, you're just guessing.

You really can tell it's summer
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>>17390499
>Read the fucking thread retard. There is clearly a concensus that op is a lazy shit.
>>17390007
>>17390008
>>17390009
>>17390038
>>17390158
>>17390204
>>17390297
And after that I stopped scrolling.

>Working and If OP has a job that does not automatically mean they are paying so I fail to see your point.
My point is, why should OP get a job if not to contribute financially? It's all well and good to expect OP to contribute financially, but what's the point in saying he has to get a job if not for that purpose?
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>>17390506

What am I assuming? All I did was ask a very simple question a very long time ago, and it's really telling that it hasn't been answered.
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>>17390507
>I stopped scrolling XD
Oh young summer fag.... I can't take you seriously now.
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>>17390512
lolwut?
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>>17389994
Let me put it in an other perspective.
It sounds like you don't have much going on with your life. Getting out and doing something (a job or whatever) would give you more space to grow as a person, going full 50s housewife is a receipe for daily valium in 5-10 years.
>>
>>17390510
>what am I assuming
Literally puts presumably in his argument.

Mate I know summer is here but you don't have to be so painfully obvious.
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>>17390521
I don't think you know what a consensus means. And you're also quoting OP responding to peope in many of these, as well as quoting people offering very neutral comments, completely tangential discussions, and alternative compromises.
>>
You have not made the only important point clear:

Are you paying rent or not?

If you aren't paying jack shit for rent, bills or living costs then you do not have a leg to stand on.

You sound like my girlfriend
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>>17390548
>I've lost the argument so you don't know what consensus means

Yes there is one post in there by OP so do a minus 1 and maybe a neutral in there, but they all lead to the same conclusion, OP should get a fucking job and not expect "muh anxiety" to exempt him from a job.

Stop deflecting mate its embarrassing.
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>>17390525

Are you retarded?

I offered two alternative possibilities while asking for an answer. A question is not an argument. I presented my interpretation of a comment to illustrate my confusion, and requested clarification.

The fact that you still can't answer such a basic question just shows you have no idea what you're on about and have deigned to abandon your point and fuck around instead.
>>
>>17390548
Read.

>>17390548
OP is in an untenable position and his partner clearly doesn't want a lay about in his life.
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>>17390553

Sheesh, expecting a poor legless girl to clean up after you AND get a job? Bretty harsh.
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>>17390560
You need to get your head checked pal, I've answered the question of op paying rent numerous times. Here it is another :

OP IS NOT PAYING RENT, he's clearly stated this throughout the thread. Therefore he's a lazy cunt who needs to get a job. Housework does not equal full-time job.
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>>17390568

So are you saying that OP should get a job, pay his own way, and split the housework 50/50?
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>>17390572
Thanks for finally getting on board.
An if no rent the housework should be done in lue of rent.
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>>17390581

You fucking moron.

This is what started all this:
>Listen autismo I know this is difficult to understand but you should do all those things AS WELL as having a full time job if you're living for free, you entitled little shit.

>you should do all those things (all the chores for both of them)
>AS WELL as having a full time job (to pay rent)
> if you're living for free (despite having a job and ability to pay thus no longer living free)

Goodnight.
>>
>>17389994
Yes, fucking get a job you thot.
Don't expect nothing from anyone
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>>17390581

>An if no rent the housework should be done in lue of rent.
Which is exactly what OP wants to do?

>in lieu
>>
>>17390586
That literally backs up what I'm saying you fucking autist.

Genuinely never come across a bigger retard than you on these boards.

You've also added in the pay rent in brackets. Which brings us back you being presumptuous
>>
>>17390591
Yep but op doesn't want to work, his partner doesn't want a lay about sponging off him, he wants op to earn his own money rather than just take his.

Housework his in lieu of rent not of money altogether
>>
>>17390595

Break it down for me. Because that post tells OP pay rent while doing all the chores while not paying rent.
Do you really see no contradictions in there? Do you really not see how that's different from 'pay rent, 50/50 chores' vs 'no job, all chores'
>>
tried to read the whole thread but the sodium levels in here are so high I ran out of blood pressure meds, so forgive me if I'm repeating something already said.

>>17390462
>Have you ever had to do all of someone's chores for them? Depending on your lifestyle, it can easily rival part-time or full-time work.
I semi-agree with this. idk if just the bare bones chores would be more than a couple hours a day. but if you are not earning a living, you can be spending some of your time doing things beyond the usual chores that save money:
>cooking everything from scratch
>gardening
>canning
>hanging clothes on a clothesline instead of using an electric dryer
>learning how to do a lot of your own home maintenance
>comparison shopping, printing out coupons

this assumes you're not in an apartment, but even if you are, you can do some of those things. it's a general rule of thumb that convenience costs money and frugality takes time.

I have a friend who's a SAHM. she runs a blog that's like a clearinghouse for free offers and deals and shit. not sure how it works exactly, but she signs up for so much free shit, she saves a lot on their shopping bill because she gets tons of samples of household products etc. I presume she gets ad revenue from the blog as well. not saying you should do that specifically, but you can cobble together income streams in some pretty unique ways.

1/2
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>>17390595

>You've also added in the pay rent in brackets. Which brings us back you being presumptuous

Which leads me back to the question of why should OP get a job it's if not to contribute financially?
>>
>>17390602
so, your bf. you can either refuse his offer, or you can make him a counter-offer. figure out how much time he spends at work and commuting. then tell him you'll spend an equal amount of time doing a combination of work, housework, and other money-saving household shit. if he works/commutes 50 hours, and you figure usual chores + shopping + errands will take 20 hours per week (which it easily could), then maybe find a 10-20-hour/week job and plan to spend another 10-20 hours per week making the household more frugal and efficient.

if he doesn't at least consider that, then he has downs and you should ditch him. if he's such hot shit with money, he should know that a penny saved is a penny earned.

the flipside is that you have to be willing to do all this stuff. if not, then move on.
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>>17390601
Are you shitposting? There's absolutely no way you can be this retarded.
That's literally the opposite of what I'm saying.
>>
>>17390607
So they can earn their own fucking money, not just 100% Leech of their partner, isn't that obvious!?
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>>17390609

Then explain it. That's all i've been inviting you to do this entire time and you keep refusing and just fucking around instead. Go ahead, make me feel stupid.
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>>17390611

If you need a fucking full time job to pay for a few bullshit personal trinkets while contributing no money to the household, you've got serious problems.
>>
>>17390564
If she pays half of everything then that means household chores should also be halved.

Since I am paying everything, I expect her to do 100% of the chores.

That's assuming that chores and expenses are equal. Which they are not, but I am a fair person.

Them getting a job is up to them if they want the arrangement to change.
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>>17390613
1: OP IS NOT WORKING
2: OP WANTS TO LIVE RENT FREE
3: OP wants all their needs and wants cared for by their partner
4: ops partner thinks op should get a job so they have their own money, but concedes that if they do all house chores then they can live rent free
5: OP proceeds to bitch about not getting everything on a plate

Have I missed anything out?
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>>17390620

I was just making a funny, anon, by taking the no legs comment literally and implying you were making a crippled girl your slave.
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>>17390615
Op never specified that the job had to be full time, it just makes sense for op to have one so they can save their own money...
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>>17390621
I'm not the person you are replying to but you have either switched opinions or are terrible at explaining yourself
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>>17390621
>4: ops partner thinks op should get a job so they have their own money, but concedes that if they do all house chores then they can live rent free

OP's boyfriend isn't here. Nothing was ever made clear about whether he expects OP to pay rent or not or what the purpose of having a job would be, just that OP is expected to do all their joint chores in addition to having a job.
We also have no idea how demanding OP's financial needs are, whether he's someone who'll expect his $1000 monthly fashion budget to be catered to, or someone who can get along fine with nothing more than access to his boyfriend's Netflix subscription. And OP's comments about extra cost amounting for little more than a bit of extra food suggests the latter.

And in any case, to get back to the actual thread, I would not say that what you're suggesting is a good arrangement for people in a relationship if they're moving in together as a way to take the next step.
If you're going to be keeping score of each others' finances like that instead of just combining assets, you might as well not move in at all and are probably not serious enough to be playing house. OP is being set up to be nothing but a roommate who happens to pay rent in laundry and blowjobs instead of cash, rather than coming in as a beta-housewife and contributing member of a home.
All in all it seems like OP and his bf are at odds about what the purpose of moving in would be, with OP ready to commit and is bf wanting things prepped for a clean break in case they break up. The latter makes sense if you're moving in out of necessity to save money, or to see more of each other if work keeps you apart etc, but not if it's a step towards building a life together.
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>>17390624
I've literally always said that op should do the housework 100% If they're not working and it should be 50/50 if he is working

Not sure why you think I've switched opinions or where you got confused in the explanation
>>
For me life has just basic shit that needs to get done that doesn't actually count as work. Like cleaning yourself and taking care of your heath and making sure you eat the right things and the right amounts of them and looking after your environment and possessions and relationships to a minimum standard and then contributing a little extra towards the improvement and tailoring of those things to the point where you can define yourself as a person.

Like for a functional person, this isn't 'work'. That is just the minimum standard required. Then you've got work and study and personal goals and projects on top of that and you've got other shit on top of that as well. You've got to fit it all in.

Then some people have fucking kids, or time consuming hobbies, or intense social lives or drug problems, or medical problems or whatever.

My point is I'm not really impressed when someone is like "look at me! I can take care of my basic needs! Ho ho, work? this is a full time job!" nor am I impressed with "oh I work so the rest of my life is a fucking mess".

Like I've got a house on a plot of land and a car and a band and a planted aquarium and a full time job and hobbies and stuff and sometimes I think, holy shit I'm tired because I'm always working on something.

My girlfriend things that because she works part time, she doesn't have do anything else. Like I worked this week, I don't have to wash clothes or do dishes or cook food or even really get out of bed. These things should be done for me or something, I don't know, do we have staff?

Pfft. We were arguing recently because we have an airing cupboard where all the towels and shit live and I asked her to put a pile of them away and she just stuffed them into it loose knocking over the medical shit tin and mixing all that into it with toilet paper and other crap. It is like, do you just not care that much? Are you distracted by something? Jesus christ you live here, you are shitting up your own place?
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>>17390678

In the post that anon was replying to, you literally just said that OP should get a job AND do all the chores to compensate for not paying rent.
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>>17390684
Yes.... Which I've said all along, I see I didn't mention it in that post but I have stated in all previous posts that rent should be paid by doing house chores...
>>
Also on the $1500 thing, that is nothing. If you own a house you've got to keep like 5 grand ready at all times for when everything goes fucking wrong and you've got a hectic schedule at work and you need to throw money at things. Full time work means trying to buy a freezer at 6pm at some stupid price which you need now not delivery in 14 days because yours broke down and 6 months of meat are about to spoil and you can't wait until payday to replace it. Or your heating system fucked up and it has been below 0 for two weeks and all the engineers are working their ass off and your regular guy won't fit you in for another two weeks so you throw money at it while your boss gets annoyed at your 'personal problems'.

I don't know if it just comes with getting old or what, but in order to not be a fuck up you've just got to basically be constantly working or redefining what your definition of work is. For me shopping is not work. Cleaning is not work. Cooking is not work.

Like 'spending time together?' doesn't mean that you can't fold fucking clothes at the same time, or peel vegetables. The modern world doesn't allow us to individually specialise such mundane routine shit.

Also consider that most guys who live alone for a long period of time work out a really fucking efficient and low maintenance lifestyle. Bringing a partner into the mix creates bullshit which is a trade off in some areas and a trade up in others.

No you don't get to be unemployed because you clean. Half of this shit is yours and if you weren't here there'd be like half the maintenance, cooking, shopping, cleaning etc anyway.
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>>17390696
This guy gets it.
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>>17390694

Well that comment is in complete opposition with "op should do the housework 100% If they're not working and it should be 50/50 if he is working ".
You're fucking all over the place.
>>
>>17390696
This is really the only post you need to read.
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>>17390705
Oh for fucks sake...
Genuinely past caring, arguing on here is like playing chess with a pigeon.
>>
>>17390705
Not him but:
Only 50/50 if the op is paying rent I believe is what he meant
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>>17390696
>Full time work means trying to buy a freezer at 6pm at some stupid price which you need now not delivery in 14 days because yours broke down and 6 months of meat are about to spoil and you can't wait until payday to replace it.
And having a homemaker on hand means having someone who can deal with that shit for you so it doesn't eat into your off-time, someone who's on the clock for this and has the luxury of a little extra time and dedicated focus to find a good deal, or prevent spoilage by cooking shit up or liasing with friends/neighbours, or who can prevent the whole ordeal by keeping an eye on the problem and shopping around for a good replacement well ahead of time.

It's a retarded way to live where you spend all day at work so your neglected life falls apart so you throw money at it so you have to work more so your neglected life falls apart more etc etc. If you just work less and give yourself enough time to think and learn and apply some practical skills, you'll be much better off. You don't have to live in a panic on a hamster wheel like a fucking Sim. Learn how to do some things without money.

Don't just work hard, work smart.
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>>17390711

Yes! I win, I win! Look at me now, dad!
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>>17390724
In an ideal world you'd be right, but it just doesn't work like that I'm afraid, that anon has by and large hit the nail on the head. You have to work hard and smart not one or the other unfortunately.
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>>17390726
that took a while, i was wondering how long it would take someone to shut that idiot up.
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>>17390726
Tbh he was making the same point as >>17390696
But in much less concise manner, you and the other anon were just sperging the same point he'd already explained three times.

Tbh who cares OP left this thread long ago, let it die.
>>
entitled whore
hope he dumbs your lazy ass
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>>17389994
>Is that fair?
Arbeit macht frei, anon.
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>>17390729
>You have to work hard and smart not one or the other unfortunately.
That's what I'm saying. And blindly throwing money at your problems is not working smart at all.
"It just doesn't work that way" is a copout, make it work that way. People live in all kinds of different ways. You literally have your entire life to figure it out.
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OP here, sorry for not responding earlier I went out.

>He wants me to get a job and my own place near him
>I'm assuming at some point he'll move in with me and pay half the rent
>I realise being a househusband isn't a fair trade but since we wouldn't be struggling financially I don't see what the big deal is
>>
>>17390747
>>I realise being a househusband isn't a fair trade but since we wouldn't be struggling financially I don't see what the big deal is

The big deal is it's not a fair trade, you're asking him to whittle away a good portion of his life on you while you get to live for yourself. Instead, that money could all go towards savings so he can retire earlier and get some of that time back, or you could buy a house together sooner and start your lives, or you could live a little larger if that's your bag. Instead you're just being lazy, and completely lacking empathy for the sacrifice he'd be making to support you.

I stand by the fact that it'd be unfair on you for you to do all the chores if you're splitting the expenses, but unless homemaking is genuinely a part-time effort at least, you're just being a mooch.
>>
>>17390753
>The big deal is it's not a fair trade

Yeah but so what.

If there's enough money coming in for both of us to live comfortably why would I have to subject myself to a job? Relationships aren't fucking communist russia, so what if he makes all the money and I stay home all day?

Surely all that matters is that we're happy together?
>>
>>17390756
>Yeah but so what.

You selfish fucknugget, do you really value your boyfriend so fucking little? Have you considered the fact that if you work part time, he might not have to work such long hours?

Please for the love of god, just tell your boyfriend all of this so he sees what a cunt you are and kicks you to the curb already. Have fun sucking dick for crack money.
>>
>woman thinks saving money is pointless
These memes create themselves
>>
>>17390763
He's a twink actually
>>
Holy crap. I'm not saying blindly throw money at things. I'm saying that sometimes you will have to throw money at things and as such it is worth having a job in order to both meet the minimum standard required to be functional and actualise your further goals in life.

Having $1500 saved up is peanuts compared to bringing in $3000-4000 a month. Living on a single income is like handicapping yourself for what is being presented as the dubious benefit of having somebody take care of the basic shit that you should be taking care of anyway like cooking and cleaning while somehow being ignorant that they too generate more of these tasks because they need to do these things to exist.

Also struggling to understand the contradiction in saying that you've got to cover your own basic shit and have a balanced life because to not do so is stupid, while being expected to value somebody else having an unbalanced life where they don't work and cover their own basic shit.

Also if I was looking to move a partner in with me. I'd be expecting them to be looking for work and to seek to contribute in an equal manner. To not do so would be a red flag, not because of some imaginary virtuous notion of work, but because it shows an understanding of what cohabitation and collaboration can actually achieve and good judgement instead of some washy 'lol I'll do dishes and cook wonderful meals every night!" (disregard they are actually your dishes and your food and your appliances and I need to eat too and I'm basically cleaning up after myself as well and maybe you'd have just had a sandwich lol I want to pretend chef on your money).
>>
>>17390760
I value him a lot, I just don't see why you're so obsessed with everyone contributing the exact same money. What difference does it make whether he pays for shit or I do? At the end of the day we still have enough money to enjoy life AND save for a rainy day.

>>17390763
I'm a dude and no I don't think saving is pointless, but he could easily live with me AND save at the same time. He'd only be putting in maybe $200 a month less. He's got $15,000 in there already so it's not like if an emergency happens we're fucked.
>>
>>17390756
>why would I have to subject myself to a job?
>so what if he makes all the money and I stay home all day?
This level of entitlement.
>>
>>17390771
But a big question you need to ask is why should he? He's not your mother, he's not obliged to care for you or provide for you.
Does he just want you to get any job (even part time) or does it have to be full time?
>>
>>17390771
>I value him a lot, I just don't see why you're so obsessed with everyone contributing the exact same money.
Judging by the fact that this thread even exists, it seems like HE cares. If he didn't, it might be another story. The fact that you don't give a fuck about his feelings says a lot.

>What difference does it make whether he pays for shit or I do? At the end of the day we still have enough money to enjoy life AND save for a rainy day.
I've stated the difference multiple times. If you just don't give a fuck about your boyfriend, there's not much I can say. If it makes no difference whether it's you or him, why shouldn't it be you? If it makes no difference, why don't you go 'subject yourself to a job' and carry him, see how fun it is?

Also, just to be clear, I was defending you at the beginning of the thread. But no, you're a fucking entitled leeching cunt.

>>17390771
>He'd only be putting in maybe $200 a month less.
When it could be like $500 a month MORE if you got off your ass and worked.
>>
>>17390773
Ok let me break it down for you:

>He earns $3200 a month
>He rents his own flat
>He can put away $1500 a month into his savings account and still live comfortably
>If I joined him the only expenses I'd bring with me would be food
>When I do have money I don't buy jewellery, clothes, video games, electronics or any other random shit unless it's a special occassion like someone's birthday or christmas

All I do all day is stay in my room and use the computer. I'm not asking for him to finance some lavish lifestyle that'll leave him destitute, just some food so I don't die.
>>
Anyway. I might as well bitch about my partner. I work full time, she works part time. I own the house and did so before she came along.

She doesn't like working full time because she finds work stressful, but she also gets bored at home and expects me to find ways to entertain her on evenings and weekends. She fiercely disagrees with the concept of 'women's work' and as a result can't clean or cook worth shit. Any task she takes on she does in a half hearted frustrated manner which reminds me of a child or teenager trying to make sure you never ask again.

She doesn't drive. She wants me to drive her places. I pay her phone plan because her credit is too bad for a phone plan. She pays me a random amount each month towards food and bills which basically is at her discretion.

She has managed to break the back sliding door by trying to close it up and lock is incorrectly so many times using brute force. Part of the staircase by stamping around like an idiot trying to look cute when drunk and wanting to go upstairs and downstairs 6 million times a day to piss or get something because she doesn't think ahead. She lost her keys and couldn't be bothered to look around places she'd been and got so 'terrified' that somebody nearby found them that I had to change all the locks late in the evening.

She also has so much crap. Also pets. Why do I put up with her? Because she puts out and she is fun to be around and she a lifeline to a social life which otherwise I'd likely cut out of stubbornness.

Is it a 'good deal' for me? I try not to think about it that way, but holy shit I'd have an easier and cheaper life if I was alone. Maybe a less fulfilling one, certainly a less stressful one.

If she quit work entirely and expected me to keep her as a lifestyle choice? I'd drop her pretty much straight away. She already skates on thin fucking ice around here. She breaks like 3 things a day and thinks that having to put her rubbish into the bin is unfair if she worked that day.
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>>17390787
But why do you think he should do that for you? He could have more of his own money if you worked, you'd both be able to do more together if you both made money
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>>17390783
>When it could be like $500 a month MORE if you got off your ass and worked.

It's just fucking money, slaving away and wasting my life to see it rot in a bank account doesn't sound appealing to me. We have enough for a rainy day and he brings enough in for us to survive so where's the problem here other than some subjective view about fairness?

>>17390779
>But a big question you need to ask is why should he?
Because he wants to work and he has a career, it makes no tangible difference to anything if I get a job other than the numbers in a bank account go up.

>Does he just want you to get any job (even part time) or does it have to be full time?
As long as I can survive on the money I earn he doesn't care.
>>
>>17390796
>But why do you think he should do that for you?
I'd do it for him if our places were switched, he has the means to support us both comfortably and suffer only a very minor hit to his savings which he never ever touches anyway.

>He could have more of his own money if you worked, you'd both be able to do more together if you both made money
Except we're both social recluses who spend all our time together in his bedroom playing video games and watching netflix. We don't need more money to do that.
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>>17390798
>as long as I can survive
So what does he expect you both to food shop separately? Or will it be joint?
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>>17390809
I assume jointly once we move in.

I told you, he wants me to get a job and move into my own place first then he'll move in with me and stop renting his old place.
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>>17390798
Holy shit man. Holy shit. Like it costs me several bucks a day to heat the house in winter and this is because it is unoccupied during the day. The idea of someone having the heating up all day and night in the house while I'm out at work 8 hours + travel? Like my fuel bills would more than double. Running the shower on a whim, putting moisture into the air, not following all my weird unwritten rules which are basically there to keep me from going insane because I understand the quirks of the house?

All the wear and tear on hinges and doors? Opening and closing my refrigerator throughout the day? Unless you've worked a job you don't exactly love past the point where you wanted to deal with that bullshit to have these things then you won't relate.

Why do you need somewhere to live anyway? Clearly your current parent/partner/houseshare is sick of you and your attitude.

You sound like my sister as well. She thinks it is all just numbers and she wants another holiday. Her face is a dictionary definition of vengeance if I suggest something like maybe my brother in law would like to work a little less instead. He had the eyes of a dead man, that was several years ago, now he has gone beyond and I don't even know what I see in his eyes.

Like the job I've got and the decisions I make in it make you anathema to me. Do you know how I managed to own a house? Do you think it is because it involves thinking people like you are going to get a break without at least showing the right attitude?
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>>17390814
Ah right I'm on board now, I was under the impression you were moving in to his place, not that he wants you to "prove" you can afford your own place. That's fucked up.

You need to talk to him and figure out why he wants things to work like this. And try and find a compromise
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>>17390820
One time a few weeks back while we were discussing the topic he said something about "not wanting a burden".
>>
>>17390766
>Having $1500 saved up is peanuts
OP's boyfriend doesn't have $1500 saved, that's how much he saves every single month.

>Also struggling to understand the contradiction in saying...
If you're on your own, you need to balance. If you have someone in it with you, you can either both balance, or split the load in the old breadwinner/homemaker system.
Or, hey, you can throw money at stuff if you want, it's your life. But that's not the only way to live.

>Also if I was looking to move a partner in with me. I'd be expecting them to be looking for work and to seek to contribute in an equal manner.
I agree, I just think contribution doesn't necessarily mean financial contribution. See >>17390602 (not me).

>and maybe you'd have just had a sandwich lol I want to pretend chef on your money).
I'm no foodie, but someone who is might really appreciate having someone at home who can cook him restaurant-quality food every night, which would certainly mean a lot of time dedicated by the cook to learn their craft and prepare it. Whether that time is a worthwhile contribution to you is personal preference.
Personally, if I was with someone who wanted to spend all day handymanning, growing vegetables, raising dogs, and putting a lot of time, effort and research into keeping us healthy and ethical in ways that my time commitment to work prevents me from being, then I'd be more than happy to support them financially and consider that to be their 'job' while I bring in what money we need. Conversely, if someone wanted to spend all day hunting down expensive clothing that would keep me at the cutting edge of fashion without lifting a finger, that wouldn't be worth my time and money and I wouldn't want to support it financially - but that might be the dream for someone else.
There might be something someone could do for you all day that you'd consider equally valuable, or maybe there isn't and you just want a partner who'll earn money same as you and that's fine too.
>>
>>17390827
>You get a job and your own place.
>He moves in helps out equally.
>You actually have a relationship.

That doesn't seem so bad? Compared to.
>You get a job and your own place.
>He moves in helps out unequally.
>He resents you and you basically stagnate as an individual and couple.
>He ditches you and you aren't able to support yourself.

Or even
>Get a job and a place I'll move in.
>Thanks, everything is in your name right?
>Second you piss me off I'm out the door, no strings.

That is what I'd be thinking. I wouldn't move your ass in with me no matter how good the sex was. Because if shit goes south then I've got deal with kicking you out into the street as part of trying to end the relationship.
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>>17390787

Renting a flat is not 'having your own place'. From the OP I thought you meant he fucking owned it.
$3200 a month is not rolling in it so much that it's no big deal to support a whole other person.

>All I do all day is stay in my room and use the computer. I'm not asking for him to finance some lavish lifestyle that'll leave him destitute, just some food so I don't die.
Then get a fucking part time job and buy your own food. Honestly, how hard is it?
Why should he be paying all the rent so that you can stay there while you pay nothing?

You're a fucking bum.
>>
>>17390787
Let me stop you right here.
>you provide me
>i do nothing for our future
You just wanna leech the guy. He isn't your father.
Fuck off cunt.
>>
Does he make more than enough to support both of you?

If yes, then try discussing with him. If he doesn't change his mind, and you don't change yours, it's probably best for you to forget about the whole moving in thing.

If not, then he's right and you should get a job. At least something part time so that you make enough to help both of you out.

There's the choice of part time jobs and at-home/remote jobs (I dunno about your skills, but accounting and programming have plenty of these).
>>
>>17390827
I mean I can see where he's coming from, at the end of the day all it takes is for him to get fired or his work to dry up then he's really screwed.

As he's a guy who saves so much it seems to me he always has a contingency plan, this case being for your sake.

Why not give it a go? It may help your anxiety an if it doesn't quit and then at least you tried. But don't just expect him to care for you because you'd do the same .
>>
>>17390792
>She doesn't like working full time because she finds work stressful, but she also gets bored at home and expects me to find ways to entertain her on evenings and weekends.
Oh god, do I really want to read any more of this?
These are the worst kinds of people.

(I did read the rest and ffs. I hope she's really fucking hot, anon).
>>
>>17390798
>where's the problem here

The fact that you consider yourself above 'rotting away' but it's all well and good to subject your boyfriend to it for your own sake.
>>
>>17390801
>I'd do it for him if our places were switched
Then do it.

>his savings which he never ever touches anyway.
That's why they're called savings.

>playing video games and watching netflix. We don't need more money to do that.
TVs cost money.
Consoles and PCs cost money.
Videogames cost money.
Netflix costs money.
An internet connection costs money.
Electricity costs money.
Rent costs money.

Literally no part of this is free. Hanging out with friends all day would actually be cheaper.
>>
>>17390814
>move into my own place first

Where are you living now?
If you say 'with your parents', then obviously he wants you to wake the fuck up to the reality of being responsible for your own survival before he supports your lazy ass.
>>
>>17390820
>not that he wants you to "prove" you can afford your own place. That's fucked up.
Not when you're dealing with someone as useless as OP.
>>
>>17390801
Being completely honest OP, and I've felt like this since I read your first post, if I knew your partner I would heavily warn him about you. You show no motivation and are defending your lazy life style. If handling a job while also having to do house chores is too much for you, then clearly a serious relationship is too. I would never move in with a person like you and if your partner saw your posts I guarantee he'd break up with you.
>>
>>17390828
Restaurant quality food will make you fat. You aren't supposed to eat like that every single night. It is also a bit of a dead end when it comes to interests, you can only ramp that shit up so far before you realise you are chasing something that is only enjoyable partly because it is the right thing at the right time and place.

There is also a treat mentality behind the pleasure of it and consider that restaurant food is quite often prepared more efficiently in a restaurant rather than for two portions, especially some dishes with many steps and processes.

I understand your point about subjectivity though and how that might be important to somebody else. I'd be cautious though because in my experience people become dicks about things given enough time and start to resent the withdrawal of normal service rather than appreciate the effort involved the rest of the time.

For average people the old breadwinner/homemaker system is obsolete. Even the old skills of being a homemaker are becoming obsolete and pointless in the modern world and are basically turning into expensive hobby pursuits.

Look at the cost of home baking for example. The tools and material costs make home baking look ruinously expensive compared to buying industrially produced cakes and treats or even going out occasionally. While you can't put a price on the pleasure of baking, your partner who didn't get to experience that pleasure can.

Also look at the explosion in boredom caused by the consumer appliance revolution in the 60's. Suddenly all this free time to drink and abuse prescription drugs while throwing tupperware parties. Good times.

And I'm speaking as someone who gardens and grows fruits and vegetables, herbs, brews beer and wine, has a greenhouse, cuts my own firewood, fixes my own car etc.
>>
>>17390792
Why are you even on this relationship?
Holy shit I'd kick her out long time ago.
>>
>>17390816
>You sound like my sister as well. She thinks it is all just numbers and she wants another holiday. Her face is a dictionary definition of vengeance if I suggest something like maybe my brother in law would like to work a little less instead. He had the eyes of a dead man, that was several years ago, now he has gone beyond and I don't even know what I see in his eyes.
Christ, why do guys do this to themselves?

I'm somehow at a point where it's easier for me to understand why someone would stay with a partner who beats the shit out of them, than to understand why someone will stay with a freeloading douchebag who makes them miserable.
>>
>>17390868
>Christ, why do guys do this to themselves?
Fucking right? If she doesn't have a job she's finding a new boyfriend and a new place to live, fuck pampering some misguided princess.
>>
Is this thread died now?
>>
>>17390007
Yes it is fair...
He doesn't want you to depend on him too much, financially maybe? That's why he probably wants you to find a job...
>>
Is that it now? Op pls say what you'll do
>>
>>17390801
>social recluse, all day in bedroom playing vidya
>earns 3200/month
HOW. I need money OP, throw me a bone - how do you into that kind of easy money?
Is he 'earning' from investiments and such?
>>
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>>17390934
Come on OP I need to know what does you boyfriend do!
>>
>>17390943
He obviously works, but all time not spent at work he's at home doing jack shit.
>>
>>17391044
Then I don't think social recluse means what you think it means.
>>
>>17391070
I'm well aware what social recluse means, but OP doesn't use it in a literal sense, which you have to learn to accept on the 4changs. Or do you have the autism?

Anyways, i'm not interested in argsint about this with you, because it doesn't lead anywhere. I was simply helping you out.
>>
>>17391096
I knew that mate, I just genuinely wanted to know what ops bf works as
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