I can't stop thinking about the possibility of my dick or

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I can't stop thinking about the possibility of my dick or balls being cut off.
As a guy I have this incredible vulnerability and the fact that I can do nothing about it fills me with so much insecurity and anger. I hide it among my social peers well, but i'm constantly thinking about how vulnerable I am to being completely, painfully humiliated permanently.

Whenever I see a guy get hit in the balls in a movie or tv I am reminded of it and instead of laughing as it is often intended, I am simply reminded that it could be me, instead of the person on-screen.

When my girlfriend and I learned about that guy who's wife cut off his dick and threw it in the garbage disposal, she laughed - and it made me feel less than human. It made me wish I was a girl simply because they can't ever experience that kind of pain and humiliation. I think I'd rather be beaten and raped as a girl than have my dick or testicles cut off as a man.

I can't stop thinking about it and it fills me with so much anger that I can't do anything about it. I know I can't change reality and it makes me feel so shitty.